How to gain confidence in life?

M

Matt87

New User
These past days I've been really down, I haven't been acting myself, and I don't have much confidence other then tennis,

tennis is the one thing that I can just do my own thing and take my mind off of all my own struggles and stresses etc.

I'm always being picked on by my peers about everything, I hate alot of people for it cause I'm sick of being picked on.

I'm 17 yrs old, and sometimes wish I could beat the crap outta some people who say such mean things.

Just kinda depressed these past days and feel like I have no one who understands me or is on my side.

How do I cope with these feelings and gain confidence?


thanks.

Matt.
 
Matt87 said:
These past days I've been really down, I haven't been acting myself, and I don't have much confidence other then tennis,

tennis is the one thing that I can just do my own thing and take my mind off of all my own struggles and stresses etc.

I'm always being picked on by my peers about everything, I hate alot of people for it cause I'm sick of being picked on.

I'm 17 yrs old, and sometimes wish I could beat the crap outta some people who say such mean things.

Just kinda depressed these past days and feel like I have no one who understands me or is on my side.

How do I cope with these feelings and gain confidence?


thanks.

Matt.
Click to expand...

The teen years can be really rough. Life experience will give you confidence.

Try and focus on things you enjoy and avoid the mean people. Do you have a good friend you can talk to about these things?

Just hang in there... life improves once you approach your twenties.
 
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High school is an aberration of reality. We've seen in the last two decades that it's the nerds running the world while the bullies for the most part go nowhere, an inversion of the high school social order. My daughter used to say to me "wake me up when high school is over" and now has had a successful career in broadcasting already at age 27. You're 17 -- bide your time a bit until you're out of that idiotic scene.
 
ollinger said:
High school is an aberration of reality. We've seen in the last two decades that it's the nerds running the world while the bullies for the most part go nowhere, an inversion of the high school social order. My daughter used to say to me "wake me up when high school is over" and now has had a successful career in broadcasting already at age 27. You're 17 -- bide your time a bit until you're out of that idiotic scene.
Click to expand...

Solid advice, but why rush into it by only putting life on hold for 10 years, perhaps he should just hold out until retirement at age 65 to really start living a high life in a posh retirement home in sunny Florida.
 
Retirement age will probably be 75 by then. Now there's something to mull over -- you can look forward to a half century of working!!
 
Look at me.

What's wrong with you? What's got you down? Girl problems? Self-esteem issues? "Social anxiety?" If you were like me once, you may have scoured the internet for help. You'd dissect every guide, follow every piece of advice, do whatever those pixels told you to do. But you still feel like crap. Wanna know why? Because those guides give you the false impression that by reading up and repeating the old mantras over and over again, you'll be healed.

Guess what? It won't.

Just in case you skimmed over that part:

IT WON'T HELP YOU.

Think about it for a second. Whatever force created you- whether you think it's God, some God-like force, the universe, fate, etc. Would it have held back that component of self-confidence away from you so you'd have to find it in a book or online? Of course not. That hinders your ability to survive.

So where do you turn? What will cure what ails you? The answer is quite elementary:

YOU.

That's right. You. Your confidence, your inner alpha male, your inner beast: it's already inside you. But it's been suppressed by the pitfalls of life. Your disappointments, your bad memories, all that crap has caused your brain to hold back that confidence so you don't put yourself in the position to be hurt again. But in doing so, it's crippled you in situations where you have something to gain.

So get off Talk Tennis. Turn off your computer, your TV, your iPod, your phone, whatever. Find a nice, secluded spot (preferably outside.) Go deep inside yourself and find that heart of a lion that I know is inside you. You'll encounter things there that'll scare you. But you must persevere, for the best way to reach heaven is not around hell, but rather through it.

9zrj9g.jpg
 
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Look around and know that everybody will be dead in 100 years. Most of the stuff that bothers you are nothing more than social constructs. Pretend you're an alien inside of a human body visiting this planet and look at life as a video game. None of this will work, by the way.
 
I was bullied a bit and they are just losers believe me. Anyone who was a bully turns out not good. Feel bad for them because they are going to be in trouble in 5 years.

Do your thing.
 
35ft6 said:
Look around and know that everybody will be dead in 100 years. Most of the stuff that bothers you are nothing more than social constructs. Pretend you're an alien inside of a human body visiting this planet and look at life as a video game. None of this will work, by the way.
Click to expand...

Woooohh, deep. I find ollinger's statement true in my experience. Show those bullies whose a loser while they go to nightclubs & live with their ma, while you are making 100K. It is interesting that you have confidence in tennis, but not other aspects of life. Usually, one would think winning brings confidence that translates into other areas of life; not to mention, physical fitness helps confidence. We need a little more info for further analysis.
 
Every existing thing is born without reason, prolongs itself out of weakness, and dies by chance. ~Jean-Paul Sartre
 
If you got girl problems I feel bad for you son, I have 99 problems and a girl is #1 :D
 
For me, it's friends and family. Those are my happiest days. Just knowing that these people care about you, and you care about them will get you through a lot. Spend some time with the people you care about most.

Also, music helps in particular times when you are feeling down. For me, it's trance. It gives me a great feeling and puts me in a delightful mood.

Good luck.
 
ollinger said:
High school is an aberration of reality. We've seen in the last two decades that it's the nerds running the world while the bullies for the most part go nowhere, an inversion of the high school social order. My daughter used to say to me "wake me up when high school is over" and now has had a successful career in broadcasting already at age 27. You're 17 -- bide your time a bit until you're out of that idiotic scene.
Click to expand...

^^ What he said. It is a phase, and it will pass. Once you get out of high school, the bullies will be gone and things will become better.

So, just hang in there.
 
Hey man I had a pretty similar situation untill I changed schools in grade 8. Everyday I'd get picked on and everyday I would come home crying. My parents were always clueless. The thing that hurt me most was one day in grade 5 when everybody started talking about how little they would care if I died, some said they would laugh others said the wouldn't notice...I was never the same. In grade 9 I got bigger and got some confidence...and In stupidity I got some friends and jumped one of the kids who used to bully me. I feel bad about dropping to there level now.but in your case, I would switch schools and start over. Just don't make a stupid mistake after like I did.
 
I don't want to sound like a dad but since I am one I guess it can't be helped.

I know a lot of what you are hearing might be difficult to put into practice, but the main thing you've got to remember is that for every bully there are numerous more people pulling for you. You've got a lot more friends than you might know and they do care about you.

Depending on what kind of relationship you might have with your mom/dad/guardian, I would let them know right away. Parents or trusted adults can help you put things in perspective and can often find creative ways to help you with your being picked on without letting everyone know you've ratted them out. If you can't talk to a parent or guardian, perhaps you can talk to one of your trusted teachers and/or coaches.

It takes a lot more guts to talk about your problems than holding it all in. Just holding it in can make even the strongest of us break down and do stupid things.

http://www.childline.org.uk/Talk/AskSam/Pages/AskSam.aspx

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/bullies.html#a_Advice_for_Kids

We're all here for you man!
 
First of all.... I'm glad you are reaching out for help. Your life is what you want it to be. Do not let people tell you other wise. These teenage years can be very very challenging. I have never been bullied so I'm not sure if I can relate to you on that end.

My take on your situation is to surround yourself with positive people, and avoid people who can be a negative to your confidence and future. Join a club of your interest where you meet people.. i.e youth groups, martial art classes, pick up an instrument, go on trips, dates...

So much to do and enjoy in life..... be positive. Life is a journey.. you will hit some bump and the road gets narrow sometimes. Keep both hands on the wheel when it gets rough. You will be alright.

Hang in there ok...
 
I had pencil-thin arms when I was a late teen.

In retrospect, I wish someone had said, "Max, spend two months, workout on those arms, build them up. THEN you'd feel like you could back yourself up a bit and be more assertive when you wanted to be, around girls and in the things you want to say to people."

For teens, there are practical things they can do to change their situation. For instance, if you get better grades, all of a sudden, your peers will start to respect you more. . . even those who don't care much about grades.
 
r2473 said:
The OP has taken the first step.........steering clear of this site's advice.
Click to expand...

From reading many of your posts, I think it would be safe to assume that when you were younger, you were probably one of the kids that made kids like the OP feel like sh1t. Don't worry, you're still really good at it.

A best friend of mine in HS (popular athlete as well) had a similar problem, and no one knew it from the outside. He was "taking it like a man". He never made it past his senior year, and every time I hear a story like this I think about how I could have made a difference for him. Make fun if you want, but you're not helping this young man who is obviously reaching out you dumb ***.
 
dougery said:
From reading many of your posts, I think it would be safe to assume that when you were younger, you were probably one of the kids that made kids like the OP feel like sh1t. Don't worry, you're still really good at it.

A best friend of mine in HS (popular athlete as well) had a similar problem, and no one knew it from the outside. He was "taking it like a man". He never made it past his senior year, and every time I hear a story like this I think about how I could have made a difference for him. Make fun if you want, but you're not helping this young man who is obviously reaching out you dumb ***.
Click to expand...

+1 on that
 
dougery said:
From reading many of your posts, I think it would be safe to assume that when you were younger, you were probably one of the kids that made kids like the OP feel like sh1t. Don't worry, you're still really good at it.

A best friend of mine in HS (popular athlete as well) had a similar problem, and no one knew it from the outside. He was "taking it like a man". He never made it past his senior year, and every time I hear a story like this I think about how I could have made a difference for him. Make fun if you want, but you're not helping this young man who is obviously reaching out you dumb ***.
Click to expand...

He never made it past his senior year? Did he commit suicide?
 
SuperFly said:
He never made it past his senior year? Did he commit suicide?
Click to expand...

suicide is a terrible ordeal to go through....

my uncle chose that path 16 yrs ago when he was 21, extremely popular at school and my mother still hasn't come to grips with it, and now i just found out yesterday i guy i knew that was best mates with one of my ex girlfriends also decided that fate and he was a 28 yr old uni lecturer
 
Things get much better after the 20's i assure you. Kids can be mean in the teens. They usually mellow and mature in the 20's and a lot of the bullies I knew have become nice people.

Why not make friends with older people ?
 
r2473 said:
The OP has taken the first step.........steering clear of this site's advice.
Click to expand...

dougery said:
From reading many of your posts, I think it would be safe to assume that when you were younger, you were probably one of the kids that made kids like the OP feel like sh1t. Don't worry, you're still really good at it.
Click to expand...

Whether your point is valid or not, one thing is certainly true. The OP hasn't come back after making this thread. Perhaps is it because the advice given was so amazingly helpful, that this describes his life now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_v468ptuXw

Or perhaps he is simply steering clear of this site's advice. I think your guess is as good as mine.
 
'sunshine (in yellow) helping 'lollipop' stand tall

r2473 said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_v468ptuXw
Click to expand...
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
By jove, I think you've captured it! Look closely, this "OP-relevant" video has more than meets the eye at first blush, i.e. in it the nerd seated in the front gains confidence inside of a minute.

The video starts out with the Dobbie Gillis type nerd bopping along with the rest on the kids on the bus while Leslie Gore (hinting at some 'toe') saunters down the aisle. When Leslie Gore focuses her attention on the nerd and gives him a little cuddle at around the :15 second mark, the nerd is totally flustered, uptight and in serious need of a dose of confidence. Leslie to the resue: at around the :56 second mark, Leslie grabs his hand raises it against her chest and lets the nerd cop a backhand feel......he's a changed man. His face changes from "wtf?" to "heyy!....awright!..." courtesy of Leslie Gore......that is Leslie Gore isn't it?.........Edie Falco?

Btw, while riding through an arid, dusty California desert on a Greyhound bus, why the hell is she wearing a heavy knit wool sweater with a rolled collar?

...then again, I do read into things....
 
Dedans Penthouse said:
Btw, while riding through an arid, dusty California desert on a Greyhound bus, why the hell is she wearing a heavy knit wool sweater with a rolled collar?
Click to expand...

I can't believe you have never seen this "classic":

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059726/

Ski Party (1965)

On a college ski weekend, Todd and Craig pretend to be Jane and Nora, a pair of English girls. Their reasons? To meet girls, and to learn to ski. Along the way, Lesley Gore shows up on the bus to sing "Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows", and James Brown and the Fabulous Flames appear at the lodge to sing "I Feel Good".

Oh and by the way, Leslie Gore doesn't like men too much.

EDIT: Good eye recognizing Dobbie Gillis
 
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Dedans Penthouse said:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
By jove, I think you've captured it! Look closely, this "OP-relevant" video has more than meets the eye at first blush, i.e. in it the nerd seated in the front gains confidence inside of a minute.

The video starts out with the Dobbie Gillis type nerd bopping along with the rest on the kids on the bus while Leslie Gore (hinting at some 'toe') saunters down the aisle. When Leslie Gore focuses her attention on the nerd and gives him a little cuddle at around the :15 second mark, the nerd is totally flustered, uptight and in serious need of a dose of confidence. Leslie to the resue: at around the :56 second mark, Leslie grabs his hand raises it against her chest and lets the nerd cop a backhand feel......he's a changed man. His face changes from "wtf?" to "heyy!....awright!..." courtesy of Leslie Gore......that is Leslie Gore isn't it?.........Edie Falco?

Btw, while riding through an arid, dusty California desert on a Greyhound bus, why the hell is she wearing a heavy knit wool sweater with a rolled collar?

...then again, I do read into things....
Click to expand...

"hinting at some 'toe'". Muahahahaahahahahahahahaah!!!! Goodness gracious Dedan's, you never fail to tickle my funny bone. Hope all is well.
 
Be better than others at ****. Do better at sports, school, styling, getting girls, etc.

Confidence becomes automatic.
 
dougery said:
This is the type of mentality that encourages kids to bring their parents Glock to "show and tell".
Click to expand...


i don't think so
didn't mean it so literally ofcourse but the sooner you stand up
to pple that are giving you a bad time the better ...
and i dont mean stand up in a way like shoot em up but don't let them
get away with messing with you

if you keep being pushed over things won't change...
 
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