LameTennisPlayer
Professional
^^^
I'm surprised you haven't already
I'm surprised you haven't already
Random thread of good jokes, aggie jokes, yo mama jokes, or what have you..
- Thread starter Leelord337
- Start date
ryangoring
Professional
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ... See Moreground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49..09 minutes west longitude.
"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat.." "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ... See Moreground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49..09 minutes west longitude.
"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat.." "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican." "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."
TennisNinja
Hall of Fame
HAHAHAHAH those are all hilarious.i think this one will pass
--------------------------------------------------------------
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1.June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2.July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3.July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4.July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5.August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6.August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7.August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8.August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9.September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10.September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11.October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12.October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13.October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14.October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but certainly not least:
15.October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
I hope this does not offend any young lovers..
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
- John Barrymore
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.
- John Barrymore
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
Some funny captions of Bill Gates and Steve J :
http://damncoolpics.blogspot.com/2010/05/some-humor-from-bill-gates-and-steve.html
http://damncoolpics.blogspot.com/2010/05/some-humor-from-bill-gates-and-steve.html
LameTennisPlayer
Professional
^^^
those were great sentinel
those were great sentinel
ProgressoR
Hall of Fame
The comments underneath are quite interesting...
Leelord337
Hall of Fame
Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says........ .
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Is, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,
"Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
"Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? "
"Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree. Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees a ham bush....."
SO SORRY I know there is something wrong with me for sending you this. Just couldn't help it!
The little voices made me do it !!! And I bet you tried to do the accent didn't you - I know you did!
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States , wandering aimlessly and starving. They are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Luis says........ .
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Is, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon ... Every imaginable kind of cured pork.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
"Luis, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
And with that, Luis staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe crawling close behind, when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Luis drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,
"Pepe... Go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
"Luis, Luis MI amigo... What ees it? "
"Pepe.. Ees not a bacon tree. Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees
Ees a ham bush....."
SO SORRY I know there is something wrong with me for sending you this. Just couldn't help it!
The little voices made me do it !!! And I bet you tried to do the accent didn't you - I know you did!
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
The future will be better tomorrow.
- Dan Quayle
The whole world is in revolt. Soon there will be only five Kings left--the King of England, the King of Spades, The King of Clubs, the King of Hearts, and the King of Diamonds.
- King Farouk of Egypt
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
- Kurt Vonnegut
Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
- Claud Cockburn
I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
- Tom Lehrer
There is no doubt that the first requirement for a composer is to be dead.
- Arthur Honegger
- Dan Quayle
The whole world is in revolt. Soon there will be only five Kings left--the King of England, the King of Spades, The King of Clubs, the King of Hearts, and the King of Diamonds.
- King Farouk of Egypt
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.
- Kurt Vonnegut
Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.
- Claud Cockburn
I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.
- Tom Lehrer
There is no doubt that the first requirement for a composer is to be dead.
- Arthur Honegger
ryangoring
Professional
A man boards an airliner and takes his seat. He is surprised to find
> > a large purple parrot in the seat next to him.
> >
> > After the aircraft takes off, a pretty flight attendant walks down
> > the aisle past the man and his seat mate
> > "Hey, *****, "says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make
> > it snappy!"
> >
> > The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back
> > up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again:
> >
> > "Goddammit, you lazy *****, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up! "
> > Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and
> > returns quickly with the parrot's' drink.
> >
> > Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some
> > quick service for himself.
> >
> > "Hey, ****, " says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag
> > your sorry ass - I want it right now! "
> >
> > The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a
> > moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male
> > flight attendants.
> >
> The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the
> emergency door, and hurl them both out of the
> airplane at 28,000 feet.
> >
> > As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot turns to the man and says:
> > "Ya know, for someone who can't fly,
> you got a lotta balls."
> > a large purple parrot in the seat next to him.
> >
> > After the aircraft takes off, a pretty flight attendant walks down
> > the aisle past the man and his seat mate
> > "Hey, *****, "says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make
> > it snappy!"
> >
> > The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back
> > up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again:
> >
> > "Goddammit, you lazy *****, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up! "
> > Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and
> > returns quickly with the parrot's' drink.
> >
> > Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some
> > quick service for himself.
> >
> > "Hey, ****, " says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag
> > your sorry ass - I want it right now! "
> >
> > The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a
> > moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male
> > flight attendants.
> >
> The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the
> emergency door, and hurl them both out of the
> airplane at 28,000 feet.
> >
> > As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot turns to the man and says:
> > "Ya know, for someone who can't fly,
> you got a lotta balls."
I did, and I feel bad about myself for it.
But wasn't it nice of those 2 Mexicans to talk to each other in cute accents so gringos could understand them instead of speaking Spanish!
I checked and found no toilet paper, so I moved over to the Macy's fitting rooms.
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
The Stranger
This is very interesting and not the ending I had expected!!!!
A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.
As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with
adventures, mysteries and comedies.
If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped
talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.
Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)
Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol... But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular
Basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished.
He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.
I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.
More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.
His name?.... .. .
We just call him 'TV.'
(Note: This should be required reading for every household ! )
He has a wife now....We call her 'Computer.'
This is very interesting and not the ending I had expected!!!!
A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small Texas town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.
As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger...he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with
adventures, mysteries and comedies.
If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped
talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.
Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)
Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... Not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol... But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular
Basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished.
He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.
I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.
More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.
His name?.... .. .
We just call him 'TV.'
(Note: This should be required reading for every household ! )
He has a wife now....We call her 'Computer.'
AND COUPLE OF CHILDREN, THEIR NAMES R CELL PHONES
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
On their honeymoon, the blond bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied,
'It's Lent.'
In tears, she sobbed,
'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?'
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied,
'It's Lent.'
In tears, she sobbed,
'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?'
ryangoring
Professional
This is a longy but a goody.
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, > told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by >saying: 'God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye
> Grandpa.'
>
> The father asked, 'Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?'
>
> The little girl said, 'I don't know daddy, it just seemed like >the thing to do.' The next day grandpa died.
>
> The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
> A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: 'God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.'
>
> The next day the grandmother died. 'Holy Moly!' thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
>
> Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say 'God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy.'
>
> He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a eat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
> He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day >he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
>
> Finally, midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said 'I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?'
>
> He said 'I don't want to talk about it; I've just spent the worst day of my life.'
>
> She said, 'You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead right in the middle of my lesson!"
A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, > told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by >saying: 'God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye
> Grandpa.'
>
> The father asked, 'Why did you say goodbye Grandpa?'
>
> The little girl said, 'I don't know daddy, it just seemed like >the thing to do.' The next day grandpa died.
>
> The father thought it was a strange coincidence.
> A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers which went like this: 'God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.'
>
> The next day the grandmother died. 'Holy Moly!' thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other side."
>
> Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say 'God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy.'
>
> He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a eat all day, had lunch and watched the clock.
> He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day >he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.
>
> Finally, midnight arrived; he breathed a sigh of relief and went home. When he got home his wife said 'I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?'
>
> He said 'I don't want to talk about it; I've just spent the worst day of my life.'
>
> She said, 'You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened to me. This morning my golf pro dropped dead right in the middle of my lesson!"
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
Was posted before but it was the milkman or postman last time
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed
away, Katie went straight to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that people nearly 100 years old making love would surely be asking for trouble.
'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny.! 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring..
It was just the right rhythm.. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.'
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,
'He'd still be alive if the fire engine had not passed by.
away, Katie went straight to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,
'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that people nearly 100 years old making love would surely be asking for trouble.
'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny.! 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring..
It was just the right rhythm.. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.'
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued,
'He'd still be alive if the fire engine had not passed by.
Tina
Banned
Funny.......
Tina
Banned
I grew up with this..
Tina
Banned
Jokes: Men Never Listen
Hey, this is just too funny not to forward...
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice feeling, he thought. Men restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.
"What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.
"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your ++++ is under your pillow."
MEN NEVER LISTEN
Hey, this is just too funny not to forward...
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament.
Sir, she said "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.
Each button was identified by letters: WW, WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.
Who would know if he touched them?
He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW. warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.
What a nice feeling, he thought. Men restrooms don't have nice things like this.
Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.
When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure.. The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure.
When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.
Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.
"What happened?" he exclaimed. The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.
"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your ++++ is under your pillow."
MEN NEVER LISTEN
Dedans Penthouse
Legend
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists â?" two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes and said, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Immediately, a shot was heard, followed by a short silence, and then a series of five shots in quick succession. Then there was the sound of screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Women take their jobs seriously, don't mess with them!
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes and said, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Immediately, a shot was heard, followed by a short silence, and then a series of five shots in quick succession. Then there was the sound of screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
"This gun is loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL OF THE STORY: Women take their jobs seriously, don't mess with them!
Tina
Banned
CaptainInsano
New User
^^^
But the little white bunny looks so pure and sweet!
But the little white bunny looks so pure and sweet!
Tina
Banned
Tina
Banned
A guy walks into a tavern. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, "What's that all about?"
The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish."
"Okay," said the guy. He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it. Poof. Out came a genie. The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish."
The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared. In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him.
The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didn't want a million ducks." The bartender replied, "Do you honestly think I wanted a twelve-inch Pianist?"
The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish."
"Okay," said the guy. He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it. Poof. Out came a genie. The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish."
The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared. In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him.
The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didn't want a million ducks." The bartender replied, "Do you honestly think I wanted a twelve-inch Pianist?"
J011yroger
Talk Tennis Guru
^^^
But the little white bunny looks so pure and sweet!
That's no ordinary rabbit!
J
Tina
Banned
Tina
Banned
Ph.D. Degree
Once sardarji decided to do Phd.
So he took thousands of cocroaches and started experimenting on them.
First he took one cocroach and he kept it on the table and shouted " run ".
Then the cocroach ran then he took another cocroach and he cut its leg and shouted "run" the coacroach ran.
Then he took another cocroach and he cut its two legs and shouted "run". Then the cocroach ran.
then he took another cocroach and he cut its three legs and shouted "run" Then the cocroach ran slowly.
Then he went on removing all the legs of coacroach and shouted "run ". It did not run at last.
Then his final result on experimenting the cocroach was
"After removing all the legs of cocroach the cocroach will become deaf"
Once sardarji decided to do Phd.
So he took thousands of cocroaches and started experimenting on them.
First he took one cocroach and he kept it on the table and shouted " run ".
Then the cocroach ran then he took another cocroach and he cut its leg and shouted "run" the coacroach ran.
Then he took another cocroach and he cut its two legs and shouted "run". Then the cocroach ran.
then he took another cocroach and he cut its three legs and shouted "run" Then the cocroach ran slowly.
Then he went on removing all the legs of coacroach and shouted "run ". It did not run at last.
Then his final result on experimenting the cocroach was
"After removing all the legs of cocroach the cocroach will become deaf"
Last edited:
ryangoring
Professional
Paddy and Murphy were talking one afternoon when Paddy tells Murphy,
"Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii .. I went to Hawaii and Molly got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas and Molly got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darn me, if Molly didn't get pregnant again."
Murphy asks Paddy, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Paddy says, "This year I'm taking Molly with me."
"Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii .. I went to Hawaii and Molly got pregnant.
Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas and Molly got pregnant again.
Last year you suggested Tahiti and darn me, if Molly didn't get pregnant again."
Murphy asks Paddy, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Paddy says, "This year I'm taking Molly with me."
Tina
Banned
Horoscopes by Adam Sandler
Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a ****ing jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are ********s. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but ****-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a *****.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.
Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap *******. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a ****. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving mother****ers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your ****-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while ****ing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are *****s. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-*****. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a worthless piece of ****.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.
Yes, I am a Taurus. I am a stubborn, bullheaded, and goddamned communist ^_^.
Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) - You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a ****ing jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) - You are a pioneer type and think most people are ********s. You are quick to reprimand, impatient, and full of advice. You do nothing but ****-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a *****.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) - You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
Taurus (April 23 - May 22) - You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.
Gemini (May 23 - June 22) - You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap *******. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
Cancer (June 23 - July 22) - You are sympathetic and understanding of other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a ****. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) - You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving mother****ers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your ****-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while ****ing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) - You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are *****s. All Libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) - You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-*****. Most Scorpios are murdered.
Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) - You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. You are a worthless piece of ****.
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) - You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.
Yes, I am a Taurus. I am a stubborn, bullheaded, and goddamned communist ^_^.
West Coast Ace
G.O.A.T.
I hope I'm not expected to read all 67 pages to see if this has been offered up yet:
THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES!
NOT ONLY THAT-- it is POLITICALLY CORRECT!!
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
The Senator's soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.
St. Peter says, "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules", replies St.Peter.
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven," St Peter says.
So, 24 hours pass with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and the 24 hours in heaven passes by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now which will you choose for your eternity?" St Peter asks.
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers, "Well, I never would have thought it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be happier and better off .. in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The Devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now
there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning..
Today .. you voted."
THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES!
NOT ONLY THAT-- it is POLITICALLY CORRECT!!
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
The Senator's soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.
St. Peter says, "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules", replies St.Peter.
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
"Now it's time to visit heaven," St Peter says.
So, 24 hours pass with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and the 24 hours in heaven passes by and St. Peter returns.
"Well, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now which will you choose for your eternity?" St Peter asks.
The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers, "Well, I never would have thought it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be happier and better off .. in hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The Devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now
there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning..
Today .. you voted."
ronalditop
Hall of Fame
LMAO Tina those horoscopes by Adam Sandler were hilarios 
samej07
Rookie
Haha my college coach actually told us a version of this joke on the first team meeting at the beginning of each school year, only it involved a coach visiting heaven and hell and the punchline was "you of all people should've recognized a recruiting trip". lol. Yeah, that was his way of telling us he was gonna work our butts off....
Tina
Banned
LMAO Tina those horoscopes by Adam Sandler were hilarios
Thanks. Did you figure out who you really are
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
Living in a vacuum sucks.
We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.
- Ray Bradbury
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
- David Letterman
The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness.
- Andre Malraux
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
- A. Whitney Brown
We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.
- Ray Bradbury
Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving.
- David Letterman
The greatest mystery is not that we have been flung at random between the profusion of matter and of the stars, but that within this prison we can draw from ourselves images powerful enough to deny our nothingness.
- Andre Malraux
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
- A. Whitney Brown
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
Tina
Banned
Thanks for posting this picture, Sentinel. It's funny.
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
TheLoneWolf
Banned
Yo mama is so fat that she lives in 3 states at the same time.
ryangoring
Professional
> Nudist Colony Rules
>
> A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his
> clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde
> walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
>
> The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for
> me?'
>
> The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
>
> She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you
> get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
> Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel,
> eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
>
> Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the
> sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered
> out of the steam room toward him.
>
> 'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man.
>
> 'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.
>
> 'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it
> implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him
> over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.
>
> The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a
> smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.
>
> 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500
> membership fee.'
>
> 'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a
> chance to see all our facilities.'
>
> 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart
> 15 times a day. I'm outta here!!!'
>
>
> A man joined a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day he took off his
> clothes and started to wander around the area. A gorgeous petite blonde
> walked by, and the man immediately got an erection.
>
> The woman noticed his erection, came over to him and asked, 'did you call for
> me?'
>
> The man replied, 'No, what do you mean?'
>
> She said, 'You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you
> get an erection, it implies you called for me.'
> Smiling, she led him to the side of the swimming pool, laid down on a towel,
> eagerly pulled him to her and happily let him have his way with her.
>
> Later, the man continued to explore the colony's facilities. He entered the
> sauna and as he sat down, he farted. Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbered
> out of the steam room toward him.
>
> 'Did you call for me? ' asked the hairy man.
>
> 'No, what do you mean?' replied the newcomer.
>
> 'You must be new.' answered the hairy man, 'It's a rule that if you fart, it
> implies that you called for me.' The huge man easily spun him around, put him
> over a bench and had his way with the newcomer.
>
> The newcomer staggered back to the colony office where he was greeted by a
> smiling, naked receptionist, 'May I help you?' she asked.
>
> 'Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500
> membership fee.'
>
> 'But, Sir,' she replied, 'you've only been here a few hours. You haven't had a
> chance to see all our facilities.'
>
> 'Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month, but I fart
> 15 times a day. I'm outta here!!!'
>
Sentinel
Bionic Poster
Madam Mayawati goes on a state visit to Israel.
While on tour in Jerusalem, she suffers a heart attack and passes away. The undertaker tells the accompanying people, 'You can have her shipped home for US$500,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for just US$100.'
Madam's men go into a corner and discuss for a minute. They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Madam Mayawati shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $500,000 to ship her home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?
With the money you save you could buy enough diesel for a year, buy enough medicines to wipe out cholera, buy enough generators to never have blackouts again.'
Madam's men replied, 'Long ago a man (named JESUS) died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take that chance with this lady'.
Jai ho!
While on tour in Jerusalem, she suffers a heart attack and passes away. The undertaker tells the accompanying people, 'You can have her shipped home for US$500,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for just US$100.'
Madam's men go into a corner and discuss for a minute. They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Madam Mayawati shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $500,000 to ship her home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100?
With the money you save you could buy enough diesel for a year, buy enough medicines to wipe out cholera, buy enough generators to never have blackouts again.'
Madam's men replied, 'Long ago a man (named JESUS) died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take that chance with this lady'.
Jai ho!
J011yroger
Talk Tennis Guru
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle; he just didn't have the balls to do it.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
J
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. It's not that the man did not know how to juggle; he just didn't have the balls to do it.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
J
J011yroger
Talk Tennis Guru
Two guys, one old timer and one young fella, are pushing their shopping carts around Wal-Mart when they collide.
The old timer says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old timer says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she's tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, and she's wearing tight white shorts with a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The old timer says, "Doesn't matter -- let's look for yours first!"
J
The old timer says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old timer says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she's tall, with blonde hair, big blue eyes, and she's wearing tight white shorts with a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"
The old timer says, "Doesn't matter -- let's look for yours first!"
J
djokovicgonzalez2010
G.O.A.T.
Yo momma so fat she is at a significantly increased risk of Type 2 diabetes