Would I be a monster if I bailed?

Cindysphinx

Cindysphinx

G.O.A.T.
One of my teams is going to sectionals. I am not looking forward to it and am thinking of bailing.

One reason is that I have a work trip the week prior, so I would have to fly straight to sectionals from there. That means I would have to schlep all that extra stuff around *and* leave the work trip one day early. Going to sectionals would also cost me the opportunity to attend a work-related conference the week after.

Then I would have to pay for hotel and food at a time when we are doing lots of repairs on our house, so I don't want to spend the money.

Plus the captain has a very fair and transparent plan where I would probably play the first match, and if we lost the team match she would start rotating in the other players. And if we win the first match, she would still rotate in some weaker players, but less often. There is a good chance I would play only one match because so many people are going.

I am not the strongest player on the team, but I am close. I haven't been playing well lately (well, I haven't been playing much at all because we're between seasons), so I would have to get after it if I'm going to do this.

And if we somehow advanced to Nationals, no way no how am I spending that time and money. Been there, done that.

Has anyone ever grappled with this before?
 
MRfStop

MRfStop

Hall of Fame
Cindysphinx said:
One of my teams is going to sectionals. I am not looking forward to it and am thinking of bailing.

One reason is that I have a work trip the week prior, so I would have to fly straight to sectionals from there. That means I would have to schlep all that extra stuff around *and* leave the work trip one day early. Going to sectionals would also cost me the opportunity to attend a work-related conference the week after.

Then I would have to pay for hotel and food at a time when we are doing lots of repairs on our house, so I don't want to spend the money.

Plus the captain has a very fair and transparent plan where I would probably play the first match, and if we lost the team match she would start rotating in the other players. And if we win the first match, she would still rotate in some weaker players, but less often. There is a good chance I would play only one match because so many people are going.

I am not the strongest player on the team, but I am close. I haven't been playing well lately (well, I haven't been playing much at all because we're between seasons), so I would have to get after it if I'm going to do this.

And if we somehow advanced to Nationals, no way no how am I spending that time and money. Been there, done that.

Has anyone ever grappled with this before?
Click to expand...
Work should take priority. That’s a good enough reason to bail
 
OnTheLine

OnTheLine

Hall of Fame
Based on only your ambivalence, bail. It does not sound like you are interested in going with or without the work trip. And that is okay in and of itself.

Add the work trip into it on both ends and definitely bail.

I also don't really get your captain's approach to all of this. If you guys win the team match she is going to rotate in the weaker players? I don't understand that thinking.

If the team didn't have enough players then I can see being guilted into going .... but that is not the case.
 
TagUrIt

TagUrIt

Hall of Fame
Cindysphinx said:
One of my teams is going to sectionals. I am not looking forward to it and am thinking of bailing.

One reason is that I have a work trip the week prior, so I would have to fly straight to sectionals from there. That means I would have to schlep all that extra stuff around *and* leave the work trip one day early. Going to sectionals would also cost me the opportunity to attend a work-related conference the week after.

Then I would have to pay for hotel and food at a time when we are doing lots of repairs on our house, so I don't want to spend the money.

Plus the captain has a very fair and transparent plan where I would probably play the first match, and if we lost the team match she would start rotating in the other players. And if we win the first match, she would still rotate in some weaker players, but less often. There is a good chance I would play only one match because so many people are going.

I am not the strongest player on the team, but I am close. I haven't been playing well lately (well, I haven't been playing much at all because we're between seasons), so I would have to get after it if I'm going to do this.

And if we somehow advanced to Nationals, no way no how am I spending that time and money. Been there, done that.

Has anyone ever grappled with this before?
Click to expand...

YES! My team won our WTT local league and we could have competed in the nationals. I was the team captain and the team wanted to go. We won at the 3.5 level. Let me clarify, we barely won, I like the team, but we would have been completely destroyed if we competed elsewhere. I told them they were more than welcome to try, but I wouldn't be participating. I didn't want to waste time, money and vacation days on an event that would result in us getting annihilated. So if you don't want to go, really it's more than okay. Just continue to play locally in other leagues.
 
Sparta-cus

Sparta-cus

New User
There are times i did skip work and played to meet obligations when new to leagues. I have also said NO due to work and travel expenses that add to stress where it was not fun. It took me a while to say NO though, one person cannot carry the team every time it has to be collective.
 
Traffic

Traffic

Hall of Fame
I had to bail on my team's Sectionals last year. It was really tough because I was the only 3.0 male and I partnered with the only 4.0 female who was the captain. We were one of the strongest pairs and played each round of local play-offs and won our court. But I had family issues and couldn't participate. Life happens.

At the end of the day, this is rec tennis. We do it as a healthy hobby.

I still feel bad about the situation. But I would make the same decision again.
 
Dartagnan64

Dartagnan64

G.O.A.T.
Monster? Only if you are carrying Line 1 and you are their only hope of winning any matches. If they can win without you then I see no problem with bailing on sectionals. Everyone is replaceable in this world.
 
S

sureshs

Bionic Poster
Cashman said:
I can’t imagine any reasonable person being annoyed at you for prioritising paid employment over recreational tennis.
Click to expand...

She is still getting paid if I read it right - I assume it will be part of a paid vacation leave. She is concerned about the extra money she would be spending.
 
M

Matthew ATX

Semi-Pro
kevrol said:
Did your captain ask you about your availability for the post season prior to you joining the team?
Click to expand...

This is what I was getting at. The issues in the OP don't sound like sudden onsets. If, even with these issues, she told the captain she'd be available for sectionals, I think it's poor form to bail. If, from the beginning, she told the captain that if they made sectionals, she probably wouldn't attend, then there is nothing to feel bad about.
 
S

sureshs

Bionic Poster
Matthew ATX said:
This is what I was getting at. The issues in the OP don't sound like sudden onsets. If, even with these issues, she told the captain she'd be available for sectionals, I think it's poor form to bail.
Click to expand...

Then 2 possibilities:

1. She is a monster
2. She created this thread to hear exactly what you said so that she can justify to herself that spending the money is OK
 
S

sureshs

Bionic Poster
Go for it Cindy. You only live once and nobody ever regretted on retirement that she did not work hard enough. Pamper yourself - you deserve it for being such a good mother, employee, and wife. Don't feel pressurized to be super woman. Book a single room and make sure you partake of the spa services at the resort, and go for a shopping spree with your girlfriends. You need to take care of yourself before taking care of others with a little me-time.
 
Cashman

Cashman

Hall of Fame
sureshs said:
She is still getting paid if I read it right - I assume it will be part of a paid vacation leave. She is concerned about the extra money she would be spending.
Click to expand...
The money is irrelevant - cutting a work trip short and skipping a work-related conference impacts your paid employment.

“Sorry, I have work commitments” is a perfectly acceptable answer, even if you’d previously indicated availability.

Everyone understands that earning a living is more important than recreational tennis.
 
S

sureshs

Bionic Poster
Cashman said:
The money is irrelevant - cutting a work trip short and skipping a work-related conference impacts your paid employment.

“Sorry, I have work commitments” is a perfectly acceptable answer, even if you’d previously indicated availability.

Everyone understands that earning a living is more important than recreational tennis.
Click to expand...

She is NOT cutting a work trip short. She is flying straight to the tournament instead of back home.
 
OnTheLine

OnTheLine

Hall of Fame
sureshs said:
She is NOT cutting a work trip short. She is flying straight to the tournament instead of back home.
Click to expand...

Re-read he OP .... would have to leave one work trip a day early AND miss-out on another work related conference the following week (guessing because she would miss the opening symposium which is usually on a Sunday)
 
S

sureshs

Bionic Poster
OnTheLine said:
Re-read he OP .... would have to leave one work trip a day early AND miss-out on another work related conference the following week (guessing because she would miss the opening symposium which is usually on a Sunday)
Click to expand...

Good point. But sometimes the last day of such trips are a waste of time. And the conferences are often paid perks for basically time off, though employees vigorously deny that.

Attending the tournament will keep her fresh physically and mentally and help her employer in the long run. She will be more creative and add value to the company.
 
W

winchestervatennis

Hall of Fame
Geez. The best part of going to post season, be it state or sectionals in my experience, is hanging out with the team all weekend.

If its that much of a chore for you, and it sounds like it is, dont go.
 
Cashman

Cashman

Hall of Fame
sureshs said:
She is still getting paid if I read it right - I assume it will be part of a paid vacation leave. She is concerned about the extra money she would be spending.
Click to expand...
Money is only part of the issue. Cutting a work trip short and missing a work related conference impacts your paid employment even if you use vacation.

I realise this may not be the case at your grocery bagging gig.
 
SeeItHitIt

SeeItHitIt

Professional
I think you’ve answered your own question already. And if tennis is not fun (that includes the prep, the travel and the match), WHY do it?
 
r2473

r2473

G.O.A.T.
SeeItHitIt said:
And if tennis is not fun (that includes the prep, the travel and the match), WHY do it?
Click to expand...
I think that’s the question the OP is asking. Is only her self interest important? Or does she have an obligation to the team?

kevrol said:
Did your captain ask you about your availability for the post season prior to you joining the team?
Click to expand...
Matthew ATX said:
This is what I was getting at. The issues in the OP don't sound like sudden onsets. If, even with these issues, she told the captain she'd be available for sectionals, I think it's poor form to bail. If, from the beginning, she told the captain that if they made sectionals, she probably wouldn't attend, then there is nothing to feel bad about.
Click to expand...
These posters understand the issue.
 
Cindysphinx

Cindysphinx

G.O.A.T.
Yeah, it's a fair question about whether the captain expected me to play the post-season. This captain has tried for years to win the flight, and this year we finally did it (because the Dynasty Captain who always beats us did not field a team). So I guess I would say there was an expectation that we'd all view this as our year.

I called my big sister, who captains a team elsewhere. She said I have to go, period. She says (correctly) that it is disheartening for players to bail on playoffs -- it's not like the dates haven't been set for months. And she warned me against burning bridges -- you never know when you'll need a team.

So today I told my captain about my situation, told her I'd get someone else to drive my gear down, and told her I would stay until Saturday night for sure.

And I will try as hard as I can to be prepared and to win.
 
Nostradamus

Nostradamus

Bionic Poster
Cindysphinx said:
One of my teams is going to sectionals. I am not looking forward to it and am thinking of bailing.

One reason is that I have a work trip the week prior, so I would have to fly straight to sectionals from there. That means I would have to schlep all that extra stuff around *and* leave the work trip one day early. Going to sectionals would also cost me the opportunity to attend a work-related conference the week after.

Then I would have to pay for hotel and food at a time when we are doing lots of repairs on our house, so I don't want to spend the money.

Plus the captain has a very fair and transparent plan where I would probably play the first match, and if we lost the team match she would start rotating in the other players. And if we win the first match, she would still rotate in some weaker players, but less often. There is a good chance I would play only one match because so many people are going.

I am not the strongest player on the team, but I am close. I haven't been playing well lately (well, I haven't been playing much at all because we're between seasons), so I would have to get after it if I'm going to do this.

And if we somehow advanced to Nationals, no way no how am I spending that time and money. Been there, done that.

Has anyone ever grappled with this before?
Click to expand...
just make sure they get you one of those prizes. Tshirt, bag tag and Towels
 
S

sureshs

Bionic Poster
Cashman said:
Money is only part of the issue. Cutting a work trip short and missing a work related conference impacts your paid employment even if you use vacation.

I realise this may not be the case at your grocery bagging gig.
Click to expand...

What is wrong with grocery bagging?
 
GatorTennis

GatorTennis

Rookie
If you have to ask a bunch of strangers on how to make a decision, I doubt the work conference is really that big of a deal. It honestly sounds like you aren't going to get the playing time you want, so you're going to bail. Let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with that, but own it. Just tell your captain that you've got better things to spend your money on than playing one match at sectionals.

And yes, I've bailed because we weren't going to have a shot to win. Just give the PT to people who want to go. To me, it all depends on who's going. We need to have a reasonable chance to win and/or have a lot of fun, which means you have to like the crowd you're going with.
 
D

dudeman01

New User
Both scenarios are equally likely - OP isn't getting the playing time she wants and even though leaving a work conference a day early is a hassle, there are no adverse consequences in leaving early.

Anyone who have gone through similar situations where the captain isn't particularly transparent about your role on the team needs to learn from these sorts of experiences. You ultimately get to control how you want to spend your time. If you leave it to someone else's disposal, they will likely have less respect and little regard for your personal time.

Don't want to go because you're not getting the PT you want? Because work is in the way? Because the trip costs too much to your liking? Because you just don't feel like it? All reasons are legitimate and valid.

USTA leagues is pay-to-play for the players, with little in return by the way of financial compensation or substantive prizes. There is no shame in stopping at any time. I encourage everyone who plays league tennis to be proactive in pushing back against captains who make unreasonable requests and expectations all in the pursuit of chasing wins.




GatorTennis said:
If you have to ask a bunch of strangers on how to make a decision, I doubt the work conference is really that big of a deal. It honestly sounds like you aren't going to get the playing time you want, so you're going to bail. Let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with that, but own it. Just tell your captain that you've got better things to spend your money on than playing one match at sectionals.

And yes, I've bailed because we weren't going to have a shot to win. Just give the PT to people who want to go. To me, it all depends on who's going. We need to have a reasonable chance to win and/or have a lot of fun, which means you have to like the crowd you're going with.
Click to expand...
 
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Ronaldo

Ronaldo

Bionic Poster
GatorTennis said:
If you have to ask a bunch of strangers on how to make a decision, I doubt the work conference is really that big of a deal. It honestly sounds like you aren't going to get the playing time you want, so you're going to bail. Let me be clear, there is nothing wrong with that, but own it. Just tell your captain that you've got better things to spend your money on than playing one match at sectionals.

And yes, I've bailed because we weren't going to have a shot to win. Just give the PT to people who want to go. To me, it all depends on who's going. We need to have a reasonable chance to win and/or have a lot of fun, which means you have to like the crowd you're going with.
Click to expand...
Had this happen 15 yrs ago. Dubs partner bailed due to possibly only playing one match. Cost of a room and traveling 4-5 hrs to Indy. Subsequently, another player became ill, could not play. After another player turned blue from a heat illness we were down to 8 players. Welcome to the Bataan Memeorial. Thank goodness everyone made it home
 
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Ronaldo

Ronaldo

Bionic Poster
After my partner chose a staycation in hos air conditioned pad his sub, a 75 yo great grandfather stepped up and filled-in. Before the warm-up he mentioned that if he collapsed in the 100 degree heat midday I could find a Nitroglycerin tab in his shirt pocket. He stood tall, finished and won the match.
 
Z

zaskar1

Professional
Cindysphinx said:
One of my teams is going to sectionals. I am not looking forward to it and am thinking of bailing.

One reason is that I have a work trip the week prior, so I would have to fly straight to sectionals from there. That means I would have to schlep all that extra stuff around *and* leave the work trip one day early. Going to sectionals would also cost me the opportunity to attend a work-related conference the week after.

Then I would have to pay for hotel and food at a time when we are doing lots of repairs on our house, so I don't want to spend the money.

Plus the captain has a very fair and transparent plan where I would probably play the first match, and if we lost the team match she would start rotating in the other players. And if we win the first match, she would still rotate in some weaker players, but less often. There is a good chance I would play only one match because so many people are going.

I am not the strongest player on the team, but I am close. I haven't been playing well lately (well, I haven't been playing much at all because we're between seasons), so I would have to get after it if I'm going to do this.

And if we somehow advanced to Nationals, no way no how am I spending that time and money. Been there, done that.

Has anyone ever grappled with this before?
Click to expand...
cindy
tennis should be fun, not a hardship and drain on your resources. you should not feel bad about not going. not everyone has the time and resources to go to sectionals. if they cant understand that, find another team to play on.
z
 
Ronaldo

Ronaldo

Bionic Poster
sureshs said:
Let us use a crowd sourcing site like Go Fund Me and send Cindy to sectionals
Click to expand...
Assisted a player who straddled the fence about attending. We pitched in and he shows up with a 32 gallon trash can and 104 cans of beer. We assisted him drinking his gift to the team. Next morning and three pots of coffee later, he played.
 
Blade0324

Blade0324

Hall of Fame
While I completely understand not wanting to do so much involved in sectionals or nationals I would say this...I would not ask someone who bailed to be on any team again if they bailed. You made a commitment to the team and not going let's down the rest of your team. If you don't want to go to sectionals or nationals then play on a team that has no chance of advancing and just enjoy that part, but teams that advance count on their players to play. Just my opinion.
 
Cindysphinx

Cindysphinx

G.O.A.T.
Right. Four states. MD, DC, WV, VA. WV never fields a team, though.

I believe the last time I went to sectionals, there were two wild card teams, so five teams. Which meant we played a round robin format, and our DC team won the flight by an eyelash. I believe it was a three-way tie with each top team having lost one team match. So then you counted individual matches won, then sets lost. Or something. What I remember is everyone standing around, bug-eyed, as the league officials carefully checked everything to confirm that we had, in fact, won.
 
Ronaldo

Ronaldo

Bionic Poster
Cindysphinx said:
Right. Four states. MD, DC, WV, VA. WV never fields a team, though.

I believe the last time I went to sectionals, there were two wild card teams, so five teams. Which meant we played a round robin format, and our DC team won the flight by an eyelash. I believe it was a three-way tie with each top team having lost one team match. So then you counted individual matches won, then sets lost. Or something. What I remember is everyone standing around, bug-eyed, as the league officials carefully checked everything to confirm that we had, in fact, won.
Click to expand...
Charleston WV is in the Ohio Valley District. Hosted the Ohio State playoffs a few times. Love driving 300+ miles to the state playoffs. Charleston WV is in the M i d w e s t Section, Sectionals in Indianapolis, home of the Boo-bird, Bad Luck Colts since 1984.
 
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