Do I need to go on a losing steak before playing my best tennis?

leodevlin

Professional
Hi all,

I always have this mental problem in playing matches where out of fear if losing I never can play relaxed and free and up to my potential.

With the people I play , I manage to get a win most of the time but that's not because I manage to hit winners and put forward my best game , it's because they usually make more mistakes , though I do start playing a bit more relaxed when I have a huge lead.

This makes me feel not great when I win and I feel devastated for days when I lose.

This makes me believe that I just need to lose so much that I am no longer bothered by it , maybe then I can play free.

Did anyone else go through this problem and did you have to lose a lot before you were able to relax mentally to okay your best ?
 

10sbeast888

Hall of Fame
many books out there about sports psychology, even more specifically tennis psychology... they will likely help.

my 2 cents based on my own life experience:

- statistically a tennis match is just putting 100 practice points on the court. the win/loss mostly is decided by the skill level, there is no point to waste energy on the outcome of any point.

- determinism.. which means anxiety is a complete waste of energy as everything is already pre-determined at the moment of the big bang. there is nothing you can to to change the outcome of anything. You are only an observer:)
 

leodevlin

Professional
many books out there about sports psychology, even more specifically tennis psychology... they will likely help.

my 2 cents based on my own life experience:

- statistically a tennis match is just putting 100 practice points on the court. the win/loss mostly is decided by the skill level, there is no point to waste energy on the outcome of any point.

- determinism.. which means anxiety is a complete waste of energy as everything is already pre-determined at the moment of the big bang. there is nothing you can to to change the outcome of anything. You are only an observer:)
Thanks I have indeed read the inner game of tennis and one other book with some limited results.

The problem is that my skill level is higher than the people I play against but due to my anxiety it does not translate into proper match execution and the results .

I tell myself that it's just a friendly match and I try hard not to attach my self worth to the outcome but somehow it doesn't work fully.

This is why I think that I may need to lose everything including my ego in order to become free .
 

10sbeast888

Hall of Fame
Thanks I have indeed read the inner game of tennis and one other book with some limited results.

The problem is that my skill level is higher than the people I play against but due to my anxiety it does not translate into proper match execution and the results .

I tell myself that it's just a friendly match and I try hard not to attach my self worth to the outcome but somehow it doesn't work fully.

This is why I think that I may need to lose everything including my ego in order to become free .

then you have answered your own question.

look at your topographical skill map, you are currently on a 'local maximum' - playing whatever suboptimal stuff to safely win... in order to get to the true maximum you have to get off the local maximum and into a temporary valley..... all this is a fancy way of saying you need to get worse before getting better lol.

but it will be worth it... life is too short to stay on the local maximum lol...
 

Bagumbawalla

Talk Tennis Guru
Often, people fall into the trap of not feeling good enough- playing tense and lacking confidence.
One way to gain confidence is to develop your strokes to the point that you can hit the shot
you want, when you want (or need) to. and you can achieve this level of confidence through
practice- having command of all the shots. And if you lose, the other guy just played better.

Do I trust my topspin lob, can I take charge at the net, can I rally 20 balls without a miss,
do I have the touch for a subtle dropshot, can I be patient, can I find the opponent's weakness,
am I physically fit...?

In other words, you can overcome a lack of confidence by believing in your abilities.
You learn to believe in your abilities through practice and repetition.

Being good enough to win against the local players does not, in itself, inspire self-confidence.
If it makes your day to win against Clive from the park (who is a 4.0)- well, there are now only
about a million players that are better.

And when you lose to this Clive guy, think of it as having been taught a lesson- then go out and beef up those skills you lack.
Practice builds confidence. Confidence helps you win, playing well aids confidence, confidence helps you play well...
 

leodevlin

Professional
then you have answered your own question.

look at your topographical skill map, you are currently on a 'local maximum' - playing whatever suboptimal stuff to safely win... in order to get to the true maximum you have to get off the local maximum and into a temporary valley..... all this is a fancy way of saying you need to get worse before getting better lol.

but it will be worth it... life is too short to stay on the local maximum lol...
So with getting into the valley I think you are confirming that I just need to get used to losing , isn't it ?
 

leodevlin

Professional
Often, people fall into the trap of not feeling good enough- playing tense and lacking confidence.
One way to gain confidence is to develop your strokes to the point that you can hit the shot
you want, when you want (or need) to. and you can achieve this level of confidence through
practice- having command of all the shots. And if you lose, the other guy just played better.

Do I trust my topspin lob, can I take charge at the net, can I rally 20 balls without a miss,
do I have the touch for a subtle dropshot, can I be patient, can I find the opponent's weakness,
am I physically fit...?

In other words, you can overcome a lack of confidence by believing in your abilities.
You learn to believe in your abilities through practice and repetition.

Being good enough to win against the local players does not, in itself, inspire self-confidence.
If it makes your day to win against Clive from the park (who is a 4.0)- well, there are now only
about a million players that are better.

And when you lose to this Clive guy, think of it as having been taught a lesson- then go out and beef up those skills you lack.
Practice builds confidence. Confidence helps you win, playing well aids confidence, confidence helps you play well...
That is great advise and to some extent i do that especially for my serve which always a weak point .

In practice I hit so well but then during the match , the nervousness just messes up my overall motion.

Ironically I just watched Gauff go through the same mental anguish with 19 double faults, no doubt to being tense.

So I am not certain that practise alone can help me surmount this fear if losing. Maybe just realising that I simply suck is the way out or
Maybe they need to send me to Vienna lol.
 

10sbeast888

Hall of Fame
The other thing is. Instead of thinking that these are just friendly matches that don’t matter. What if you take it seriously. Commit to yourself to eg to win 3 4.5 tournaments this year or whatever. See that’s how the pros operate. Anyone short of their true ceiling has no chance to make it on the tour.

We just need to copy them. If that’s what you want to do :)
 

Bagumbawalla

Talk Tennis Guru
That is great advise and to some extent i do that especially for my serve which always a weak point .

In practice I hit so well but then during the match , the nervousness just messes up my overall motion.

Ironically I just watched Gauff go through the same mental anguish with 19 double faults, no doubt to being tense.

So I am not certain that practise alone can help me surmount this fear if losing. Maybe just realising that I simply suck is the way out or
Maybe they need to send me to Vienna lol.
Yes, I saw Gauff and was thinking about your post.
 

TennisCJC

Legend
Most everything you wrote is common. I get more tight in matches than when just practicing. Matches are usually determined by errors and not winners. Even practice matches cause most people to want to win and to tighten up to some degree and league or tourney matches intensify the feelings. I think accepting these things as normal and coming up with ways to handle them is the best option. Breathing deeply between points, realizing that your opponent is likely feeling similar, keeping a level emotional level instead of getting too up or too down, and ktrying to play aggressively but not wildly all help. Hitting to big targets is commonly cited by Paul Annacone and this also helps. I visualize my return targets and don't go near the sidelines. On groundstrokes, hitting aggressive CC is less error prone and waiting until you get a shorter ball to go DTL helps too. When under duress, hitting high, deep and CC helps reduce errors or simply throw up a lob. I also tend to hit 2nd serves a couple of feet inside the sidelines of the service box. Try reading the book Winning the Mental Game by Dr Allen Fox. I found it to be better than Inner Game of Tennis and Winning Ugly.
 

toth

Hall of Fame
Movement helps against anxity, serve is statics.
Serving relaxed at big point is a big advantage, needs talent, of cource can be improved somewhat, i dont know.
 

MyFearHand

Professional
Hi all,

I always have this mental problem in playing matches where out of fear if losing I never can play relaxed and free and up to my potential.

With the people I play , I manage to get a win most of the time but that's not because I manage to hit winners and put forward my best game , it's because they usually make more mistakes , though I do start playing a bit more relaxed when I have a huge lead.

This makes me feel not great when I win and I feel devastated for days when I lose.

This makes me believe that I just need to lose so much that I am no longer bothered by it , maybe then I can play free.

Did anyone else go through this problem and did you have to lose a lot before you were able to relax mentally to okay your best ?
I’m not sure this is the answer you want but most tennis matches are won by your opponent making more mistakes. Not by you hitting winners.
 

travlerajm

Talk Tennis Guru
Thanks I have indeed read the inner game of tennis and one other book with some limited results.

The problem is that my skill level is higher than the people I play against but due to my anxiety it does not translate into proper match execution and the results .

I tell myself that it's just a friendly match and I try hard not to attach my self worth to the outcome but somehow it doesn't work fully.

This is why I think that I may need to lose everything including my ego in order to become free .
Anxiety suppression is a skill.
 

esgee48

G.O.A.T.
It’s purely mental if you’re relaxed in practice but tense and tense in ‘matches.’ Note the quotes. Tell yourself that you don’t die if you lose and just concentrate on playing to win one point at a time. Big safe targets until you get an opening. As stated in a prior post, your opponent is probably feeling the same way so by playing safe until you can go on the offensive is my advice. I lay on auto pilot safely until I get a short ball or opponent is out of position.
 

Roforot

Hall of Fame
Try to set goals independent of winning/losing.
For example, on your FH you want to a full follow through over the shoulder?
Or you want to split step on every return of serve?
Or you don't want to react or get visibly upset if you get a bad call?

Then assess yourself by these goals not by the points or the game score. If you win the match but are not swinging your FH, then you should feel like a big loser.
But if you get double bagelled, but were meeting all your goals, then you are trusting the process.
 

timmyy

Semi-Pro
You come across as a bit of a mental little person. You can't handle the mental demands of recreational tennis? OK...
 

leodevlin

Professional
I’m not sure this is the answer you want but most tennis matches are won by your opponent making more mistakes. Not by you hitting winners.
I should have qualified my statement better , I struggle to hit though ball and deep into the court which I usually do really well in practise.
 

Kevo

Legend
I wrote a big beautiful explanation, but then after writing the bit below I thought who wants to read all that other stuff. :)

Realize that beautiful strokes and massive serves are just beautiful strokes and massive serves. They are not playing tennis.
 
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