Man Rules

oscar_2424

Legend
These are our rules !
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down..

1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. - Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, yo u probably are. - Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done. - Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself..

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 1620colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. - We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say
2. "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
 

*breaksracquet

Semi-Pro
1. If you're in my car and I am driving, please do not touch the radio. It is my radio!!

1. If we ask how your day was, this does not mean that we need to hear every significant detail. Please do us a favor and get to the point (5 words or less). We as men have shorter lifespans and need all the time we can get.

1. We don't care where we eat, really.

1. We generally don't tend to cuddle. So, get naked or get off (my dad says that).
 

crash1929

Hall of Fame
some are ok. some are sterotypical. the one i like is:

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

i always get killed on this, especially in emails. lol
 
These are our rules !
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE)
Of course we are not. But some of us are intelligent enough to detect strong patterns, or have actually paid attention to previous conversations, and act accordingly.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

there are some men who understand common courtesy, clean up the seat, flush, and then put it down. there are some who just don't pee standing up (except in public washrooms). also, when you pee standing up, your pee splatters to as high as the sink.


1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides. - Let it be.

sunday sports is a bunch of BS. some men like to wear argyle sweaters and have a cup of coffee at a coffee shop. others like to put on a facial mask to cleanse the pores. some like to clean the house and do the laundry. many of these men are straight.


1. Crying is blackmail.
yes it is, unless it's after sex in which case it can be interpreted as applause, or disappointment. in this case, you must offer unambiguous reassurance, preferably, by having sex again.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

if strong hints do not work, and obvious hints do not work, then you're married to an idiot. find another one.

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
yes they are.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

BS. if you're married to someone who doesn't understand 'strong hints', he probably isn't going to help you solve problems. he's likely an idiot.


1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

No they do not. some men keep a mental record of everything, except that the same is being done on the other side, and engage in strategic behavior. these men are intelligent, and a rarity. find one, and hold on to him.


1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. - Don't ask us.
Yes. If you do ask, some men will tell you the truth but will do so diplomatically.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
Most of the time.

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done. - Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

But be prepared to be judged.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Especially during "Two and a Half Men" and "The Big Bang Theory".


1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
Some men do need directions because they have no sense.

1. ALL men see in only 1620colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

I know what mauve is.


1. If it itches, it will be scratched. - We do that.
ditto.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say
"nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

It is worth the hassle, most of the time. especially to the men who allegedly like to solve problems. there are so many contradictions in these corny rules.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
You also have the option of "accepting" it.


1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really .

No it isn't. If we're going to a sunday breakfast, you should wear tight yoga pants with ugg boots, with two pony tails. if we're going to a nice restaurant, you should wear something sophisticated, preferably black with a black accent of a different cloth.


1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey.

Rrrrrright. because all men like football and hocky. especially the ones who like to "problem solve."


1. You have enough clothes.
Only if you have more than mine.

1. You have too many shoes.
Only if you have more than mine.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
If you're married to someone that is round, rest assured that you are either a temporary trophy wife, or are probably round yourself.
 
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