Guys can be friends with girls.

Guys and girls can be platonic friends?

  • Yes, guys and girls can be friends -- and I'm a guy.

    Votes: 134 66.0%
  • Yes, guys and girls can be friends -- and I'm a girl.

    Votes: 11 5.4%
  • Nope, guys and girls can't be "just friends" -- and I'm a guy.

    Votes: 56 27.6%
  • Nope, guys and girls can't be "just friends" -- and I'm a girl.

    Votes: 2 1.0%

  • Total voters
    203

ShooterMcMarco

Hall of Fame
Ahem! Maybe it's because:

a) 99% of the time, a random dude who comes up to you and talks to you uninvited IS just trying to get in your pants, whether he knows it or not;
So would you rather have a dude be indirect and try to get in your pants or be direct about it? Personally I would rather not waste my time and play ridiculous games. At first sight, attraction is largely physical, especially so for men, you have to understand that. By that same token, I bet you would rather have a man who looks like Brad Pitt than a guy that looks like Bill Gates approach you uninvited.

b) most of the guys who are just "friendly and outgoing and stuff" are actually priming you for their eventual "strong move";
I'm curious as to what happens when a genuinely friendly and outgoing guy approaches you; I guess you put up a shield and test him?

c) it's embarrassing, esp. if you're out with your male friends, when some ********* or another gets up in your grill (trying to get in your pants), so you try to nip the situation in the bud from the get-go; and
I guess you must be attracting some socially un-savvy men, because they should know that they need to win the group over before the girl ;)

d) you've had to shut down a short parade of losers already in one night, so the next guy that talks to you gets the quick and brutal blow-off because you just don't want to deal with one more stupid conversation with some *********, period, and you don't give him a chance to demonstrate that he is not, in fact, trying to get in your pants. Tough luck for you both.
Sounds like you get validation for your ego being to shut down these men.


Now a question for you:

When I actually *do* get into a decent conversation with a guy I don't really know, and I genuinely CAN'T tell whether he's hitting on me, I am torn between two options:

1) mentioning my boyfriend, just so that he knows that I'm spoken for and therefore I cannot be accused of leading on or teasing

--or--

2) not mentioning him, because I don't want the guy to get all cranky thinking I assumed he was hitting on me, and thus ruin our conversation and any fun we could have had.
Mention it.
 

35ft6

Legend
If you're not that attracted to you, definitely. If she's attractive, then it gets more complicated but still possible.
 
So would you rather have a dude be indirect and try to get in your pants or be direct about it? Personally I would rather not waste my time and play ridiculous games. At first sight, attraction is largely physical, especially so for men, you have to understand that. By that same token, I bet you would rather have a man who looks like Brad Pitt than a guy that looks like Bill Gates approach you uninvited.
Oh awesome, here we go again. What part of "winky face" doesn't get through to you people? Of course I don't *actually* mean (most of) what i said in that list. I was having some fun. Remember fun?

I'm curious as to what happens when a genuinely friendly and outgoing guy approaches you; I guess you put up a shield and test him?
No, my head spins around three times, fire shoots out of my eyes, and I unleash the she-dragons. Then I ask him if he has a light. From there it's up to him. :shock:

I guess you must be attracting some socially un-savvy men, because they should know that they need to win the group over before the girl ;)
True. But they don't always know you're with a group. I only take issue because that is the one thing on that list I actually kinda meant.

Sounds like you get validation for your ego being to shut down these men.
Yes, my giant inflated self-image, because how else would I validate my "ego being" (???). I totally meant everything I said in that entire list--I was 100% in earnest. What is irony again, anyway?

No, actually, I've never had the guts to "brutally shut down" anyone in my entire life, save the true asshats who manhandle me or spill their drinks down my dress. And you can't defend those types, c'mon. You'd punch 'em, too. ;)

That is the last time i will defend my hilaaaaaaariousness.


Mention it.
That seems to be the general consensus. :cool:
 

ShooterMcMarco

Hall of Fame
Oh awesome, here we go again. What part of "winky face" doesn't get through to you people? Of course I don't *actually* mean (most of) what i said in that list. I was having some fun. Remember fun?
I smelled a little truth in what you said ;)

No, my head spins around three times, fire shoots out of my eyes, and I unleash the she-dragons. Then I ask him if he has a light. From there it's up to him. :shock:
After the first head spin I'd eject myself.

Yes, my giant inflated self-image, because how else would I validate my "ego being" (???). I totally meant everything I said in that entire list--I was 100% in earnest. What is irony again, anyway?
I left out the word able on accident

No, actually, I've never had the guts to "brutally shut down" anyone in my entire life, save the true asshats who manhandle me or spill their drinks down my dress. And you can't defend those types, c'mon. You'd punch 'em, too. ;)
I would encourage them to continue doing that to other girls in the venue, makes my job that much easier :grin:
 

Phil

Hall of Fame
No, actually, I've never had the guts to "brutally shut down" anyone in my entire life, save the true asshats who... spill their drinks down my dress. And you can't defend those types, c'mon. You'd punch 'em, too. ;)
:cool:
I don't see what's wrong with having a drink spilled on you now and then...especially if it's decent booze. Grey Goose...Glenfiddich or a smooth Merlot...What's to shut down? Someone has made a sacrifice for you. If it's beer or Night Train X., then sure, I can understand a negative reaction, but otherwise, this should be a turn-on...
 
I don't see what's wrong with having a drink spilled on you now and then...especially if it's decent booze. Grey Goose...Glenfiddich or a smooth Merlot...What's to shut down? Someone has made a sacrifice for you. If it's beer or Night Train X., then sure, I can understand a negative reaction, but otherwise, this should be a turn-on...
:roll: Just like a man--totally unfamiliar with drycleaning bills. ;)

I s'pose you think having your backside grabbed should be a turn-on too, huh? ;) (In my book, 1 backside pawing for you = one open hand smack for me. Touch me again, and I close the fist.)
 
I believe guys and girls can be friends. I believe even more that men and women can be friends because (hopefully) the frontal lobe in their brains have developed more so we can hold back urges and find meaningful platonic relationships. However, I think most people ages 25 maybe 26 27 and under would have a hard time being just friends especially if s/he initially found the other physically attractive when they first met.

just my two cents =D
 

Phil

Hall of Fame
:roll: Just like a man--totally unfamiliar with drycleaning bills. ;)

I s'pose you think having your backside grabbed should be a turn-on too, huh? ;) (In my book, 1 backside pawing for you = one open hand smack for me. Touch me again, and I close the fist.)
I'm quite familiar with dry cleaning-many of us menfolk make use of dry cleaning services on a semi-frequent basis. You ever try to wash a mammoth-skin loin cloth by hand? Right. Didn't think so.

No need to get testy and threaten me with physical violence...spilling a drink does not, in my book (or anyone's, for that matter) equal a backside pawing, so you better get past that obsession. A fine single malt poured onto your designer-style TJ Maxx special is a very different (and legal) approach from a mere pawing.
 
I'm quite familiar with dry cleaning-many of us menfolk make use of dry cleaning services on a semi-frequent basis. You ever try to wash a mammoth-skin loin cloth by hand? Right. Didn't think so.
LOL! Got me there. I hear Merlot is especially hard on animal hide.

No need to get testy and threaten me with physical violence...spilling a drink does not, in my book (or anyone's, for that matter) equal a backside pawing, so you better get past that obsession.
I wasn't threatening you in particular. I don't believe you've ever pawed me in a bar, so you're still safe.

A fine single malt poured onto your designer-style TJ Maxx special is a very different (and legal) approach from a mere pawing.
LOL, have you been following me through the mall? Just look for my bangs, they're at least 6" above the crowd. Not sure I follow your parenthetical, but LOL any ol' hoo.
 

Phil

Hall of Fame
LOL! Got me there. I hear Merlot is especially hard on animal hide.
It certainly is, and some of the more cultivated among us neanderthals are absolute sticklers for having our hides cleaned.
I wasn't threatening you in particular. I don't believe you've ever pawed me in a bar, so you're still safe.
Well thank goodness for that, because I just changed over health insurance providers and this is a touchy period in the policy transition-I really can't afford to get hurt.
LOL, have you been following me through the mall? Just look for my bangs, they're at least 6" above the crowd. Not sure I follow your parenthetical, but LOL any ol' hoo.
I haven't followed you, but now if I ever see bangs going off above the crowd, I'll know it's you. It was just a lucky guess, I guess...you just strike me as a loyal TJ Maxx customer.
My "parenthetical"? Just, simply, that spilling good booze all over a bar patron is legal (up to now, at least), while grabbing someone's behind, uninvited, is an assault. Even I know that.
 
I haven't followed you, but now if I ever see bangs going off above the crowd, I'll know it's you. It was just a lucky guess, I guess...you just strike me as a loyal TJ Maxx customer.
My "parenthetical"? Just, simply, that spilling good booze all over a bar patron is legal (up to now, at least), while grabbing someone's behind, uninvited, is an assault. Even I know that.
It was a "mall bangs" joke.

And that TJ maxx thing was funny the first time; "loyal TJ Maxx customer" is just an insult. Who's the one who knew to put the extra x in there anyway, hmmmmmmm?
 

Phil

Hall of Fame
It was a "mall bangs" joke.

And that TJ maxx thing was funny the first time; "loyal TJ Maxx customer" is just an insult. Who's the one who knew to put the extra x in there anyway, hmmmmmmm?
Oh...I missed the "mall bangs" joke...some humor there, eh?

One doesn't have to be a TJ Maxx platinum/titanium uber-preferred customer to spell the name correctly!
 

richw76

Rookie
:roll: Just like a man--totally unfamiliar with drycleaning bills. ;)

I s'pose you think having your backside grabbed should be a turn-on too, huh? (In my book, 1 backside pawing for you = one open hand smack for me. Touch me again, and I close the fist.)
Yep my wife takes in the dry cleaning. ;) jk, if she ever read this board I'd be stuck taking the dry cleaning from now on.

And I agree with the spilling good liquor, definitely not cool unless you are still in college. hey if you just finished your third keg stand it's gonna happen.

Lastly I find spilling good liqour much MORE offensive. I mean common that's just wasteful :)

and I have a little sister and if a random guy grabs her in an inappropriate place I would hope she hits him with the closed fist first, run behind her friends, then come find me.
 

richw76

Rookie
Oh...I missed the "mall bangs" joke...some humor there, eh?

One doesn't have to be a TJ Maxx platinum/titanium uber-preferred customer to spell the name correctly!
and I prefer Marshall's but why pay 10$ for good socks and underwear, when you can spend half that at Marshall's/TJMaxx.
 

clout

Hall of Fame
I have female friends that I will only ever considered as "friends" so my answer is yes.

However, I can relate to a few posters above who say interacting with women sometimes causes them to think you're trying to hit on them when really you're not
 

acintya

Legend
A man can have only one girlfriend. This is because in most cases a man picks only attractive women for his friendship with them - its in the nature of the man. we can now finally close the thread.
 

donquijote

G.O.A.T.
I was close friends with someone and after many years she disclosed her feelings in an email and had hopes even though I was married with kids and she had divorced with a kid. So I guess it doesn't work even for women. I had some experiences where I took a family friend as a friend and was acting totally friendly and they had some expectations, at least wanted me to show them that I found them attractive.

But still it works for some people I guess. My wife has a close friend for many years. They even went to vacations and slept in the same bedroom, yet never had feelings for each other.
 

King No1e

Legend
Nope, sorry, been around this planet long enough to learn that sooner or later one or the other gets upset somehow witht the other. Now good acquaintences or your guy friend's girl/wife, may work some of the time, but IMHO, it seems to transcend asthetics, age, preference, lifestyle, wealth, race or religion... one or the other is going to get attached in the wrong way and get hurt.

Sorry, that sounds sooo jaded but...
I don't know about always, but ain't that the truth.
 

Sysyphus

Talk Tennis Guru
Can't tell if the people saying 'no' are deluded, terribly old-fashioned or just from a very different culture than me.

Being of college age in western europe, guys and girls being friends is entirely commonplace and usually works just fine.
 

King No1e

Legend
Can't tell if the people saying 'no' are deluded, terribly old-fashioned or just from a very different culture than me.

Being of college age in western europe, guys and girls being friends is entirely commonplace and usually works just fine.
Desperate is my guess.
 

Enga

Hall of Fame
I thought more guys would be open to the idea of having friends, and sleeping with them too. What about being clear youre not looking for a lifelong partner? Friends come and go all the time. Hell, all the friends I've had have disappeared over the years. Can be that way for "girl friends" too.
 

TheGhostOfAgassi

Talk Tennis Guru
Every good male friend I had has been hitting on me in the end. Something I thought was friendship only.
No, it’s not possible. The man female attraction will be always there. It’s so strong.
Maybe a woman and a gay man, even that isn’t 100% “safe”.
 

Bartelby

Bionic Poster
There can be an erotic dimension to any relationship.

It's a question of the way people handle it.

The usual on/off binary logic of Platonic/erotic does not work here as it's too facile.

Every good male friend I had has been hitting on me in the end. Something I thought was friendship only.
No, it’s not possible. The man female attraction will be always there. It’s so strong.
Maybe a woman and a gay man, even that isn’t 100% “safe”.
 

Tmano

Professional
I think it's very rare that a guy can be a good friend of a girl but possible in certain circumstances.
However,
 

TheGhostOfAgassi

Talk Tennis Guru
There can be an erotic dimension to any relationship.

It's a question of the way people handle it.

The usual on/off binary logic of Platonic/erotic does not work here as it's too facile.
That’s your opinion. I’ve had male friends I never felt any erotic for.
 

Harry_Wild

G.O.A.T.
Biological speaking, NO, for the guy at least unless the guy already done it and has moved on then he can be friends. There are alot of friendships form from guy’s exs: ex-girlfriend, ex-lovers(one night stands), ex-wifes.
 
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