So my mother had a heart attack...

saram

Legend
First and foremost--I'm not looking for any pity. I don't want anyone saying they are sorry nor hang in there.

I'm Catholic--but not a good one, although I send my daughter to a Catholic and private school.

My mother and I also are different people. She lives a live of indulgence and I prefer to stay healthy and fit. Her choices have brought forth her premature death.

Regardless of our personal indifference, if you believe, pray, or just care about others and their lives--please think of her when you find a spiritual time in your daily lives.

She is more of a grandmother to my daughter than she was a mother to me--and I'm okay with that. She left me when I was one year old--but made up for it in her relationship with my daughter.

If you pray--pray for the relationship between my mother and daughter.

Thanks....
 

abenguyen

Hall of Fame
well i send my condolences to you, not in pity or sorrow, but its just what I have to do when someone passes away. good that you have a good relationship with your daughter, you guys have a good life
 

saram

Legend
well i send my condolences to you, not in pity or sorrow, but its just what I have to do when someone passes away. good that you have a good relationship with your daughter, you guys have a good life
Thanks, my friend. My relationship with my mother dies 38 years ago. But, I just don't want to even face the notion of telling my daughter that her grandmother died at the age of 59 because she made bad choices.
 

10sfreak

Semi-Pro
Saram, I don't mean to sound crass or anything, but what exactly are we praying for? I'm a little confused about this...
 

ollinger

G.O.A.T.
As a non-religious person, I wonder if it is usual to pray for someone one has never met and knows essentially nothing about. If it is, than wouldn't one simply pray for everyone in the world, without making particular distinctions??
 

pabletion

Hall of Fame
As a non-religious person, I wonder if it is usual to pray for someone one has never met and knows essentially nothing about. If it is, than wouldn't one simply pray for everyone in the world, without making particular distinctions??
Well, for a non-religious person, I dont even see the point on praying..., but for religious people, it is a whole big deal, and praying for special requests is very helpful. It doesnt matter if you dont know the person because you pray for them, not about them.

An analogy about praying for everyone instead of someone specifically would be like donating a million dollars to the poor, or taking the time to study what you can use those million dollars in a specific project for the poor, evaluating every area, seeing how the money will be used etc etc etc...

Both ways are good, but which one do you think will bring out the best?
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
Well, for a non-religious person, I dont even see the point on praying..., but for religious people, it is a whole big deal, and praying for special requests is very helpful. It doesnt matter if you dont know the person because you pray for them, not about them.

An analogy about praying for everyone instead of someone specifically would be like donating a million dollars to the poor, or taking the time to study what you can use those million dollars in a specific project for the poor, evaluating every area, seeing how the money will be used etc etc etc...

Both ways are good, but which one do you think will bring out the best?
It depends. If the identification of the poor needs a bureaucracy which needs to be paid salaries from the total amount, that has to be taken into account.
 

Geezer Guy

Hall of Fame
Saram, I don't mean to sound crass or anything, but what exactly are we praying for? I'm a little confused about this...
I was wondering about that too. Seems like it's too late to pray for mom, but we could pray that the daughter handles the loss well and maybe sees that it's important to take care of one's physical body.

I'm not one for praying, saram, but I wish the best to your family during this trying time.
 
Do people believe there is value in praying for someone? Let's suppose we have a wonderful loner who spent his life anonymously doing good deeds, and a another man who is a thief with lots of friends. Both die. Nobody prays for the former, dozens pray for the latter. Does this matter to the Almighty in how he deals with their respective souls? Wouldn't HE pay attention to the merits of their lives and ignore the petty popularity contest of how many people pray for each of them?? Religion propagates some rather silly notions.
 

max

Legend
Do people believe there is value in praying for someone? Let's suppose we have a wonderful loner who spent his life anonymously doing good deeds, and a another man who is a thief with lots of friends. Both die. Nobody prays for the former, dozens pray for the latter. Does this matter to the Almighty in how he deals with their respective souls? Wouldn't HE pay attention to the merits of their lives and ignore the petty popularity contest of how many people pray for each of them?? Religion propagates some rather silly notions.
Prayer is a very subtle but powerful thing.
 

pabletion

Hall of Fame
Do people believe there is value in praying for someone? Let's suppose we have a wonderful loner who spent his life anonymously doing good deeds, and a another man who is a thief with lots of friends. Both die. Nobody prays for the former, dozens pray for the latter. Does this matter to the Almighty in how he deals with their respective souls? Wouldn't HE pay attention to the merits of their lives and ignore the petty popularity contest of how many people pray for each of them?? Religion propagates some rather silly notions.
Prayers are not magic spells, nor are like voting for american idol. If God is perfect, then He would execute perfect justice. Prayers might help the thief so he could repent before he dies, or during his last hour. God would look at all actions of course; Whats the point on praying for bad people? Somehow, those prayers might help to turn the hearts of those people, bad people are the ones who need the most prayer!!!!!
 

saram

Legend
Wow,

I am floored by the responses here. I'm truly touched. Whether religious or not--you replied and I thank you.

I don't know why I asked you to pray--I've lost faith in some ways myself.

My mother left me on my father's doorstep at the age of one in opt for a party life and never looked back. Maybe that is why I embrace, love, cherish, and have an emotional intimacy with my daughter that is unquestionable.

Regardless, I never meant for spirituality to come into this equation. I never meant for anyone to pray for anyone they don't know. And, I never want to have to share the 'truth' with my daughter about her grandmother.

Regardless of faith, prayer, religion, and spirituality--I thank you for your thoughts of and for my daughter--she is my world and was the intent of this thread.

Without my daughter--life would not be the same.

Thanks again,
Saram
 

kimbahpnam

Hall of Fame
My relationship with my mother dies 38 years ago.
Sorry to hear you say that. I think that's even more tragic than a heart attack.

Nevertheless, I will lift a prayer for your mom. Should I just refer to her as Saram's mom? :) I think there's a special element in praying for someone by their name simply not by 'that person'
 
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saram

Legend
Sorry to hear you say that. I think that's even more tragic than a heart attack.

Nevertheless, I will lift a prayer for your mom. Should I just refer to her as Saram's mom? :) I think there's a special element in praying for someone by their name simply by 'that person'
Here name is LaRae--it is French. I thank you. I pray for her every night. Never seems to help--maybe your prayers are more powerful....

Thank you, and peace be with you my friend.
 

kimbahpnam

Hall of Fame
i missed the "not" in my post..oops i think you caught it though.

i don't know if this is too personal, but to what extent do you mean 'dead?'
 

saram

Legend
Sorry to hear you say that. I think that's even more tragic than a heart attack.

'
I let her live with me and my daughter three times. The last time, she left morphine lying around the house that my daughter almost ingested. I had to choose my daughter over my mother. As hard as I tried--her drug addiction was more powerful than my intervention.

I don't know if you have ever lived with an addict--but it is something you cannot describe. And if you love them--it is the most painful experience you can imagine.
 

saram

Legend
My mother left me on my father's door when I was one in pursuit of drugs and booze.

17 years later, I was at her house and living with her for the summer. Her second husband and her were boozed and drugged up and he came after me with a gun. He was 6'4" and I was 5'4". He was going to kill me--and she was going to allow it.

I ran to my room and grabbed a baseball bat. He came around the room and shot at me--I hit the gun out of his hand with the bat and then pretty much went after him (without the bat). I was scared beyond belief. The words to describe it would be edited by mods. I won though--I kicked his butt and moved on to a secluded place that only my father knew for many years.

In time, my grandfather on my mother's side was dying of cancer. She never came to his side. But, I did. I had quit cycling, was living in Vail, Colorado and on the ski patrol living my dream job. No one cared for him--and so I came home and lived with him to help he and my grandmother as he died. I spent seven months watching him die. From a robust man to a man that I bathed, brushed his teeth, and held in my arms during the last breath he took.

My mother never showed up on the day he died in my arms--she was doing drugs and partying with her third husband. I will never forget the words he uttered to me nor the fact that she showed up two days later.

Her addiction landed later on my door three times--each of which almost cost my daughter her life with pills scattered around.

I tried.
I gave up.
My daughter is just too important.
 

saram

Legend
I have never shared that with anyone. From the age of 18-23, I was only known to my dad and a woman I met while secluded and 'gone' from the outside world.

There is a ton of pain inside of me due to the relationship I have--or lack--with my mother.

Luckily--my dad is my best friend and someone I love more than life itself.
 

kimbahpnam

Hall of Fame
Yea, that's quite some baggage you have with you. Well, there's lots of ways people can pray for your mom from that story...and not unrelated, you. I hope you haven't lost hope in reconciling with your mom.
 

saram

Legend
Yea, that's quite some baggage you have with you. Well, there's lots of ways people can pray for your mom from that story...and not unrelated, you. I hope you haven't lost hope in reconciling with your mom.
I will never give up hope--I'm a fighter. We had a good talk on the phone tonight....
 

Rickson

G.O.A.T.
Sorry for your loss, saram. Now is the time to be strong for your daughter. Is your spouse also in your life? I'm curious to know.
 

LuxilonTimo

Rookie
Why tell us about it, you should be telling your friends and family members not posting it online for people you dont know to care.
 

CanadianChic

Hall of Fame
Why tell us about it, you should be telling your friends and family members not posting it online for people you dont know to care.
Get over yourself. This is an online community which means that people post their thoughts and personal experiences. We share and learn from one another here whether we have met face to face or not. It is called social interaction and if you do not want to participate move along but don't think you can belittle someone for being more open than yourself.

Saram, I will keep this situation and your mother in my thoughts and hope she recovers from this. I truly feel for you here...it is not an easy situation. If I may offer some advice?

I had a parting of the ways with my father years ago. His actions and behaviour upset me to the point where I made a conscious choice to not see him for a little over ten years (we only spoke sporadically and briefly during those years on the phone). I was very angry at him and carried that around for a long time and although it did not change who I am, the weight was a burden. A few years ago I decided to forgive him. His actions hurt someone I care the most about in the world and the anger I felt was in essence like carrying a torch for this person. I realized that I was the one who was angry, the other had moved on and it was time for me to deal with the emotions and try to find a way to move past this chism in our lives. I reached out to him and he embraced it. I know he regrets the actions and is a different person now. I also know that for me to grow as a person and be truly happy I needed to let it go - it was far too negative. We have both actively contributed to the healing process and I have come out a happier, more forgiving woman.

I do not regret the anger for I felt and lived it. It was real and had to be dealt with and therefore is a part of my experience of life. I do however regret the lost years and the support and love of that time from that person (it was there but I chose to not accept it).

I know this is greatly different than what you are dealing with and truly empathize with your situation. I am only trying to communicate that I understand what it is like to face forgiveness in the face of disappointment and anger.

You have a right to feel betrayed and abandoned. You have a right to feel frustration, loss and hurt. You must decide at this time whether it is the right time for you to let it go. She has acted in a way that makes it difficult to trust in her but she is also at her most vulnerable. It's a tough call. Will you be in a better place if you choose to bridge the gap and forgive her? This means letting it all go, not only part of the hurt. Will you lose or gain from standing by her and supporting her at this time? Will this continue to break away at you or have there been any changes made on her part? It is impossible to forgive someone who has no inclination for accepting and altering their own actions. There would be no point.

As for your daughter, I understand that she behaves differently towards her than she did to you as a child and that there may be a bond. I also understand your mother's actions put your daughter at risk which is not acceptable. If it were me, I would not allow any possibility of another similar occurance. I would suggest perhaps trying to work first on your relationship with her (if that is a possibility) before proceeding with your little girl. One step at a time. Again, my thoughts are with you and I know this is not easy.
 
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In)SpiRe

Professional
I'll be praying for you, your daughter, your family, and your mother. I know she has done you wrong, but try to find it in your heart to forgive her and let God deal with the rest. My condolences to your family, and I wish you the best. Stand firm in the Lord for He is our deliverance.
 
Ill be praying.

I almost lost my dad this time last year.... It was a heart attack too. He spent a couple weeks in the hospital, got a pacemaker, and he just got back his job last month.... He was almost gone that first day. The doctor had to super chill him, basically bring him down to 90 degrees because they thought that was the only way to save any of his brain functions. Hes perfectly fine today though :D

It was really scary. I had woken up to my mom. She shook me awake and told me to hurry. My dad was lying there not breathing and all purple. So we called to ambulance and everything. I was a bit to shell shocked to cry or even think... I couldnt really believe it either. Hes had problems with his heart before but never anything that drastic. The night before our church was friday and at our church we a prayer service. I play in the band so I was playing, and he looked completely normal. We got home said good night, everything was fine. So yeah. dont give up hope bro.
 
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