I agree w you, but not whole-heartedly. It would be nice to sublime out of this (phase change from solid to gas), but it isn't possible. It's an awkward phase kinda like a tweener or the teenage years. Flat is easy to learn for beginners and a lot of fundamentals can be practiced on this serve type. But there isn't enough juice left on the flat to hit with some spin (aka flatten a topspin serve out and use it as a first). At this stage, there is no control, no power, not enough spin, no consistency etc. If he hits a flat-top for a first serve, then it won't be consistent enough, have even less power, etc. which negates the advantage of the first serve. It'll basically be a floater (or maybe medium paced ball) that sits up in the strike zone, and that's not what a first serve should be used for. At least with his current flat serve, he can get some free points with it which makes a big difference (since there's only 4 points to win a game). It'll be low percentage, but I feel there's no point in using 2 second serves. If he uses 2 second serves, that's even worse (even less power and less chance of winning points on first serve). There's no point in using 2 topspin serves aka two high percentage serves; You're just wasting one of the serves.
This may not make much sense now unless you've gone thru the various stages. So what to do about this conundrum? First thing is develop a consistent second serve (which i mentioned). Then develop a "good" flat serve. I consider it a milestone every player should hit, if they want to get better. If you have a 20% flat serve in practice, there's no way topspin will save even your second serve. So essentially, you want to attain a good enough consistency on your flat serve, then never use it again. At that point, hopefully, you have enough power and control to add some spin to your first serve, and still have it be a weapon.
So yes, you do want to add spin to your flat serve, but it isn't possible for the Op at this point in time. I mean, it sounds like he doesn't even have a second serve yet, and asking him to add some spin is out of the question. (Meaning can he flatten out his spin serve and leave enough power on it to use as a first serve) Basically, it's a progression and you need to get out of No Man's Land.
Okay, this guy says he's a strong 4.0 with a freebie of a service game. That means his other shots (returns and groundstrokes) are WAY above the 4.0 level to compensate, or he's a massive ****ing liar. Assuming he isn't lying his ass off, this means he can get away with (and will be MASSIVELY more successful with) just getting serves in. Why do you think Nadal was #2 in the world with a 100 mph first serve? Because he was godlike from the baseline and had very competent volleys. If you rallied with that guy, you were bound to lose the point. He doesn't NEED a first serve for a weapon yet, he's a "strong 4.0" and is managing that WITHOUT A SERVE. Give him a slice serve, have him use it on first and second serves, and he will probably get to 4.5 off of just that.
As for his serve.
1) The racket drops too early. Your leg drive should be what forces your racket to drop.
2) Left arm should either reach up more or stay up longer.
3) Why are you laying back the wrist so early? Your racket isn't even ready to drop, and you're already laying back your wrist to drop the racket.
4) Think of the toe issue like this: What are you looking to do in your service motion? You're looking to go up and then forward, right? So ask yourself, if you were looking to jump up or forward (technically sideways) into the court, how would you instinctively do it? Pretty damn sure your toe wouldn't be pointed out. It'd either be parallel to the baseline or pointed towards the court to some degree. Not the biggest deal, but something you could "optimize".
5) Are you trying to hit a volleyball serve? It looks like you're jumping then hitting.
6) Toss seems off.
Okay, here's what I want you to do:
1) Practice tosses. The 3rd serve you shuffled your feet to compensate for your toss being off. Either don't hit the ball or fix your toss. I also want the toss a little closer to your body. The arm and shoulder position at contact is good, but I want the ball a little more to the left. This lets your racket go up and across the back of the ball more easily, allowing for more consistency. Not a massive change, but since you gave us 3 serves and one of them turned up with a bad toss, I feel like you should at least practice your tosses a little bit.
2) Fix the toe thing. Makes it easier to use your leg drive to power your hip rotation. It's also resulting in that weird leg position you have in the air.
3) Look at Roddick's serve. Note the power position. Tossing arm stretched up, right hand still isn't raised high (more so at chest level than shoulder level), palm down, and racket face pointed to the ground. Note your power position. Racket at about hip level, racket face and palm up, and drooping tossing arm. Copy Roddick's power position. Or at the very least, I insist that you don't lay back the wrist until you've started the upward swing, which should be initiated by your legs, not done at the same time as your legs extend.
4) Alternatively to #3, you can start your racket arm in a proper power position (like Federer, Roddick, etc), toss up the ball, then go for your serve. And again, don't lay back your wrist before you explode upwards into the ball.
Once you mastered the basic motion, add slice. Remember how I asked you to move your toss closer in to allow for an easier time hitting up and across the back of the ball? Do a ton of that. You can still hit through the ball if you want, but also throw in times where you don't hit through the ball so the spin can add more action to the ball. Bottom line, your goal should be consistency, not power. After that should be placement. Once you mastered the spin serve and can eliminate faults, you can hit through them for a first serve.
After you've mastered the slice, move the toss even closer to your body (more to the left from the back perspective, roughly around over your head, give or take a few inches in whatever direction you prefer; I prefer to the right for the sake of my shoulder). Now, instead of hitting up and across the back, hit across the top of the back of the ball. It'd be like hitting 10 to 2 or 9 to 2 on the clock face. Also, aim forward when you do this. The result is good sideways action, decent pace, and good kick. As you get better and can swing faster (generate more energy through your service motion), it'll naturally get more pace.
Also, for the mental issue, ignore the concept of faulting. Think simply of your plan to win the point and execute. If you can't push it out of your mind, think of swinging as quickly as you can, but put all that action into spin. But the best advice I can give is to ignore the possibility of missing the serve, and focusing simply on what your plan is to win the point and what you need to do to execute (aim at the backhand with a ton of spin, etc).