Girl Problem...

  • Thread starter Thread starter rnrockz1
  • Start date Start date
I'm probably in the minority when I say this but don't do it. You guys have known each other since childhood... she probably already put you in the friend zone then. Once you ask her out, things are going to get pretty awkward. Don't risk losing a close friend b/c of the temporary feelings you've developed for her. Rather, drop tons of hints and see how she reacts. We all know exactly how you feel... think long and hard before you make a move.
 
Tina said:
Please give me some advice on how to approach the guy I like. That's more important than anything else to me now. I have never made a first move. Thanks.:)
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This is hard? Its as easy a coaxing sharks to blood. Truthfully, I don't really get all the signals. Take for instance a real scenario.

1. Saw her and thought, she seems very professional, and cute.

2. Later on, she was very strict about how she wanted a project done: Hmmm! Kind of strong willed, and cute, too.

3. Criticized my work some, but overall she liked it: Kind of a *****, but getting hotter to me.

4. Talks about her marriage: Ohhhhhhhh (let down). Ahhh, she is still hot.

5. Thinking about her marriage: I don't really care. I'll talk to her anyway. Keep it professional, somewhat.

6. Talked to her: Made her nervous a bit. I think she was sure I would ask her out. I didn't. I may be stupid or shallow, but I'm not a creep.

7. Made a joke concerning, in a vague suggestive manner, her hotness. ******* told her friend what I said. Yet, she approached me very nice, and was friendly. Probably flattered a bit. At that time, we hadn't worked together for a while. I quickly remembered how hot she was. The incident helped solidify our friendship.

8. Overall, wound up in the friend zone of a young woman who really didn't befriend any men I knew of. Every guy I talked to felt she was a *****. She probably heard all the ***** rumors, and I was the first guy who had nothing bad to say.

So, with this level of reasoning, you think it is difficult to give guys the green light?


--------------------------------------------------------------------

To the original poster,

I've been in some of those childhood friend turned later friend. I'll say this, you may not want to meet her future boyfriends. I showed up at a party to a girl I knew from 7 years old. Met her boyfriend, or ex, whatever. He asks me all nervous, how do you know Brook?

Me: We are friends.

Him: Well...I'm her boyfriend.

Me: Oh. (who gives a ****)

I think if I could do one thing all over again. Now, maybe this is some kind of brain chemical gone out of control. I think I would have sex with the girl, and then claim to be gay to the boyfriend. Imagine the mind**** he would be going through. Everyday, wondering how he measured up.
 
Don't trip your self out. Getting into the first stages of a relationship is the easy part.

The challenging part is when you've been with someone for a while.... say 5 years.... and haven't proposed to her.... and she reminds you of it..... almost daily

Anyways, have fun! :lol:
 
Wow what a day. We got there, and then she met one of her friends and she sat with me and her friend. I fel it wasn't the rite time when her friend was around...She invited only me to her house tomorrow so tomorrow for sure I'll ask her.
 
Photoshop said:
I'm probably in the minority when I say this but don't do it. You guys have known each other since childhood... she probably already put you in the friend zone then. Once you ask her out, things are going to get pretty awkward. Don't risk losing a close friend b/c of the temporary feelings you've developed for her. Rather, drop tons of hints and see how she reacts. We all know exactly how you feel... think long and hard before you make a move.
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I totally disagree with this. While I agree there is a good chance he is in the *friend zone*, it is still worth pursuing and finding out whether there is any chance to become a couple. Ruining the friendship should not be an issue at all. The friendship is already ruined because one of the parties likes the other as more than a friend.

It is impossible to truly be a good friend when you have a crush on your friend. You will always wonder if they like you the same, you will hate when they ask you advice about pursuing someone else of the opposite sex, and of course you'll be jealous as hell if they start dating someone, all while pretending everything is just fine. Who wants that kind of friendship?

Instead, if he comes clean now and finds out she doesn't like him, it might be difficult for a while but this info will allow him to move on rather quickly to someone else. Then when the smoke clears they can remain friends, and this will be a more honest relationship because maybe she will keep hush hush about her interest in other guys while around him.
 
raiden031 said:
I totally disagree with this. While I agree there is a good chance he is in the *friend zone*, it is still worth pursuing and finding out whether there is any chance to become a couple. Ruining the friendship should not be an issue at all. The friendship is already ruined because one of the parties likes the other as more than a friend.

It is impossible to truly be a good friend when you have a crush on your friend. You will always wonder if they like you the same, you will hate when they ask you advice about pursuing someone else of the opposite sex, and of course you'll be jealous as hell if they start dating someone, all while pretending everything is just fine. Who wants that kind of friendship?

Instead, if he comes clean now and finds out she doesn't like him, it might be difficult for a while but this info will allow him to move on rather quickly to someone else. Then when the smoke clears they can remain friends, and this will be a more honest relationship because maybe she will keep hush hush about her interest in other guys while around him.
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Wise analysis here. Just fine to be friends if that sexual tension is truly not applicable.
 
There's always a way to see if she's in a relationship.

Check her Facebook Status. :D

Also, rnrockz1:
She invited only me to her house tomorrow so tomorrow for sure I'll ask her.
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Oh the things I'm thinking about that part...ONLY you eh? Hmmm...a good moment indeed, but I think it's not just a relationship she's looking for on that one. ;)
 
GetBetterer said:
There's always a way to see if she's in a relationship.

Check her Facebook Status. :D

Also, rnrockz1:


Oh the things I'm thinking about that part...ONLY you eh? Hmmm...a good moment indeed, but I think it's not just a relationship she's looking for on that one. ;)
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Haha shes not that type of girl lol. We'll see tomorrow.
 
rnrockz1 said:
Wow what a day. We got there, and then she met one of her friends and she sat with me and her friend. I fel it wasn't the rite time when her friend was around...She invited only me to her house tomorrow so tomorrow for sure I'll ask her.
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If she's not that kind of girl, don't go too fast, BUT don't look too innocent either. My vision of it:

"Friend zone" you have to avoid for sure, but be nice, be respectful, be a gentleman -always-, and why not let her notice you like her in a subtle, non pressuring way: make a little joke about it, play a little games with her, make her have a fun time. Being respectful doesn't mean you need to look totally naive: If you keep the respect, she will get it and won't make an issue of it, don't worry.

I know combining respect with being a bit sharp looks hard to do, but it's not: the best way to combine it is the sense of humour. Girls love sense of humour, don't try too hard, don't need to be a standup comedian, don't make bad jokes just for trying to be fun, just need to be yourself and if you like her, don't make a drama of it. Be relaxed about that, laughing a little bit at the situation, play some games, teasing her a bit. You can be fun without being Groucho Marx: just think she's a human being too, she has insecurities and worries just like you, and she will appreciate a guy who doesn't make a drama of little things. That's the way of being fun: not making a drama of a little thing, but making a little game or an anecdote of it. Don't tell jokes, you're not in Paramount Comedy, but look for the funny side of little things that happen with her. Always avoid negative emotions; she may have negative emotions in her life already, don't add any more. Just add positive.

Girls love confident and relaxed guys. Don't try too hard, don't put yourself below her and DON'T sell yourself cheap: treat her with respect but as an equal, don't look desperate and hurried and don't give what you don't get (fairness is important). Listen to her, treat her right, and at the end let her know you had a good time. Don't forget to tell her, there's nothing wrong about it. If she feels relaxed and comfortable with you, there's no reason why she won't like the idea of hanging with you in the future and she will already know she can make you feel alright: that will be good for her ego. All of we like the idea of being capable of making someone feel nice.

There's no much secret about this, it's like tennis really: always looking forward to attack, but if you think a forehand could go too far, just don't make it, relax, make just a subtle slice backhand and wait for the next game.

And never, never, complain to the umpire. Remember: girls also love a guy who can smile even when he loses a point.
 
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From The Godfather:

You can act like a man!

Quit trying to PLEASE her especially if she's interested in this other guy.
 
Another good way to find out, is to hold her hand. Slowly inch your hand over, and if she's okay with it, you just cup your hand in a "hold hands" position and, voila!
 
OrangeOne said:
Yeah, I'd rather watch soccer too. Or actually, no, I really wouldn't.

aebphxlzmeerpbxr.jpg
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For once Im gonna have to agree with Orange. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit. If that was on every channel I could channel surf all day!
 
I did it. I asked her out. She said...........YES! :O :D Thanks guys!
 
Fifth Set said:
Great job and big congrats! How did the conversation go? What approach did you use?
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I held her hand, and said do you think we can be more than just friends? and she said YES! And then we kinda made out lol
 
kimbahpnam:
i'm surprised you don't have closer friends than TT to confide in about this stuff
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He's new to this (I think). Give him a break, his friends probably know he's new to this and they would probably start gossiping around the school and word would eventually get to her.

It's easier to talk to us because, we don't know who he is, we can't tell his woman, and even if we knew him, we don't know it's him since he's behind a computer monitor with an avatar and a different name.
 
ok, i have a question to, i like this girl that i see often, tbh i have no problems with asking her out, however i am unsure if she is in a relationship; i am also friends with her gf, who i knows is a spoil sport and likes to gossip etc by the way she talks to me; im thinking if i should ask the gf first if the girl i like has a bf risking that she may let her now etc, or if i should ask her directly... just wondering which would be more successful; she is also chinese; i haven't dated any chinese before her friend is alot older as in 10+ yrs older; yet she likes to gossip about anything lmao but she's her best friend kind of unsure which way 2 go.
 
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LameTennisPlayer:
ok, i have a question to, i like this girl that i see often, tbh i have no problems with asking her out, however i am unsure if she is in a relationship; i am also friends with her gf, who i knows is a spoil sport and likes to gossip etc by the way she talks to me; im thinking if i should ask the gf first if the girl i like has a bf risking that she may let her now etc, or if i should ask her directly... just wondering which would be more successful; she is also chinese; i haven't dated any chinese before her friend is alot older as in 10+ yrs older; yet she likes to gossip about anything lmao but she's her best friend kind of unsure which way 2 go.
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What don't you understand about: Check Facebook page!!!

Also, you have an advantage. Wait for that time to go by so you can see her 3x a week, and then befriend her, ask her out! Voila! Done.

rnrockz1:
Sorry I was really elated at that time, take out the kinda.
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REALLY elated huh? Oh my, this guy doesn't know the difference between making out and doing it... -_-
 
GetBetterer said:
LameTennisPlayer:


What don't you understand about: Check Facebook page!!!

Also, you have an advantage. Wait for that time to go by so you can see her 3x a week, and then befriend her, ask her out! Voila! Done.

rnrockz1:


REALLY elated huh? Oh my, this guy doesn't know the difference between making out and doing it... -_-
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I do know believe me ;)
 
GetBetterer said:
LameTennisPlayer:


What don't you understand about: Check Facebook page!!!

Also, you have an advantage. Wait for that time to go by so you can see her 3x a week, and then befriend her, ask her out! Voila! Done.

....well i don't have her on my facebook, id rather ask her out then ask her to join my facebook friends lol, i'm already seeing her 3x per week, just not sure whether to ask her straight out, or ask her friend if she is in a relationship first; i see both of them, and if it fails i still have 2 see her 3 times a week; at this stage i get on well with her friend but i know she will tell her if i ask and im not sure whether this will ruin my chances or not
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LameTennisPlayer said:
GetBetterer said:
LameTennisPlayer:


What don't you understand about: Check Facebook page!!!

Also, you have an advantage. Wait for that time to go by so you can see her 3x a week, and then befriend her, ask her out! Voila! Done.

....well i don't have her on my facebook, id rather ask her out then ask her to join my facebook friends lol, i'm already seeing her 3x per week, just not sure whether to ask her straight out, or ask her friend if she is in a relationship first; i see both of them, and if it fails i still have 2 see her 3 times a week; at this stage i get on well with her friend but i know she will tell her if i ask and im not sure whether this will ruin my chances or not
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I wouldn't just come out and ask that. Do what I do and say "I like that _____. Did your boyfriend buy it for you?" or something. Or add her on facebook and say "This picture is cute, is that you and your boyfriend?" it's not that invasive and it's not an awkward thing to ask. I've found asking girls if they have a boyfriend or not to be really direct and if they do that can be rather awkward.
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LameTennisPlayer:
....well i don't have her on my facebook, id rather ask her out then ask her to join my facebook friends lol, i'm already seeing her 3x per week, just not sure whether to ask her straight out, or ask her friend if she is in a relationship first; i see both of them, and if it fails i still have 2 see her 3 times a week; at this stage i get on well with her friend but i know she will tell her if i ask and im not sure whether this will ruin my chances or not
Click to expand...

Facebook privacy is so horrible. Just go and look it up without making a Facebook account. You'll see it. If you can't see her status, or more importantly her relationship status, look at her wall, it's public to everybody (most of the time). If she's in a relationship, she'll probably write about it. (i.e. Fun night w/ the best guy evarrr!) Except they may contain more spelling errors than mine.

If Facebook fails you (hasn't failed me yet in breaking up relationships to get with the girls I like...), get to knowing her friend. Get in the conversation of this girl's (the girl that you like) relationship. Something like this:

You:Oh hey X (this is the name of the girl that's her friend, but you don't like), how are you and Y (the girl that you like)?
* If this seems peculiar, you ask about her other friends too.

You:Well that's good (or I'm sorry to hear that), and how is Y doing with Z (some guy you know everybody hates but may have a chance with her).

She (the girl that is her friend) will react in 3 ways:
#1 - Oh, they're fine (but you know he's a **** so they'll break up soon).
#2 - They...never dated in the first place.
* If this is the answer, and 99% of the time it is, you say: "Oh really? I thought she was going out with him *laugh*, oh man, sorry. I could of sworn she was going out with somebody wasn't she?"
#3 - What...the ****? Get away from me, why are you asking about my (best) friend so much (this is usually PMS time and in order to avoid this go sometime in between the month, like between the 10th to 20th).

After your response to #2 the conversation will be easier to pick away at for the girl you like's relationshi(p/t) status.
 
rnrockz1 said:
Sorry I was really elated at that time, take out the kinda.:)
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Congrats again, Now don't you feel stupid for not asking her out earlier? You could have been 'kinda making out' for weeks now :)

Advice out there for the young and meek, Be BOLD! Stop playin' and be a PLAYER!
 
mlktennis:
Advice out there for the young and meek, Be BOLD! Stop playin' and be a PLAYER!
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Old timer ( :D ), what do you mean, "stop playin' and be a player?"

Also, in our time a player is a guy who has sex with a lot of ladies. No real love.
 
Tina said:
How about I like this guy a lot? He is a few years younger than I am.
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I was under the impression I was a few years older than you, Tina.

LameTennisPlayer said:
ok, i have a question to, i like this girl that i see often, tbh i have no problems with asking her out, however i am unsure if she is in a relationship; i am also friends with her gf, who i knows is a spoil sport and likes to gossip etc by the way she talks to me; im thinking if i should ask the gf first if the girl i like has a bf risking that she may let her now etc, or if i should ask her directly... just wondering which would be more successful; she is also chinese; i haven't dated any chinese before her friend is alot older as in 10+ yrs older; yet she likes to gossip about anything lmao but she's her best friend kind of unsure which way 2 go.
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The friend sounds like a C-blocking trouble maker. Go directly to the girl you want to find out her status, perhaps with one of the indirect approaches suggested previously.
 
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heycal said:
I was under the impression I was a few years older than you, Tina..
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Heycal,

I have been known your age for a while. I am at least 15-20 years younger than you are. I have a very respectful job and a degree in a real life. If you really want to get to know me better, why not introduce yourself a bit via a private message. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Tina
 
Tina said:
Heycal,

I have been known your age for a while. I am at least 15-20 years younger than you are. I have a very respectful job and a degree in a real life. If you really want to get to know me better, why not introduce yourself a bit via a private message. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Tina
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I appreciate your invitation, Tina. It's tempting. Alas, I have a new girlfriend (I think she is younger than you actually, so your age is not a problem for me), so I must refrain from finding a second one. Perhaps in the future, if the stars align, you and I can see if we have in real life the same wonderful chemistry and affection for each other that we clearly have online.
 
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