Help, my doubles partner cannot control his temper and I have a tournament tomorrow!

Ok so i was going to put this into rants and raves but i actually do need advice. To be straightforward, my doubles partner has no emotional discipline.

hes a great friend of mine, he has good volleys, a consistent-but-sometimes-weak-but-consistent serve, has a good forehand, etc. but all that breaks down when we start losing. if we go down one game, he'll be okay. but if it goes to two games or more, and we lose our momentum a little, he goes berserk. just today we were playing two seniors(were sophomores) and by the third game he was cussing and muttering probably some bona fide curses. but the worst part is when the other team needs some tennis balls to serve, and he whacks it to them or gives it to them like theyre dirt. it embarasses me to even be on the same court with him when hes like that. i got sick of repeating to him "Dont worry about it, its ok". But what else should i do? hes kind of a narcissist, maybe a little too self confident, and when i think if i looked him in the eye and tell him to calm down, id probably have better chances on ku beating UCLA.

if im too assertive in telling him to calm down, i think hed probably do even worse. or hed might just ignore me like he didnt even hear me, making him a GREEAAT doubles partner. but if he just stays in that state, id probably save time and energy just whamming balls straight into the ground to lose the point. playing with him when hes being a ****** makes me wish id joined track to be the javelin catcher. its no fun and i hate it. then, at the very worst, he'll start blaming ME, even when he sets me up. but i cant explode at him, can i? then wed embarass ourselves, our teamates, our school, etc. and the other doubles team would have a great time too. so its crucial i keep my temper and composure.

so what should i do in this case? what could i say? what have you done in this situation?

i think the only benefit to this is when i play him in singles.

boink. or bump. whatever it is. sos.

Tell your coach you don't want to play with him (if this is what is making you play with him). If your coach won't do anything, bring up the players behavior and how it reflects on the school with the AD or another administrative person. If you are playing with him on your own accord, tell him to stop acting like a child if he wants to be your partner.

I couldn't play with a person like that. I would be too embarassed to lift the racquet for a stroke. Uhg.

Always use a serious tone with a player who is pissed. However, don't sound like you're pleading him to calm down since the last thing you want to do is make yourself seem inferior to him.

Tell him "Hey, if you can play the game better with that attitude then keep it up." Or something along that line.

Penguin Slapper said:

Ok so i was going to put this into rants and raves but i actually do need advice. To be straightforward, my doubles partner has no emotional discipline.

hes a great friend of mine, he has good volleys, a consistent-but-sometimes-weak-but-consistent serve, has a good forehand, etc. but all that breaks down when we start losing. if we go down one game, he'll be okay. but if it goes to two games or more, and we lose our momentum a little, he goes berserk. just today we were playing two seniors(were sophomores) and by the third game he was cussing and muttering probably some bona fide curses. but the worst part is when the other team needs some tennis balls to serve, and he whacks it to them or gives it to them like theyre dirt. it embarasses me to even be on the same court with him when hes like that. i got sick of repeating to him "Dont worry about it, its ok". But what else should i do? hes kind of a narcissist, maybe a little too self confident, and when i think if i looked him in the eye and tell him to calm down, id probably have better chances on ku beating UCLA.

if im too assertive in telling him to calm down, i think hed probably do even worse. or hed might just ignore me like he didnt even hear me, making him a GREEAAT doubles partner. but if he just stays in that state, id probably save time and energy just whamming balls straight into the ground to lose the point. playing with him when hes being a ****** makes me wish id joined track to be the javelin catcher. its no fun and i hate it. then, at the very worst, he'll start blaming ME, even when he sets me up. but i cant explode at him, can i? then wed embarass ourselves, our teamates, our school, etc. and the other doubles team would have a great time too. so its crucial i keep my temper and composure.

so what should i do in this case? what could i say? what have you done in this situation?

i think the only benefit to this is when i play him in singles.

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Find a new partner.

My opinion?

I'd have one -- exactly one -- off-court conversation with him about this. Tell him flat out that his behavior is embarrassing and makes it difficult for you to stay focused and play well. Tell him that you aren't going to be able to put up with it in future matches.

I assume you two play practice matches. In your next practice matches following your conversation, wait for him to go into his jerk routine. The instant it happens, walk over to your stuff and pack it up. Leave. If he asks where you are going, you can say that you aren't able to play when he is misbehaving on the court, assuming you feel you need to say anything at all.

Then the next time you play together (if there is a next time), take the court and say nothing about the issue. If it happens again, leave. Keep doing this until the coach separates you or your partner grows up.

This is how I handled my kids when they were toddlers misbehaving at the grocery store. A discussion about what was expected, followed by a wordless departure when they fell apart.

It probably would work just as well with toddlers who play high school tennis.

Perhaps you need to preempt the problem - I read once and find it to be true, that you need to avoid losing 3 straight points. So if you you lose two straight points, take a little break, talk to your partner about a plan that usually includes "that guys x-stroke really sucks so lets hit it to him there" so that you partner has some type of outlet for focus. If your partner still loses his cool, launch a ball out/ or tie your shoes so he has some time to get over it. Keep on talking to him about strategy - not telling him not to lose it.

you said hes a great friend of yours, so im guessing you dont want to switch partners. talk to him, tell him how you feel. be blunt, be honest, and if he still insists on keeping it up then its time for a new partner.

Drop the guy and find a new partner. You don't need a raving lunatic on your team.

Chemistry between doubles partners is a key x-factor to success. It's obvious that the chemistry is there since you say you are good friends, but that chemistry falls apart when you aren't successful. As most people have talked about above talk to him. Communication in doubles is key to both chemistry and strategy. If he starts getting pissed don't use a cliche like "don't worry about it, it's ok" help him relax by telling a joke and then move into a "focus point" like nellie suggests. If that doesn't work call him out on it to his face on the court the second he gets into a funk. Say "Hey this "stuff" your pulling isn't helping us out, you need to stop acting like a ****** and play tennis." I find that calling out the behavior brings it to their attention and helps them refocus on tennis. IF that doesn't work then the guy isn't holding up his side of the deal as a doubles partner and you do need to talk to your coach to find a more suitable match for success.

baek57 said:

you said hes a great friend of yours, so im guessing you dont want to switch partners. talk to him, tell him how you feel. be blunt, be honest, and if he still insists on keeping it up then its time for a new partner.

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Talking to him would be best. Tennis can be an emotional sport and some players are more emotional than others.

Personally I'm a player similar to what you've described as your partner. Not to that extent, but I do wear my emotions on my sleeve when I play. My partner and I have talked about it and he knows my anger is from being disappointed in myself and it's my way of releasing tension and being able to refocus. I don't scream obscenities, but will yell "Come On" or throw my hat down and kick it away. During this time however, I'm refocusing my thoughts and getting myself pumped up to play better. I have to release the tension otherwise it just builds up and I start thinking about everything, but tennis.

The one thing I ask of my partner is that he shows some enthusiasm as well. Early in our partnership, one of us would hit a great shot and I'd get excited only to see my partner's expression remain unchanged. Whether you're having a good day or a bad day, IMO, seeing your partner being positive and having a little pep in his step can be a good confidence booster and/or extra motivation/inspiration.

I've had some coaches suggest partners making jokes and trying to lighten the mood, but I'd be careful. Making those jokes can also **** your partner off more. These jokes can sometimes be viewed as you not taking the match seriously enough, so becareful how you crack your jokes. Typically it's best to make them non-match or even non-tennis related. You don't want to add fuel to the fire.

If he's a really good friend he gets one freebie, next time I'd take him to the side and tell him to stop acting like an !@#$!@!$@. If he's your friend he'll probably laugh it off and chill out some..... Until next time

It's immaturity but he's probably not going to grow out of it for awhile so if you really don't want to be associated with him you may have to cut him lose, but let him know why. Maybe it'll get him to cool out enough to where you can say his an !@$!@ but he's my @$!@$ ;-)

I have a good buddy like your friend. Great guy but a real @$#@$ when he's drunk or playing sports.

Cindysphinx said:

My opinion?

I'd have one -- exactly one -- off-court conversation with him about this. Tell him flat out that his behavior is embarrassing and makes it difficult for you to stay focused and play well. Tell him that you aren't going to be able to put up with it in future matches.

I assume you two play practice matches. In your next practice matches following your conversation, wait for him to go into his jerk routine. The instant it happens, walk over to your stuff and pack it up. Leave. If he asks where you are going, you can say that you aren't able to play when he is misbehaving on the court, assuming you feel you need to say anything at all.

Then the next time you play together (if there is a next time), take the court and say nothing about the issue. If it happens again, leave. Keep doing this until the coach separates you or your partner grows up.

This is how I handled my kids when they were toddlers misbehaving at the grocery store. A discussion about what was expected, followed by a wordless departure when they fell apart.

It probably would work just as well with toddlers who play high school tennis.

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Best advice on the thread. The key is to have the conversation off of the court.

Yep, I'm with Cindy, too. This guy needs a psychological boot in the butt - maybe even a literal one. He's not out there with a priority on tennis and he's being a selfish turd of a teammate. As far as the off court conversation goes, tell him that he's embarrassing himself. If he keeps it up, your packing it in could be the best thing you could do for him - he may actually understand that he needs to be responsible to you and the game. Bottom line: you don't need to put up with that because it's a waste of your time.

I'm a high school tennis coach and I approve of this message!

Penguin Slapper said:

just today we were playing two seniors(were sophomores) and by the third game he was cussing and muttering probably some bona fide curses. but the worst part is when the other team needs some tennis balls to serve, and he whacks it to them or gives it to them like theyre dirt. it embarasses me to even be on the same court with him when hes like that. i got sick of repeating to him "Dont worry about it, its ok". But what else should i do?

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Where is the coach in all of this? If I was the coach, I would sit the boy down and make him wish he didn't acted like that again. I am surprised the coach hasnt done anything about this boys sportsmanship.

i totally agree with Rickson

I have a kid in my team like you are describing... i hate the kid so much... he is so immature and wat a one son of.......

self explanatory

Well guys, to put it bluntly, it was utter chaos. Allow me to explain.
We beat our first opponents 6-3. The attitude was great, but the play was a little sloppy. Everything was just jolly.
Then we play our next opponents and they were pretty good. We would always lead by one game, as in, 1-0, 1-1, 2-1, and that went all the way to 5-4. but as the match went on, my partner began to throw his racquet on the ground. the worst part was, we were on a side court near where everyone was hanging out, and we were the match people watched while they talked. it was embarassing because he would start throwing his racquet even more. the only time i would hit it against the ground was when i had to balance myself after i saved a lob my partner whiffed. i found it crucial that i not lose my temper either, else that would mean instant defeat. i smile a lot on the tennis court, idk why, it keeps me happier and away from anger. it was working until we lost the match 5-7. my friend then shook hands, left, threw his racquet on the table, and went to storm off. also, when i had to keep running back to save lobs, i found a pebble had under my sock and it caused my foot to bleed when it poked through my skin.
then in our next match, we played two lesser opponents who werent near as good. however, both of us were still steaming from our last match. in retrospect, we were doomed to lose the match when we couldnt get over ourselves. we lost a pont in the second game and my partner loudly snarled "GOD D@MMIT". i looked at my opponents and we shared a silent laugh together. then he went on to drop his racquet on the ground, cuss some more, and start being an utter ****** bag. he wouldnt say nice shot, thanks, good job, anything. what a f*cking three year old. when we lost 3-6, he didnt even shake our opponents hands. i almost forgot, then quickly ran back and said my friends name in a stern voice, to call him to come back here. but he didnt cuz he has no emotional discipline. i shook hands with them and apologized for my partner. they said it was alright and told me to hang in there and try to deal with him. then we won our next match but it sure didnt feel like it. we went 2-2 overall and i left the courts pissed off at my partner because he brought down both of our levels of play with his immaturity.

Nellie, thanks for that information. that is some great advice. i will definitely keep that in mind.
Cindy, i would LOVE to do that. however, i think my coach would get pissed or something, as hes a big believer in teamwork. ironically.

Bungalo bill, you bring up the best point. what made me the most furious was that when our coach asked the other one, Did you have to report anyone for behavior? while the whole team was gathered up, he shook his head and said no, while i was positive he was there during the third match when my friend repeatedly said "GOD D@MMIT" while throwing his racquet. i dont understand. it makes me mad also because while he didnt get in trouble for behavior, i did for double faulting twice in a row. uh gee, maybe my partner was causing a distraction.

i hate this. i hate playing tennis when hes being a ***** fart. playing doubles with him is like babysitting a soaked cat. rawr.

i think him not shaking our opponents hands when they had done a good solid job against us was the worst part. they were honest people, and not shaking their hands is just the most despicable thing he did all day. i interpret the handshake as mutual respect and congratulations between opponents or something like that. they were good and they didnt cheat on line calls.

i think my coach would get pissed or something, as hes a big believer in teamwork

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Penguin: Teamwork has nothing to do with blindly following teammates. Firstly, your teammate is making you as a doubles team, your tennis team, and your school look bad. Secondly, his antics are resulting in problems with the team; you get embarassed, and he plays worse. Ignoring the problem or not taking corrective action would be *hurting* the team. Talk to your partner on the side, and let him know how you feel. Ask him if he thinks he can stop. If it doesn't change, you will need to talk to your coach, because the situation obviously won't be working for you as a doubles team, or you individually.

I told my partner I would retire from the match if he didn't get himself under control: stop throwing his racquet, stop the abusive language, stop the intentional bad line calls...etc. It worked for a couple of games and he started again. I held my ground and retired. He was upset with me for months but finally game around when noboby wanted to play with him. Good luck to you.

There are some good books on Anger management. or you can buy a tape made by a sports Psychologist on how to manage your anger constructively to win a tennis match.

Penguin Slapper said:

Bungalo bill, you bring up the best point. what made me the most furious was that when our coach asked the other one, Did you have to report anyone for behavior? while the whole team was gathered up, he shook his head and said no, while i was positive he was there during the third match when my friend repeatedly said "GOD D@MMIT" while throwing his racquet. i dont understand. it makes me mad also because while he didnt get in trouble for behavior, i did for double faulting twice in a row. uh gee, maybe my partner was causing a distraction.

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Well, if the coach is turning their head away, you have a problem. If it is bothering you that much, you might need a heart-to-heart with the coach. He needs to take charge and take care of the issue. There is no excuse for the coach to look the other way. Absolutely none.

Get him online and I will give him a piece of my mind.

Bungalo Bill said:

Well, if the coach is turning their head away, you have a problem. If it is bothering you that much, you might need a heart-to-heart with the coach. He needs to take charge and take care of the issue. There is no excuse for the coach to look the other way. Absolutely none.

Get him online and I will give him a piece of my mind.

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rofl BB gonna own somebody

Cindysphinx said:

My opinion?

I'd have one -- exactly one -- off-court conversation with him about this. Tell him flat out that his behavior is embarrassing and makes it difficult for you to stay focused and play well. Tell him that you aren't going to be able to put up with it in future matches.

I assume you two play practice matches. In your next practice matches following your conversation, wait for him to go into his jerk routine. The instant it happens, walk over to your stuff and pack it up. Leave. If he asks where you are going, you can say that you aren't able to play when he is misbehaving on the court, assuming you feel you need to say anything at all.

Then the next time you play together (if there is a next time), take the court and say nothing about the issue. If it happens again, leave. Keep doing this until the coach separates you or your partner grows up.

This is how I handled my kids when they were toddlers misbehaving at the grocery store. A discussion about what was expected, followed by a wordless departure when they fell apart.

It probably would work just as well with toddlers who play high school tennis.

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Great advice, Cindy. That's exactly how my girlfriend raised her little boy, and as a result, he's extremely well-behaved in stores. Now, school is another story...

Penguin Slapper said:

i think him not shaking our opponents hands when they had done a good solid job against us was the worst part. they were honest people, and not shaking their hands is just the most despicable thing he did all day. i interpret the handshake as mutual respect and congratulations between opponents or something like that. they were good and they didnt cheat on line calls.

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Wow. I'm sure your friend has some good qualities too but from everything I've heard he sounds like a real D-Bag/Tool.

The more I hear about him the more I think he has a character flaw. I'd like to hear how it goes if you talk to him.

richw76 said:

Wow. I'm sure your friend has some good qualities too but from everything I've heard he sounds like a real D-Bag/Tool.

The more I hear about him the more I think he has a character flaw. I'd like to hear how it goes if you talk to him.

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Dead on. Some people are just too ******-like and sour to help. Hope that's not the case with this guy...

if i were you, i would just slap him like a penguin slapper . you named yourself perfectly ^^