Let, it be

[jc4.0]

This is really a question about anger management. Playing doubles today, I hit a first serve, it was returned as an easy sitter and I put the volley away down the middle. Started to walk to the other side to serve again, when one of my opponents (net person) said "wait a minute - I called a let", in other words my serve had touched the net. All three of the other players (including her partner) said - "what? You called a let?" Nobody heard her, and besides we all agreed that the ball cleared the net by at least a foot.

She completely freaked out, saying "I have a right to call a let - and I called a let...anybody can call a let..." etc. etc. My partner and I, not wanting to start an argument with this typically ornery player, said "okay, okay, we'll do the point over." it was a very brief exchange, and everybody but her forgot about it immediately.

On the changeover I asked her why she got so mad, and why she was still clearly p'o'd, when we agreed that she could call the let and in fact we played the point over - in other words she got her way. Her answer: "Because you said I was WRONG." She remained demonstrably angry for the rest of the set, if not the entire match, and it definitely affected her play (we won the set, and match easily).

Here's what I don't get - what purpose does it serve to hang onto your anger, even when the call goes your way? Why are people so sensitive when ANYONE disagrees with them? Nobody's perfect, right? I think people should be allowed to say, "no problem - I disagree with your call, but it's yours to make". Is that so horrible and insulting, when it's the truth? I can handle a comment like that, if made in a diplomatic way. Nobody's calling you a "liar" - they're just saying they disagree with you, so push your gigantic ego out of the way and get on with the game.

Many times in a friendly match I'll even offer to play the point over, if my opponent really doesn't agree with me - even though it is "my call to make". I'd just rather not ARGUE and keep things cool.

Later as we were walking out my partner said to me, "y'know she foot-faulted 4-5 times but I wasn't about to call her on it." I agreed - that would have probably ended the match with her stalking off the court, because she'd never admit it!

 

[bcart1991]

Ego.

That's all there is to it.

 

[LeeD]

Maybe her hubby/boyfriend was disrespecting her.
Maybe everyone at work questions her decisions.
Maybe she was feeling lonely and vulnerable at that moment.
Maybe she needed reinforcement, not questions.
We all feel the pressure of our everyday lives even playing tennis.
But then basically, is she a good person to play tennis with? That's what counts here.

 

[jc4.0]

Maybe her hubby/boyfriend was disrespecting her.
Maybe everyone at work questions her decisions.
Maybe she was feeling lonely and vulnerable at that moment.
Maybe she needed reinforcement, not questions.
We all feel the pressure of our everyday lives even playing tennis.
But then basically, is she a good person to play tennis with? That's what counts here.

Wow, that's really sensitive of you. We need more of your kind to play with. you're right, this is a fairly insecure person who has problems at home, and she is a really great person. I wish she wouldn't take such harmless comments so personally, we don't mean to cause her emotional hurt or anxiety. Sometimes when she gets so upset over what I view as "nothing" I just don't get it, and it's hard to deal with.

I'll try to be more understanding, though.

 

[Cindysphinx]

If my opponent calls a let, I accept that, no questions asked, even if no one else heard it. The Code says any player can call a let, and I assume good faith until I have reason to assume otherwise. So the lady heard a let and called a let.

Now this part:

On the changeover I asked her why she got so mad, and why she was still clearly p'o'd, when we agreed that she could call the let and in fact we played the point over - in other words she got her way. Her answer: "Because you said I was WRONG." She remained demonstrably angry for the rest of the set, if not the entire match, and it definitely affected her play (we won the set, and match easily).

My goodness.

Around here, opposing doubles teams do not have conversations about the emotional state of an opponent during changeovers. Unless you are making some cheerful remark about the weather, an outfit, a genuine question about the score, a request for an accommodation, you talk to your partner. I would never, under any conceivable circumstances, ask an opponent why she was mad until after the match and probably not even then.

Around here, that is simply not done and would be seen as an attempt to Start Some Trouble. If you ask why someone is mad, you can hardly be taken aback if they accept your invitation to rip you a new one.

So. No need to be more understanding or speculate about what her personal issues might be, IMHO. Better to just accept the let call without question and then ignore any hard feelings -- hard feelings which wouldn't likely occur if you just accept the let call and play on.

 

[decades]

10 char 10 char

 

[tennis tom]

Where do you find all these whack jobs to play tennis with? It's one after another. I recommend you vette your partners and opponents more carefully. They are delusional and existing in an alternative universe. But, please invite them to appear on your reality tennis show. It would be a hoot to see their reactions when you show them how wrong their calls are on shot-spot replay. They'll probably deny it was them on the tape.

 

[jc4.0]

If my opponent calls a let, I accept that, no questions asked, even if no one else heard it. The Code says any player can call a let, and I assume good faith until I have reason to assume otherwise. So the lady heard a let and called a let.

Now this part:



My goodness.

Around here, opposing doubles teams do not have conversations about the emotional state of an opponent during changeovers. Unless you are making some cheerful remark about the weather, an outfit, a genuine question about the score, a request for an accommodation, you talk to your partner. I would never, under any conceivable circumstances, ask an opponent why she was mad until after the match and probably not even then.

Around here, that is simply not done and would be seen as an attempt to Start Some Trouble. If you ask why someone is mad, you can hardly be taken aback if they accept your invitation to rip you a new one.

So. No need to be more understanding or speculate about what her personal issues might be, IMHO. Better to just accept the let call without question and then ignore any hard feelings -- hard feelings which wouldn't likely occur if you just accept the let call and play on.

So you don't care if your friends are angry or having a bad day, you just ignore their feelings or "quote rules". And would appreciate it if you actually read my posts once in a while before replying. As stated, we did accept the call, but that apparently wasn't enough to satisfy this person. You have missed the whole intention of the post.

It's hilarious that all of your conversations concern whether someone is wearing a pretty outfit, etc. You've never heard a single disagreement on the court? Difficult, if not impossible to believe. On second thought - I think it is impossible.

You are the one trying to "start trouble" Cin-Prin, as usual.

 

[jc4.0]

Where do you find all these whack jobs to play tennis with? It's one after another. I recommend you vette your partners and opponents more carefully. They are delusional and existing in an alternative universe. But, please invite them to appear on your reality tennis show. It would be a hoot to see their reactions when you show them how wrong their calls are on shot-spot replay. They'll probably deny it was them on the tape.

Well, you are so right. In fact in "reality" most of us would probably be embarrassed to watch ourselves on tape. We all think we're the best sports, the best line-callers, etc. It will be fun to find out the truth!!!

You'll have to show up for my casting call

 

[sureshs]

Don't play tennis with these jerks

 

[Fuji]

I rarely talk to opponents during games, but if there is something genuinely wrong, I always ask if they are okay. I'm not a fan of playing with people who are super upset or anything. If there is anything I can do to make my opponent feel a bit better, I do it. Sure I can win by exploiting an upset opponent, but I'm not out there to win that way. If I can help them anyway possible I can. So I don't see a problem talking to them if they are like that, it just depends on how you word it.

Overall, I think a play over was right and it was a good move on your part!

-Fuji

 

[Cindysphinx]

So you don't care if your friends are angry or having a bad day, you just ignore their feelings or "quote rules". And would appreciate it if you actually read my posts once in a while before replying. As stated, we did accept the call, but that apparently wasn't enough to satisfy this person. You have missed the whole intention of the post.

It's hilarious that all of your conversations concern whether someone is wearing a pretty outfit, etc. You've never heard a single disagreement on the court? Difficult, if not impossible to believe. On second thought - I think it is impossible.

You are the one trying to "start trouble" Cin-Prin, as usual.

I have teenage daughters, and your post *reeks* of teenage drama.

One girl ("The Instigator") does something to upset another one. Then The Instigator decides they need to have a confrontation right this minute to discuss the feelings of the upset one. The Instigator is doing it because she enjoys drama and hasn't learned to leave well enough alone, you see. You can tell this because The Instigator doesn't apologize or attempt to cool the situation or accept any responsibility for the tension she created.

Had you just accepted the let call cheerfully and said nothing else about it, she wouldn't be upset. So, as usual, you started the teenage drama.

Then having provoked your friend to anger (perhaps by arguing that the serve cleared the net by a foot and no one else heard it), you don't apologize or say anything to make her feel better about the matter. Nah, you just pick at the wound, shifting all the responsibility to her.

Look, go ahead and keep instigating all of this drama if you want. That's totally up to you. I think many people in this situation would have said, "Oh, you called a let? Sorry, I didn't hear you. OK, first serve." **Then there would be no hurt feelings.**

Isn't that a more mature way to handle things?

 

[jc4.0]

Let it Lee

Actually, that is exactly the way I handled it - okay, it's a let. First serve. Then she kept on and on about how "I have every right to call it" etc. We were all surprised at her ridiculous outburst. Even her partner was saying, c'mon, forget it, it's a let - JC's ready to serve...

I was not the one causing the "drama". Later I was concerned about her being angry at us, and wanted to make things right. so after she calmed down I asked her about it, in a friendly way. I like to work things out with people, talk things out, instead of burying the negative emotions so they fester and maybe our friendship suffers.

I call this the adult way to handle a potentially damaging encounter - face it and discuss it in a non-confrontational way, instead of your cowardly method - pretending nothing happened like an ostrich with her head in the sand. That's what you teach your teenagers? Avoid verbalizing their emotions and problems, just deny them and bury them inside? Instead of trying to solve a problem with a partner, just tell her "you look pretty in that color!!"

These kids are gonna need some serious therapy, later on.

I refer you to Lee's earlier comment - this person has the correct attitude. Read it and learn.

 

[Vino 2.0]

The issue, so plainly explained in the OP, was not the let call.
The call was honored.
The issue was the opponents reaction, which was clearly out of line and needed to be addressed. I certainly would have done the same and anyone who does not is allowing the drama queen to dictate emotions on the court. If you have a problem, let's discuss it now and settle it, not let a misunderstanding or misinterpretation stand.

This is just basic common sense. Perhaps it isn't so abundant everywhere.

 

[pyrokid]

This is getting out of hand, I'm sure you two would get along fine in real life. I really don't think there's any need for the harsh exchange. Internet arguments are always a little fuzzy because the tone and inflection are impossible to determine, let's chalk this up to that. I don't think either of you have any reason to be genuinely mad at each other here. You're both interesting posters who seem like good people just interested in improving.

 

[jht32]

Here's what I don't get - what purpose does it serve to hang onto your anger ...?

Exactly, no purpose on the tennis court as well as no purpose on a tennis discussion board.

 

[AceKing]

Here's what I don't get - what purpose does it serve to hang onto your anger, even when the call goes your way? Why are people so sensitive when ANYONE disagrees with them? Nobody's perfect, right? I think people should be allowed to say, "no problem - I disagree with your call, but it's yours to make". Is that so horrible and insulting, when it's the truth? I can handle a comment like that, if made in a diplomatic way. Nobody's calling you a "liar" - they're just saying they disagree with you, so push your gigantic ego out of the way and get on with the game.

Does anyone else see the irony in this? JC, reread what you wrote here & then apply it to the way you attack every post Cindy makes.

 

[FloridaAG]

Actually it sounds like there was no let call made that anyone including the person's partner heard until the point was over

 

[precision2b]

Does anyone else see the irony in this? JC, reread what you wrote here & then apply it to the way you attack every post Cindy makes.

Actually I do, and in a lot of his other post as well…

 

[goober]

Maybe Cindy and JC need to play some mixed dubs together to work out their differences. Then they will see "I am ok, you are ok" . Either that or somebody is going to take a serve to the back of their head. :twisted:

 

[jaggy]

Anger is an energy