Your Hero
Professional
I've examined the data, crunched the numbers and basically gone over this dump
with a fine-tooth comb and I've noticed several things. There are 4 distinct fan
groups on this site. These fan groups are consistently at war with each other.
The occasional non-aggression pact between two groups will happen but it never
lasts long. Nothing ruins a good war like peace. Peace is boring, it just is.
The general consensus among these groups is that 3 of the 4 are awful. Guess
which one isn't? Theirs of course. But they are wrong. They are awful too. It's
just a matter of degrees and by "they" I mean you. You are not an exception.
You're one of 'em. You're horrible. As am I. Zverev's a saint compared to us!
We all know who the 4 fan groups are but in case there's any confusion I will list
them and a few of their "attributes."
1) The Rosol fans.......the worst! Nobody likes them and that includes their friends.
Sadistic and underhanded by nature they will even stoop so low as to pick on the
quirks of mildly neurotic players. They're out to wreck your Wimbledon by any means
necessary. Normally they fail at whatever they attempt but once in a blue moon
something goes horribly right and they succeed. They're heavy breathers too. Yuck.
2) The Robredo fans.....a bit of a mystery. They don't really seem to exist for any
other reason but to enjoy an old star's sudden, rapid decline. The fading star is not
their own of course because Robredo blows but that's not the point. The point is
crapping all over the once all-mighty. It's almost admirable, but only almost.
3) The Soderling fans.....I fall into this group. I won't lie and say we're good people.
We're not. We like to roll around in the dirt with the pigs and then kick them out of their
own pens. We like to mock people with irritable bowel syndrome. We like to either kiss
too many disreputable people or sit on too many unsanitized things. We like to cut
out your heart by helping your enemy and then we bail before you get a chance to
make our lives miserable for years and years. You'll get some revenge but not enough.
You hate us for that and we don't seem to be bothered by it. Damn us all to hell!
4) The Stakhovsky fans.....actually, I was wrong when I said Rosol fans are the worst.
These guys are the worst. True deplorables. For a start, they smell like soup. Not a good
soup either, a bad soup. Think of the last bad soup you had and that's what they smell
like. These people have no respect for the game's grandest stage and its grandest
practitioner. Imagine that streaker at Wimbledon. Now imagine her without boobs.
What would be the point? Stax fans are like that. What's the point? He's terrible, why be
a fan of his? It's simple, really, they're terrible too. The shoe fits.
And what of the FOOPs (fans of other players)? Uh, there's other players?
with a fine-tooth comb and I've noticed several things. There are 4 distinct fan
groups on this site. These fan groups are consistently at war with each other.
The occasional non-aggression pact between two groups will happen but it never
lasts long. Nothing ruins a good war like peace. Peace is boring, it just is.
The general consensus among these groups is that 3 of the 4 are awful. Guess
which one isn't? Theirs of course. But they are wrong. They are awful too. It's
just a matter of degrees and by "they" I mean you. You are not an exception.
You're one of 'em. You're horrible. As am I. Zverev's a saint compared to us!
We all know who the 4 fan groups are but in case there's any confusion I will list
them and a few of their "attributes."
1) The Rosol fans.......the worst! Nobody likes them and that includes their friends.
Sadistic and underhanded by nature they will even stoop so low as to pick on the
quirks of mildly neurotic players. They're out to wreck your Wimbledon by any means
necessary. Normally they fail at whatever they attempt but once in a blue moon
something goes horribly right and they succeed. They're heavy breathers too. Yuck.
2) The Robredo fans.....a bit of a mystery. They don't really seem to exist for any
other reason but to enjoy an old star's sudden, rapid decline. The fading star is not
their own of course because Robredo blows but that's not the point. The point is
crapping all over the once all-mighty. It's almost admirable, but only almost.
3) The Soderling fans.....I fall into this group. I won't lie and say we're good people.
We're not. We like to roll around in the dirt with the pigs and then kick them out of their
own pens. We like to mock people with irritable bowel syndrome. We like to either kiss
too many disreputable people or sit on too many unsanitized things. We like to cut
out your heart by helping your enemy and then we bail before you get a chance to
make our lives miserable for years and years. You'll get some revenge but not enough.
You hate us for that and we don't seem to be bothered by it. Damn us all to hell!
4) The Stakhovsky fans.....actually, I was wrong when I said Rosol fans are the worst.
These guys are the worst. True deplorables. For a start, they smell like soup. Not a good
soup either, a bad soup. Think of the last bad soup you had and that's what they smell
like. These people have no respect for the game's grandest stage and its grandest
practitioner. Imagine that streaker at Wimbledon. Now imagine her without boobs.
What would be the point? Stax fans are like that. What's the point? He's terrible, why be
a fan of his? It's simple, really, they're terrible too. The shoe fits.
And what of the FOOPs (fans of other players)? Uh, there's other players?
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But you left out the endless posts from fanatical Ryan Harrison fans! They destroy this Forum day after day.
