How much would you spend on engagement ring?

R

raiden031

Legend
I keep hearing about younger people (lower to mid 20s) spending between 10-20K on engagement rings and it is baffling my mind. Its not because I'm surprised as to how many young people have money, but quite the contrary; I'm surprised at how many young people are putting themselves into serious debt or spending their life savings to buy engagement rings. Its rediculous and purely stupid. I recently heard about a friend of a friend selling their car in order to get a ring for over 10K. The average salary of people I have known to spend like this is probably between 20-40K per year.

Does this somehow better their relationship because the woman will take him more seriously or treat him better than if he spent only 2-3K on a ring? Instead I would guess there might be financial problems occuring straight into the marriage as a result of this purchase causing more stress and tension than anything else. Is it an insult to a woman nowadays to spend only a few thousand for say a 3/4 carat instead of a full 1 or 1.5 carats? I think the money would be much better spent towards getting a house together or simply sitting in a bank as emergency cash in case one of them loses their job or gets injured.

I've realized during my 3 1/2 year relationship (1/2 year married) that the money I spend on my wife has no effect on the quality our relationship. She might be happier on the day that she receives an expensive gift, but the next day nothing is different than if she had received a cheap gift. I just think this trend is stupid and people are just wasting their money when they are buying rings that they can't afford. And I'm not applying this to someone who makes six digits or more and can afford a nice ring, but thats typically not the case.

Any opinions?
 
I spent $4K on a 3/4 carat and now that I am divorced that felt like a waste of money. If a woman wants a big expensive ring, get out of the relationship fast or pay the consequences! Gift-giving is only good for like a day or even a few hours like you say. The next day it's like you owe her another gift. Find someone who is happy without gifts and just likes spending time with you.
 
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a woman shouldnt be with you for the gift,she should love you the same amount whether its a 10k ring or a cheap one.

saying that i would spend about a thousand pounds on one.which i dont think is THAT much really
 
raiden031 said:
I keep hearing about younger people (lower to mid 20s) spending between 10-20K on engagement rings and it is baffling my mind.
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Can it be considered an investment? What's the resale value of, say, a $20,000 ring/diamond?

Yeah, I think it's ridiculous. When I see diamond commercials, it makes me ill. I heard the diamond industry is pretty crooked, artificially inflating prices by withholding supply. Not to mention how the diamonds are mined. Back to the commercials: I hate the implication that if you REALLY love a woman, you'll buy her jewelry. I know this isn't a brilliant insight, but... I don't know. Lately, a lot of commercials annoy me. Aside from the "get rich quick" infomercials, commercials for drugs, SUV's, the Army, weight loss plans, and diamonds all annoy me. Not to mention this one commercial for a credit card, the premise of which is that a man paying with cash holds up the line.
 
I would spend nothing. Materialistic women or women who think that men should feel obligated to spend hard earned money on rocks that came out of the earth's core can go to hell. I like simple women since I am a very simple person myself.
 
Someone told me it's supposed to spend 2x your monthly salary, which I think is #$%@$ insane! Good thing I have my grandmother's ring, I don't have to think about this.
 
Lakoste said:
Someone told me it's supposed to spend 2x your monthly salary, which I think is #$%@$ insane! Good thing I have my grandmother's ring, I don't have to think about this.
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Net or gross? ;-) I think that rule, like most diamond "rules", was started by the DeBeers diamond company... of course they'd want you to spend as much as possible!
 
Two monthes take-home is what I've heard as well - although I didn't spend NEARLY that much on Mrs. Guy 30 years ago. Back then I was just trying to make ends meet, and there was no way I was going to go into debt for a ring.

Now it seems like every 20-something out there has a couple of credit cards, and don't mind charging them up as much as possible.

Same with student loans. Whatever happened to working your way through school?
 
vkartikv said:
I would spend nothing. Materialistic women or women who think that men should feel obligated to spend hard earned money on rocks that came out of the earth's core can go to hell. I like simple women since I am a very simple person myself.
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It's more a symbol than a status sign, imo. Call me materialistic, but I want a ring that will make me remember the moment when someone I love and want to spend life with proposed to me. I look at it from the romantic perspective. And as for the stone, or how much it costs...that I don't care about at all. It's a personal thing,doesn't need to be expensive. I don't need a 10K ring to brag with to my friends.
 
Geezer Guy said:
Same with student loans. Whatever happened to working your way through school?
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Huh? Explain how a full time student can earn $35,000 a year working part time. Remember, he's got a lot of homework to do.

I heard a disturbing theory about student loans, that prices are artificially inflated so that our most educated citizens won't have the financial freedom to help subvert the status quo. Basically, they come out with so much debt they generally HAVE to get a corporate job, to become a part of the system. I'm not so sure that this is calculated but I agree that even it's inadvertent, that's pretty much what it does.
 
croatian sensation said:
It's more a symbol than a status sign, imo. Call me materialistic, but I want a ring that will make me remember the moment when someone I love and want to spend life with proposed to me.
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That's fine, why does it have to be something expensive though?
I look at it from the romantic perspective.
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Aren't there other ways to be romantic than spending a big sum of money on pretty dirt?
And as for the stone, or how much it costs...that I don't care about at all. It's a personal thing, I don't need a 10K ring to brag with to my friends.
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That's really what it's about, at least in the states, showing the girlfriends how much your man loves you.

Maybe when I get married I'll take the money I would spend on a ring, if my fiance agrees, and we'll donate it to a children's charity. Seems like a better way to spend money and, to me, it's much more romantic.
 
Geezer Guy said:
Two monthes take-home is what I've heard as well - although I didn't spend NEARLY that much on Mrs. Guy 30 years ago. Back then I was just trying to make ends meet, and there was no way I was going to go into debt for a ring.

Now it seems like every 20-something out there has a couple of credit cards, and don't mind charging them up as much as possible.

Same with student loans. Whatever happened to working your way through school?
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I spent about 1 1/2 times my monthly take home pay, which was reasonable because I had the money already in the bank and then some.

I don't agree much with your opinion on student loans. The reason for this is that college is far more expensive than it used to be. In fact in-state tuition costs at public universities in Maryland has just about doubled in the past 6 years, I'm sure its the same elsewhere. You would need a full-time high paying job just to pull this off without loans.
 
croatian sensation said:
It's more a symbol than a status sign, imo. Call me materialistic, but I want a ring that will make me remember the moment when someone I love and want to spend life with proposed to me. I look at it from the romantic perspective. And as for the stone, or how much it costs...that I don't care about at all. It's a personal thing,doesn't need to be expensive. I don't need a 10K ring to brag with to my friends.
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Why is it that the guy has to buy it if its a sign of romance? If you are romantically involved, you have the same capacity to go out and buy him something - a sign of love, something for memories sake, right? To be honest I am through with romance and all that crap, it only leaves guys like me broken and wrongly stereotype the entire female race..
 
35ft6 said:
Huh? Explain how a full time student can earn $35,000 a year working part time. Remember, he's got a lot of homework to do.
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Well, it's been a LONG time since college, but I'm sure there are a LOT of fine schools for less than $35K. If you can't afford to go, either work and save up, or go somewhere else. Heck, a lot of companies you work for will PAY for your college classes. Working full-time and going to school part-time is not a lot of fun, but you come out of it free and clear instead of $100,000 in the hole.
 
Geezer Guy said:
Well, it's been a LONG time since college, but I'm sure there are a LOT of fine schools for less than $35K. If you can't afford to go, either work and save up, or go somewhere else. Heck, a lot of companies you work for will PAY for your college classes. Working full-time and going to school part-time is not a lot of fun, but you come out of it free and clear instead of $100,000 in the hole.
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The crappiest of private schools will probably be at least upwards $25K/year (excluding room and board). The average public university in-state is around $10K/year and out of state is probably $15-20K/year. Lets not forget room and board which is a good $6-10K/year. Its a nice theory but how can someone make this kind of money when they don't already have the college degree?
 
croatian sensation said:
It's more a symbol than a status sign, imo. Call me materialistic, but I want a ring that will make me remember the moment when someone I love and want to spend life with proposed to me. I look at it from the romantic perspective. And as for the stone, or how much it costs...that I don't care about at all. It's a personal thing,doesn't need to be expensive. I don't need a 10K ring to brag with to my friends.
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I don't think there's anything wrong with this, despite what others on the board might think. And you are probably more the exception than the rule these days. There seems to be a trend in showing off who has the biggest diamond. For some reason beyond my comprehension there are guys who are playing this game as well when they do not have the means to at all. My wife was reasonable and didn't ask for the world, but if she insisted that I spend more than I did, I'd have been out the door.
 
Just buy her a Babolat PD. It is also a hint to her to remain in shape in the future (for her health of course).
 
I dated someone who had been engaged and had a $60K diamond ring but they split up a month later. I chose not to go on a second date with that person!
 
kevhen said:
I dated someone who had been engaged and had a $60K diamond ring but they split up a month later. I chose not to go on a second date with that person!
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Did she give the ring back? I told my wife that if we ever split that she should give her ring to her father, because of the amount of money he put towards the wedding.
 
She did give the ring back but her family is worth millions so she is spoiled and would be very high maintenance for an average looking woman. She wanted me to give her free tennis lessons.
 
They say that the ring should be three months salary (gross), so it varies for everyone. If I get married I plan on wearing a wedding band only so feel the engagement ring would essentially be a waste of money. There is a beautiful ring I've wanted for years that costs under a thousand dollars. I would much rather have that and wear it on the right hand after I'm married. I think a lot of the pomp and ceremony is an extreme waste of money - I'd prefer to go on a trip with him somewhere, marry on the beach or by a waterfall, and then have a party with friends and family after. Why go into debt for a piece of paper when it's the feelings and actions that make a marriage, rather than just a day of extravagance. I understand many people want the fairy tale engagement/wedding though, and that's cool. :)
 
Unfortunately, I do not feel looks have anything to do with the level of maintenance. True, many trophy wives are incredibly high maintenance, but if the man is looking for a trophy as opposed to a life partner, then the least he should do is put a trophy on her finger. Materialistic people make me gag though - they generally deserve each other. I like the charity idea someone came up with. :)
 
My engagement ring cost my husband less than $700, and I am the one who picked it out. I put it into a new setting right before our wedding that better shows off the quality of the diamond (even if it is small). We were on a budget and we agreed that we would not go into debt to be together. To this day, we pay our credit card off every month (but he has student loans). We had a small wedding that we could afford, with a little bit of help from both sets of parents.

My advice, absolutely do not go into debt for the engagement ring or the wedding (which is easy to do if you keep your ego out of it). Go into debt for the 10 year anniversary band (mwa ha ha, I can hardly wait. I'll have to strengthen my forearm muscles to carry that baby around!) ;)
 
I do think the proposal is everything - I mean we already know whether you're a keeper way before you guys have it figured out. lol. Seriously, we don't care if you stutter, cry, babble - just as long as you're sincere and preferably on one knee (I'm old-fashioned that way). No matter how much I love a guy, if I end up choking on the ring (regardless of the carat) as I undaintily scarf down my dessert or find it floating in my caesar, I may have to question his common sense. I do have my dream proposal location - I actually have it downloaded as my screen saver. The most romantic place I've ever seen, and I'd probably say yes to just about any fool if he asked me there. :)
 
My husband and I met during my last year of college. He's a bit older than me, so he had been out of school and with a good job for a few years. He managed to do romantic and practical at the same time.

My engagement ring is beautiful and I look forward to passing it down to our kids one day. It's not extravagant, but it is a high quality piece and I know he worked extra shifts to buy it for me.

Almost better than the ring was the Acura Integra he bought for me the next week. I was living in the city at the time and cycling or taking the bus to work. He figured I would need a car eventually...

That was 16 years ago. I yearn for that car sometimes as I plod around town in my minivan. But I never yearn for a different ring!
 
My husband proposed on one knee, in the living room of our apartment, with some roses in his hand. Not a romantic location, but he had picked the date out months in advance, the one year anniversary of a small event in our 'couplehood.' He was smart enough to know not to buy a ring for me, he knows nothing about jewelry, but he knows I'm kind of picky (well, very picky). He's the bestest man on the planet for me, that's what matters.
 
Fee said:
Don't count on it. A 'girl' might stop by a jewelry store, a woman definitely will.
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whatever happenened to 'trust' in a relationship?

Ok, don't tell me you may play dumb but you see, notice, hear, check and suspect or imagine everything and anything.

Seriously though do you find it rather unfortunate that some women measure commitment or 'love' by the monetary value of gifts bestowed upon them or do you just see it as par for the course?
 
AAAA said:
Seriously though do you find it rather unfortunate that some women measure commitment or 'love' by the monetary value of gifts bestowed upon them or do you just see it as par for the course?
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I do find it unfortunate, but not par for the course. A woman who demands a big ring is probably very insecure and more concerned with what her friends think, and that is sad, no? My ring is small to the eye, but it is the absolute highest quality I could get for the price and people who know diamonds recognize that. I had one person who was shallow enough to comment on the size of my ring and my response was 'so?' I know how much my husband loves me and trusts me. That's more solid and more important to me than an object.

Ben Affleck gave Jennifer Lopez one of the biggest, most expensive diamond rings ever. Where are they now?
 
Fee said:
I do find it unfortunate, but not par for the course. A woman who demands a big ring is probably very insecure and more concerned with what her friends think, and that is sad, no? yes and it could also be a sign of low self-esteem My ring is small to the eye, but it is the absolute highest quality I could get for the price I like that, for lack of better terms class and breeding is subtly and people who know diamonds recognize that. I had one person who was shallow enough to comment on the size of my ring rather tactless and my response was 'so?' I know how much my husband loves me and trusts me. That's more solid and more important to me than an object. you have substance

Ben Affleck gave Jennifer Lopez one of the biggest, most expensive diamond rings ever. Where are they now?
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Ben is better off with Jennifer G. I find J. Lopez and her OTT primadonna persona very off putting.
 
Geezer Guy said:
Well, it's been a LONG time since college, but I'm sure there are a LOT of fine schools for less than $35K.
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Sure there are, but most schools with any sort of reputations -- the major universities, the small liberal arts colleges -- are about that much.
If you can't afford to go, either work and save up, or go somewhere else.
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People take out loans for homes and cars, why should education be different? And depending on what you want to major in, you want to go to a school who's good in that field.
Heck, a lot of companies you work for will PAY for your college classes.
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A lot? And how easy is it for high school grads and teens to get those jobs?
Working full-time and going to school part-time is not a lot of fun, but you come out of it free and clear instead of $100,000 in the hole.
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Hey, if somebody can do this, that's awesome. But I don't think borrowing money for an education is a bad investment in this world. I'm in huge debt, but I can say that my degree has put me in a position to make enough money to pay off the debt in good time, and I'll be making way more money than I ever would have without training from the university I went to, which has the highest rated program in the country for my major. I feel worse about the money I spend on alcohol. Also, it's about networking, being on your own for the first time, playing a varsity sport, and interacting with people from all over the world, with interests you were never exposed to before, and stuff like that. Those things are just as important, and arguably more important (like for film, meeting people is almost THE more important thing), than the degree itself. All these things are tough to do when you're attending part time, rushing in and out between jobs.

Still, if that's the only way, good for anybody who can work their way through college.
 
A good college education is the best investment you can make next to the well timed purchase of a house or property. Even a two year degree increases your earning potential. Just study something real, with real job skills. Philosophy is a great thinking major and a fascinating subject, but unless you know you are going to law school, it might not be the most practical choice.
 
ok story time: get comfy> There was this guy That I knew (Not Personaly) Anyways He was soooooo in love with this girl Just crazy infatuated With her an get this,This girl was a high school girl.Anyways they Met on Comp An Planned a meeting...Ok Anyways after they met an stuff..This guy decideds to buy her an exspensive Engagement ring..In his mind ,He thought it'll be forever kind of thing.Ok..Anyways After he Perposeed to her This highschool girl(She was only a Juinor) Said Srry but I'm still in school An Dumped The Guy.So Now this guy Blew his wad on this exspensive ring.. an felt Really Dumb And Stupid About The whole thing.>(Be back later for the Moral).:D <True story.
 
raiden031 said:
I keep hearing about younger people (lower to mid 20s) spending between 10-20K on engagement rings and it is baffling my mind. Its not because I'm surprised as to how many young people have money, but quite the contrary; I'm surprised at how many young people are putting themselves into serious debt or spending their life savings to buy engagement rings. Its rediculous and purely stupid. I recently heard about a friend of a friend selling their car in order to get a ring for over 10K. The average salary of people I have known to spend like this is probably between 20-40K per year.

Does this somehow better their relationship because the woman will take him more seriously or treat him better than if he spent only 2-3K on a ring? Instead I would guess there might be financial problems occuring straight into the marriage as a result of this purchase causing more stress and tension than anything else. Is it an insult to a woman nowadays to spend only a few thousand for say a 3/4 carat instead of a full 1 or 1.5 carats? I think the money would be much better spent towards getting a house together or simply sitting in a bank as emergency cash in case one of them loses their job or gets injured.

I've realized during my 3 1/2 year relationship (1/2 year married) that the money I spend on my wife has no effect on the quality our relationship. She might be happier on the day that she receives an expensive gift, but the next day nothing is different than if she had received a cheap gift. I just think this trend is stupid and people are just wasting their money when they are buying rings that they can't afford. And I'm not applying this to someone who makes six digits or more and can afford a nice ring, but thats typically not the case.

Any opinions?
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i would not spend more than 200 bucks for the following reaons:

A) If she really REALLY loves you, she wont mind how expensive or flashy the ring is, as long as you both love each other
B) You never know what can happen later on in life
 
Fee said:
Don't count on it. A 'girl' might stop by a jewelry store, a woman definitely will.
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Oh damn.

So she won't accept my plastic ring?

kate.jpg

renathedove.jpg

marsha.jpg
 
35ft6 said:
That's fine, why does it have to be something expensive though?
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I didn't say it had to be expensive, on the contrary. But I said "call me materialistic" cause vkartikv called women who want an engagement ring materialistic (or at least that's how I understood it).

Well, I don't know how it's in the States, but here not many people can afford, or want to go in debt for super-expensive rings (cause you'll end up in debt for sure once you try to organize a Croatian wedding, so you don't need more expenses) so women don't have cash registers in their heads and they don't calculate how much the ring costs, and is it good enough for them. As I said, it's more tradition here.


vkartikv said:
Why is it that the guy has to buy it if its a sign of romance? If you are romantically involved, you have the same capacity to go out and buy him something - a sign of love, something for memories sake, right? To be honest I am through with romance and all that crap, it only leaves guys like me broken and wrongly stereotype the entire female race..
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You're right, he doesn't have to...and if the girl who is with him thinks the same way, it's great. You can always do something else instead as your own personal thing that will make a change in your relationship, or make you remember a certain moment.
But you have to agree, engagement rings have become a tradition, along with many other things in the wedding ceremony (or related events). For example, why does the bride usually wear a white wedding dress? Certainly not as a sign that she's a virgin (my apologies to everyone I wrongly included here, and who did get married as virgins and in white wedding dresses), but more as a tradition.
It's up to you what traditional things you and your girl like. I was merely talking about myself. And I want an engagement ring (not insanely expensive, and not to show-off).
 
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Talk to her about it. If you can't do that, you haven't been together long enough. She has to wear it. She needs to help pick it out. What you want to hear is "we could use the money we save on a better house".
 
well i don't love a girl everyday , so when that happens if it ever happens , i will pay as much as i could if that would make her real happy .. but as i said IF that even happened in the first place ..(doubt it):)
 
CanadianChic said:
They say that the ring should be three months salary (gross), so it varies for everyone.
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That is 25% of someone's salary, and seems pretty high as a rule-of-thumb. I'd say that 5-7% of the gross income is a little more reasonable.

Lets do the math here.

At 25% of gross, if someone makes $50K per year, that means they are spending $12.5K on a ring. If it took someone 1 year to save that money, they would be putting aside $1000/month to put towards that ring.

At 7% of gross, if someone makes $50K per year, they are spending $3.5K on a ring. That it only $300/month of saving for a year. That is probably the high end of what someone should spend before hitting the "i'm financially irresponsible" zone.
 
Sagittar said:
well i don't love a girl everyday , so when that happens if it ever happens , i will pay as much as i could if that would make her real happy .. but as i said IF that even happened in the first place ..(doubt it):)
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WHEN it happens, be smart about it. Your woman will not like you better if you buy her a golf ball sized ring. Instead buying a more humble ring is a good way to determine if she wants YOU or wants the money you can provide her. I am traditional in that I wanted my wife to have a nice ring to symbolize our committment, but not one that is rediculously expensive. I could easily afford the one I bought and it is beautiful.
 
raiden031 said:
WHEN it happens, be smart about it. Your woman will not like you better if you buy her a golf ball sized ring. Instead buying a more humble ring is a good way to determine if she wants YOU or wants the money you can provide her. I am traditional in that I wanted my wife to have a nice ring to symbolize our committment, but not one that is rediculously expensive. I could easily afford the one I bought and it is beautiful.
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well you maybe right , and what i meant wasn't that i would spend all my savings to buy her a ring but the most affordable one for me as long as that's ok with her because as i mentioned i would be very thankful if i ever loved someone , and the way i see it not all women are that greedy and if she will love me more with a golf sized ring then I would be better off without her but we're not considering the primal fact here that women love jewelery .. so my guess that even if she truely loves me she would be happier if she knows that i got her the best thing i can ..
 
I hear what you're saying and I agree with you Raiden. I've always heard this as a rule of thumb but personally do not expect or want anything that would cause hardship to someone I love to get it for me. That defeats the purpose in my opinion. :)
 
If you have your heart set on getting your love a diamond then get one. Of course don't take out a mortgage in getting one.

Your goal is get the best diamond that you can afford. My advice is: do not buy your ring at a retail store. Go to a wholesaler instead. They are located in those small strip shopping centers. Most of them take rings on consignment and you can get a great deal that way since there are so many divorces. They will also have a jeweler on site who can remount the stone in any setting you choose. When it comes to diamonds, learn the 4C's (cut, color, clarity, carat weight) and how much you'll pay for each. There is big, big, big (did I say big?) price difference from high quality (investment grade that is $30K for 1 carat) to low quality (less than $1K) . The cost is exponential as you get close to perfect so you can get a very good quality 1 carat stone for several thousand. So it's up to you to know the differences. If you go to one of those small places, take your time and make the sales person give you an quick education in evaluating diamonds. Have that person show you various stones of varying qualities so you know what to look for.

You can also look in the classifieds. The wives don't usually know what their future ex-husband paid for the ring. Once you know something about diamonds you can better evaluate what you're looking at and then offer some very low amount and you'd be surprised how many will accept. Remember, they don't want the ring anymore. Then you can take the stone and have it cleaned and remounted in the setting of your choice.

I bought my wife's 10 year anniversary ring through a wholesaler on consignment. All I can say is that I saved over 75 percent over retail. It was a great learning experience. It gave me confidence in knowing what I was buying and that I wouldn't be ripped off. My wife absolutely loves it and gets compliments all the time. This is what you wife wants from a ring. I don't care if a woman claims to be simple, she dreams about a beautiful diamond ring. It's up to you to make it a reality.
 
All depends on the circles you run in. I've run into perfectly normal, if well paid, folks where the standard was three carats or higher.
 
3 carats? What a waste. No one should go into debt to start off a relationship, or to feed someone else's ego. The 3 month's salary thing is a marketing tool created by the diamond industry, you won't find it in any etiquette book or wedding planner.
 
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