Bad experiences with lovers

George Turner

George Turner

Hall of Fame
Do bad experiences with them make you mistrust then more, stereotype them, make you more cautious of falling for them etc? Or do you not allow bad experiences to influence how you see others?

For me it's the former. Each bad experience erodes my faith, piece by piece. Such as these examples.

-Someone accused me of 'messaging bitches' when i was in her house. She behaved like a six year old girl whose been told she can't have her favourite ice cream, totally irrational when i tried to reason with her. Never saw her again.

-Someone told me she can't see me ATM cos of exams, then before exams are over i discover on Facebook she's in a new relationship. She was the first woman ever to say "I love you!" Being a young naive person i believed it. This was the first and last time i trusted a woman 100%.

-Someone asked me to lend her money, i lent her it and she promised she'd pay it back. But that never happened she just kept asking for more money. When i said no she stormed off, never to be seen again. Golddigger alert.

-Someone said she can't be with me right now cos she's ill. I had met her via a dating site, she had deleted her account after meeting me. One day i logged in and saw she's made a new account, told me she was *just looking for new friends.* Yeah, Petr Kodra never took drugs either.

To sum it up, i don't have any trust for them now and don't take anything they say seriously. Infact Apart from one woman bestie, I've had virtually no communication with women in real life for months. I usually have no interest in having a conversation with them.

That's the effect it had on me. Whether you like men or women does your bad experiences affect your approach with them now?

I do sometimes enjoy chats with women and fellow tennis fans here. :) Hard to find a tennis fan IRL! :(
 
MathGeek said:
makes me grateful for my faithful lover
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Congrats on finding one, they're rare! ;)

I don't think any man would trust women an inch if they'd seen the ones i have. Some people say i shouldn't think like that but they ain't had my experiences so they know nothing.
 
George Turner said:
Do bad experiences with them make you mistrust then more, stereotype them, make you more cautious of falling for them etc? Or do you not allow bad experiences to influence how you see others?
Click to expand...

the experiences you describe should make you mistrust YOURSELF, not women. You describe experiences with four women, all of them apparently of very meager character and integrity. The question you should be asking is "why am I drawn to such awful people, what is it about them that attracts me." This is your own shortcoming, not a shortcoming of an entire other gender. Most of the women I know are far better people with far more integrity than most of the men I know. If you're concluding that there's something inherently untrustworthy about women, you're a fool. For some reason, you're making poor choices.
 
George Turner said:
Congrats on finding one, they're rare! ;)

I don't think any man would trust women an inch if they'd seen the ones i have. Some people say i shouldn't think like that but they ain't had my experiences so they know nothing.
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None of your experiences were bad. Every guy who doesn't marry their first girl goes through those. Grow a pair
 
ollinger said:
the experiences you describe should make you mistrust YOURSELF, not women. You describe experiences with four women, all of them apparently of very meager character and integrity. The question you should be asking is "why am I drawn to such awful people, what is it about them that attracts me." This is your own shortcoming, not a shortcoming of an entire other gender. Most of the women I know are far better people with far more integrity than most of the men I know. If you're concluding that there's something inherently untrustworthy about women, you're a fool. For some reason, you're making poor choices.
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I'm sure you know people like to act fake at first :p i am not a fool, i did not stick around when i saw what they were really like. Fools do stick around.

T1000 said:
None of your experiences were bad. Every guy who doesn't marry their first girl goes through those. Grow a pair
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Some men (fools you could call them) end up marrying women like that. Which is obviously a worse experience for sure.

I'm wise enough to get out of bad situations before they become worse.
 
George Turner said:
Congrats on finding one, they're rare! ;)

I don't think any man would trust women an inch if they'd seen the ones i have. Some people say i shouldn't think like that but they ain't had my experiences so they know nothing.
Click to expand...

Don't date common ones. find only rare ones. That is the key for the success.
 
You are getting sex, cannot be that bad of experience unless you are married or have a long term partner that you don't care for!
 
Seems like you are attracting a lot of nutcases. Though it would be nice to watch tennis(most of them dislike sports) and share things with someone, I think you should forget about women and focus on your work. Life is too short to search for a needle in a haystack.
 
My ex would sometimes get a little violent when she got angry with me, I annoyed her in the car once, and she smacked me square in the jewels. I ended up crashing the car. She calmed down big time on the "physical abuse" after that though. It didn't make me more cautious of women afterwards though, no, was definitely a one off.
 
gn said:
Seems like you are attracting a lot of nutcases. Though it would be nice to watch tennis(most of them dislike sports) and share things with someone, I think you should forget about women and focus on your work. Life is too short to search for a needle in a haystack.
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As i said, i've not chatted anyone for months. Decided to focus on my own goals instead of waste more time with nutcases :p I'm hoping to move to a different place soon which might bring me more success. :)

The Green Mile said:
My ex would sometimes get a little violent when she got angry with me, I annoyed her in the car once, and she smacked me square in the jewels. I ended up crashing the car. She calmed down big time on the "physical abuse" after that though. It didn't make me more cautious of women afterwards though, no, was definitely a one off.
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hahahahaha, still pursing women with the same reckless abandon. i salute you sir.

AxYCRceCEAAx1ZB.jpg
 
Just start dating men instead. Problem solved

Actually, when guys used to get emotional and rant about their girlfriends, after they stopped rambling, I’d say in a deadpan tone, something like “you’re dating a woman, right?”. Then everyone would start laughing and say “ya, I know right”.

Unfortunately now if I say that, everyone thinks gay right away, so the joke doesn’t work anymore
 
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Don’t date at all, simple!

It’s a headache you don’t need, as long as you have family, friends and things you love to do that you find fulfilling.

I can understand why it was needed and a positive thing back in the day, but the whole equality thing these days where you can be labelled an abuser for flirting too much, the rise of dating apps where even average women feel they’re a 10/10 they get so many messages, the conundrum women face where they feel they have to be strong and independent, looked down on if they hold traditional values and want to raise children etc.. it’s not to knock women, they’re in a strange position and men have contributed to it, but yeah.. I just don’t see how the benefits outweigh all the things that come with dating/marriage in today’s society.

Each to their own, though!
 
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Reactions: gn
r2473 said:
Just start dating men instead. Problem solved

Actually, when guys used to get emotional and rant about their girlfriends, after they stopped rambling, I’d say in a deadpan tone, something like “you’re dating a woman, right?”. Then everyone would start laughing and say “ya, I know right”.

Unfortunately now if I say that, everyone thinks gay right away, so the joke doesn’t work anymore
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I've had one or two gay men fancy men before. I politely turned them down, just not my type :P

TheGhostOfAgassi said:
Humans are horried creatures.

Cats and dogs are better
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Now this is true love

cutest-cat-gifs-licking.gif
 
Weak era for relationships. Next time when you want to date someone, remember they are qualibusta hiding behind their mask.
 
Didn't have many relationships myself but when I did I regularly focused on the good times while the breakups were mostly peaceful, on good terms. Having that mindset and a bit of luck probably helped me with my current lady, we've been together for over 15 years.
 
I’ve had plenty of bad experiences. But then, I believe the things that have the most value in one’s life will be part of the highest highs and lowest lows. So that is love and I dare not give up and miss it.


Probably posting from the court between sets.
 
George Turner said:
Do bad experiences with them make you mistrust then more, stereotype them, make you more cautious of falling for them etc? Or do you not allow bad experiences to influence how you see others?

For me it's the former. Each bad experience erodes my faith, piece by piece. Such as these examples.

-Someone accused me of 'messaging bitches' when i was in her house. She behaved like a six year old girl whose been told she can't have her favourite ice cream, totally irrational when i tried to reason with her. Never saw her again.

-Someone told me she can't see me ATM cos of exams, then before exams are over i discover on Facebook she's in a new relationship. She was the first woman ever to say "I love you!" Being a young naive person i believed it. This was the first and last time i trusted a woman 100%.

-Someone asked me to lend her money, i lent her it and she promised she'd pay it back. But that never happened she just kept asking for more money. When i said no she stormed off, never to be seen again. Golddigger alert.

-Someone said she can't be with me right now cos she's ill. I had met her via a dating site, she had deleted her account after meeting me. One day i logged in and saw she's made a new account, told me she was *just looking for new friends.* Yeah, Petr Kodra never took drugs either.

To sum it up, i don't have any trust for them now and don't take anything they say seriously. Infact Apart from one woman bestie, I've had virtually no communication with women in real life for months. I usually have no interest in having a conversation with them.

That's the effect it had on me. Whether you like men or women does your bad experiences affect your approach with them now?

I do sometimes enjoy chats with women and fellow tennis fans here. :) Hard to find a tennis fan IRL! :(
Click to expand...

People are just shopping for a partner, Turner. Most people are just looking for someone who'd fulfill most of their needs such as family, children, sex etc. It's really not about love. It was never about love. Love binds, true but not when most of your character traits are still a bit too human. Just don't take the rejections personally (because it's really not you but them and what they want and same goes for you too) and move on as quickly as possible.

And trust issues aren't exclusive to men. Most women don't trust their partners even when they are in a strong and steady relationship.
 
George Turner said:
I'm sure you know people like to act fake at first :p i am not a fool, i did not stick around when i saw what they were really like. Fools do stick around.

Some men (fools you could call them) end up marrying women like that. Which is obviously a worse experience for sure.

I'm wise enough to get out of bad situations before they become worse.
Click to expand...

Listen yo, it's just one side of the story. We don't know how you were with them and if you are telling the truth. Not that I am doubting you but there's a room for that too. Just so you know.
 
Zara said:
People are just shopping for a partner, Turner. Most people are just looking for someone who'd fulfill most of their needs such as family, children, sex etc. It's really not about love. It was never about love. Love binds, true but not when most of your character traits are still a bit too human. Just don't take the rejections personally (because it's really not you but them and what they want and same goes for you too) and move on as quickly as possible.

And trust issues aren't exclusive to men. Most women don't trust their partners even when they are in a strong and steady relationship.
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What really gets me is that if they're not interested they don't say that. They instead play games like i've described! if i'm not interested i do say so :P IMO using exams as an excuse then just getting with someone else is two faced and cowardly, someone like that will always be an evil person to me.

I always look for someone i connect with and that, that's at the front of my mind before babies and other needs! Am i too old fashioned that way? :rolleyes:

Zara said:
Listen yo, it's just one side of the story. We don't know how you were with them and if you are telling the truth. Not that I am doubting you but there's a room for that too. Just so you know.
Click to expand...

I've certainly never acted fake, never lied or cheated or manipulated or ignored them, or forced them to do things they don't like. And i know what to do in bed :cool: I can look at myself in the mirror every morning knowing i acted correctly. Clear conscience :)

Some people are just rotten inside no matter what you do.
 
George Turner said:
Do bad experiences with them make you mistrust then more, stereotype them, make you more cautious of falling for them etc? Or do you not allow bad experiences to influence how you see others?

For me it's the former. Each bad experience erodes my faith, piece by piece. Such as these examples.

-Someone accused me of 'messaging bitches' when i was in her house. She behaved like a six year old girl whose been told she can't have her favourite ice cream, totally irrational when i tried to reason with her. Never saw her again.

-Someone told me she can't see me ATM cos of exams, then before exams are over i discover on Facebook she's in a new relationship. She was the first woman ever to say "I love you!" Being a young naive person i believed it. This was the first and last time i trusted a woman 100%.

-Someone asked me to lend her money, i lent her it and she promised she'd pay it back. But that never happened she just kept asking for more money. When i said no she stormed off, never to be seen again. Golddigger alert.

-Someone said she can't be with me right now cos she's ill. I had met her via a dating site, she had deleted her account after meeting me. One day i logged in and saw she's made a new account, told me she was *just looking for new friends.* Yeah, Petr Kodra never took drugs either.

To sum it up, i don't have any trust for them now and don't take anything they say seriously. Infact Apart from one woman bestie, I've had virtually no communication with women in real life for months. I usually have no interest in having a conversation with them.

That's the effect it had on me. Whether you like men or women does your bad experiences affect your approach with them now?

I do sometimes enjoy chats with women and fellow tennis fans here. :) Hard to find a tennis fan IRL! :(
Click to expand...
I know ,, I just hate it when I can't go all the way or hit a home run
 
George Turner said:
What really gets me is that if they're not interested they don't say that. They instead play games like i've described! if i'm not interested i do say so :p IMO using exams as an excuse then just getting with someone else is two faced and cowardly, someone like that will always be an evil person to me.

I always look for someone i connect with and that, that's at the front of my mind before babies and other needs! Am i too old fashioned that way? :rolleyes:

I've certainly never acted fake, never lied or cheated or manipulated or ignored them, or forced them to do things they don't like. And i know what to do in bed :cool: I can look at myself in the mirror every morning knowing i acted correctly. Clear conscience :)

Some people are just rotten inside no matter what you do.
Click to expand...

See the power is within you. The moment you realize that they are simply playing games (and a lot of them do - both men and women) to get what they want, you back off immediately especially if it's not your game and you don't want to get all sucked into their game. So the decision is strictly yours. You tell yourself this is it and you cut it off. You'd know right away that it's not worth it and that, you don't want to spend time with someone who resorts to childish games and can't be man or woman enough to be straight forward with you.

For me, love always comes first before anything and if that's how you view things too then that's actually fine. It's not old fashioned at all. It's simply what you prefer and you are completely entitled to what YOU prefer. But others look for things they missed growing up etc., so they desire things they missed out and that's fine too. Everyone is entitled but what's not okay is to manipulate someone into things either they are not ready for or it's not something they want. And there are loads of people who really do manipulate others quite unfortunately (could be a part of karma but that's going much deeper but that's also why I wouldn't call anyone evil, because we don't know the whole picture). I know friends who deliberately got pregnant so that their partners would have no other choice but to either live with them or marry them. Truth is, no matter how much you like a person if they are not ready or if they want different things or if they see you differently and they say that directly to you, you should by all means leave them alone. Even the slightest interaction is not good IMO because there's no need for it and because you want to move on. I know this is something hard to do at first but eventually you will get used to it and out of sight is always going to end things being out of mind.

And things don't remain the same as we go through different emotion every day after a break up that tend to impact our overall feelings; hence why time heals all wounds. Even GoA, if she goes back to her EX and if he 'takes her back' she'll find out that she's actually over him and that, she only needed a closure. Heart is a very tricky place. It does take things very seriously especially when it gets deeply hurt because it deals with emotion and emotion only and when it gets hurt, it tends not to forget easily though over time is able to forgive.

And to be honest, when you meet the right person and you will as it's just a matter of time, she will stick and she will stuck around and accept you just the way you are and won't play games. Truth is, someone who really likes you won't play games with you in the first place or wouldn't want to play games with you. Love really doesn't care for any boundaries while all other desires do.
 
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If your head is screwed right you will know when a woman you meet is OK.

Contrary to what most people are led to believe, women are really simple to understand.

It is a bit puzzling that you have so few contacts with different women: they are everywhere.

:cool:
 
George Turner said:
Do bad experiences with them make you mistrust then more, stereotype them, make you more cautious of falling for them etc? Or do you not allow bad experiences to influence how you see others?

For me it's the former. Each bad experience erodes my faith, piece by piece. Such as these examples.

-Someone accused me of 'messaging bitches' when i was in her house. She behaved like a six year old girl whose been told she can't have her favourite ice cream, totally irrational when i tried to reason with her. Never saw her again.

-Someone told me she can't see me ATM cos of exams, then before exams are over i discover on Facebook she's in a new relationship. She was the first woman ever to say "I love you!" Being a young naive person i believed it. This was the first and last time i trusted a woman 100%.

-Someone asked me to lend her money, i lent her it and she promised she'd pay it back. But that never happened she just kept asking for more money. When i said no she stormed off, never to be seen again. Golddigger alert.

-Someone said she can't be with me right now cos she's ill. I had met her via a dating site, she had deleted her account after meeting me. One day i logged in and saw she's made a new account, told me she was *just looking for new friends.* Yeah, Petr Kodra never took drugs either.

To sum it up, i don't have any trust for them now and don't take anything they say seriously. Infact Apart from one woman bestie, I've had virtually no communication with women in real life for months. I usually have no interest in having a conversation with them.

That's the effect it had on me. Whether you like men or women does your bad experiences affect your approach with them now?

I do sometimes enjoy chats with women and fellow tennis fans here. :) Hard to find a tennis fan IRL! :(
Click to expand...

There are definitely some people who function poorly in relationships. Men and women. Many of them seem like bad people but a lot of them just don't know how to get out of a situation where they feel trapped so they sabotage with strange behaviours. They are not "evil", just slightly flawed people.

The important thing is you must never get too worked up about it. This is easier said than done in more complicated matters where you are married, or have kids with them, or business investments.

But in your situation these all sound like just casual dating situations.

At the end of the day, someone who acts this way is just not worth getting worked up about. One good thing is the people who act dodgy really make you appreciate the good, honest people so much more.

Control your reactions and use all that energies towards improving yourself and looking for the wonderful women out there.

These great women are out there everywhere, man. Don't let the bad ones spoil your approaches.
 
Zara said:
See the power is within you. The moment you realize that they are simply playing games (and a lot of them do - both men and women) to get what they want, you back off immediately especially if it's not your game and you don't want to get all sucked into their game. So the decision is strictly yours. You tell yourself this is it and you cut it off. You'd know right away that it's not worth it and that, you don't want to spend time with someone who resorts to childish games and can't be man or woman enough to be straight forward with you.

For me, love always comes first before anything and if that's how you view things too then that's actually fine. It's not old fashioned at all. It's simply what you prefer and you are completely entitled to what YOU prefer. But others look for things they missed growing up etc., so they desire things they missed out and that's fine too. Everyone is entitled but what's not okay is to manipulate someone into things either they are not ready for or it's not something they want. And there are loads of people who really do manipulate others quite unfortunately (could be a part of karma but that's going much deeper but that's also why I wouldn't call anyone evil, because we don't know the whole picture). I know friends who deliberately got pregnant so that their partners would have no other choice but to either live with them or marry them. Truth is, no matter how much you like a person if they are not ready or if they want different things or if they see you differently and they say that directly to you, you should by all means leave them alone. Even the slightest interaction is not good IMO because there's no need for it and because you want to move on. I know this is something hard to do at first but eventually you will get used to it and out of sight is always going to end things being out of mind.

And things don't remain the same as we go through different emotion every day after a break up that tend to impact our overall feelings; hence why time heals all wounds. Even GoA, if she goes back to her EX and if he 'takes her back' she'll find out that she's actually over him and that, she only needed a closure. Heart is a very tricky place. It does take things very seriously especially when it gets deeply hurt because it deals with emotion and emotion only and when it gets hurt, it tends not to forget easily though over time is able to forgive.

And to be honest, when you meet the right person and you will as it's just a matter of time, she will stick and she will stuck around and accept you just the way you are and won't play games. Truth is, someone who really likes you won't play games with you in the first place or wouldn't want to play games with you. Love really doesn't care for any boundaries while all other desires do.
Click to expand...

I'm quite a straightforward person and i've never got on well with people who *play games* Just doesn't work for me! Finding someone as straightforward as me is very difficult!

Manipulators are everywhere, the thought of being manipulated in a relationship makes me cautious. My uncle married someone just like those friends you described, he said as soon as their baby was born she changed and was horrible. Up until then she'd put on a *good woman* act that fooled everyone. He stayed with her for years *for the sake of the kid.* Her goal was to find a gullable man (my uncles previous wife had died and he was desperate for someone to fill the void) have his baby then just leech off the financial security he brought. I also know someone who said his ex wife changed literally as soon as they got married, because of that he'll never marry anyone again. He's been with a gf for twenty years but will never marry her. Clearly not everyone is an interested in finding true love as me or you!

GoA is lovely :) from what i've heard of her ex she realized after a while this was not her type of man. That's a form of closure, realizing that someone just isn't for you even if they seemed like it at first.

Good news for me is i'm moving to a different town shortly (unless things go wrong.) I've been unhappy in my current town for a long time. Will be a fresh start for me, will get to find a new woman if i'm lucky :D
 
George Turner said:
I'm quite a straightforward person and i've never got on well with people who *play games* Just doesn't work for me! Finding someone as straightforward as me is very difficult!

Manipulators are everywhere, the thought of being manipulated in a relationship makes me cautious. My uncle married someone just like those friends you described, he said as soon as their baby was born she changed and was horrible. Up until then she'd put on a *good woman* act that fooled everyone. He stayed with her for years *for the sake of the kid.* Her goal was to find a gullable man (my uncles previous wife had died and he was desperate for someone to fill the void) have his baby then just leech off the financial security he brought. I also know someone who said his ex wife changed literally as soon as they got married, because of that he'll never marry anyone again. He's been with a gf for twenty years but will never marry her. Clearly not everyone is an interested in finding true love as me or you!

GoA is lovely :) from what i've heard of her ex she realized after a while this was not her type of man. That's a form of closure, realizing that someone just isn't for you even if they seemed like it at first.

Good news for me is i'm moving to a different town shortly (unless things go wrong.) I've been unhappy in my current town for a long time. Will be a fresh start for me, will get to find a new woman if i'm lucky :D
Click to expand...
Im not the one coming w love advice since Im slow :p
I should probably update my heartbreak thread as I have been meeting someone Ive been romantic with.
I took up an old passion of mine, thats being on the sea. My family has a summer house south coast and I got in contact w some guys for lobster fishing. That guy Ive gotten romantic with is one of them. It took some weeks before something happened. He is not the type I have dated before. He is almost a decade older than me, very manly and loud. A traditional Norwegian and a character in the very small place he is from. Because its a small place and everybody know each other its been easy to know his reputation and he is very kind under his roughness. He has been quite open with me and not holding back, but never tried to touch me or push me into anything.
So, starting as friends can be a good thing and not push something that is not there. My first impression w this guy long time ago was not great,thought he was a troublemaker, womanizer and a badguy. Has a big mouth.
But I have judged him hard, I just have no experience w those kind of men.
Been good we have been friends and feelings develop before going to bed. I think letting your body needs taking over before bonds being created can ruin things that could have been good.
Sex on the second date kind of thing is way too soon imo.
 
Yes, get out there and let love be your guide - there's a lot to be gained, but do accept there's potentially a lot to be lost as well.

The girl or guy can be an utter diamond in every way and one day just change completely.

You simply cannot hedge for that.
 
TheGhostOfAgassi said:
Im not the one coming w love advice since Im slow :p
I should probably update my heartbreak thread as I have been meeting someone Ive been romantic with.
I took up an old passion of mine, thats being on the sea. My family has a summer house south coast and I got in contact w some guys for lobster fishing. That guy Ive gotten romantic with is one of them. It took some weeks before something happened. He is not the type I have dated before. He is almost a decade older than me, very manly and loud. A traditional Norwegian and a character in the very small place he is from. Because its a small place and everybody know each other its been easy to know his reputation and he is very kind under his roughness. He has been quite open with me and not holding back, but never tried to touch me or push me into anything.
So, starting as friends can be a good thing and not push something that is not there. My first impression w this guy long time ago was not great,thought he was a troublemaker, womanizer and a badguy. Has a big mouth.
But I have judged him hard, I just have no experience w those kind of men.
Been good we have been friends and feelings develop before going to bed. I think letting your body needs taking over before bonds being created can ruin things that could have been good.
Sex on the second date kind of thing is way too soon imo.
Click to expand...

The girl who acted like a six year insisted on sex first date! Even as a horny masculine guy i wasn't overly keen on that. Maybe its a bad sign when they want sex so soon!

Congrats on your love interest! he's a new kind of challenge for you, taming him is going to be a challenge. Women love someone they think they can tame ;)

I'd be a bit weary though, men like that can indeed be troublemakers. He might be rough on the outside, make sure he's not rotten on the inside :p some big mouth men are big mouths because they're actually insecure somehow and are trying to compensate for it.

Looking forward to hearing about this one in the heartbreak thread! At least he doesn't get seasick :p
 
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