Jokes that are so bad that they are hilarious

BlueB

Legend
There's another version where a dumb and dumber (both straight men) were arguing who is the better lover. I leave it to your imagination what happens next...
YOu can basically replace the hunter and the farmer with anyone. It's a typical bar joke. But I wanted to avoid the usual racial/stereotype version.
Let's just say that these two didn't decide to kick each other in the balls...
 
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A husband and wife had a major argument. She had been wanting to go to Hawaii for years,
but he had a fear of flying and refused to go. The arguments swirrled endlessly without resolution.
"You don't even try to understand my feelings", she shrieked.
Finally, the husband stormed out of the door and went walking along the beach. He found himself
in an unfamiliar, rocky tract as the evening darkened.

He tripped over an oddly shaped bottle and out swirlled a genie, bedazzled with lights.

"OK, mister, I'm a genie, you know the drill. You get one wish, now make it quick."

The husband was ready with his wish, "Build me a road from here to Hawaii so I can get there without having to fly."

"That's a tough one", the genie griped, "There are waves, and tsunamis, and currents and an irregular ocean floor,
cold and dark and deep. I'd rather stay in the bottle. Think of something else."

The husband didn't have to think, "Help me to understand my wife's feelings."

The genie grunted, crossed and uncrossed his arms, tapped his foot, then spat in the sand.

"OK, do you want that road one lane or two."
 

SystemicAnomaly

Talk Tennis Guru
Buddy Hackett jokes. Starts at 0:45 (BTW, there's a reference to tennis great, Martina Navratilova prior to the jokes in this vid)

 
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tennishabit

Hall of Fame
wat do u call constipation during cvd19 in australia:?))
lockdownunder:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D................

(all fkn over again m8, wata disaster..........another 2wks n could b more. we need something funny to neutralize the anger a bit):eek::-D:eek::-D:eek::-D:eek::-D..........
 
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T1000

Legend
An Italian man is at a job interview and the interviewer says “if you can draw the number 9 without using words or numbers you get the job.” So the Italian man draws three trees. The interviewer asks “How is this the number 9?” The Italian man replies “It’s tree trees. Tree plus tree plus tree equals 9.”

The interviewer is a little annoyed now because he didn’t want to hire this guy. So he says “Ok now do the same thing but for 99.” The Italian man scribbles a little over each tree. The interviewer asks “how is this 99?” The Italian man says “it’s a dirty tree. Dirty tree plus dirty tree plus dirty tree equals 99.”

Now the interviewer is furious. He says “ok last one, if you can do the same thing for 100 you get the job.” The Italian man pauses and sits in deep thought for a moment. Then he draws a dog and a little dot at the base of each tree. The interviewer is perplexed and exclaims “how the hell is that 100?” The Italian man says “a little doggie come by and poop by each tree. Dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd plus dirty tree and a turd equals 100.”


Perhaps you should ask Stanford for your money back.
He went to Standford not Stanford
 

Steady Eddy

Legend
A man joins a monastery. They are only allowed to speak two words every ten years. After the first ten years pass, he gets to meet with the Monsignor. He tells him, "Bed, hard". The Monsignor says, "Well, I'll see what I can do about that." Another ten years go by, this time he says, "Food, cold." The Monsignor replies, "I'll look into that". So then another ten years go by, and he says, "Me leave", and the Monsignor says, "I'm not surprised. Ever since you came here, all you've done is complain."
 

Steady Eddy

Legend
Man: Doc, there's something wrong with my ears. I keep hearing the song "Green, green, grass of home", over and over again.
Doctor: That sounds like it could be Tom Jones disease.
Man: Tom Jones disease! Is it common?
Doctor: It's not unusual.
 

tennishabit

Hall of Fame
A rabbit walks into a barbershop and the barber asks, “what would you like?”

The rabbit says, “a hare cut.”
"a hare haircut or a hare cut, dear:?)) you should go to the next door if a hare cut" the barber pointing next door butcher shop:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D:-D.............
 
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megamind

Legend
Post below some jokes that are actually terrible but really make you laugh the more you hear them, either through blatant stupidity or actually being quite clever. I have numerous gems :

1. What do you call an Alligator in a vest?
An investigator
2. Did you hear about that major explosion at a cheese factory in Paris?…….there was nothing left but de Brie
3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra ..
I think it is fascinating that you created this thread

Because some of your threads are so bad they're hilarious ;)
 

van_Loederen

Professional
who would be the most suitable actors for that movie Constipation ?
who is looking most constipated?
Clint Eastwood?

(wow, that could be a topic for a separate thread, and @Bartelby said i would not contribute here)
 

Bartelby

Bionic Poster
I can't remember saying that. I do remember you saying you contribute nothing. And there is certainly no hilarious joke here. So you're true to your word.

who would be the most suitable actors for that movie Constipation ?
who is looking most constipated?
Clint Eastwood?

(wow, that could be a topic for a separate thread, and @Bartelby said i would not contribute here)
 

happyandbob

Hall of Fame
Dressed in his best pirate costume for Halloween, little Johnny walks up to the first house and rings the bell.

A nice old lady answers the door "Oh my! A little pirate! But where are your buccaneers?"

Little Johnny gives her a funny look "Under my bucc-ing hat lady!"
 

Bartelby

Bionic Poster
The way I heard it back in the school yard was 'Each side of my bucc-ing head, you bucc-ing idiot'.

Dressed in his best pirate costume for Halloween, little Johnny walks up to the first house and rings the bell.

A nice old lady answers the door "Oh my! A little pirate! But where are your buccaneers?"

Little Johnny gives her a funny look "Under my bucc-ing hat lady!"
 

happyandbob

Hall of Fame
Jim and Bob were arguing about who had the smarter dog.

Jim says “My dog can fetch me beer out of the fridge, pour it into a frozen glass from the freezer, and remember to throw the bottle into recycling”

Bob replies “My dog can do math!”

“Really? How do you know?”

“I asked him what 5 minus 5 was. He said nothing”
 
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