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Legend
Dear Roger,
As a group of dedicated tennis fans, we can no longer hold our tongues. After numerous discussions from the comfort of our keyboards here in cyberspace, we have decided to speak, and to speak candidly. You are too important a figure in tennis history for us to dishonor you with anything less.
While you are clearly enormously talented, a number of highly conspicuous (to us) issues seem to be hindering your (at one time seemingly inevitable) march to occupy the Exhalted Throne of 'G.O.A.T.' (that's short for 'Greatest of All Time' Roger, in case you spend more time practicing tennis than reading internet message boards) We shall attempt to catalogue them here, along with a brief consensus recommendation with regard to how the problem(s) may be best and most expediently resolved:
First, you are plainly wearing the wrong tennis shirt. Ever since you began wearing that red shirt w/ blue-ish green stripes your forehand has been a mess. Surely a man of your influence with Nike (not to mention personal resources) can obtain some more comely garb, yes? Our consensus: drop the shirt. Perhaps something sleeveless?
Second, your tennis frame is wholly inappropriate. It's head is too small, it weighs too much, it has too high a swingweight, and is painted in a ghastly hodge-podge of colors. The latter fact is probably distracting you during your swing, accounting for your recent struggles (please note that herein the term 'struggle' will refer to any and all matches not one in straight sets and in a totally dominating way) Further, no one else in the modern game (at least that we can think of off hand) plays at the ATP level with such a dated tool. We speculate, though we have no proof, (is there a theme?) it to likely be strung with an inappropriate mixture of materials at some ridiculously low tension. Roger, truly!! No wonder you are shanking so many balls and flying more than the Wright Brothers! Our Consensus: change immediately to a Gamma Big Bubba mold. Wilson can undoubtedly 'nCode or KFactor' it for you on demand, and given the larger string bed that big red 'W' should be visible even from the last row at Flushing Meadows!! But remember (and here's the top secret, TW only part) be sure it is weighted to SW 2. Don't worry, the folks at **** or Bosworth can help if you have no idea what that is.
Third, your girlfriend is fugly. Face it Rog, you never show her any affection and even by Central European standards she could stand to drop a few. We are totally OK with it if in fact you are living an alternative lifestyle, but do us all a favor and start dating some super-model, OK? I mean do you have ANY idea how much TV time your box gets in any given match?? Cut us a break. Our consensus: your course of action here should be self evident, don't make us humiliate you by spelling it out!!
Sincerely,
The Many Tennis Fans of TW Talk Tennis
As a group of dedicated tennis fans, we can no longer hold our tongues. After numerous discussions from the comfort of our keyboards here in cyberspace, we have decided to speak, and to speak candidly. You are too important a figure in tennis history for us to dishonor you with anything less.
While you are clearly enormously talented, a number of highly conspicuous (to us) issues seem to be hindering your (at one time seemingly inevitable) march to occupy the Exhalted Throne of 'G.O.A.T.' (that's short for 'Greatest of All Time' Roger, in case you spend more time practicing tennis than reading internet message boards) We shall attempt to catalogue them here, along with a brief consensus recommendation with regard to how the problem(s) may be best and most expediently resolved:
First, you are plainly wearing the wrong tennis shirt. Ever since you began wearing that red shirt w/ blue-ish green stripes your forehand has been a mess. Surely a man of your influence with Nike (not to mention personal resources) can obtain some more comely garb, yes? Our consensus: drop the shirt. Perhaps something sleeveless?
Second, your tennis frame is wholly inappropriate. It's head is too small, it weighs too much, it has too high a swingweight, and is painted in a ghastly hodge-podge of colors. The latter fact is probably distracting you during your swing, accounting for your recent struggles (please note that herein the term 'struggle' will refer to any and all matches not one in straight sets and in a totally dominating way) Further, no one else in the modern game (at least that we can think of off hand) plays at the ATP level with such a dated tool. We speculate, though we have no proof, (is there a theme?) it to likely be strung with an inappropriate mixture of materials at some ridiculously low tension. Roger, truly!! No wonder you are shanking so many balls and flying more than the Wright Brothers! Our Consensus: change immediately to a Gamma Big Bubba mold. Wilson can undoubtedly 'nCode or KFactor' it for you on demand, and given the larger string bed that big red 'W' should be visible even from the last row at Flushing Meadows!! But remember (and here's the top secret, TW only part) be sure it is weighted to SW 2. Don't worry, the folks at **** or Bosworth can help if you have no idea what that is.
Third, your girlfriend is fugly. Face it Rog, you never show her any affection and even by Central European standards she could stand to drop a few. We are totally OK with it if in fact you are living an alternative lifestyle, but do us all a favor and start dating some super-model, OK? I mean do you have ANY idea how much TV time your box gets in any given match?? Cut us a break. Our consensus: your course of action here should be self evident, don't make us humiliate you by spelling it out!!
Sincerely,
The Many Tennis Fans of TW Talk Tennis
Just because Feds Girl is not Up to your Standards!!! Geesh
