This is the way.
An overweight, 61-year-old, self-taught guy named Andy Arpee has been stuck at an NTRP rating of 3.5.
He has tried everything. He has watched countless youtube and online videos on tennis instruction, switched to a full Western grip, bought the latest Head Nano-Metallica CyberFlux racquet, wears 13 TaoPatches on his body, and when using a chair and full-body kip he can do one crossfit chinup. But nothing seems to help him improve his tennis.
Also, his love of pancakes is preventing him from using ISR on his serve.
One day he locates a tennis club that has a track record of producing future ATP pros.
He then challenges and defeats 3-year-old Yannick Alcatraz.
Andy wins but it is not easy.
He takes 7 "injury" timeouts.
He sometimes bounces the ball up to 74 times before serving so he can catch his breath.
He calls any shot landing near the baseine "out".
After suffering from cramps down 1-4 in the first set, he takes a bathroom and injury timeout so he can employ his secret weapon...
In the locker room, Andy pulls out an outfit that is identical to the one he is wearing and gives it to his friend's son Johnny Moremann to put on. Johnny recently won the high school state singles championship. Instead of Andy coming out of the locker room, Johnny does.
Even with Johnny playing for him, it is a very close match. Andy (Johnny) battles back to win the first set 7-5, but 3-year-old Alcatraz changes tactics in the 2nd set and starts moonballing and dropshotting. Alcatraz wins the 2nd set 7-6(37-35), but wears himself out from the effort and it is now 2:35pm -- past his nap time.
Johnny races out to a 5-0, 40-0 lead in the deciding 3rd set and then runs into the locker room for a quick toilet break and stays in the locker room, but...
The real Andy returns to the court to finish the match. Little Alcatraz doesn't give up and claws back point by point until it is 4-5, 30-40 on his serve, down match point. He misses his first serve. As he hits his second serve, his strings break but the serve still makes it over the net and lands 1 foot inside the service line.
"OUT!!!!!!", screams Andy.
7-5, 6-7, 6-4. Game. Set. Match for Andy. He lets out a gladiator roar before going to the net to shake Alcatraz's hand.
Believing he has reached his peak and it will never get better than this, Andy retires from playing tennis.
13 years later, Alcatraz becomes the youngest Roland Garros champion and his UTR rises dramatically to 16.22.
Despite not playing for the last 13
years, Andy Arpee's UTR rises to 16.23.
He is now the highest rated 74-year-old man,