Let's Talk Pushy Parents!

Coolio

Professional
From my experience in coaching and playing over many years, you can see a massive culture difference between Eastern Europeans and people in UK/ France/ Spain/ US.

Couple weeks ago, a new lady came to coaching with her 2 year old daughter and was joining in the lesson with her, running around and throwing/ rolling balls etc. Of course the mother is a former Russian long jumper.

I see it all the time, huge amounts of the kids in tournaments have parents from Eastern Europe. The attitude is that if they take up a sport they will work really hard at it, not just playing for fun. It is the same in school and their studies.

These parents have their kids do push ups and various exercises in the mornings before school or whatever, the parents are introducing the kids to fitness and physical training at young ages. They are taking their tennis very seriously. No kid ever thinks of these things, maybe later on when a kid is driven and passionate about their tennis at early teens but not before then. Kids will be kids unless they are pushed to do more. Unless a parent brings them out at 7 years old every morning for 2 hours tennis training before school.

It's an interesting discussion, I guess it has a lot to do with how you believe you should parent, but it's no secret why Eastern Europe create more champions in tennis. They work harder from younger ages, and parents or others are pushing them to work with discipline.

Thoughts?
 
A

Attila_the_gorilla

Guest
I see this here in Australia. Eastern Europeans are a large percentage of tennis parents. Personally I'm actually not a fan of professional sports, but it's a fun fame to play, hope these kids find in tennis a lifelong passion, even if they don't make it big.
 

BTURNER

Legend
From my experience in coaching and playing over many years, you can see a massive culture difference between Eastern Europeans and people in UK/ France/ Spain/ US.

Couple weeks ago, a new lady came to coaching with her 2 year old daughter and was joining in the lesson with her, running around and throwing/ rolling balls etc. Of course the mother is a former Russian long jumper.

I see it all the time, huge amounts of the kids in tournaments have parents from Eastern Europe. The attitude is that if they take up a sport they will work really hard at it, not just playing for fun. It is the same in school and their studies.

These parents have their kids do push ups and various exercises in the mornings before school or whatever, the parents are introducing the kids to fitness and physical training at young ages. They are taking their tennis very seriously. No kid ever thinks of these things, maybe later on when a kid is driven and passionate about their tennis at early teens but not before then. Kids will be kids unless they are pushed to do more. Unless a parent brings them out at 7 years old every morning for 2 hours tennis training before school.

It's an interesting discussion, I guess it has a lot to do with how you believe you should parent, but it's no secret why Eastern Europe create more champions in tennis. They work harder from younger ages, and parents or others are pushing them to work with discipline.

Thoughts?

Parents have to be very careful pushing a lot of physical training at young ages. We are learning more and more about repetitive strain on the pre-adolescent body. The muscles and joints are not yet strong enough for severe stresses. Nothing is harmful in moderation, but there may be hidden costs down the road leading to more, not fewer injuries. Its best for pediatricians to be very clear about what is healthy in a training regimen, and what is not on an 11 year old boy or girl. I won't even start on what it can do emotionally and socially to a kid who has 'pushy parents'
 

Coolio

Professional
Yes the foreign parents in the US are more old school, they teach discipline.

They make excellent crazy tennis parents.
The sad thing is that crazy tennis parents is almost a requirement to make it now or else have a parent as a tennis coach.
The stats say to make top 100, you nearly have to be playing orange bowl u12 or Les Petits As u14, or playing massive tournaments or international events by 11,12.
How are you going to get to that level without having a parent push the kid along the path?
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
From my experience in coaching and playing over many years, you can see a massive culture difference between Eastern Europeans and people in UK/ France/ Spain/ US.

Couple weeks ago, a new lady came to coaching with her 2 year old daughter and was joining in the lesson with her, running around and throwing/ rolling balls etc. Of course the mother is a former Russian long jumper.

I see it all the time, huge amounts of the kids in tournaments have parents from Eastern Europe. The attitude is that if they take up a sport they will work really hard at it, not just playing for fun. It is the same in school and their studies.

These parents have their kids do push ups and various exercises in the mornings before school or whatever, the parents are introducing the kids to fitness and physical training at young ages. They are taking their tennis very seriously. No kid ever thinks of these things, maybe later on when a kid is driven and passionate about their tennis at early teens but not before then. Kids will be kids unless they are pushed to do more. Unless a parent brings them out at 7 years old every morning for 2 hours tennis training before school.

It's an interesting discussion, I guess it has a lot to do with how you believe you should parent, but it's no secret why Eastern Europe create more champions in tennis. They work harder from younger ages, and parents or others are pushing them to work with discipline.

Thoughts?

Maybe the top motivated children and their parents in the US don't come to you for coaching but only the people with less money :)
 

Mack-2

Professional
The sad thing is that crazy tennis parents is almost a requirement to make it now or else have a parent as a tennis coach.
The stats say to make top 100, you nearly have to be playing orange bowl u12 or Les Petits As u14, or playing massive tournaments or international events by 11,12.
How are you going to get to that level without having a parent push the kid along the path?

It's crazy, and it's only going to get worse. I coach an extremely talented 10 year old kid with sort of pushy parents. They let me do the coaching though, which is good.

Very few kids make it to a professional level. It's the lessons you learn along the way (eg: dedication, confidence, work hard for what they want and an appreciation for the opportunity they're given), that are more important than any technical skills they acquire. It's very important for the parents to understand this. The problem is, not many want to even hear it.
 

spun_out

Semi-Pro
The problem is that in tennis, an athletically talented 12 year old who has been playing tennis since age 5 is too late if he/she hasn't had serious training. I don't think we would say the same for baseball players or basketball players.
 

Traffic

Hall of Fame
I'm sure there is a combination of pushy parents and driven kids. I pushed my kid in soccer and burned him out. He played rec softball and loves it. He's been swimming rec since 1. But only semi competitive since 10. So he's nowhere near the year round boys that get up at 4:30am and swims 2hrs before school 5x a week. But he's good enough to be one of the good bench swimmers for the varsity swim team when he enters HS later this year. That goes for tennis too. He played rec since 9. He started playing tournaments last spring. He's now playing USTA JR Champs and will hopefully make varsity HS team this Fall.

I know my kids will not play on college team. They will some day play tennis as an adult and be a good 4.0 player and have this as a life sport. I want them to enjoy the sport and not get all stressed out because they fell a few rungs on the ranking. But at the same time, be motivated to try to move up a few rungs. But that's more his personality than anything. He doesn't want to lose more so than he wants to win. He also has no strategy. He just does what he practiced.

My daughter wants to win. Seems to develop her own strategy. But lacks the discipline my son has. We'll see how she does as she grows. She's 10 now. Can hit topspin FH and is working on a spin serve. My son didn't learn TS until he was 12. In both cases, want them to enjoy the sport and not get stressed about it.

But I live in an area that if you didn't start when you were 4 and didn't make the select teams by 7, you're pretty much out of the running in any sport.
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
The problem is that in tennis, an athletically talented 12 year old who has been playing tennis since age 5 is too late if he/she hasn't had serious training. I don't think we would say the same for baseball players or basketball players.

It is also an opportunity for less physically-endowed students to succeed in a sport which is demanding of skills.
 

heninfan99

Talk Tennis Guru
love this guy, and his vids...
also, i made the mistake of trying to be my kid's coach...
I read that Taylor Fritz no longer talks to his Dad. Hopefully they will patch things up. I kinda like "the court is the tennis office" idea.

I re-watched the docu Unstrung and liked how one parent didn't even watch his kid play Kalamazoo, he just waited for him at the food court and the kid updated him on how the match went.
 
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Deleted member 23235

Guest
I read that Taylor Fritz no longer talks to his Dad. Hopefully they will patch things up. I kinda like "the court is the tennis office" idea.

I re-watched the docu Unstrung and liked how one parent didn't even watched his kid play Kalamazoo, he just waited for him at the food court and the kid updated him on how the match went.
very good tips.
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
I read that Taylor Fritz no longer talks to his Dad. Hopefully they will patch things up. I kinda like "the court is the tennis office" idea.

I re-watched the docu Unstrung and liked how one parent didn't even watched his kid play Kalamazoo, he just waited for him at the food court and the kid updated him on how the match went.

Patrick Reed is also estranged from his family but for different reasons
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
I don't believe in these stereotypes of Eastern European parents. At my club, I have seen Asian parents and your regular mainstream parents insult and humiliate their children during practice and after losing matches, and also an Eastern European father who stopped bringing his son because the son was not interested in tennis and he was OK with it.
 

rogerroger917

Hall of Fame
Without crazy parents we end up with low achieving late to life kids. Love your kids but expect 150% effort. I don't coddle my kid. His last match he lost his temper a bunch and threw his racket a bunch of times. After the match I told him that is disrespectful to himself, his opponent, and above all me. I will not spend the resources I do for his tennis for him to act like a baby. Tennis is a privilege not a right. And if I ever see him lose his cool again I will break all his rackets and ground him from playing. I yelled at him for a good hour to get the point across. And then yelled at him again later in the evening.
 
D

Deleted member 23235

Guest
Without crazy parents we end up with low achieving late to life kids. Love your kids but expect 150% effort. I don't coddle my kid. His last match he lost his temper a bunch and threw his racket a bunch of times. After the match I told him that is disrespectful to himself, his opponent, and above all me. I will not spend the resources I do for his tennis for him to act like a baby. Tennis is a privilege not a right. And if I ever see him lose his cool again I will break all his rackets and ground him from playing. I yelled at him for a good hour to get the point across. And then yelled at him again later in the evening.
amen, brotha.
 

OnTheLine

Hall of Fame
I disagree that without crazy parents kids will be "low-achieving late to life" adults.

There is a balance between the various extremes:
  • "free-range" laissez-faire type attitude
  • helicopter parents who take over and do everything
  • pushing so hard the kid may eventually crack
Thos are all extremes ... I think the best for 99% of the population is a balance between them. Perhaps there is a 1% that will only be well-served with one of the extremes.

There are boundaries that I see some parents cross: my child is their own person ... their successes and failures are their own and I do not live vicariously through my child.

I do not push ever, I encourage and support, my daughter needs to find her own motivation and drive and has done so, more in chess and debate than in her sports. I demand respect from her: to herself, to others, to her parents ... but that was taught from a young age. I give high standards of expectations in terms of grades and how she comports herself, but will never berate her for falling short.

Seeing parents come unglued at some of the higher level USTA JR tournaments seems to be nothing but damaging long term.
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
Without crazy parents we end up with low achieving late to life kids. Love your kids but expect 150% effort. I don't coddle my kid. His last match he lost his temper a bunch and threw his racket a bunch of times. After the match I told him that is disrespectful to himself, his opponent, and above all me. I will not spend the resources I do for his tennis for him to act like a baby. Tennis is a privilege not a right. And if I ever see him lose his cool again I will break all his rackets and ground him from playing. I yelled at him for a good hour to get the point across. And then yelled at him again later in the evening.

Spare the rod and spoil the child
 

rogerroger917

Hall of Fame
I don't talk to my kid at matches. Even between matches. He has practiced and played enough. He knows how to win. After matches the next day I will tell him my thoughts.

I expect him to do his best. His best is imo going deep in any tournament he enters. Anything less is not acceptable. I expect him to get good grades. Junior now with a 4.7 GPA. I don't accept anything less than 150% effort. He wants for nothing. He knows he is privileged and has expectations my family has on us all. He meets and exceeds all and that is normal for us.

I think American parents are too enabling of mediocrity and full of entitlement.
 

heninfan99

Talk Tennis Guru
I don't talk to my kid at matches. Even between matches. He has practiced and played enough. He knows how to win. After matches the next day I will tell him my thoughts.

I expect him to do his best. His best is imo going deep in any tournament he enters. Anything less is not acceptable. I expect him to get good grades. Junior now with a 4.7 GPA. I don't accept anything less than 150% effort. He wants for nothing. He knows he is privileged and has expectations my family has on us all. He meets and exceeds all and that is normal for us.

I think American parents are too enabling of mediocrity and full of entitlement.
May I ask his/her age & utr?
 

EloQuent

Legend
I think there's also a bit of an upward-striving mentality that immigrants have, and maybe limited other options for success.
 

styksnstryngs

Professional
Without crazy parents we end up with low achieving late to life kids. Love your kids but expect 150% effort. I don't coddle my kid. His last match he lost his temper a bunch and threw his racket a bunch of times. After the match I told him that is disrespectful to himself, his opponent, and above all me. I will not spend the resources I do for his tennis for him to act like a baby. Tennis is a privilege not a right. And if I ever see him lose his cool again I will break all his rackets and ground him from playing. I yelled at him for a good hour to get the point across. And then yelled at him again later in the evening.
Don't break those, send them to me.
 

rkelley

Hall of Fame
I don't talk to my kid at matches. Even between matches. He has practiced and played enough. He knows how to win. After matches the next day I will tell him my thoughts.

I expect him to do his best. His best is imo going deep in any tournament he enters. Anything less is not acceptable. I expect him to get good grades. Junior now with a 4.7 GPA. I don't accept anything less than 150% effort. He wants for nothing. He knows he is privileged and has expectations my family has on us all. He meets and exceeds all and that is normal for us.

I think American parents are too enabling of mediocrity and full of entitlement.
This approach might work really well for your kid. I really hope it does. But . . .

A guy I work with has a friend. The son of this friend did really well in high school and got into a great college. College was harder, his grades weren't as good even though he was trying his hardest, and so the kid jumped off a parking structure and killed himself.

Setting expectations is good. Helping your kid achieve is good. But watch the pressure, and let them know that they are loved unconditionally, not because of what they achieve.
 

zalive

Hall of Fame
Setting expectations is good. Helping your kid achieve is good. But watch the pressure, and let them know that they are loved unconditionally, not because of what they achieve.

IMO no pressure or pushing is good, including setting any expectations. Ambition has to come from the kid itself, not from the parents. Some kids are just born with ambition within them, it drives them from the inside and they dream of big success by themselves, it's their dreams what matters, not their parents dreams. So if one has such a kid, and is willing and able to support it in such ambition, just go for it. If they need encouragement or directing in their path, all good. Otherwise let's forget it, no matter how talented the kid might be. Lots of talented kids simply didn't want this in the end, and eventually it will show, sooner or later.
 

rogerroger917

Hall of Fame
Not going to tell someone how to parent but some questions that intrigue me:

A 12 UTR player is good but not fantastic I understand? If a junior-player is a 12 UTR is expected to give 100% to every point is that expectation achievable?

What’s the consequence of parents setting unattainable goals?

Does shouting a player regarding his short comings teach him skills to better deal with the situation when it arises next time? If so what skills does it teach?
12 utr is exceptional for a junior. Fyi. Good Div 1 schools are 12 thru 13 for their top 6. Top D1 is 13 thru 14. But this certainly is not pro caliber.

I do not think a 16 year old kid (my son with a 12.xxx utr) can give 100% every point. Not possible at this age. At least for him. We try for certain scores lines where he focuses more. 30,15. 15,30. 40,30. Its worked well for him.

I don't yell at him. But I do give him an earful if he doesn't give 110 percent at practice. I don't expect him to win matches. But the full effort is for sure an expectation.

A lot of parents are upset about the wrong things. Winning or losing is not something to get mad about. The performance goals and expectations in a match is something to get upset about. Specific goals within a match that were not achieved. These goals are always spelled out for him before every match. And always achievable. Part of the bigger picture of improvement.
 

rogerroger917

Hall of Fame
If the goals are achievable and one of those goals is to give 110% effort but you’re saying 100% is not achievable is there a dealignment within that?
You didn't read what I said. The goal on a match is not 110 percent effort. It is specific performance goals. Depending on what is currently focused on. I expect 110 percent effort in practice. You are trying to find a solution to a problem that doesn't exist.
 
C

Chadillac

Guest
I see this here in Australia. Eastern Europeans are a large percentage of tennis parents. Personally I'm actually not a fan of professional sports, but it's a fun fame to play, hope these kids find in tennis a lifelong passion, even if they don't make it big.

What happened to the gorrila?
 

jcgatennismom

Hall of Fame
Not going to tell someone how to parent but some questions that intrigue me:

A 12 UTR player is good but not fantastic I understand? If a junior-player is a 12 UTR is expected to give 100% to every point is that expectation achievable?

What’s the consequence of parents setting unattainable goals?

Does shouting a player regarding his short comings teach him skills to better deal with the situation when it arises next time? If so what skills does it teach?

Shouldn't the coach be setting goals along with the junior player and not the parent? I doubt a junior player can stay focused 100% of the time during a match but can win if he is focused most of the time-hard to be in zone all the time every match. If parents set unattainable goals, players could burn out or lose confidence. Tennis is a game of small margins-even in pro matches the winner may have only won 51% of points. Players need to be able to win their serve and tiebreaks. Of course with juniors, the serve is not as much of a weapon as it is with older players, so winning serve is not a guarantee. When my son was in juniors, what I wanted to see was if he adjusted his game if he was losing, if he could manage the momentum changes, and if he stayed mentally tough, e.g. couldnt tell by body language if he was winning or losing. If he did all those, I considered the match a positive or at least a learning experience whether he won or lost. Parents should not set unattainable goals, but they should allow juniors to challenge themselves-to play matches where they are a significant underdog just to see how they can do, e.g. juniors playing college players at Futures or prize $. Sometimes players play their best when there is no expectation of a win; they can be fearless and aggressive, and sometimes they can pull off the win. My favorite matches to rewatch are not those he won, but those where he played competitively (taking sets to tiebreak) vs a much higher ranked player-luckily I have a couple of those on tape.

A parent should never shout at a player. The player should be driving the journey, not the parent. In fact once our son was a senior and 18, we let him travel on his own to out of state tournaments to be ready for college. Parents should support the player if the player is putting in the work and if the parents can afford training. My son was a high 12 his senior year and hit UTR 13 the summer after his senior year. However, he plays on a MM college team. To play in the lineup consistently for a top 40 Power team, players probably should be 13.3 or higher. There are sub 13s players playing on some Power teams, but usually on ones in the basement of their conference. I dont think UTR 12 is exceptional for a junior anymore-many 4 stars are UTR 12-good players, but not necessarily great. 5 stars are around 12.5 UTR+ and many blue chips are 13+ with the top 10 probably close to 13.5 or higher as seniors in high school.
 
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Deleted member 23235

Guest
12 utr is exceptional for a junior. Fyi. Good Div 1 schools are 12 thru 13 for their top 6. Top D1 is 13 thru 14. But this certainly is not pro caliber.

I do not think a 16 year old kid (my son with a 12.xxx utr) can give 100% every point. Not possible at this age. At least for him. We try for certain scores lines where he focuses more. 30,15. 15,30. 40,30. Its worked well for him.

I don't yell at him. But I do give him an earful if he doesn't give 110 percent at practice. I don't expect him to win matches. But the full effort is for sure an expectation.

A lot of parents are upset about the wrong things. Winning or losing is not something to get mad about. The performance goals and expectations in a match is something to get upset about. Specific goals within a match that were not achieved. These goals are always spelled out for him before every match. And always achievable. Part of the bigger picture of improvement.
good stuff. 100% agree with your approach.
what are some examples of performance goals?
 

mcs1970

Hall of Fame
You didn't read what I said. The goal on a match is not 110 percent effort. It is specific performance goals. Depending on what is currently focused on. I expect 110 percent effort in practice. You are trying to find a solution to a problem that doesn't exist.
Should the performance goals come from the parents or the kids? I've seen kids now play a different sport, basketball, for many years now. The ones who have improved the most over that span are the ones who seem to have that drive themselves. Parents can ride kids as much as they want and set specific goals that they expect the kids to achieve. It may happen for some time, but unless that drive and awareness is coming from the kids themselves, too often they revert back to what they feel most comfortable doing or what they don't do very well. It used to drive me crazy till I realized that I was trying to live my life through them, while rationalizing (lying) that what I was doing was best for them.

Everyone has their own comfort zone. As an Indian origin guy myself, I know that I'm guilty too over the years of privately riding my kids hard while publicly (hypocritically) giving out advice preaching otherwise. However, I've reached the point in life, where sports or academics or success as the world defines it doesn't define my love or my feeling towards my kids. As long as they turn out to be good human beings, keep good company, and stay healthy, they will be fine.
 

chrisb

Professional
The problem is that in tennis, an athletically talented 12 year old who has been playing tennis since age 5 is too late if he/she hasn't had serious training. I don't think we would say the same for baseball players or basketball players.
Sloan Stephens commented that she started tennis at 9. Which raises the question is it quality of athlete or hours of repetition. Is there a balance. I have been involved in teaching the game over 55 years and the question still intrigues me. The pyramid of ability levels in tennis are many and to get to that top level seem to involve a lot of components, with a major one being natural athletic abilities, a second seems to be love of the game, than self discipline than positive parental involvement than good coaching, and finally a little good fortune
 

rogerroger917

Hall of Fame
Might sound stupid. But the last match past week was simply to not let ANY negative thought enter his mind or exhibit any negative body language. 2nd part of it was to compliment his own shots in his head everytime he made a difficult shot. We have had a ongoing discussion whether outward and inward angry behavior helps or hinders during match play. I say hinders. He is not sure.

Another one that is very hard is to on approach shots into the backhand to not hit too much angle. But rather keep it in the line straight towards the backhand court. He always tries to hit the angle away off the court. The higher the level of opponent if you hit wider its actually less effective. Gives them more angle to work with. Hit around you or cross. I have charted his matches and this plays out for him. Lesser opponents it doesn't matter.

When he was much younger a good one was to not run around the fh. He used to only want hit fh...

I have hundreds of these over the years depending on what is at work.

good stuff. 100% agree with your approach.
what are some examples of performance goals?
 

rogerroger917

Hall of Fame
Shouldn't the coach be setting goals along with the junior player and not the parent? I doubt a junior player can stay focused 100% of the time during a match but can win if he is focused most of the time-hard to be in zone all the time every match. If parents set unattainable goals, players could burn out or lose confidence. Tennis is a game of small margins-even in pro matches the winner may have only won 51% of points. Players need to be able to win their serve and tiebreaks. Of course with juniors, the serve is not as much of a weapon as it is with older players, so winning serve is not a guarantee. When my son was in juniors, what I wanted to see was if he adjusted his game if he was losing, if he could manage the momentum changes, and if he stayed mentally tough, e.g. couldnt tell by body language if he was winning or losing. If he did all those, I considered the match a positive or at least a learning experience whether he won or lost. Parents should not set unattainable goals, but they should allow juniors to challenge themselves-to play matches where they are a significant underdog just to see how they can do, e.g. juniors playing college players at Futures or prize $. Sometimes players play their best when there is no expectation of a win; they can be fearless and aggressive, and sometimes they can pull off the win. My favorite matches to rewatch are not those he won, but those where he played competitively (taking sets to tiebreak) vs a much higher ranked player-luckily I have a couple of those on tape.

A parent should never shout at a player. The player should be driving the journey, not the parent. In fact once our son was a senior and 18, we let him travel on his own to out of state tournaments to be ready for college. Parents should support the player if the player is putting in the work and if the parents can afford training. My son was a high 12 his senior year and hit UTR 13 the summer after his senior year. However, he plays on a MM college team. To play in the lineup consistently for a top 40 Power team, players probably should be 13.3 or higher. There are sub 13s players playing on some Power teams, but usually on ones in the basement of their conference. I dont think UTR 12 is exceptional for a junior anymore-many 4 stars are UTR 12-good players, but not necessarily great. 5 stars are around 12.5 UTR+ and many blue chips are 13+ with the top 10 probably close to 13.5 or higher as seniors in high school.
You give coaches too much credit. I have coaches teach technical skills for my son and when my son is his only student I'll let him set performance goals. My kids utr is 12.73 now. Almost 13. I think he will be a 13 plus by summer. I've never let a coach set performance goals for my son.
 

S&V-not_dead_yet

Talk Tennis Guru
Might sound stupid. But the last match past week was simply to not let ANY negative thought enter his mind or exhibit any negative body language.

More important for me is to accept that I'm going to have negative thoughts but not hold on to them and let them negatively impact my focus.
 

mcs1970

Hall of Fame
Hear what the adult child of Tiger Mom has to say about this issue:

https://nypost.com/2018/03/28/i-was-raised-by-tiger-mom-and-it-worked/

There are tons of examples to the contrary too. What changed personally for me over the last couple of years was personally knowing some of these things in the Indian community: A valedictorian dying of drug overdose, a top ranker being caught in HS for cheating, and a kid in HS caught for shop lifting. All these are high ranking kids with high achieving parents....kids we've pointed to as role models to our own kids. These examples don't even talk about the tons of kids who are depressed even when they are high achieving or the kids who feel like failures because they didn't meet their parents expectations or the kids who do well but their relationship with their parents are forever scarred due to how they were constantly pushed and berated during their formative years.

There are certain things that you should absolutely teach your kids...ethics, discipline, compassion, good behavior,..etc. When it comes to other things and trying to push them to be the best at everything...it's great if it works for you and your kids. I don't think it needs to be generalized as something that is what is best for each and every kid or generalized that without crazy parents you will end up with low achieving kids.
 
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