Guys can be friends with girls.
- Thread starter Craig Sheppard
- Start date
Kobble
Hall of Fame
It depends on the people involved in the friendship. I can force myself to be friends, but if I said that further relations hasn't entered my mind I would be lying. I think both men and women battle this problem, though. It becomes a bigger problem when you get to my age when marriages and career credibility is at stake. When I was in college I always seemed to get some hot TA that broke the mold. It would always draw my interest, and sometimes vice versa. I used to think I was attracted to dangerous relationships, but then I was like, no, just cool hot chicks who are interesting.
I think most of the guys on here are kidding themselves. With the exceptions of the one dude that knew his friend since they were little kids, or they are unavailable. For example your best friends girlfriend.
Other than that, EVERY guy with an attractive girl, friend would "make time" with her that drunk night at the party when she kisses you.
Me and my wife were friends for over a year and dating other people before we got together.
also I have a great group of friends. When I was in my bar days I was a decent good looking guy. I could hang out, get numbers, date, no problems, but I've seen from experience some guys are just on another level. I have these two buddies couldn't be any more different both very good looking. One is funny but is also loud obnoxious and drinks to much, but is a loyal guy with a good heart, and he would regularly hook up with the hottest women you'll ever meet. Now my friend Aaron is like me more layed back, respectful "nice guy" and he would get equally hot women..........
my point most women decide if they would sleep with you in the first 15 seconds whatever you say after that can get you disqualified, but if you're not in the race after that first 15 seconds you're NEVER getting in.
We had a rule in college if we didn't make significant progress with a girl in 3 weeks we put her on the back burner. It's simple if a girl likes you you're either hooking up within the first week or two, or it'll be so much work to get a maybe you might as well cut your loses.
Other than that, EVERY guy with an attractive girl, friend would "make time" with her that drunk night at the party when she kisses you.
Me and my wife were friends for over a year and dating other people before we got together.
also I have a great group of friends. When I was in my bar days I was a decent good looking guy. I could hang out, get numbers, date, no problems, but I've seen from experience some guys are just on another level. I have these two buddies couldn't be any more different both very good looking. One is funny but is also loud obnoxious and drinks to much, but is a loyal guy with a good heart, and he would regularly hook up with the hottest women you'll ever meet. Now my friend Aaron is like me more layed back, respectful "nice guy" and he would get equally hot women..........
my point most women decide if they would sleep with you in the first 15 seconds whatever you say after that can get you disqualified, but if you're not in the race after that first 15 seconds you're NEVER getting in.
We had a rule in college if we didn't make significant progress with a girl in 3 weeks we put her on the back burner. It's simple if a girl likes you you're either hooking up within the first week or two, or it'll be so much work to get a maybe you might as well cut your loses.
oh and cc and pb, if you are a hot girl anywhere and the guy talking to you is unattached. He may not be talking to you to get into yoru pants but he'll try if you give him the slightest bit of encouragment.
Scenario:
I'm at a pool hall with my boys and a group of girls come to teh table next to us. I'm there to hang out, so I'll talk to everyone adn we'll all have a good time.....
If everyone goes home adn we never see each other again, no worries I don't care.
But if you can/do hookup that's cool to and your friends will understand. But girls most guys already have plenty of friends and don't really want more.
...Oh and to the guys I just realized one major caveat, having a few hot girls that you hang out with is like gold if you go to popular clubs(No waiting) and to meet other women. Not sure why but if women see a group of guys with a few hot women I guess they assume there not D-bags as PB would say and you hook up more.
Scenario:
I'm at a pool hall with my boys and a group of girls come to teh table next to us. I'm there to hang out, so I'll talk to everyone adn we'll all have a good time.....
If everyone goes home adn we never see each other again, no worries I don't care.
But if you can/do hookup that's cool to and your friends will understand. But girls most guys already have plenty of friends and don't really want more.
...Oh and to the guys I just realized one major caveat, having a few hot girls that you hang out with is like gold if you go to popular clubs(No waiting) and to meet other women. Not sure why but if women see a group of guys with a few hot women I guess they assume there not D-bags as PB would say and you hook up more.
tennishead93
Semi-Pro
i was going to type some thing but i decided not to
This is basically true, even if you're framing this in a provocative and humorous way. If you're halfway attractive, and me or any other guy initiates a conversation with you out of the blue, it's not because we actually care what you think about the music playing, or are curious about your thoughts on any other matter.
That being the case...
Mention the boyfriend. It saves everyone time. When I hear a woman mention that she has a boyfriend, it usually signals a lack of interest on her part, and consequently, a sudden disinterest in speaking to her further on my part most of time. I then seek to exit the conversation soon after as politely and as gracefully as possible, which works in everyone's interest.
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Kobble
Hall of Fame
Oh, now this is getting interesting. Pfft, boyfriend, I have had the husband thing thrown at me. Indirectly, of course. Used conversation with other girls to let me hear it. I was like, whose obstacle is this mine or yours? (just kidding) Anyway, my friend, 18 at the time, said to some 30 year old woman, "When are you going to dump your husband so we can go out." LOL I never initiate relations with someone who is married, because if they ever get divorced in the future there will be no guilt.
Fedfan4life
Semi-Pro
I don't know why anyone hasn't said anything about the "friends zone". For a guy (like me) that's the one thing that I don't wanna be in. Because once a girl puts you in the "friends zone" your there forever. You cannot do anything else. If the "platonic friendship" in our society still exist, that's the only way you can get out of the "friends zone". I'm getting married soon and I always stay away from girls who wants to be "friends" with me. Due to multiple reasons:
1. My personality is just too attracting. (Don't hate me, hate god for making me this way)
2. My wedding band electronically shocks me if I look at women.
3. My beloved has assured me (and on many occassions) that she will cut-off my penis.
1. My personality is just too attracting. (Don't hate me, hate god for making me this way)
2. My wedding band electronically shocks me if I look at women.
3. My beloved has assured me (and on many occassions) that she will cut-off my penis.
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Good man. Finally some more guys that aren't full of crap. All these touchy feely metrosexual, man women were getting a little annoying.
but one thing IT'S A LIE!! everyone told me once I got married and had teh ring I would barely be able to walk down the street due to all the hot women throwing themselves at me... A LIE!!
Also, she's not kidding women are smaller than us but they are much meaner, hold a grudge, and are much smarter than us in all things non-mechanical. So fly right, respect each other and CONGRADULATIONS on the marriage, it really is a beautiful thing.... even if young attractive women don't start throwing themselves at you ;-)
Craig Sheppard
Hall of Fame
Hey, on the first few pages there was talk of the ladder theory--it's essentially the same friend zone, but they call it the friends ladder.
lol @ #3. You're a lucky man. I see so many girls/women these days who don't care about this kind of stuff. They're just all wishy-washy... I think guys respect girls more who say stuff like this. In a convoluted (kinda aggro) way, it shows they care. I hear girls (even ones that are married) about not caring that guys look at other girls or not caring about what their guys do. Pbbffftt.
I don't understand what you mean about a platonic friendship getting out of the friend zone... a platonic friendship would put you squarely in the friend zone...
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Craig Sheppard
Hall of Fame
Be honest here... if the guy hitting on you is more attractive to you than your boyfriend, you won't mention your boyfriend. By the time you've listened to this guy's chit-chat who's hitting on you, you've already sized him up. My guess is you're just holding off trying to get a feel for his personality or sense of humor. As soon as he DQ's himself by being an idiot or crude or something, you'll mention your boyfriend. If he passes the test and you think he's an upgrade, you'll conveniently forget to mention you have a BF. I will qualify this to say, if you're way serious w/ your BF, this *may* not apply.
This is why some guys think girls are such... well, girls. As long as you're getting what you want (i.e. attention, complements, treated really well, etc), you'll conveniently forget you have a BF and never mention it. Then when we guys are think things are headed in a good direction, out comes the guilty look (you can see the wheels turning in the girls mind...uhoh... i'm doing something wrong... i'll feel guilty....i shouldn't do this), and the BF bomb comes out.
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kingdaddy41788
Hall of Fame
I have a whole lot of attractive girl friends and have no feelings for them. I have a lot of attractive girl friends that I do have feelings for too. It just depends on whether or not there's chemistry there.
Craig Sheppard
Hall of Fame
That's totally legit. Chemistry is a huge part of attractiveness.
Fedfan4life
Semi-Pro
Not a complete lie. Try taking your ring off, then show off that ring tan line. Many women have admitted to me that they look for that tan line first. Means that your a new listing on the market. Kinda like real-estate.
Fedfan4life
Semi-Pro
Thanks Craig. But doesn't Platonic friendship gives you way to sleep with the girl. If ever the woman and her bf/husband was in a big fight and on the verge of breaking up. She would let you in her arms and you can go in for the kill.
For all the guys out there who doesn't know what to get their girlfriend or girl-friend. Give her this......
http://youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA
Heavy Metal Tennis Star
Professional
my gf has guy friends, and theya re jsut friends haha i know, i spy on her lol.
croatian sensation
Professional
Though there are like 10 girls on these boards, I still think how it's significant that none of them thinks guys and girls can't be friends.
Girls just don't try to get guys by being their friends (or at least the girls I know). Unlike the guys who often (not all of them to all the girls) use "friendship" as a way to get the girl. Which is bad! Bad! Bad!
Girls just don't try to get guys by being their friends (or at least the girls I know). Unlike the guys who often (not all of them to all the girls) use "friendship" as a way to get the girl. Which is bad! Bad! Bad!
I have no problem with my wife having male friends, and I don't spy on her... of course I would have a HUGE problem if she was friends with an Ex. I have never sleeped with any of my friends(ok there was that long hug once, but hey we were drunk, jk) and out of respect I would like her to be able to say the same ;-)
You may have no feelings but, commmmoonn... you're saying if a group of you went to a party had a few drinks, and one of the girls you have no feelings for, er, ahum took the bull by the horns so to say you wouldn't share some "special time"?
Craig Sheppard
Hall of Fame
You're just lying to yourselves. I've seen more than once you just chat w/ a chick, and they find you have some social skills so they want to chat some more... then they want to start hanging out... they are the ones initiating the "friendship", then when you ask them out, it's "oh, I'm dating so and so..." So don't give me that... girls are just as bad as guys at doing anything it takes to get what they want.
croatian sensation
Professional
Maybe some. I've always had 2 types of "hanging out". Though, it's not our problem you misunderstood the "friendship". It's obviously real friendship to her if she doesn't want to go out with you. Cause, I don't know many girls who say "oh I'm dating" to a guy they like and wanna be with.
Fedfan4life
Semi-Pro
They want to be YOUR sister? I've never heard of that one before. Very original tho.
T
topspin_17
Guest
my best friend's a girl, and i'm a guy... :S and NO i do not have sexual feelings for her...
How old were you when you meet, and speaking objectively is she at least as attractive as other people you would usually date?
Only way guys can usually be a true friend to a girl with zero agenda is if they've were next door neighbors, etc. and they have known each other since childhood....... or if she is unattractive and there is zero interest on either side.....
For almost all others the line can get real blurry even from a touch that lingers a few seconds to long, etc.
That's just what I've seen. Of course Most of my real friends have always been guys, since I don't think my friends girl friends/coworkers/casual accuantances really count.
princess bossass
Semi-Pro
This is the sort of thing I've heard all my life, and it nearly breaks my ice-encrusted, shriveled little heart. I just choose not to believe it--almost ALL of my friends are guys, so if I follow that reasoning to its logical conclusion...yikes. My (male) roommate in college once even reduced me to tears by insisting over and over, "Your friends aren't really your friends. They're just waiting their turn to sleep with you." That would be a sad reality, were it true.
Craig Sheppard
Hall of Fame
Believe it. The most innocent thing (seemingly) can "turn" one of your friends. It really depends on the guy of course... but of friends that I know that are together that were friends and things that have happened to myself, I'd say there's more truth to it than fiction. The worst part is that the guy may have never thought it could happen or may have never seen it coming. And I think girls may or may not know, but I bet it happens to them as well... I know there are girls out there who rule out some dude who they think is unattractive, then the wind changes and something little happens that turns her opinion of him.
Remember also that what a person finds attractive varies over time. I know as I've grown up what I didn't used to find attractive, I do now, and vice versa. Even though I voted "no", it doesn't mean I'm a pessimist.
Let me ask you this though--why are all your friends guys? What is wrong with girlfriends? I really want to know, because I know a lot of girls like this where I live.
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Yeah PB don't take any of it to heart. And I may be over stating some. But from my perspective I was a guy that had never dated a girl more than 4 months. Meet my future wife when she had broken up with her boyfriend for two weeks, and keeped in touch cause I liked her... ended up dating for 5.5 years and got married....
And they really may be your friends, but it is different.
People have friends for basically selfish reasons, to entertain, be a companion, etc. And you usually get friends due to convenience(live next door, in social studies together, etc.), or they have something you need/want. For example One of my best friends we originally became friends because he had an older brother that bought our beer. Obviously I'm not still friends with him for that reason, we now have a ton of history. There were points in time like when I went to college we didn't talk for months, but when I came back we were different but were still friends.
So even if originally he became a friend because I subconcously wanted something that is fine, just go from there. The difference is I'll NEVER sleep with byron and yeah most of your guy friends would sleep with you if given half a chance.
****
and yeah I've had the whole chick with guy friends talks before. A buddy of mines ex was like that. Super cute and couldn't get along with other girls. Round hole square peg.
sportsfan92
Rookie
interesting insights. so true about the 'what a person finds attractive varies over time'....
i was going to try to give you insight into why some girls have so many guy friends....at least from my perspective. but alas, it is only my perspective. i grew up w/two parents who LOVE sports and there was never a Friday night or Saturday afternoon from the time I was two that I don't remember being AT a football game. Of course there were Sunday's too... I love the game. And also enjoy other sports - basketball, tennis...etc.
This said...I found a lot in common w/a lot of guys. I often found myself the only girl at times in a large group at games. i tended to be easy going and just liked to hang out. and also someone they claimed was easy to talk to....
Alas - it didn't seem to make a difference in terms of dating. I always was the 'sister friend'...but I also had one of those guys tell me that I just didn't know the signals...and therefore threw a bunch of them off the trail. :sad:
sportsfan92
Rookie
PB - i have to say - i LOVE your screen name. cracks me up every time i see it. 
Janne
Semi-Pro
Of course they can. My closest friend is a girl who I think is very beautiful. I think the guys who voted for option number 3 might be virgins who've never had sex before, so naturally, that's all they can think about. Though when they've had it they'll realise that there is more to life than just sex and might be able to think more rationally and understand that it is very much possible to be friends with an attractive girl without any hidden agendas. Please note, I am in no way saying that there is anything wrong with being a virgin. In fact, I actually have a lot of respect for those who have the guts to wait until they get married or wait until they feel they are ready.
Peace,
Janne
Peace,
Janne
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sportsfan92
Rookie
janne - why did you edit your post? i thought it was great. both parts. very well said!
Janne
Semi-Pro
Meh, I know how careful you have to be around here since people are so overly sensitive and I really dont want to get banned or get into a meaningless argument over the internet. Glad you liked it though! I edited it back again, just 'fer you.
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princess bossass
Semi-Pro
Well, that's not nearly so dismal as some ways I've heard it put. Like, "Your male friends don't like you because you're funny, intelligent, fun, warm--they like you because you're a chick they get to hang out with, and in their minds there's a chance they'll get to sleep with you." That's heartbreaking, because I love my friends with all my heart and it pains me to think they only pretend to reciprocate because they see a carrot dangling out there somewhere.
They're mostly guys, but I do have some female friends. Anyway, I don't know if there's any rhyme or reason to it. True, I have little patience for the mindgames women play on each other, the jealousy, backstabbing, etc.--I don't need to go into detail about that, because you know what I mean. But I think it's mostly been by chance. For example, I made good friends with one guy when I moved to the PNW, and before I knew it I was friends with all his guy friends. And...well...let's just say his friends' girlfriends were less enthusiastic about welcoming me into the fold. It's hard to convince a girlfriend, "Yes, I'm in a very happy relationship with MY boyfriend and have no interest in YOUR boyfriend--I just like to hang out with him." I understand girlfriend concerns, but jealousy is one UGLY emotion, in my book.
That said, I love my female friends as dearly as my male friends. There's just fewer of them :grin:
princess bossass
Semi-Pro
PB - i have to say - i LOVE your screen name. cracks me up every time i see it.
Thanks!
CanadianChic
Hall of Fame
PB, are you associated with the user Bossass in any way? Just curious as I saw that he/she was on the other night and wondered if that may be the bf?
Mick
Legend
some time ago I watched this movie and there was a scene where an older guy talks to a younger guy about relationships between a man and a woman.
The older guy says there are three possibilities:
either you don't know the woman, or you two are lovers, or you two are mortal enemies. There is no middle ground
The older guy says there are three possibilities:
either you don't know the woman, or you two are lovers, or you two are mortal enemies. There is no middle ground
princess bossass
Semi-Pro
PB, are you associated with the user Bossass in any way? Just curious as I saw that he/she was on the other night and wondered if that may be the bf?
Yup, that's him! He's a doll. Anyway,
I thought "Princess" a better title/address than "Ms."No virgins here. And do I think of "intimate relations" all the time...... well that'll be my little secret, but YES.....well maybe not all the time just when a half way attractive woman is nearby. I think that is pretty normal unless you are 65 and had prostate surgery. The fact that viagra, etc. makes hundreds of millions a year speaks to that.
And I think it's great that you are maybe the exception that proves the rule.
I'm a simple guy I like playing basketball, and tennis. Watching all sports and also scifi movies. Also, my last female "friend" that wasn't dating a buddy of mine was when I was 9-10. But if I found the right girl at the right time...... maybe. But I may just be a less evolved creature and incapable of this type of interaction, and I'm ok with that.
also.... are you honestly saying that if your "Beautiful" friend one day confessed her unceasing love to you, and you were also single you wouldn't give it a shoot?.... again my exception is you were friends since kids. Even though if she's hot/nice enough most guys would do a what the heck, anyway. I could be wrong.
and man I ned to get a job I'm spending way to much time on boards.
Janne
Semi-Pro
No virgins here. And do I think of "intimate relations" all the time...... well that'll be my little secret, but YES.....well maybe not all the time just when a half way attractive woman is nearby. I think that is pretty normal unless you are 65 and had prostate surgery. The fact that viagra, etc. makes hundreds of millions a year speaks to that.
And I think it's great that you are maybe the exception that proves the rule.
I'm a simple guy I like playing basketball, and tennis. Watching all sports and also scifi movies. Also, my last female "friend" that wasn't dating a buddy of mine was when I was 9-10. But if I found the right girl at the right time...... maybe. But I may just be a less evolved creature and incapable of this type of interaction, and I'm ok with that.
also.... are you honestly saying that if your "Beautiful" friend one day confessed her unceasing love to you, and you were also single you wouldn't give it a shoot?.... again my exception is you were friends since kids. Even though if she's hot/nice enough most guys would do a what the heck, anyway. I could be wrong.
and man I ned to get a job I'm spending way to much time on boards.
When I said thinking about sexual thoughts I meant thinking about doing sexual things with your girl friend (a friend who just happens to a be girl), not just any hot woman you see walking past you or whatever, as that is perfectly normal and almost every guy who has reached puberty does a lot of the time. Sorry I didnt make it clear enough in my last post...
And also, that particular friend did say she had a crush on me about 2½-3 years ago. I said I liked her a lot, just not in that way and yes, there was an awkward atmosphere between us for a few days until we had a pretty long talk. Since then we've become even closer friends.
But yes, I´ve known her for quite the while, 7-8 years to be more exact.PS: Thanks for not getting offended and taking it personal...
CanadianChic
Hall of Fame
Yup, that's him! He's a doll. Anyway,
LOL - Excellent!! Now I know that my super-sleuth abilities have not failed me and I agree that "Ms. Bossass" doesn't have the same ring to it.
I'm a 26 year old guy and I think its often difficult to be close friends with a girl. I think its fine being friends who are not that close, but once they hang out all the time, usually one of them will fall for the other, and often its one-sided. I've had crushes on female friends while growing up, but whenever they mentioned any interest in other guys, it bothered me so it caused tension even though I usually never spoke of my crush to them. In that situation I would much rather not be friends because I don't like the emotional roller coaster associated with it, its easier if they're not around to twist the knife. I've also been on the other end where female friends had a crush on me, which is kinda awkward because you wonder if you are hurting their feelings when you do or say certain things. But I must say in my experience there has almost always been some romantic interest going one direction or the other at some point during my friendships with girls.
princess bossass
Semi-Pro
LOL! Well, "tennis couple" might be a bit generous
--if you add us together we might total one decent player though, haha!
