Competition on the courts and the side lines - womens league tennis

L

Littlemissball

New User
I am hoping someone can help me. I play league tennis and I love it. I think if you are here on this site, you pretty much can say we all do. I've been playing league tennis for some time and can beat anyone on my team but have been having trouble in the number one slot of singles sealing the deal with my opponents. But I still love it. That's what it is all about. Lately, I've had a lot of hurtful jabs and strange comments being made to me from teammates. I am this close to quitting my team but am sad if this is going to happen as I feel the need to protect the thing that I love - tennis - the most. This is a womens league. I am 3.0 but most people say I am 3.5. I think once you get to the 3.5 and up group people become really secure and kinder and it is all about the tennis and not a social thing which is what I want. I do not know what to do. I love it but it is hard to practice with people that you do not trust. I am trying to become tougher skin, but I sometimes feel that I am being asked to leave the team because psychologically the jabs are so intense. Ironically, I love playing my opponents on other leagues. This is great and I feel I have connected to another human being and win or lose I feel we have created tennis together. Is there any thing that can be done? I have canceled out of playing a combo group with this team in the hopes that another team will bring the joy back to me of this incredible game. Thanks so much for anything you can tell me. I guess I am wondering if this is just the subculture of womens leagues that I need to get used to and that to expect everyone to be friends on a womens team is very naive. Is this situation salvageable? Should I join another team, or if I have the bandwidth create my own?
 
Sounds like it's time for a new team. Besides, practicing and playing on a new team in which you are not the best player is a good way to take your tennis skills up a notch.

You shouldn't have to deal with constant put-downs that take away your enjoyment of the game, like on your current team. What kind of things are they saying to you?
 
New team but next season. If you belong to a tennis club you should be able to form a women's team. You could consider forming a 7.0 mixed league next year it would be easier.
 
Hi SweetH2o, thanks so much for responding and good morning. It's been hard but some of the comments have been things like "you used to play so well" "what happened?" There's also been concern over my weight. "Like are you aneroxic" and I probably made the mistake of being a friends with these people because now I guess I can't trust them. :( I get a lot of comments about my body. One person was really sweet and asked me how I stay thin. (Don't snack, no sugar, keep moving, and don't eat after 7:30 pm or raid the ice box after a match. lol) I am all muscle and there is no sugar in my house as we are all fitness and sports freaks and do everything to stay in peak condition and espn runs non stop here. Someone is always running, cycling or walking around the house with weight anklets to keep tone. lol I played one match where someone said that I would have to stop playing singles as I was getting too old. This was devastating to me. Especially when I am in my mid-40s and lost a match to a 24 yr old by two points in tie-breaker. I think age is a horrible thing to prey on and the great thing about tennis is it is so cerebral that older and younger players can play against each other. I treat every single practice like it is a league match so maybe I am too intense? I have to play with these people in the fall but I am looking for a new team. So you too think this is not a salvageable situation? Everyone in my house is saying the same thing. Thanks so much for your help. We joke about it at home and say things are starting to feel like the movie Black Swan - very weird and very mean on those courts. Hope all is well for you this Tuesday.
 
Michelle1965 said:
New team but next season. If you belong to a tennis club you should be able to form a women's team. You could consider forming a 7.0 mixed league next year it would be easier.
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Hi Michelle1965,

I think you are right. I was trying to start a team until this person approached me to join her's. There are two teams at the club where I play so we have quota and this other person wants to start a third team but I was thinking about starting a street team. The other team at this club is amazing - I mean amazing but I am not good enough to join it. The amazing team is all about the tennis which is what I am all about too.

I love grass roots tennis too so a street team might be a lot of fun. Love to hear your input about 7.0 mixed league. I think that would be a lot of fun too. I am just trying to keep my tennis pure and totally be about the tennis. I guess this situation is not salvageable. It will be hard but I guess I have to just deal with it for the fall.

Thanks so much for your input and have a great Tuesday.:)
 
Littlemissball said:
....I am 3.0 but most people say I am 3.5. I think once you get to the 3.5 and up group people become really secure and kinder and it is all about the tennis and not a social thing which is what I want. I do not know what to do.
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From my experience, women are never really secure in their ranking or position on the team. There is always someone who is faster, better or stronger that will come along. You may represent faster, better, stronger to them, especially if they are the ones saying you are a 3.5 instead of 3.0. Perhaps they are feeling threatened by your ability.

Also it sounds like you are new to this team. I imagine there are a few on your team who have been together for a long time, so it DOES become a social thing. I've never been on a team that wasn't social to some degree.

Still their repeated rude comments are inexcusable. This is what I would do. Things wont change overnight, but over time you may see another side of your teammates. And you may be doing these things already --

--- Be really complimentary to a team member's shot ability. Whether in a practice or you watched her in a match, you may say, "Wow I really admire your backhand, it is really hard to return." Or "That serve of yours has a great kick to it. How did you learn to do that?" Whatever the case, it opens the door for them to talk about themselves, which most people love to do. You want to engage in conversation with them. Ask about their kids. Overall be/act interested in them. Lol, say you LOVE their hair... where do you get it done? I find that a little honey goes a long way if sincere.

---Be willing to laugh at yourself. In a practice if your forehand shanks into the ozone, laugh it off and say lightheartedly something like, "Was that out?" You want to give the impression that you don't take yourself too seriously -- that is isn't "all about tennis".

Keep playing your level of tennis, but endear yourself to them. And if that doesn't work, then you've done all you can. Maybe find another team.
Just my 2 cents worth.
 
I didn't see your post regarding the exact comments they have been saying, so my post may be off point now.... sorry.
 
You play singles, what do you need to surround yourself with a team for? Tennis is not a team sport except for the Davis Cup. Play Senior Age Group Tournaments and you'll meet a whole different level of people who will appreciate your abilities and commiserate with you rather then be jealous and backbiting. What does a 3.0 know about tennis? Sports don't create character, they reveal it.
 
First of all - this thread makes me glad I'm not a woman. LOL

Secondly, you genuinely seem to love this game and therefore I have to assume you want to continually improve. Since you said you can beat anyone on your team you have nothing left to gain at your current level... time to move up a level and play with better players, and the bonus is that the higher you move up, the less petty bullcrap you have to deal with from teammates / competitors (at least in my experience).... Good luck!
 
It sounds like you are a very competitive person. In league tennis they're are usually two types of teams, social/fun and competitive. You may have ended up on the wrong team. On the social teams a new player will often feel uncomfortable if their skills and personality do not fit in. Until you can find another team, I would suggest playing tournaments. The people who spend the time and money to enter tournaments are usually a little more serious about their tennis. Good Luck!
 
Thanks so much for your help. I think you have nailed it on the head. I hate the gossip I am hearing and I just need to stay with a team so I am not shut out. 2 other players on this team like me that wish we were on the WTA. LOL.
I am scratching at the 3.5 door but still need opponents to play with to get better. I just don't want to be shut out from exposure to the game. The gossip is so hurtful. So unbelievable sometimes and I think it actually hurts someone's game.

I am going to investigate tournaments. Thank you for your great post and for providing me with a game plan. Best to you and have some great matches out there. :)
 
In my experience, women are just evil to each other. It doesn't matter if it's a 3.0 or 4.5 league or the Junior League. Usually they settle down a little and treat each other better starting around age 40.

I think finding a new group might help, but even if you escape the catty behavior, you're going to have politics to deal with. Guys tennis leagues can have politics too--especially over lineups and who gets to play what slot. We even have issues over who gets called to play friendly matches and who gets left out.

I eventually found a great group of guys to play with who really like to have fun. They are cohesive, spirited, and genuinely cheer for each other. I have to drive 30 miles to play with them, but it has worked out great and I think all of the bonhomie contributed to our winning state.
 
I'm not a thin-skinned person, can give it as well as take it - but I feel your pain. When I first started on leagues maybe 12 years ago, I was surprised and amused at how the women sniped at each other, and said hurtful, insulting, jealous things - as if it were some kind of high school clique or popularity contest, instead of a team. Some of the meaner ones will "test" a newbie and try to make her feel inferior - clearly they're getting under your skin, and it's a shame because it's warping your enjoyment of the sport.

In my case, some of the ladies were nicer than others and I gravitated toward playing with them, and completely ignored the nasties. As long as you've got a couple people to practice with, you'll be okay. If you just focus on playing your game and getting better - eventually they'll all learn to respect you. Let your racquet do the talking. I'd also confide in other team members that you like, because their perspective could help. Maybe you're being a little too sensitive, and taking things the wrong way.

Don't think that joining another team will fix the problem - there is no "dream team" of nice ladies that never squabble. Hopefully over time your skin will get a little thicker, and your confidence will grow; you'll learn to speak up for yourself, and give it back to them a little bit. That'll take care of most of these problems.

One thing I would bet - if they're calling you "anorexic" and encouraging you to "eat something" - they're jealous of your fitness or thinness. Thank them for the compliment, and then run them all over the court without apology (smiling sweetly inside).
 
^^^ Completely true, I'm 37 and as you I have almost no sugar at home and we really eat healthy (but some beers over the weekend :) don't blame me I'm just a guy) same case 3-4 days of tennis and 3-4 days of weights over the week is my workout schedule. No surprises I'm thin too :) So a lot of people asks me if I'm loosing weight, that I look thinner and the true is that my weight hasn't changed but my belly has :). My answer is (with a big smile) "Really? Would you believe my weight is the same? is not that amazing what the gym does?" hahahaha it is priceless to see the face after this answer. bottom line is people are jealous when they see you are fit. They want the same stuff but simply they don't have the guts to do it. And it is fair simple: Do not eat crap and work out....
 
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I play ladies leagues and will tell you (and I hate to say this) but when you get a bunch of women together in a competitive environment the claws come out. Nature of the beast. If you play singles you are lucky to be out there by yourself, if you play doubles find yourself a partner who can be your buddy in crime. It's tough out there. Not for the thin skinned or super sensitive. Been there, done that and it's a real emotional roller coaster. Gets worse as you get better. Careful what you wish for...
 
Sad to hear that some ladies leagues are like that. Have played with the same group of ladies for 2 years now on several different teams and haven't has any issues like that. They are all supportive of each other and genuinely happy when a teammate wins, even if they lose their own match. Some got bumped last year, some didn't but we all ended up staying together anyway. Maybe it is our age, we are all in 30's and 40's...seems silly to act like a high school mean girl at this stage of the game!
 
kelkat said:
From my experience, women are never really secure in their ranking or position on the team. There is always someone who is faster, better or stronger that will come along. You may represent faster, better, stronger to them, especially if they are the ones saying you are a 3.5 instead of 3.0. Perhaps they are feeling threatened by your ability.

Also it sounds like you are new to this team. I imagine there are a few on your team who have been together for a long time, so it DOES become a social thing. I've never been on a team that wasn't social to some degree.

Still their repeated rude comments are inexcusable. This is what I would do. Things wont change overnight, but over time you may see another side of your teammates. And you may be doing these things already --

--- Be really complimentary to a team member's shot ability. Whether in a practice or you watched her in a match, you may say, "Wow I really admire your backhand, it is really hard to return." Or "That serve of yours has a great kick to it. How did you learn to do that?" Whatever the case, it opens the door for them to talk about themselves, which most people love to do. You want to engage in conversation with them. Ask about their kids. Overall be/act interested in them. Lol, say you LOVE their hair... where do you get it done? I find that a little honey goes a long way if sincere.

---Be willing to laugh at yourself. In a practice if your forehand shanks into the ozone, laugh it off and say lightheartedly something like, "Was that out?" You want to give the impression that you don't take yourself too seriously -- that is isn't "all about tennis".

Keep playing your level of tennis, but endear yourself to them. And if that doesn't work, then you've done all you can. Maybe find another team.
Just my 2 cents worth.
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Hi and thank you so much for responding to my post. I have a practice coming up and I am going to try everything that you recommend. I hope it will work. I really do. This is really helpful. I am trying to make tennis fun again. I really did like this team when I started. I will try sincerely to find sincere things to discuss with them. I am also going to try and be light hearted too. I did not think of that attitude to bring into a practice. Maybe I have been too serious out there. Thank you so much for responding to my post. I think you understand people and see what is happening to them on courts. Have a great weekend and thank you again!
 
Tennislover70 said:
Sad to hear that some ladies leagues are like that. Have played with the same group of ladies for 2 years now on several different teams and haven't has any issues like that. They are all supportive of each other and genuinely happy when a teammate wins, even if they lose their own match. Some got bumped last year, some didn't but we all ended up staying together anyway. Maybe it is our age, we are all in 30's and 40's...seems silly to act like a high school mean girl at this stage of the game!
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Hi Tennislover,

This is so great about you being in with a great group of people that you can connect with and that each of you support one another. That sounds so great. It does. I am sad when my team mate loses, I hate it when it is the end of the night and it is the last player on my team trying to close the deal so we can win the courts and everyone is watching. I know that is so painful and that inside I pray they are digging deep to do it. Having people watch you in those agonizing last minutes is not fun either. I don't know what is happening or what people are experiencing in their lives that things have gotten so out of control. High school is right. It really is feeling like high school. I just want to play tennis with sane people. lol
Thank you for responding to my post and I hope you are having a great weekend and getting some time on the courts as well.
 
SuperLotto said:
I play ladies leagues and will tell you (and I hate to say this) but when you get a bunch of women together in a competitive environment the claws come out. Nature of the beast. If you play singles you are lucky to be out there by yourself, if you play doubles find yourself a partner who can be your buddy in crime. It's tough out there. Not for the thin skinned or super sensitive. Been there, done that and it's a real emotional roller coaster. Gets worse as you get better. Careful what you wish for...
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Hi SuperLotto,

I think you are right. I am trying to get thicker skinned. The claws are totally out. The jabs, the back stabbing. It starts in the parking lot and you have to be as silent as borg and just get ready for your match. I have a great doubles partner whom I adore. Singles just rock. I love that. Thank you for telling me it gets worse as you get better because I really believe that is going to be the case. Life without tennis is not imaginable though. Hope you are having a great weekend and that you can make it to the courts. Thanks so much for your response to my post.
 
Goodness. What kind of snake pit do you folks play in?

I just don't hear the sorts of insults that have been described. Maybe this is because my teammates and I are a tad older, so any joke about age tends to roll off our backs? I've certainly never heard anyone give someone a hard time about her figure, thin or heavy. Weird.

Anyway, to the point.

Just let that stuff roll off your back. If someone says you are too thin, reply with "Thank you!" If someone says you should be a 3.5, just say "Thank you!" If someone says you are too old for singles, ask if the rules allow you to bring your walker onto the court during match play. Really, why give a hoot?

Keep in mind that it is not a great idea to burn your bridges in league tennis. As people move up and down in ratings, you can find yourself back in the tennis orbit with these ladies. Indeed, if your doubles is weaker than your singles, you might find yourself struggling in the future to find doubles opportunities that you might enjoy. Best to stay on good terms with everyone, I think.
 
emilyhex said:
Hey littlemiss! yeah, I've been there, girls can be catty sometimes on the leagues... during the matches, outside of the matches. After having been a part of a few teams, some are worse than others, and sometimes it's just a couple people that spoil the rest. My current teams are really cool though, I'm truly blessed.

I'd say stick it out on your team, show up, play to win, support your team, etc. But... I would suggest you find a 3.5 team to play with, in addition to your 3.0 team. The best way to improve your rating is to play up and face the tougher competition. This way, you will have a good excuse when you eventually leave the team because you will have graduated to the next (social?) level.

Good luck and hang in there!! Remember we do this because we enjoy it!!
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Hi Emily, Thanks so much for your great post. I really appreciate it and have just taken up your advice by looking for a 3.5 group. Starting looking last night. You are right. I am going to just keep it real. I want to graduate! That is a great choice of words! I am also going to look into mix combos as well. Thank you again. Your support and encouragement helps so much. This sport is so great. It teaches you everything. I am going to try and get that rating up to do exactly as you have said. Hope you are having a great weekend and can get to the courts! :)
 
SuperLotto said:
I play ladies leagues and will tell you (and I hate to say this) but when you get a bunch of women together in a competitive environment the claws come out. Nature of the beast. If you play singles you are lucky to be out there by yourself, if you play doubles find yourself a partner who can be your buddy in crime. It's tough out there. Not for the thin skinned or super sensitive. Been there, done that and it's a real emotional roller coaster. Gets worse as you get better. Careful what you wish for...
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Just want to add . . .

I think it gets better as you get better.

My tennis pals and I have gone through 3.0, 3.5 and now 4.0 together. 4.0 is the top of the mountain for us. I cannot imagine any of us rising to 4.5. 4.0 is it.

As a result, there isn't a lot of backbiting. Yeah, folks have preferred partners, but as a captain I don't see the blatant maneuvering that I used to see. Most importantly, everyone has learned not to coach. "Just worry about your own strokes and keep your pie hole shut about everything else" seems to be working.

I think once everyone figured out that we'd all wind up in the same place sooner or later, it took a lot of pressure off. This is especially so since there is simply no way no how we will ever get to 4.0 Districts, let alone Sectionals or Nationals. That realization is just the splash of cold water needed to cool folks off.
 
Cindysphinx said:
Goodness. What kind of snake pit do you folks play in?

I just don't hear the sorts of insults that have been described. Maybe this is because my teammates and I are a tad older, so any joke about age tends to roll off our backs? I've certainly never heard anyone give someone a hard time about her figure, thin or heavy. Weird.

Anyway, to the point.

Just let that stuff roll off your back. If someone says you are too thin, reply with "Thank you!" If someone says you should be a 3.5, just say "Thank you!" If someone says you are too old for singles, ask if the rules allow you to bring your walker onto the court during match play. Really, why give a hoot?

Keep in mind that it is not a great idea to burn your bridges in league tennis. As people move up and down in ratings, you can find yourself back in the tennis orbit with these ladies. Indeed, if your doubles is weaker than your singles, you might find yourself struggling in the future to find doubles opportunities that you might enjoy. Best to stay on good terms with everyone, I think.
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Hi Cindy,

Yupe, I have been getting all of this for a couple of months now. It's really happening and it's really kind of weird. I feel like I am being attacked. I am going to stick to thank you as you said. I think it is so great that you are with some great people to play with. That must be so nice - something just about the tennis! I am going to start reaching out to other groups in my area as well. I hear you about not burning bridges, it's a small, tight knit community. I am doing some fence mending too as I have kind of backed away from things and people but I am trying to come out more and more. It's very hard though. Question for you, they are going to do some things outside of tennis like a retreat soon - should I do it? This would be totally social with zero tennis involved. Hope you are having a good weekend.
 
tennis tom said:
You play singles, what do you need to surround yourself with a team for? Tennis is not a team sport except for the Davis Cup. Play Senior Age Group Tournaments and you'll meet a whole different level of people who will appreciate your abilities and commiserate with you rather then be jealous and backbiting. What does a 3.0 know about tennis? Sports don't create character, they reveal it.
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Tennis Tom, thank you so much for your advice. I am looking into tournaments this weekend and am trying to see if I can get to one this September. I am putting out feelers for it and believe that it is an investment in the game. I really believe it is an individualist sport. Just like golf and running. Wow - a new group of people to meet. That sounds like heaven. Thank you for such good advice. I am on it! Have a great weekend!
 
Michelle1965 said:
New team but next season. If you belong to a tennis club you should be able to form a women's team. You could consider forming a 7.0 mixed league next year it would be easier.
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Hi Michelle,

I am going to work on that this weekend. Starting to put all the feelers out this evening. Thank you so much for the great advice! Hope you are having a good weekend and that you are getting to the courts. Thank you so much. You wonderful people are saving this incredible game for me.
 
F L O B B E R said:
First of all - this thread makes me glad I'm not a woman. LOL

Secondly, you genuinely seem to love this game and therefore I have to assume you want to continually improve. Since you said you can beat anyone on your team you have nothing left to gain at your current level... time to move up a level and play with better players, and the bonus is that the higher you move up, the less petty bullcrap you have to deal with from teammates / competitors (at least in my experience).... Good luck!
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Hi Flobber,

Thanks so much for responding to my post. Women can be gruesome. LOL I love this game and am fighting to hang in there with it. I really want to improve. I think it is time to move up. I am trying to get to that new level. Not quite a 3.5 but not really belonging with the 3.0s either. When I play 3.5s we go to tie breakers. I am trying so hard. I haven't been shut out completely with 3.5s so I feel encouraged. Thanks so much for your advice! I am on it! Hope you are having a great weekend and getting to the courts.
 
Don't think this has anything to do with tennis and everything to do with women.
Sorry they are spoiling your fun.
As CindySphinx says, be nice to everyone.
 
Littlemissball--I'm very sorry to hear of the challenges you're having--and I'm writing to let you know that it doesn't have to be like this! Not all women are catty.

My experience as a captain of two women's teams has been that I've heard no complaints about doubles pairings or who plays which line. In fact, it has been like pulling teeth to get any feedback from my players about how doubles pairings went or where I should place people; my players just say, "You're the captain; wherever you put me is fine; I am happy for you to make the decisions..."

The catty women make for interesting reading; nobody talks about the cooperative, team-oriented women because they are boring to read about (but great to work with).

I wish you good luck on finding a team that will work better for you and be more supportive of you!
 
Littlemissball, I don't know where you play, but I'm sorry you're on a catty 3.0 women's team. I've heard stories about some teams and some tennis players being mean, but I think I've had the great fortune of having great women teammates and a tennis community.

I've played at the same place for 2.5 and 3.0 (3.0 currently) and play elsewhere for 3.5 and I can tell you that I've never experienced cattiness that you've been saying you're enduring. Maybe a comment or two, but never in a mean way. Mostly all my teammates have been supportive and supportive of each other and that's how a team should be. Some of us do socialize, it is a social team, but we may not socialize as a group.

As Cindy says, try and be more humorous to their comments and try to make a better effort to socialize.

I can tell you I take my tennis seriously, I want to improve, I want to win, I am pretty much intense... but it took me some time to realize that may make it uncomfortable for my partner (if playing doubles), so I'm trying to work on the "fun" factor of my game. Oh, I have fun playing tennis, I'm competitive that's why I am intense, but some people might find it off putting, don't think of it as a job, it's a sport and ultimately you're there to have fun so make it fun for your teammates :)

If you were on my team, this is what I'd say to you:
#1) You play singles?!!! YOU LIKE playing singles? My gosh, play all the matches in singles if you'd like! Actually, most of my team would say the same thing lol
#2) totally jealous of you being thin, jealous and envious
#3) You're how old? Pushing 40's and playing competitive singles on a weekly basis? Which means you've got great conditioning, daaaaaaaaaammmnnnnn! Put me to shame! Still, keep playing singles in the matches :)
#3) You're better than a 3.0 and almost a 3.5, will you be my partner :) For tough matches you'll always be in the lineup as a *knows she'll win or try her hardest to* type of person.

My advice to you is you only have a little bit left of the season right? So go find other teams that will have nicer people on them and see if you will gel with them.

Try and socialize with this team a bit more, sounds to me you do not socialize at all and go and play and all business... maybe their trying to be nice, but you're taking it the wrong way b/c you don't know your team well and vice versa...
 
Hey there!

I'm sorry to hear about your unpleasantness in your league, it's tough to play when your goals are obviously a bit different. If your goal is to improve and not so much of the social game then that's great! Just be prepared for people who are at their peak for whatever reason to resent you for it.

Definitely just try and be as positive as your can out there! People can be mean and a lot of them don't even realise it, but from the sounds of it they are just attempting to test you. Kill them with compliments, I've done it my entire life and it seemed to work out well for me! :razz: As stated before, ask people about their own lives, I'd rather have someone talk about themselves then hurl insults at me haha!

Good luck, and try not to burn any bridges!

-Fuji
 
SweetH2O said:
Sounds like it's time for a new team. Besides, practicing and playing on a new team in which you are not the best player is a good way to take your tennis skills up a notch.

You shouldn't have to deal with constant put-downs that take away your enjoyment of the game, like on your current team. What kind of things are they saying to you?
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It's been very hard. I do not want to burn bridges but it's been so hard and so hurtful. I sometimes I can't believe I am on a tennis court. I have a really mentally tough side but it is so hard to play on a team that you don't trust.
 
Michelle1965 said:
New team but next season. If you belong to a tennis club you should be able to form a women's team. You could consider forming a 7.0 mixed league next year it would be easier.
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I would like to do this very much and am trying of thinking of starting a street team. I think the hardest thing is just getting the whole thing together. Thanks so much for the great advice.
 
tennis tom said:
You play singles, what do you need to surround yourself with a team for? Tennis is not a team sport except for the Davis Cup. Play Senior Age Group Tournaments and you'll meet a whole different level of people who will appreciate your abilities and commiserate with you rather then be jealous and backbiting. What does a 3.0 know about tennis? Sports don't create character, they reveal it.
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I am going to do this in the fall. I really have to get to the people who are serious about this sport. I think the more serious the player, the more secure the person is. Also the people who are really committed to this sport are completely true to it and are not afraid to put themselves out there and more complete fools of themselves to make a winning move. They are not frauds. They are committed to pushing themselves even if it means looking foolish to do it - they are risk takers and I think I need to meet people like this and that the tournament community can give me this. Thank you so much for your beautiful wisdom and insight to this truely amazing sport.
 
emilyhex said:
Hey littlemiss! yeah, I've been there, girls can be catty sometimes on the leagues... during the matches, outside of the matches. After having been a part of a few teams, some are worse than others, and sometimes it's just a couple people that spoil the rest. My current teams are really cool though, I'm truly blessed.

I'd say stick it out on your team, show up, play to win, support your team, etc. But... I would suggest you find a 3.5 team to play with, in addition to your 3.0 team. The best way to improve your rating is to play up and face the tougher competition. This way, you will have a good excuse when you eventually leave the team because you will have graduated to the next (social?) level.

Good luck and hang in there!! Remember we do this because we enjoy it!!
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Thank you so much Emily. I have done this most recently. I feel so much better. I just worry about being shut out of tennis and not having a team to play with. Still I agree with you. I think facing tougher competition is the only way to get better or you just toil away for years in your rank with nothing to push you. Thank you for your great advice. I have found a 3.5 team and am so excited about playing with them. I hate to say it, hate to say it, but the toxicness of some people is killing it for me. The meanness is just unbelievable and as much as my friends outside the tennis community tell me to ignore it and switch it off, it is so hard to play with people you do not trust. What do you do when you actually like your opponent more than your team mate? It's been unreal. It's been one of the most hurtful environments I have ever been in and I have see a great deal in my professional life. I never knew how mean women could be and I can't let them taint my tennis. Thank you so much for your advice. I have found a new team and I hope to gracefully phase out my old one. Certain apples have totally ruined the batch. Get to your tennis this weekend. All the best.
 
F L O B B E R said:
First of all - this thread makes me glad I'm not a woman. LOL

Secondly, you genuinely seem to love this game and therefore I have to assume you want to continually improve. Since you said you can beat anyone on your team you have nothing left to gain at your current level... time to move up a level and play with better players, and the bonus is that the higher you move up, the less petty bullcrap you have to deal with from teammates / competitors (at least in my experience).... Good luck!
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Hi Flobber, thank you for your great advice. I have done some things this past week to put myself in contact with higher players and am thinking of trying to do a tournament in September. I am also thinking if time and money will permit taking some lessons with one of the most aggressive and committed pros at this club that I know of. I really believe that once you get to the higher levels you are dealing with people who are hard core tennis players and not the wine and merlot type. lol Thank you so much for your great and pragmatic advice!
 
tennis tom said:
You play singles, what do you need to surround yourself with a team for? Tennis is not a team sport except for the Davis Cup. Play Senior Age Group Tournaments and you'll meet a whole different level of people who will appreciate your abilities and commiserate with you rather then be jealous and backbiting. What does a 3.0 know about tennis? Sports don't create character, they reveal it.
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TennisTom gave great advice. I am a singles player who plays USTA on occasion and I enjoy my teammates, but find the matches a bit scary-serious. I do not consider it the mainstay of my tennis by any means. For one thing, USTA is not really singles-oriented and I wouldn't get enough tennis matches out of it.

I joined a club and had the manager make introductions to people who also wanted to play during daytime hours like I do. Some of the people weren't suitable for various reasons, but several were good matches and we now play weekly. One is a guy; I find men can be a great resource for regular singles play. All you need are a few people who want to play regularly and whose styles fit well with yours. Club pros can also be a resource for introductions.

I also tried a singles clinic, singles ladder, cardio tennis, etc., to meet people at the club. Now I only do these things on occasion because I have recreational partners who also like to play singles, which I'd rather do.

Your area may have a USTA singles flex league also. Mine doesn't, so I don't know how well they work. I know the match results don't count toward a dynamic NTRP rating, which may take some pressure off.

I'd try out some other options - you can always keep playing USTA, but you also may find you enjoy and prioritize other tennis more. I know I do.
 
Hi Littlemissball, I am a 3.5 going on to 4.0, been on the league for 5 years, been captainiung teams and i am crying every day. Same situation - women are mean, catty, putting you down, not letting you get on a team... I want to play, i like to captain but in our small town it is hard to find people to play, and people want to be only on winning teams, and teams only want superb walk-over-everyines-throat-to-win people...it is hard. Mixed is better, but womens league is crap. I love tennis, dont want to stop playing but it hurts too much to be put down or hear you are not good enough to be on a team.
 
aniretake said:
Hi Littlemissball, I am a 3.5 going on to 4.0, been on the league for 5 years, been captainiung teams and i am crying every day. Same situation - women are mean, catty, putting you down, not letting you get on a team... I want to play, i like to captain but in our small town it is hard to find people to play, and people want to be only on winning teams, and teams only want superb walk-over-everyines-throat-to-win people...it is hard. Mixed is better, but womens league is crap. I love tennis, dont want to stop playing but it hurts too much to be put down or hear you are not good enough to be on a team.
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,
Hi there aniretake, hang in there! I have. Just hang in there and keep putting yourself out there and don't let anyone take you from this incredible sport. I know that if you keep sticking in there, you are going to find the people that will make tennis with you. I've been crying every day since last month and making my family life's hell. lol. I am not where your town is located but it sounds like mine too. Keep networking, sending out feelers and you are going to get a team together. The more you stick with it, the more people are going to say you mean business and you are not going any where and they will respect you. Hang in there. I agree womens league is crap. But our opponents are also our sparring partners to get better. This one gentleman wrote me a great post in the earlier threads above - he said to explore tournaments - I know they sound scary, but I think you and I shou;d try them to get to the real tennis and to find that real tennis community. Hang in there. The only thing I think this past few weeks has felt like has been stupid sororiety rush. Hang in there and when things get very, very bad, pick one night with the friends you first discovered tennis with and play with them. The people you trusted and fell in love with the sport with in the first place and then go back to the leagues - find the people that first made it fun for you and get them into your weekly routine of playing tennis. Hang tough. This is your game and don't let the haters take it away from you. All the best. LMB:)
 
NLBwell said:
Don't think this has anything to do with tennis and everything to do with women.
Sorry they are spoiling your fun.
As CindySphinx says, be nice to everyone.[/QUOTE
Hi NLBwell, I think you are right. I think this is completely what it is about. It's not about tennis is it? I go back to things people have said to me as I get into my car after a match and I say to myself, why did they say that and what does it have to do with tennis? It's bizarre. I also enjoy playing more with men and the females in my family. I am trying to be friendly with everyone but when I am out there, I am kind of on automatic pilot until I meet my opponent. I am bracing myself for what they are going to say and I hate the way they talk to the young ones on our team who are total sweethearts and little deer in headlights that come straight from classes to the courts for some fun and are floored by what some women are telling them. The young ones get attack because some of them are raw talent that have not been fine tuned but it is all there. What do you do when you actually like your opponent more than your team mate? lol What do you do when you actual respect your opponent more than your team mate? lol
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SweetH2O said:
Sounds like it's time for a new team. Besides, practicing and playing on a new team in which you are not the best player is a good way to take your tennis skills up a notch.

You shouldn't have to deal with constant put-downs that take away your enjoyment of the game, like on your current team. What kind of things are they saying to you?
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It's things like: " your game use to be so good" "your matches are too close" "are you anorexic" and then one said to me that "I looked like crap". The worst thing someone said to me was that I was getting too old for singles - which is bizarre because a friend of mine is in her 50s and is the queen of the court and beats men. It's other stuff too that is all innuendo. I think they are all playing for social reasons and they get the lower slots on the matches and win but I get the higher slots and go through some grueling matches - which I love so I am not complaining. I actually get more respect from my opponents than my teammates which is really bizarre.

I have found a higher team and am not the best player but am going to phase out the other team. I just have had it with them and am trying to leave with some dignity as this is such a small community and everyone is 360 degrees to one another. Thank you so much for the great advice!:)
 
hobnob said:
Littlemissball, I don't know where you play, but I'm sorry you're on a catty 3.0 women's team. I've heard stories about some teams and some tennis players being mean, but I think I've had the great fortune of having great women teammates and a tennis community.

I've played at the same place for 2.5 and 3.0 (3.0 currently) and play elsewhere for 3.5 and I can tell you that I've never experienced cattiness that you've been saying you're enduring. Maybe a comment or two, but never in a mean way. Mostly all my teammates have been supportive and supportive of each other and that's how a team should be. Some of us do socialize, it is a social team, but we may not socialize as a group.

As Cindy says, try and be more humorous to their comments and try to make a better effort to socialize.

I can tell you I take my tennis seriously, I want to improve, I want to win, I am pretty much intense... but it took me some time to realize that may make it uncomfortable for my partner (if playing doubles), so I'm trying to work on the "fun" factor of my game. Oh, I have fun playing tennis, I'm competitive that's why I am intense, but some people might find it off putting, don't think of it as a job, it's a sport and ultimately you're there to have fun so make it fun for your teammates :)

If you were on my team, this is what I'd say to you:
#1) You play singles?!!! YOU LIKE playing singles? My gosh, play all the matches in singles if you'd like! Actually, most of my team would say the same thing lol
#2) totally jealous of you being thin, jealous and envious
#3) You're how old? Pushing 40's and playing competitive singles on a weekly basis? Which means you've got great conditioning, daaaaaaaaaammmnnnnn! Put me to shame! Still, keep playing singles in the matches :)
#3) You're better than a 3.0 and almost a 3.5, will you be my partner :) For tough matches you'll always be in the lineup as a *knows she'll win or try her hardest to* type of person.

My advice to you is you only have a little bit left of the season right? So go find other teams that will have nicer people on them and see if you will gel with them.

Try and socialize with this team a bit more, sounds to me you do not socialize at all and go and play and all business... maybe their trying to be nice, but you're taking it the wrong way b/c you don't know your team well and vice versa...
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Hi hobknob, thank you so much for the great advice. I am almost done with the season with just some make-up matches. I have found another team and am trying to phase the other team out without burning bridges. It's so hard though. I think sadly for some of these people, tennis is a status thing and I am maybe like you said all business and about the game. I have to be about the game now after how mean and hurtful and personal they have gotten so I protect my tennis now and only focus on the game. I hope this new team works out. Thank you so much for the great advice!
 
Z-Man said:
In my experience, women are just evil to each other. It doesn't matter if it's a 3.0 or 4.5 league or the Junior League. Usually they settle down a little and treat each other better starting around age 40.

I think finding a new group might help, but even if you escape the catty behavior, you're going to have politics to deal with. Guys tennis leagues can have politics too--especially over lineups and who gets to play what slot. We even have issues over who gets called to play friendly matches and who ge ts left out.

I eventually found a great group of guys to play with who really like to have fun. They are cohesive, spirited, and genuinely cheer for each other. I have to drive 30 miles to play with them, but it has worked out great and I think all of the bonhomie contributed to our winning state.
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Hi Z-man,
Thank you so much for the great advice. I am starting to see women for what they are. They are in their mid to late 40s and haven't learned any thing. lol I have found a new group and am phasing out the other one. Trying not to burn bridges. You inspired me with your drive to meet other players and that you drive to get to them an extra 30 miles to them. I did that tonight too and these women were wonderful. I am playing up - they were all 3.5 and I hung in there. It was the most fun I had in 6 months. Thank you so much for your inspiration and sharing the fact that you drive to get to good people and good tennis. All the best, LMB.
 
Littlemissball, I am a 3.5 going on to 4.0, been on the league for 5 years, been captainiung teams and i am crying every day. Same situation - women are mean, catty, putting you down, not letting you get on a team... I want to play, i like to captain but in our small town it is hard to find people to play, and people want to be only on winning teams, and teams only want superb walk-over-everyines-throat-to-win people...it is hard. Mixed is better, but womens league is crap. I love tennis, dont want to stop playing but it hurts too much to be put down or hear you are not good enough to be on a team.
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You cry every day? Why on earth would you play with people that make you cry? I've been playing for five years and I have yet to hear a nasty comment at tennis. I honestly don't understand this. You are playing tennis with people who are mean and vile and make you cry everyday. What kind of messed up league is this?
 
cindy gave the best advice, i think the reason you see this more with women than men, is most men will just blow you off and not care. These hatefull people are just unhappy with themselves and when they see they can get to you it makes them feel better. Dont give them that luxury, sounds corny but if thats the way they act, why in the hell would you care what they have to say. Sucks any of you have to put up with this though, tennis is suppose to be fun, and really relieves the stress for me. good luck to you all, and dont give these nasty people anything to feed off of, they dont deserve it.
 
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