Snack Attack on the ATP Tour

Happy Holidays!

I have been creating diet plans for many years. For the first time ever, for the 2022 season I will be working in a professional capacity with ATP pros to optimize their performance in competition.

Nutritional Therapist Takes on the ATP Tour

I will be working with a group of (mostly) Next-Gen ATP/WTA pros in the 2022 season. We will be pioneering an innovative and controversial training approach focused on adjusting their diets and hydration to fit their techniques and playing styles. Of course, due to NDAs and other acronyms, I cannot share any information here. Please trust in the process!

Follow along here to track the progress of our rookie class as they attempt to climb the ATP/WTA rankings in 2022.

Note: While it may become easy over time to determine the names of my players as outlier successful results come in, please be respectful and refrain from naming them in this thread. This thread is about the journey in applying science and technology to help them reach the top.

Client 0 starting point, July 2022:

Avg singles/doubles ATP Ranking: 1300
Age: 23
Career prize $ earnings: ~$0k

Client 6f starting point, July 2022:

Avg singles/doubles ATP Ranking: 5
Age: 19
Career prize $ earnings: $5mil

Client 309b starting point, July 2022:

Avg singles/doubles ATP rankings: 1000
Age: 28
Career prize $ earnings: $70k

Update #1: Client 0 played an ATP match against an opponent ranked 1100 spots higher than him today. He lagged behind in the first set, getting broken early. I noticed his Vitamin B levels were off, and quickly whipped up a proprietary blend which was fed to him intravenously on the changeover. Nutritionally homogenized, he was able to take it to a third set, where he lost in the TB. With a better supplement regimen, I truly believe that he can compete at this level of play. Hopeful!

Update #2: Client 309b played their first doubles match of the season today, partnering with a player 69 ranks higher than them. They had a tough draw, and the long flight and time zone change did a number on their hormonal balance. The snack packets I had packed were optimized for a much cooler climate (I consider weather to be a pseudoscience at best), and they struggled mightily in the opening set. Client 309b's miffed several backhand overheads into the net on key points, and I was baffled as to what could be the cause. Thankfully, my assistant noticed elevated chlorofluorocarbon levels in the air, and was able to blend a body regulating smoothie out of the potpourri found in a local men's washroom. Hydration in check, my client and his partner were able to easily defeat their opponents in 3 and win the tournament!


This thread is fake and you are a fraud. I know this because you have a 3.0 forehand, and therefore know nothing about micronutrients. Nutrition is not important for tennis performance and most rec players would get zero benefit from proper dietary habits. This thread is misleading them into thinking that eating better would somehow make them healthier or more fit, when in reality that is only up to technique, practice, and of course natural talent. A good tennis coach would be much better for their vitamin levels than any supplement could possibly be.
Update: Client 6f is into the semifinals of a very large tournament! He had a tough matchup against a fellow young gun, but thanks to some quick thinking on my part, he was able to dig it out! Here's how it happened:

Fueled by my exclusive pro and prebiotic suppositories, 6f was able to take the first set 6-3. However, the extreme turbidity of the New York jetstream incited increased levels of freeradicals in his bloodstream, and his level dropped significantly afterward. Near the conclusion of the second set, I attempted to jump onto the court during a changeover to provide my client with alleviating antioxidant supplements, but was detained by security before I could reach him. Despite my pleading that I alone could turn the match's tide, they only released me once I agreed to turn over my blender (the noise was distracting the other spectators). By this time, my player had lost another winnable set and was down a break in the 4th! Thankfully, I was able to disguise myself as a ballgirl (I have a girlish frame), and apply a nutritional beta-carotene rub to the new balls, as well as subtly insert a new suppository by hiding under the player bench. Visibly pulsing with energy, he went on to break back twice and claim the set 7-5. Unfortunately, my player, the bonehead that he is, accidentally expelled the suppository during a bathroom break... I quickly fashioned a makeshift blowgun out of an unread Serena Williams Retirement Program, loaded it with an Omega-3 packed dart, said a prayer to the Greek god Apollo, and blew. My aim was true, and the player went on to win the match 6-3!


I'm unironically wondering why we don't have more nutrition products in suppository form. Gets into your system way faster than through your stomach.
Oh I dunno bout that, don'cha just excrete it all out during the obligatory gamesmanship of the restroom break? Seems counterintuitive and somehwat counterproductive if you get my drift

ps. why this is in racquets....?