So my buddy left his psycho wife - finally.

[Supernatural_Serve]

I'd say that this kind of behavior is MUCH more common among men.

Did you know that in New York City, any woman at any time can walk into a police station and have any man arrested and a restraining order issued without cause.

All they have to do is say the following words on the arrest complaint: "I am affraid of this man" No more, no less. No explanation, no details. No incident, no story need be told.

Any basis? do you even know him? not material. The issue is removed from the police's hands and placed immediately in a prosecuting attorney's hands.

The individual will be arrested, booked, arraigned, spend 1 night in jail, see the judge, and return to court at least 3 to 4 times with an attorney spending between $1,000-$3,000 before the case is dismissed and the record expunged (assuming the woman doesn't lie and say he broke the restraining order).

The only recourse, is a civil suit by the wronged man.

I know it is hard to believe. But, this is exactly what will happen.

This was Giuliani's answer to "not enough women coming forward" to arrest men who "threaten" them.

Many men have been put through this for a variety of dubious vindictive motives by women from scorned women, to employment issues, to simply being mentally ill, to owing various debts, etc.

Doctors, lawyers, accountants, bankers, you name it have been slapped this way by angry women.

And as far as the system is concerned, it worked perfectly. Woman complained. Man met terms of restraining order, and record was removed, no harm no foul!

 

[Kaptain Karl]

norcal - You are a better friend than I. (I have walked away from friendships like yours in the past ... and will probably continue to do so....)

I subscribe to the "Family Systems" theory of M & F Counseling. (My wife and I have both had mentor training ... enough to be dangerous.) This whacko's behavior can probably be "made sense of" if you look at her family tree. I'll bet someone somewhere started this pattern of behavior in her family and she's just doing what was modeled for her. (And that is NO EXCUSE for her behavior. She's an adult; she's choosing to act the way she is.)

People with behavioral pathologies tend to match-up with those with "balancing" pathologies. Your buddy's spinelessness could be part of his own balancing problem. (As pointed-out above, this is why abuse victims seem to bounce from one abusive relationship ... to another. They really do "seek out" the dynamic at work in the relationship.)

Your buddy is going to need some really good counseling ... to make sure he doesn't repeat this mess.

Lastly, YOU should file a TRO. That nut job knows who your are and (probably) where you live. You have an obligation to protect yourself and your family. (I am afraid for your child.)

- KK

 

[Kane]

norcal - You are a better friend than I. (I have walked away from friendships like yours in the past ... and will probably continue to do so....)

I subscribe to the "Family Systems" theory of M & F Counseling. (My wife and I have both had mentor training ... enough to be dangerous.) This whacko's behavior can probably be "made sense of" if you look at her family tree. I'll bet someone somewhere started this pattern of behavior in her family and she's just doing what was modeled for her. (And that is NO EXCUSE for her behavior. She's an adult; she's choosing to act the way she is.)

People with behavioral pathologies tend to match-up with those with "balancing" pathologies. Your buddy's spinelessness could be part of his own balancing problem. (As pointed-out above, this is why abuse victims seem to bounce from one abusive relationship ... to another. They really do "seek out" the dynamic at work in the relationship.)

Your buddy is going to need some really good counseling ... to make sure he doesn't repeat this mess.

Lastly, YOU should file a TRO. That nut job knows who your are and (probably) where you live. You have an obligation to protect yourself and your family. (I am afraid for your child.)

- KK

Reported to the mods, tattle tailer. Lol, just kidding

 

[norcal]

So my buddy saw a divorce lawyer yesterday. The lawyer told him to hold off on the restraining order (unless necessary) because the restraining order may affect her mfcc lincense and thus her ability to work in the future. If she can't work my buddy's gonna have to pay more in support. Sneaky lawyers ftw.

He goes back today with his financial records to get an idea of how screwed over a barrel he's gonna be.

KK - thanks for your concern. She's been 'quiet' since her last fit. I know her therapist is telling her it's over and to move on with life. Hopefully she will. It would take a lot of work for her to get at me or my family. My buddy is easier to find and a much more likey target. If she starts going nuts again I certainly will take precautions.

And you're right about the relationship dynamics at work; it takes two to tango. The only way I would end our friendship is if he went back to her which there is less than 1% chance of now.

 

[AAAA]

............ Lorena Bobbitt. :shock:

Her ex husband become a film star after that incident. Lorena deserves some credit for John's(?) new career.

 

[armand]

No contact is the absolute best policy for your friend. If he reacts negatively to any of her actions or words, he's just adding fuel to psycho's fire. Remember: the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

 

[slice bh compliment]

L-o-v-e.............................h-a-t-e

... Remember: the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

True enough adely, but Radio Raheem gotta have a lot of fingers to fit I-N-D-I-F-F-E-R-E-N-C-E on the knuckles of his other hand.

 

[CanadianChic]

Bump............Update please Norcal.

 

[Rabbit]

Her ex husband become a film star after that incident. Lorena deserves some credit for John's(?) new career.

Really? I heard she almost cut his career short.

 

[norcal]

I haven't updated in a while cause there hasn't been any heavy drama, just day to day crazyness.

My friend is doing great. He is still at his bro's apt and is catching up on sleep and watching lots of sports and dvd's he hasn't been able to in years.

He has a lawyer on retainer who is figuring out all the finances, how to split up assets etc. The problem is my buddy doesn't hate his wife. He feels bad about divorcing her and having her have to deal with life on her own. So he hasn't told her to 'screw off, here's the papers, I'm out of here'.

But no worries about going back - that's not gonna happen. He's a bit lonely at night but he loves having freedom again. And he knows this breakup will allow him to work in the music business which is his passion.

Wifey is trying to get him back, but in a smart subtle way (no more drunk dialing his co-workers lols). She is (claims anyway) in a 12 step program for abusive people and says she has changed and she is sorry what she put him through blah blah blah, I know we still have a future together based on mutual respect blah blah blah, mixed in with a very healthy dose of guilt.

Paraphrased from an email she sent yesterday, 'I am having severe survival terror, I don't think I can survive on my own. Last night there was the most beautiful sunset and I blew you a sunset kiss, and the nice man down the street asked why we don't go on walks anymore and I cried all night' etc etc etc

She is supposed to only email once a week about important financial matters. Some 'important' matters in yesterday's email (along with all the emotional blackmail):

I haven't received my tv guide or soap opera digest - can you call them to see what the problem is? (I'm not making this up).

How do I put air in the car tires?

How do I get the oil changed in the car?

My cell phone won't hold a charge and I don't know what to do.

$399 bill for various 'supplements' (what the heck are lipids and lava drops?). This is for ONE month.

Basically I go through the emails with him and decide what to respond to and how to respond to it. It's hard but I try and get him to treat it like business and not respond to the emotional stuff. I tell him she put herself in this situation and she needs to deal with stuff herself.

So it's kind of been nuts and bolts stuff and just trying to reinforce the positive aspects of his life now and downplay her needs.

We'll see if she's goes postal when she gets served. I can tell from her emails she really thinks they have a future (no rational person would see it that way but she does) and she really wants to see him face to face.

It's been 5 weeks and everyone comments on how much better he looks now.

lol - she said that even if they get divorced she wants to go to post-divorce couples counseling with him! There are waay to many counselors in the Bay Area, that's for sure.

 

[Fee]

Tell him that he is not to pay for ANY supplements unless she can provide at least 3 peer reviewed double or triple blind studies that prove said supplements actually work. Until then, she can have one case of Glaceau smart water per month.

I still think she needs counseling, from a real therapist.

 

[The Grand Slam]

I would imagine something like this:

Cackletta. ;D

 

[La Bomba]

He should just abandon his wife and pretend he never had one, she is a frickin psycho, I could never of tolerated that that long, i would of snapped by then. He should change all his numbers and never see her again, then he'll still have his money etc.

 

[equinox]

any news? did he breakaway or did she get him back?

 

[Kobble]

Can ex-wives still get money from you if you are in a different country? If I married a psycho chick, I would want to know I get away free. Victims don't have to pay for a criminals incarceration directly.

Seems like a lot of these women try to **** guys off to get them to cheat. Then, once they cheat, they are a scumbag in the eyes of the court. Maybe these guys should pay their best bachelor friend to hook up with his wife, get her to cheat, and then he is off the hook. I like leaving the country, though. Wife acts like a lunatic, and I order skis.

Wife: Where are you going with the skis?

Me: Austria! (Really going to Sweden)

 

[Steady Eddy]

Norcal, did anyone ever suggest counseling for this woman? Did you ever suggest she be put into some type of protective custody/receivership until her mental health stabilizes? How could she go on this long when she was obviously a threat to herself and others? Do you not see the symptoms that your story describes?

I understand that your bias in this situation is towards your friend, but I am kind of stunned that none of the other adults around have tried to get psychological help for this woman. Who cares what kind of degree she has, it's irrelevent when your mind breaks as hers so obviously has.

I"m done with my public service announcement, feel free to go back to the ever present woman bashing so prevalent on this forum...

That's your P.O.V.? The poor lady? If the genders had been reversed what would you have said? Would you have said that the man obviously needs counseling?

 

[Fee]

That's your P.O.V.? The poor lady? If the genders had been reversed what would you have said? Would you have said that the man obviously needs counseling?

Read the thread then get back to me. :roll:

 

[ProgressoR]

To OP. Well done for being a good friend. She is mental. He is a softy but that is why she chose him. She chooses her behaviour. Probably linked to family issues when growing up. Her family should help her. I hope he listens to you and never goes back.abusers can be men or women. Never is it justified. Good luck to all of you including the nutter.

 

[Steady Eddy]

Read the thread then get back to me. :roll:

Oh, ok.

Wow norcal, she is really a mess. I almost feel sorry for her, but the physical violence and cutting up his possessions just scares the heck out of me. I just hope she doesn't know where to find you.

You're right. The poor thing. :roll:

 

[SystemicAnomaly]

I wonder what she looks like?

Refer to Barney’s Hot/Crazy Ratio: