Parenting teens question

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by BTURNER, Jan 16, 2011.


    BTURNER Hall of Fame

    Jul 27, 2007
    heard an interesting viewpoint from two mothers who had raised their teens conservatively. They both said in hindsight they wished they had given more freedom to teens 'to screw up' . They began to go a bit wild in their first few years of adulthood leading to mild criminal charges for DUI, pot possession, and failures at college etc. If they had not been so harsh those lessons would have been with a juvenile record rather than an adult record. The same rebellion vs parental values is a lot more costly after 18, killing college opportunities, when if they had allowed more freedom to make mistakes, that cycle of growth would probably be over. Do you parents of adults think you were too strict on the groundings,the curfews, too controlling or too permissive in hindsight?
  2. albino smurf

    albino smurf Professional

    Mar 7, 2008
    In a cloud of yellow fuzz
    My parents gave me the old heave ho after i messed up as a teenager a number of times. It taught me the most important lessons in life I've learned. Until kids experience repercussions to their actions they'll always just be kids.
  3. ollinger

    ollinger Legend

    Nov 24, 2004
    New Jersey
    The suggestion that "if they had not been so harsh those lessons would have been with a juvenile record rather than an adult record" is a fallacy, as something like DUI and failure at college is less likely to occur if kids are raised benevolently. But the more important point is that the rules you lay down are less important than the example you set as a role model with your own behavior. That has a much greater impact on how kids develop.
  4. jmverdugo

    jmverdugo Hall of Fame

    Nov 22, 2006
    Houston, TX
    I think that to let them make mistakes while they are under your supervision is way better than to let them make mistakes while they are away. If you do not teach them how to make decisions and to take responsability for those decisions, then they will make the worst decision when they do not have you to make them for them.

    So I guess that kids should have enough freedom to make mistakes but enough to make really stupid mistakes.
  5. max

    max Hall of Fame

    Jul 14, 2004
    Agree entirely with ollie. I'd only add that it's good to explain your reasons for things.
  6. dave333

    dave333 Hall of Fame

    Aug 24, 2006
    This is the sort of perspective my econ professor gives on parenting and economic policy XD. Moderation with parenting is key, like in everything.
  7. Larrysümmers

    Larrysümmers Hall of Fame

    Jun 29, 2009
    1313 Mockingbird Lane.
    As a 17 year old, i am happy that my parents are not strict with me. from a young age they havnt forced be to believe in a religion or values, anad i think that was important for me now. i think the more of a big deal a parent makes, the more the kid wants to rebel and do that. i know that if i do something stupid, i will pay for it.
    i am happy that they raised me that way. i am now 17, liberal values, i dont do stupid things to rebel.
    i mean the pastor's daughter is more of a bada$$ than i am, and she lives in a strict, conservatve house.
  8. Polaris

    Polaris Hall of Fame

    Mar 28, 2005
    I don't have kids yet, but it is difficult to argue with the bolded part. Well said.

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