A rant about an annoying player at the club

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HS_

New User
So I recently joined my local tennis club and was invited to play with a group of older ladies on the weekends. I'm the youngest person at the club by far (22 soon to be 23) and all the other women are 60+ and have known and played with each other for years. I'm not a bad player at all, I've got solid groundstrokes, a decent serve, and I'm physically fit so I can cover the court well. I'm just just inexperienced at doubles and at the net, especially compared to those who have played at the club for years.

Anyways I always somehow end up with this one lady (let's call her Luci short for Lucifer) who is a good player, probably the best in the group. She LOVES to "coach" me in between every single point, especially on the points where I make a mistake. At first I thought she was just trying to be helpful so I politely listened and nodded and smiled. But after a few times it's actually getting seriously patronising and annoying. Her coaching is extremely pointless and unproductive, as if I can improve my technique and skill level after a single comment from her... Also I don't see her coaching anyone else??? Other people make plenty of mistakes too, and so does she.... It's not the finals of Wimbledon ffs, we're literally playing socially on a Saturday morning.

We just played each other in a friendly club singles box league and it was a very close game. She ended up winning 6-4, 3-6, 6-4. As soon as we played the last point, I go to the net to say well played to her, she literally says to me "Ok there are 2 pieces of advice I have for you....." LUCI DID I ASK???

Of course I understand that it's good to listen to other people's advice, and she probably thinks she's being helpful. But she's not got the best technique herself from years of bad habit (she's very tight and slappy with the ball) so I dunno why she's coaching me. Maybe I'm just over-sensitive, but in generally I do find her very patronising. The best thing to do now is probably politely speak to her about this next time we play together.

Also I'm probably gunna switch clubs, I do find this club quite cliquey, especially amongst the ladies. It's probably also to do with my age as well as they are all friends and have known for each other for years. So atm I'm on the look out for a more youthful club :)

Just wanted to come on here and have a little rant. Anyone else got any doubles partner/annoying club member horror stories that you'd like to share?
 
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Ive seen this from both sides. If you have a singles player unfamiliar with dubs they tend to chase the ball, hog the lane or play too close to the net or never visit it etc. So its natural to suggest better tactics, especially if with experienced players.

However, if she is commenting on your stroke mechanics or footwork that's another thing entirely. She may be coming from a 'good place' but just tell her no one is perfect or ask where she got her coaching certificate from.
 
I know a guy who does this and it's so hard.

I might even say, during a changeover, "Luci, I appreciate your desire to help. But when I get lots of advice within a match, it just makes me more confused, lowers my confidence and I won't play as well today. So I think it's best for our team to just hold your thoughts, and maybe share a key idea when we're done." (Not that you want it then either, but at least you're showing her some respect).

Or say "Luci, appreciate your willingness to help me out, but I've been working with a pro and I need to make sure I just get one set of advice."

And don't sweat it -- I guarantee she does this to everyone. But agree it's super annoy and only makes me worse because I'm thinking about the last shot, not the next shot.
 
LOOOL hahahaha I wish I could ask her where she got her coaching certificate from! But nahh I'm too polite for that and I don't like confrontation, especially over something very minor.

When I first started playing doubles I was unfamiliar with strategies so I listened to her "coaching" politely. But I've been playing doubles at the club at a good 6 months now so I've improved a lot. Her "coaching" is not really about tactics, more things like "you should have volleyed that" when I hesitated when making a shot selection or "less power on your forehand" when a shot goes out. So it's more unproductive things after I make silly mistakes rather than real tactics.
 
She probably just sees a new player with potential that she will ask to play USTA. If anything I'd say this is good for your development, and wish I had the same. If it's nonsense annoying comments without actually helping, then just find a new partner.
 
Connor35 said:
I know a guy who does this and it's so hard.

I might even say, during a changeover, "Luci, I appreciate your desire to help. But when I get lots of advice within a match, it just makes me more confused, lowers my confidence and I won't play as well today. So I think it's best for our team to just hold your thoughts, and maybe share a key idea when we're done." (Not that you want it then either, but at least you're showing her some respect).

Or say "Luci, appreciate your willingness to help me out, but I've been working with a pro and I need to make sure I just get one set of advice."

And don't sweat it -- I guarantee she does this to everyone. But agree it's super annoy and only makes me worse because I'm thinking about the last shot, not the next shot.
Click to expand...

Absolutely, I think a polite comment would hopefully make her stop. I will definitely say something to her next time we play together.

Unproductive comments 100% lowers my confidence, and also my enjoyment of the game too. At the end of the day we're playing social tennis, not a serious match.
 
Yamin said:
She probably just sees a new player with potential that she will ask to play USTA. If anything I'd say this is good for your development, and wish I had the same. If it's nonsense annoying comments without actually helping, then just find a new partner.
Click to expand...


I'd say the comments are definitely on the nonsense side rather than the productive side.

Also this group is a purely social group, and we don't have regular partners, we switch partners after every match and spin the racket for new partners for the next match. Somehow I just end up with her a lot?

I'm based in the UK :)
 
I disagree agree with the other commenters going easy on this lady. It sounds to me like this old lady found a kid that she thinks is an easy target to inflate her ego with. (Of course, we've only heard OP's perspective, so not exactly fair.)

After the match is one thing, but no one should ever coach their doubles partner in the middle of a match (unless they actually ask). Adding more things to the already overwhelming number of things for a player to think about is just going to make them play worse.
 
HS_ said:
LOOOL hahahaha I wish I could ask her where she got her coaching certificate from! But nahh I'm too polite for that and I don't like confrontation, especially over something very minor.

When I first started playing doubles I was unfamiliar with strategies so I listened to her "coaching" politely. But I've been playing doubles at the club at a good 6 months now so I've improved a lot. Her "coaching" is not really about tactics, more things like "you should have volleyed that" when I hesitated when making a shot selection or "less power on your forehand" when a shot goes out. So it's more unproductive things after I make silly mistakes rather than real tactics.
Click to expand...

One of my pet peeves is when players, club pros, and tv commentators say, "They should've done this...", usually after a miss or mistake.

It is so easy to evaluate after the fact, but not so easy in the middle of a point or on a reaction play.

As for Luci...you are young, might be playing for a long time. Don't burn any bridges unnecessarily. Although witty or snarky comebacks are funny, this forum is littered with people who burned bridges and ostracized themself from ever being invited to play with a group.

Keep it pleasant and simple, even if it is a little fib.... "Oh thanks for your help, but l need to focus on the match. Maybe sometime (never!) you and I can hit and work on some things?"

People in groups can be very passive-aggressive, no sense making enemies!
 
Xen said:
I disagree agree with the other commenters going easy on this lady. It sounds to me like this old lady found a kid that she thinks is an easy target to inflate her ego with. (Of course, we've only heard OP's perspective, so not exactly fair.)

After the match is one thing, but no one should ever coach their doubles partner in the middle of a match (unless they actually ask). Adding more things to the already overwhelming number of things for a player to think about is just going to make them play worse.
Click to expand...


Being younger than everyone else at the club and joining an established group that's a lot older than you is definitely challenging. It's not that they are actively being mean and unfriendly at all, it's more that I don't have anything in common with them socially. (which is completely fair enough)

As for Luci, I honestly don't think she means any harm or is doing this in a malicious way. She might not even realise she's doing it? She probably thinks she's trying to help me. She's actually quite a nice person, and we've had some nice conversation in between matches.

But yeah I do find her "coaching" patronising as she doesn't "coach" anyone else in the group. So added to the fact that I'm the new kid at the club, it's definitely getting on my nerves.

Also I forgot to mention she even made a comment once when she was one the opposite side of the net once *facepalms*, i was so done with her at this point that I actually found it funny.

Anyways I think a polite word with her next time will hopefully sort the problem out fingers crossed
 
Mongolmike said:
One of my pet peeves is when players, club pros, and tv commentators say, "They should've done this...", usually after a miss or mistake.

It is so easy to evaluate after the fact, but not so easy in the middle of a point or on a reaction play.

As for Luci...you are young, might be playing for a long time. Don't burn any bridges unnecessarily. Although witty or snarky comebacks are funny, this forum is littered with people who burned bridges and ostracized themself from ever being invited to play with a group.

Keep it pleasant and simple, even if it is a little fib.... "Oh thanks for your help, but l need to focus on the match. Maybe sometime (never!) you and I can hit and work on some things?"

People in groups can be very passive-aggressive, no sense making enemies!
Click to expand...


Yeppp, sometimes our brains want to do one thing but our skills and rackets are just not there! No point in thinking about a mistake mid-play (which is why her comments are annoying)

100% agree, I will have a polite chat with her next time I play with her :)
 
Ladies tennis is a hotbed of politics at the best of times. I'm sure my club is no different or the next one you join. Chances are lots of people think the same about Luci.

So just smile and when you do eventually beat her it will be more the sweeter.
 
ey039524 said:
Just switch clubs and don't waste any time thinking about her again. Unsolicited advice isn't always welcome.
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Yepp, already looking at other local clubs!

it's a shame really cos 99% of the club members are lovely. But I think a more youthful club would suit me better, especially socially
 
Whenever she loses a point, give her a lecture and make sure the opposing team can hear it.

One guy in doubles started trying to instruct me. From then on, whenever he lost a point, I would ask him to move his feet, track the ball, lob higher, etc.

He doesn't lecture me anymore.
 
sureshs said:
Whenever she loses a point, give her a lecture and make sure the opposing team can hear it.

One guy in doubles started trying to instruct me. From then on, whenever he lost a point, I would ask him to move his feet, track the ball, lob higher, etc.

He doesn't lecture me anymore.
Click to expand...

:-D
 
HS_ said:
LOOOL hahahaha I wish I could ask her where she got her coaching certificate from! But nahh I'm too polite for that and I don't like confrontation, especially over something very minor.

When I first started playing doubles I was unfamiliar with strategies so I listened to her "coaching" politely. But I've been playing doubles at the club at a good 6 months now so I've improved a lot. Her "coaching" is not really about tactics, more things like "you should have volleyed that" when I hesitated when making a shot selection or "less power on your forehand" when a shot goes out. So it's more unproductive things after I make silly mistakes rather than real tactics.
Click to expand...
Thats the worst!!! You poor thing. Can you use her same sayings against her? That might be the easiest for her to understand how annoying it all is.
 
Shroud said:
Thats the worst!!! You poor thing. Can you use her same sayings against her? That might be the easiest for her to understand how annoying it all is.
Click to expand...

It's extremely tempting! I find myself making comments like that in my head after each of her mistakes. But honestly I think a polite chat with her is the best solution forward. I don't think she means to be patronising or annoying, she probably doesn't even realise she's doing it.
 
Xen said:
I disagree agree with the other commenters going easy on this lady. It sounds to me like this old lady found a kid that she thinks is an easy target to inflate her ego with. (Of course, we've only heard OP's perspective, so not exactly fair.)
Click to expand...


I bet you she does this to everyone.
(Or at least everyone who hasn't said something to her. She thinks she's being nice and doing them a favor)
 
Connor35 said:
I bet you she does this to everyone.
(Or at least everyone who hasn't said something to her. She thinks she's being nice and doing them a favor)
Click to expand...

I don't see her doing this to other people which is why she's getting on my nervous. But you're probably right, other people must have said something to her to make her stop. Surely I can't be the first person she's "coached"? Or maybe I am loooool
 
HS_ said:
I don't see her doing this to other people which is why she's getting on my nervous. But you're probably right, other people must have said something to her to make her stop. Surely I can't be the first person she's "coached"? Or maybe I am loooool
Click to expand...

Maybe Im wrong then. The regular I play with who does this does it to everyone!
Even guys who are at least his equal and oftentimes better.
 
Connor35 said:
Maybe Im wrong then. The regular I play with who does this does it to everyone!
Even guys who are at least his equal and oftentimes better.
Click to expand...

Really? That's so annoying.... esp when the "coach" is worse than the other people he's coaching..... I guess some people are just oblivious
 
How about asking her very innocently. Oh do you coach here? When she says no. Oh sorry I thought maybe you did because you have so much great advice. With a slightly fake nice voice and fake smile. Most communication between ladies is indirect she will get it
 
Sometimes some advice goes a long way. I would hear her out...but at the same time, if the advice is useless- then just tell her it is useless.

Ironically I do play with some people that I do beat over and over again...and sometimes they tell me what I can do better- and hey what do you know- I end up doing better with their advice- and now I beat them even more-so. One of the guys told me my serve toss was off and do it more x,y,z...starting acing him in the practice match with the advice.

Don't discount everyone!
 
HS_ said:
omgggg hahahaha :-D
Click to expand...
Carry a jar in yer bag,
hearoes-xtreme-protection.jpg
 
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HS_ said:
So I recently joined my local tennis club and was invited to play with a group of older ladies on the weekends. I'm the youngest person at the club by far (22 soon to be 23) and all the other women are 60+ and have known and played with each other for years. I'm not a bad player at all, I've got solid groundstrokes, a decent serve, and I'm physically fit so I can cover the court well. I'm just just inexperienced at doubles and at the net, especially compared to those who have played at the club for years.

Anyways I always somehow end up with this one lady (let's call her Luci short for Lucifer) who is a good player, probably the best in the group. She LOVES to "coach" me in between every single point, especially on the points where I make a mistake. At first I thought she was just trying to be helpful so I politely listened and nodded and smiled. But after a few times it's actually getting seriously patronising and annoying. Her coaching is extremely pointless and unproductive, as if I can improve my technique and skill level after a single comment from her... Also I don't see her coaching anyone else??? Other people make plenty of mistakes too, and so does she.... It's not the finals of Wimbledon ffs, we're literally playing socially on a Saturday morning.

We just played each other in a friendly club singles box league and it was a very close game. She ended up winning 6-4, 3-6, 6-4. As soon as we played the last point, I go to the net to say well played to her, she literally says to me "Ok there are 2 pieces of advice I have for you....." LUCI DID I ASK???

Of course I understand that it's good to listen to other people's advice, and she probably thinks she's being helpful. But she's not got the best technique herself from years of bad habit (she's very tight and slappy with the ball) so I dunno why she's coaching me. Maybe I'm just over-sensitive, but in generally I do find her very patronising. The best thing to do now is probably politely speak to her about this next time we play together.

Also I'm probably gunna switch clubs, I do find this club quite cliquey, especially amongst the ladies. It's probably also to do with my age as well as they are all friends and have known for each other for years. So atm I'm on the look out for a more youthful club :)

Just wanted to come on here and have a little rant. Anyone else got any doubles partner/annoying club member horror stories that you'd like to share?
Click to expand...
personally i'd keep listening until i'm good enough bagel her... which is usually when they stop coaching...
if i were 20-something, and i lost to a 60-something, i'd be listening to everything s/he got to say, cuz i shouldn't be losing to someone 40y older than me
just keep the stuff that makes sense, and discard the stuff that doesn't apply.. but make sure you get more chances to play her again and again until you can bagel/breadstick her :P.
 
optic yellow said:
Does she have kids of her own? I wonder if there is an element of surrogate mothering.
Click to expand...

She does, I believe she has 2 kids that are quite similar in age to me. Perhaps you're right, I've not thought about that before. I don't think she's aware that her "coaching" is annoying me, and she definitely think it will help. So best thing to do is probably to have a polite conversation with her about it
 
optic yellow said:
Does she have kids of her own? I wonder if there is an element of surrogate mothering.
Click to expand...

Yes I was thinking the same, perhaps her kids have moved away, and she is lonely and looking for someone to mentor. I suggest to be very gentle to her, and tell her that during the match these comment desturbs your game, but you will happily hear her comments after. I am sure she will forget 90% of the comments :) . Bring a notebook and take notes as a sign of respect for her, and perhaps you could even benefit from her experience.

Every time she will make a new comment, stop her gently and ask her to save it for later.

Good luck.
 
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HS_ said:
She does, I believe she has 2 kids that are quite similar in age to me. Perhaps you're right, I've not thought about that before. I don't think she's aware that her "coaching" is annoying me, and she definitely think it will help. So best thing to do is probably to have a polite conversation with her about it
Click to expand...
Yeah I mean that seems like the simplest explanation to me. Almost a reflexive behavior, especially if there is something else about you other than age similarity that also reminds her. Polite conversation should lead to positive resolution I think. Obviously don't mention this aspect directly just keep it in mind.
 
HS_ said:
So I recently joined my local tennis club and was invited to play with a group of older ladies on the weekends. I'm the youngest person at the club by far (22 soon to be 23) and all the other women are 60+ and have known and played with each other for years. I'm not a bad player at all, I've got solid groundstrokes, a decent serve, and I'm physically fit so I can cover the court well. I'm just just inexperienced at doubles and at the net, especially compared to those who have played at the club for years.

Anyways I always somehow end up with this one lady (let's call her Luci short for Lucifer) who is a good player, probably the best in the group. She LOVES to "coach" me in between every single point, especially on the points where I make a mistake. At first I thought she was just trying to be helpful so I politely listened and nodded and smiled. But after a few times it's actually getting seriously patronising and annoying. Her coaching is extremely pointless and unproductive, as if I can improve my technique and skill level after a single comment from her... Also I don't see her coaching anyone else??? Other people make plenty of mistakes too, and so does she.... It's not the finals of Wimbledon ffs, we're literally playing socially on a Saturday morning.

We just played each other in a friendly club singles box league and it was a very close game. She ended up winning 6-4, 3-6, 6-4. As soon as we played the last point, I go to the net to say well played to her, she literally says to me "Ok there are 2 pieces of advice I have for you....." LUCI DID I ASK???

Of course I understand that it's good to listen to other people's advice, and she probably thinks she's being helpful. But she's not got the best technique herself from years of bad habit (she's very tight and slappy with the ball) so I dunno why she's coaching me. Maybe I'm just over-sensitive, but in generally I do find her very patronising. The best thing to do now is probably politely speak to her about this next time we play together.

Also I'm probably gunna switch clubs, I do find this club quite cliquey, especially amongst the ladies. It's probably also to do with my age as well as they are all friends and have known for each other for years. So atm I'm on the look out for a more youthful club :)

Just wanted to come on here and have a little rant. Anyone else got any doubles partner/annoying club member horror stories that you'd like to share?
Click to expand...
Several random things:

First, I hope you are not changing clubs because of Luci, that is, stay or go for normal reasons, not because of this busybody.

I don't know why she acts this way, but more importantly it doesn't matter, because you're our Forum friend and she's a nobody.

Do you want to avoid confrontation more than you want to get her to stop? If you want it to stop in the least confrontational way, say "why do you say that?" when she gives you advice. It is my guess that this biddy is very used to getting her way and not being challenged. So I'd say there's about a 65% chance she'll be taken so aback that she won't have much of a response.

Of course some would turn the tables and take her down verbally, but you're obviously not that sort of person and she sounds pretty pathetic so I don't recommend it.

It bears saying that many would say nothing since they feel sorry for this obviously socially stunted individual, so that's a legit option, though it sounds like it's really bothering you so you probably should address it.
 
Just let it go, and keep listening, but not necessarily following and laugh it off on the inside if it's nonsense. At some point you will be better and then you can start giving her advice.
 
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