O.K. to Cry...

cueboyzn

Professional
The weeping Federer
February 02, 2009 Monday, 05:48 PM

Rohit Brijnath thinks it's just fine for losers to cry.

In Melbourne

ROGER Federer and Rafael Nadal tire each other out - and they tire us too.

When their match came to a close, everyone was emotionally exhausted. My father asked me this morning if I cried while watching Federer weeping; I, in turn, asked my mother if she did. Who asks these questions after a sports event?

I like sport like this - big-hitting, big-running, big-hearted sport. I like it when we are reminded, because we do forget, that these impossible-shot-hitting, insane-tension-managing automatons are in fact men. Unlike us, yet just like us. I like it when men let go and reveal themselves occasionally, so we know what's going on inside.

When he was inducted into the tennis hall of fame, Pete Sampras, usually dry-eyed (though he wept in Australia once), could barely complete his speech and broke down so often. In Malaysia, years later, he told me he didn't like it when people said he didn't have emotions. Oh no, he had them, he said, but to play his best tennis he just couldn't afford to show them.

I liked Federer's tears because kids should know it's okay to cry. Some fathers tell sons, big boys don't cry. Yes they do. I liked the tears because they were the tears of a loser. Winners weep, but losers are not supposed to. Not in public, you whinger, it's not done. But who made these rules anyway?

Federer had cried before, in Australia, in Wimbledon, but this was different. Always his tears had come with victory, born of relief that the match was over, expectations fulfilled, journey done. But this was pain, this was emotion flooding his insides, with nowhere for him to go but stand in that crowded stadium, till he could keep it in no longer.

People knew he was playing a younger man, now a better man, playing for his career, for pride, playing to become part of history before time claimed him, and it's why the audience reached out to him.

My mother isn't keen on sport, but Federer she watches. Because he's like an old school gent.

Nadal's a new school gent. He spoke generously of Federer, as he always does, saying: "Sorry, was tough moment for Rog today. I know how tough must be there in important situation from him. But, you know, no, he's a great champion. He's the best. And he's, for sure, very important person for our sport, no?"

I can't remember a rivalry in an individual sport as competitive and classy. But no doubt someone will write in and remind me.



http://blogs.straitstimes.com/2009/2/2/the-weeping-federer
 
Roger Federer not the only big man to cry.

Terry Brown

February 03, 2009 12:00am

IF top-flight sport has become the crying game, experts and tough guys couldn't be happier.

Roger Federer's tear-drenched end to his Australian Open set a record-high tissue count.

But in sporting circles, and beyond, it was a drop in the bucket.

And the tip from experts is to keep the hankies coming. There's plenty more where that came from.

We have seen big men cry before. As Prime Minister, Bob Hawke routinely went to water.

One-time Aussie cricket captain Kim Hughes shed bitter tears at the end of his run and basketballer Andrew Gaze and rower James Tomkins went out weeping.

Before his dancing days, Collingwood midfielder Paul Licuria melted in a teary Mick Malthouse's arms after the 2002 Grand Final loss.

Associate Professor Sandy Gordon, a sport psychologist, said crying was a normal reaction to the grief of losing a big match.

"Federer must have worked very, very hard to come so close to the record-equalling win." he said. "It's perfectly acceptable for someone to grieve like that, and it is a form of grieving.

"This thing about 'men don't cry', that they don't wear their heart on their sleeve, that type of macho image has been challenged recently."

Footy hard-man Sam Kekovich agreed a tear or two was acceptable, even a show of strength.

"Once upon a time it was not perceived as being manly, but it's better than having it stored inwardly," he said.

"We are becoming a very soft culture in other ways, but certainly not through that.

"You often see it when great careers end. You see it from tough, hardened footballers you'd think would never have been able to conjure up a tear. I think Roger, to do what he did, was quite normal."

Federer, while not quite a serial sobber, also cried as a 21-year-old after beating Mark Philippoussis at Wimbledon in 2003.

Sports presenter Sandy Roberts, who presided over Federer's latest sob session, after his loss to Rafael Nadal on Sunday, didn't expect the sudden outpouring.

"I looked behind me when I started that presentation. Roger looked serious," Roberts said.

"He looked more serious than disappointed or sad. All of a sudden he was overwhelmed.

"All of a sudden Rod Laver was there, and not going to present (the trophy) to him but to 'Rafa'. He was crying pretty much uncontrollably."

Psychologist Michael Carr-Gregg expects more waterworks from sportsmen, saying Aussie men now have a licence to cry.



http://www.news.com.au/heraldsun/story/0,21985,24999761-662,00.html
 
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