Renovating my house?

max

Hall of Fame
#1
Yeah, I'm excited. It's pretty weather-tight and I don't use much energy: I tend to shut off the furnace at night in the winter, like they used to do out on the farm.

But now the feds are going to rebuild my house for me? That's a pretty good deal, I guess, although I'd rather have them buy me a boat or something.
 
#4
I think a houseboat on the Mississippi is a pretty good new start in life.
I didn't realize revealing Chicago deep dish pizza secrets would get you into so much trouble, but you were brave to testify against the Chicago Pizza Mafia. Did Lou Malnati put a hit on you?

Tips for keeping Max anonymous:

In Los Angeles and elsewhere, famous actors often go the hat and sunglasses route like Scarlett.


You could also go the modest, low budget route the FBI now recommends as part of its cost-cutting measures. Stay in cheap motels less than a week at a time, and use this disguise.
 
Last edited:

max

Hall of Fame
#5
RE: Scarlett:

Mike I got the hat and jacket but forgot the scarf. re: syndicate: yeah, Madigan's nasty, that's all I say.

Again, nice the federal government's going to totally rebuild/energy conserve my house for me. Glad to hear the news. But the boat's a better option.
 
N

Nashvegas

Guest
#6
I’m pretty excited too. I’m guessing I’ll end up downsized by a couple thousand square feet, but I’ll get the chance to donate all my stuff.
 

max

Hall of Fame
#9
What makes you think it will still be your house? Eminent domain part 2.
Yeah, maybe the houseboat option ain't so bad. I can light out for the frontier when I need to, when Big Sister comes barging into my room. Dock up at New Orleans, and St. Louis and all the way to Minneapolis! Good stuff, plenty of interesting places.
 

max

Hall of Fame
#11
You've got a good point. . . organic. . . sustainable. . . full of roachs plus a third world aesthetic. . . yeah, my boxes are pretty much checked there. Yay, Progress!

 
#12
Well, the government will likely be able to tear the house down pretty quickly.
With local and federal regulations, lawyers, wetlands and other environmental protection laws, solar power mandates, union rules, bureaucracy, and normal government SNAFUs, you will probably only get 2 exterior walls built before the project is cancelled because of cost overruns like California's high speed rail.
 
Last edited:

max

Hall of Fame
#13
I think they should give everybody access to tennis and squash courts. Improves public health. Reduces auto emissions and other carbon emissions due to people playing tennis instead of driving cars around town for fun.
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
#17
I think they should give everybody access to tennis and squash courts. Improves public health. Reduces auto emissions and other carbon emissions due to people playing tennis instead of driving cars around town for fun.
What if they drive to the tennis courts?
 

max

Hall of Fame
#21
Where would your excretory waste be dumped? Into the river?
sell it to farmers! sustainability points there. I'm grooving and greeny. It works; join the bandwagon! Everyone loves joining bandwagons and feeling prideful about how "good" we are---join us!
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
#23
sell it to farmers! sustainability points there. I'm grooving and greeny. It works; join the bandwagon! Everyone loves joining bandwagons and feeling prideful about how "good" we are---join us!
Cow and other animal manure is cool as a fertilizer, but would a farmer want to let it be known that he uses human dung?
 

max

Hall of Fame
#33
Yes, freeze-dry the samples first. Burn dry dung. Wait till the neighbors' smell this!
You know, actually in scouts, I think we burned some dry cow dung as yet another experiment with the Power of Fire. Damn we were all little arsonists!
 

max

Hall of Fame
#40
You know, the whole brand new house thing will make the neighborhood look pretty spiffy. I wonder if this will make our property taxes go up. :(
 
Top