Well, I thought I'd give him one last chance, but he really is missing some obvious stuff. Here's the top eight things Federer needs to do to beat Nadal. 1. Get a bigger racquet - go on mate give yourself a chance, it's not a competition to see who can use the smallest racquet head. 2. Use a string dampener. Don't worry, I know what you're thinking Roger, isn't that going to be expensive? No. Even the best clay court players only buy one, even though this means having to fiddle with it when you change racquets. 3. Sort out your underwear. With the right pants crawling up your butt cheeks, you can constantly stick your fingers up your bum in a subliminal gesture of contempt to your opponent. One size too small should suffice. 4. Sort out your underwear. Further to point 3, just think how distracted your opponent is going to be when he knows he has to shake your hand at the end of the match. 5. Taunt your opponent into hitting long by pretending that it's your job to wipe the baseline clean after every point. The covert "this is where you should be aiming" message will freak out even the best player into over-hitting. 6. Don't waste time on unnecessary fitness work. Just do arm exercises on your primary racquet-holding hand. I'm fairly sure you're right-handed, so that one. 7. Don't miss with your forehand so often. 8. If you get a break point don't panic. Normally you would have been paying Tony Roche for this type of advice (although he clearly missed a trick or two), so please just send whatever his cut of the prize fund to me at: Top Tennis Tips P.O. Box 606060 England P.S. No Euros.