7 Requirements for Andy Murray each match

YellowFedBetter

Hall of Fame
1. Must make a sound on every shot (particularly serves) that sounds like he is trying to take a dump. Because if we don't have an even balance of this Nishikori will try to do it for real for everybody.

2. Must cross his fingers that one of his 40 percent of 130 mph serves go in. If not, must lay in a serve in which the return is twice as fast as the serve. Failure to do so will result in endless self-loathing and melancholy.

3. Must swear (and sweat) profusely at his box. Bonus points if mum is in attendance.

4. Must celebrate like he has won the calender slam after his opponent has hit a winner. Failure to do so will result in Ivan Lendl smiling.

5. Must be shirtless at least 3 times a match. Because if we don't see his pasty white bod and minuscule chest lettuce John Mcenroe will come down and try to reclaim his place as the king of this, and we don't want that.

6. Must look look he is high and having the best daydream of his life when about to return serve. How else could he get so many big serves back in play?

7. Must lean down and grab leg when losing. If things are particularly bad must yell for Jelly. Though the origins of this are unclear it can best be assumed that the reason for his crankiness stem from a primal need for canned and jarred fruits and preserves, preferably on rye bread. So what are you doing Ivan and the guys in the box, get the man a da-- sandwich! The key to his success lies within!

All in good fun btw. Not a hater.
 

Big_Dangerous

Talk Tennis Guru
1. Must make a sound on every shot (particularly serves) that sounds like he is trying to take a dump. Because if we don't have an even balance of this Nishikori will try to do it for real for everybody.

2. Must cross his fingers that one of his 40 percent of 130 mph serves go in. If not, must lay in a serve in which the return is twice as fast as the serve. Failure to do so will result in endless self-loathing and melancholy.

3. Must swear (and sweat) profusely at his box. Bonus points if mum is in attendance.

4. Must celebrate like he has won the calender slam after his opponent has hit a winner. Failure to do so will result in Ivan Lendl smiling.

5. Must be shirtless at least 3 times a match. Because if we don't see his pasty white bod and minuscule chest lettuce John Mcenroe will come down and try to reclaim his place as the king of this, and we don't want that.

6. Must look look he is high and having the best daydream of his life when about to return serve. How else could he get so many big serves back in play?

7. Must lean down and grab leg when losing. If things are particularly bad must yell for Jelly. Though the origins of this are unclear it can best be assumed that the reason for his crankiness stem from a primal need for canned and jarred fruits and preserves, preferably on rye bread. So what are you doing Ivan and the guys in the box, get the man a da-- sandwich! The key to his success lies within!

All in good fun btw. Not a hater.

Why would he celebrate after his opponent just hit a winner?
 

Krish872007

Talk Tennis Guru
All rise for Sir Andrew Barron Murray:

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Purplemonster

Hall of Fame
1. Must make a sound on every shot (particularly serves) that sounds like he is trying to take a dump. Because if we don't have an even balance of this Nishikori will try to do it for real for everybody.

2. Must cross his fingers that one of his 40 percent of 130 mph serves go in. If not, must lay in a serve in which the return is twice as fast as the serve. Failure to do so will result in endless self-loathing and melancholy.

3. Must swear (and sweat) profusely at his box. Bonus points if mum is in attendance.

4. Must celebrate like he has won the calender slam after his opponent has hit a winner. Failure to do so will result in Ivan Lendl smiling.

5. Must be shirtless at least 3 times a match. Because if we don't see his pasty white bod and minuscule chest lettuce John Mcenroe will come down and try to reclaim his place as the king of this, and we don't want that.

6. Must look look he is high and having the best daydream of his life when about to return serve. How else could he get so many big serves back in play?

7. Must lean down and grab leg when losing. If things are particularly bad must yell for Jelly. Though the origins of this are unclear it can best be assumed that the reason for his crankiness stem from a primal need for canned and jarred fruits and preserves, preferably on rye bread. So what are you doing Ivan and the guys in the box, get the man a da-- sandwich! The key to his success lies within!

All in good fun btw. Not a hater.

Married with a child and still behaving like a 7 year old.
 

YellowFedBetter

Hall of Fame
Thanks for the compliments guys, and yes the above two additions are so true as well. Another thing that amuses me is the devious sarcastic smile he gets when he's upset and talking to himself. I find it funny that tennis's Ultimate Harda-- Warrior is his coach. I guess opposites must attract.
 
J

JRAJ1988

Guest
I'll add from a Murray fan perspective, I'll use this thread to get a few things straight as people think when "fans" defend their "players" it's because they can't see any wrong in them.

Murray always comes across a complete pessimist on court, you'd think after his 2016 he'd cheer up a little bit, he's made 50 million dollars in his career, (I'll objectify here) he has a beautiful wife, child, family.
What annoys me about Murray is when he whines when he knows he can't track down a shot like he has the right to make a play on every shot, it's not the end of the World mate just try to win the next point lol.
He emits an enigmatic negativity also which I've noticed his detractors rarely pick up on, even watching him play as a fan is like being tortured in some Clockwork Orange film, Murray-Go-Rounds are more nail biting than a Henman Wimbledon match.
His grunts I've gotten used to, Carlos Berlocq's grunt grates me no end...but Murray sounds like a constipated Deer when hitting a shot. EEERRRR EEEEE EEEE AHHHH AHHH LET'S GO MON
Djokovic vs Murray matches or Murray vs Simon matches usually alleviate my insomnia LOL.
I hate this willingness to always play to the opponent when the opportunity is there to end the rally, Murray does this too many times, for example Federer is always willing to finish the point off asap.

Other than that I think he's a solid player who's earned his stripes and after he's retired I bet people will remember him more positively ala a Hewitt, that he basically had three of the greatest players in front of him and they made him a better player.

Nothing wrong with constructive criticism, what PO's me is when people hate on a Tennis Player for example because of nationality because I know via Youtube a lot of Serbians/Montenegrin's have a problem with the British but you can blame Mr "Iraq WMD" Tony Blair for 1999 not a whole nation. Nobody wants war but that pleb did, that's democracy :).
 
D

Deleted member 743561

Guest
I'll add from a Murray fan perspective, I'll use this thread to get a few things straight as people think when "fans" defend their "players" it's because they can't see any wrong in them.

Murray always comes across a complete pessimist on court, you'd think after his 2016 he'd cheer up a little bit, he's made 50 million dollars in his career, (I'll objectify here) he has a beautiful wife, child, family.
What annoys me about Murray is when he whines when he knows he can't track down a shot like he has the right to make a play on every shot, it's not the end of the World mate just try to win the next point lol.
He emits an enigmatic negativity also which I've noticed his detractors rarely pick up on, even watching him play as a fan is like being tortured in some Clockwork Orange film, Murray-Go-Rounds are more nail biting than a Henman Wimbledon match.
His grunts I've gotten used to, Carlos Berlocq's grunt grates me no end...but Murray sounds like a constipated Deer when hitting a shot. EEERRRR EEEEE EEEE AHHHH AHHH LET'S GO MON
Djokovic vs Murray matches or Murray vs Simon matches usually alleviate my insomnia LOL.
I hate this willingness to always play to the opponent when the opportunity is there to end the rally, Murray does this too many times, for example Federer is always willing to finish the point off asap.

Other than that I think he's a solid player who's earned his stripes and after he's retired I bet people will remember him more positively ala a Hewitt, that he basically had three of the greatest players in front of him and they made him a better player.
So, is it his game that won you as a fan? Do you think it's a fair statement that geography is the biggest factor in determining his fans? More so than any top player?
 

Zoolander

Hall of Fame
If i can also add (from another ardent Andy Murray fans viewpoint), he does come across as quite a negative and difficult to handle player sometimes, but thats more to do with his strict upbringing and domineering mother.

No.................. no, wait a minute. Got mixed up a little. OP is right. Andy is a whiney, bitchin' little spoilt brat. God i hate Andy Murray.
 
D

Deleted member 733170

Guest
This made me realise I am not alone in the love hate relationship I enjoy with Sir Andrew.

By sharing this we are supporting each other, which in turn will help us to become better people.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Mainad

Bionic Poster
If i can also add (from another ardent Andy Murray fans viewpoint), he does come across as quite a negative and difficult to handle player sometimes, but thats more to do with his strict upbringing and domineering mother.

No.................. no, wait a minute. Got mixed up a little. OP is right. Andy is a whiney, bitchin' little spoilt brat. God i hate Andy Murray.

Yeah....well, not entirely convinced you would know how to take the viewpoint of an ardent Murray fan!
 

Zoolander

Hall of Fame
Yeah....well, not entirely convinced you would know how to take the viewpoint of an ardent Murray fan!

:D Well, I'm joking, sought of. I was a half fan and happy he won his first slam and then Wimbledon. Now I just find him annoying for the reasons the OP has so comprehensively outlined above!
 

Mainad

Bionic Poster
Now that Andy is back I think all this stuff bears mention again..

Damn that was a creative month for me, somewhere along the way I lost my eloquence.

Well, we can't really say he's back until we see him playing in the season proper so advise putting your eloquence on hold until that happy time is here again. ;)
 

Red Rick

Bionic Poster
1. Must make a sound on every shot (particularly serves) that sounds like he is trying to take a dump. Because if we don't have an even balance of this Nishikori will try to do it for real for everybody.

2. Must cross his fingers that one of his 40 percent of 130 mph serves go in. If not, must lay in a serve in which the return is twice as fast as the serve. Failure to do so will result in endless self-loathing and melancholy.

3. Must swear (and sweat) profusely at his box. Bonus points if mum is in attendance.

4. Must celebrate like he has won the calender slam after his opponent has hit a winner. Failure to do so will result in Ivan Lendl smiling.

5. Must be shirtless at least 3 times a match. Because if we don't see his pasty white bod and minuscule chest lettuce John Mcenroe will come down and try to reclaim his place as the king of this, and we don't want that.

6. Must look look he is high and having the best daydream of his life when about to return serve. How else could he get so many big serves back in play?

7. Must lean down and grab leg when losing. If things are particularly bad must yell for Jelly. Though the origins of this are unclear it can best be assumed that the reason for his crankiness stem from a primal need for canned and jarred fruits and preserves, preferably on rye bread. So what are you doing Ivan and the guys in the box, get the man a da-- sandwich! The key to his success lies within!

All in good fun btw. Not a hater.
8. Must guide humanity away from the darkness, and into salvation
 
D

Deleted member 742196

Guest
Someone needed to rescue tennis from the decade long force choke of Fedal - if Andy hadn’t played the part helping the spiky haired brat from Serbia do it, where would we now?

Don’t get me wrong, I love Fedal - it’s just much more exciting when there’s a third wheel tipping the whole thing off balance. Just to be clear, Andy’s not that third wheel - he’s the gimpy spare fourth wheel causing a disturbance in the force.
 

ojo rojo

Legend
He looks lovely with a bit of slap on.
I know, I'm like a broken record right ..but I just can't seem to let it go.

Who cares. I just want to know which makes the purtiest gal.
Mayd uh fred abowd it buh wuz duhleeted sew nauw um gunna steeyul yorrs


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MuryGoat

P.S. slap = make-up
 
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