7 requirements for Rafa each match:

BlueClayGOAT

Semi-Pro
1.) Must, absolutely must, take a million hours before each serve by pulling shorts from ass, bouncing ball, wiping nose, then one ear, then the other, bouncing ball more, grimacing, and then serving.
If first serve is a fault, must go through whole routine again.

2.) Bottle labels must be aligned at exactly 37.2 degrees from the line of the net. If this is not done, the topspin gods desert him.

3.) Must hit the jerkiest 2 handed backhand of all time, like he's hewing down an oak with an ax. Uncle Toni has put in strict injunctions to make no concessions whatsoever to aesthetics, so under no circumstances can the BH resemble smoothness.

4.) Must not approach the net more than 4.6 times a match, despite having a very good volley. Points won quickly and without grinding your knees to dust after 62 shot rallies are not counted under ATP rules.

5.) The length of his sleeves must increase and the length of his shorts must decrease by exactly 0.6 millimeters every match throughout his career. Uncle Toni checks this after every match. This will result in a gradually changing wardrobe over a long career. When the shorts become a G-string with a pouch in the front, and the shirt sleeves go past the second knuckle, that's when the Rafalito hangs up his racket for good. Current estimates put this time at around the year 2031. Expect more RG destruction till then.

6.) Must run to the baseline after the coin toss faster than he runs at any point during the actual match. This helps to psyche opponents out when they behold the blinding speed of the Rafalito and they defeat themselves mentally.

7.) If the average distance he stands back from the baseline in a match while receiving serve is less than approximately 36 meters, Uncle Toni makes him rewatch Federer winning Madrid 2012 on blue clay on an endless video loop for 2 days. This traumatizes the Rafalito, so must not be allowed to happen.
 

Backspin1183

G.O.A.T.
Thanks. I will forward this to his team. Buthurt Fed fan boys are always so concerned about Rafael. Much appreciated.

Please have your whine and salt ready.
Thank.
I take back my words. The OP took his time to list the 7 essential steps needed for Rafael to win the Tour finals. Good work, OP!

Hope we get one for my idol Federer too from one of the experts. Roger at 36 needs all the help he can get. Thanks. :)
 

BlueClayGOAT

Semi-Pro
Thanks. I will forward this to his team. Buthurt Fed fan boys are always so concerned about Rafael. Much appreciated.

Please have your whine and salt ready.
Thank.
To be clear: Federer is my favorite, but the only reason i sometimes root against Rafa is if he's playing Federer or because I don't want him to catch Fed's slam count.

I'd say Rafa is my second favorite player although I often don't want him to win.
 

octobrina10

G.O.A.T.
1.) Must, absolutely must, take a million hours before each serve by pulling shorts from ass, bouncing ball, wiping nose, then one ear, then the other, bouncing ball more, grimacing, and then serving.
If first serve is a fault, must go through whole routine again.

2.) Bottle labels must be aligned at exactly 37.2 degrees from the line of the net. If this is not done, the topspin gods desert him.

3.) Must hit the jerkiest 2 handed backhand of all time, like he's hewing down an oak with an ax. Uncle Toni has put in strict injunctions to make no concessions whatsoever to aesthetics, so under no circumstances can the BH resemble smoothness.

4.) Must not approach the net more than 4.6 times a match, despite having a very good volley. Points won quickly and without grinding your knees to dust after 62 shot rallies are not counted under ATP rules.

5.) The length of his sleeves must increase and the length of his shorts must decrease by exactly 0.6 millimeters every match throughout his career. Uncle Toni checks this after every match. This will result in a gradually changing wardrobe over a long career. When the shorts become a G-string with a pouch in the front, and the shirt sleeves go past the second knuckle, that's when the Rafalito hangs up his racket for good. Current estimates put this time at around the year 2031. Expect more RG destruction till then.

6.) Must run to the baseline after the coin toss faster than he runs at any point during the actual match. This helps to psyche opponents out when they behold the blinding speed of the Rafalito and they defeat themselves mentally.

7.) If the average distance he stands back from the baseline in a match while receiving serve is less than approximately 36 meters, Uncle Toni makes him rewatch Federer winning Madrid 2012 on blue clay on an endless video loop for 2 days. This traumatizes the Rafalito, so must not be allowed to happen.
The post quoted (above) is yet another proof that Rafa haters' (aka Fedfans) world revolves around his lower body.
 

prairiegirl

Hall of Fame
1.) Must, absolutely must, take a million hours before each serve by pulling shorts from ass, bouncing ball, wiping nose, then one ear, then the other, bouncing ball more, grimacing, and then serving.
If first serve is a fault, must go through whole routine again.

2.) Bottle labels must be aligned at exactly 37.2 degrees from the line of the net. If this is not done, the topspin gods desert him.

3.) Must hit the jerkiest 2 handed backhand of all time, like he's hewing down an oak with an ax. Uncle Toni has put in strict injunctions to make no concessions whatsoever to aesthetics, so under no circumstances can the BH resemble smoothness.

4.) Must not approach the net more than 4.6 times a match, despite having a very good volley. Points won quickly and without grinding your knees to dust after 62 shot rallies are not counted under ATP rules.

5.) The length of his sleeves must increase and the length of his shorts must decrease by exactly 0.6 millimeters every match throughout his career. Uncle Toni checks this after every match. This will result in a gradually changing wardrobe over a long career. When the shorts become a G-string with a pouch in the front, and the shirt sleeves go past the second knuckle, that's when the Rafalito hangs up his racket for good. Current estimates put this time at around the year 2031. Expect more RG destruction till then.

6.) Must run to the baseline after the coin toss faster than he runs at any point during the actual match. This helps to psyche opponents out when they behold the blinding speed of the Rafalito and they defeat themselves mentally.

7.) If the average distance he stands back from the baseline in a match while receiving serve is less than approximately 36 meters, Uncle Toni makes him rewatch Federer winning Madrid 2012 on blue clay on an endless video loop for 2 days. This traumatizes the Rafalito, so must not be allowed to happen.
LMAO
 

every7

Hall of Fame
7 requirements for Rafa each match:

1. Must beat his opponent in straight sets and then spend the press conference heaping praise on him while the loser is smashing his rackets in the locker room and cursing Rafa.
2. Has to hit at least one banana shot which defies the laws of physics and whips the crowd into a frenzy.
3. Must respond to even the most high pressure moment by arching one eyebrow, shaking off the sweat, doing his pre-serve ritual and going to work
4. Is required to turn the press conference into a full-on confessional where the media become spectators into a live commentary of his inner turmoil. Subjects include everything from an athlete's mortality, the torment of losing and regaining conifdence to the struggle of coming back from career-ending injuries.
5. Has to save at least one break or set point through sheer epic-ness ("epicity"?) alone @MichaelNadal
6. Must sweat through at least 6 shirts during the course of a match
7. Must hit at least 10 pistol-crack backhand passing shots every match to troll people who forget about his backhand.
 

Zeref

Professional
Thanks. I will forward this to his team. Buthurt Fed fan boys are always so concerned about Rafael. Much appreciated.

Please have your whine and salt ready.
Thank.
Lol same thread about Djokovic wasn't posted a day back , looking forward to Federer's thread.
 

Zeref

Professional
To be clear: Federer is my favorite, but the only reason i sometimes root against Rafa is if he's playing Federer or because I don't want him to catch Fed's slam count.

I'd say Rafa is my second favorite player although I often don't want him to win.
Exactly same reasoning from me too.
 
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