Parody Article: Grand Slams to Switch to Round Robin Format

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Hall of Fame
Grand Slams To Switch to Round Robin Format
by Hugh Ken Knott Bea Sirius

In an effort to ensure that the top players stick around and play each other in the majors, a round robin format will be added to the Grand Slams. Set to debut in 2010, the controversial format will reduce the tournaments draw from 128 to 70 players and will split the draw into two sections: the round robin bracket and the single elimination bracket.

The top six ranked players will automatically qualify for the round robin bracket. During the round robin, the top players will each play each other once. The two players with the best results will qualify for the semifinals.

Meanwhile, the remaining 64 players will play five rounds of single elimination play. The last two players still standing will play the round robin winners in the semifinals.

As is expected, the dramatic change has sparked a major controversy.

Tennis Legend Martina Navratilova called the move "tragic" and added, "splitting the tournaments into two sections is unfair to all the players. The top players will get exhausted playing more 4-5 setters and the other players will have extra pressure knowing only two semifinal spots are even available to them."

Another legend, John McEnroe said, "wow, now the Slams are like "Tennis Idol" now! Why not just have Ryan Seacrest host and let fans vote on the six players who make the round robin side?"

The current players are also not pleased with the move.

"This is [expletive] crap!" said 2003 US Open Champion Andy Roddick. "Who came up with this bull[expletive]? So now you can lose a match at a Slam and still win it?!"

Roger Federer added, "this sucks. Now I have to play Nadal and Murray in every single Slam? This scheme was obviously hatched in some *********'s basement!"

Rafael Nadal, however likes the change saying, "I have a good head to head against these guys. I should win every Slam from now on, no?"

Meanwhile, a tennis official defended the decision, stating, "we were concerned that some players were winning Slams with clown draws and we wanted to put an end to that. Plus, the idea that a top player can go out in the first round is upsetting to us."
 
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