The overlooked key to enjoying tennis: managing expectations

[HunterST]

I've suffered a few tough losses recently. Lost 1 and 1 to a guy I thought I would have a good shot against, and lost another 6 and 6 when I was up 5-0 in the second. I was really considering giving up tennis. I tell myself I'm going to quit pretty frequently when I lose and am feeling sorry for myself, but I always know I'm not going to. This time, I really thought I might.

I remembered seeing that Ian Westermann had done a podcast on quitting tennis on essential tennis .com, so I figured I'd at least give that a listen. One of the things Ian pointed out was that players need to be realistic in their expectations.

I realized that I expect myself to be one of the very top level players at my club. I frequently compare myself to guys who have been playing since they were kids and have competed at the state level in high school. However, I've only been playing three years. As Ian pointed out, I'm pretty much expecting that I will be a natural tennis genius and I'm disappointed with anything less.

So, I think it's important for tennis players to be realistic with their expectations for themselves. This is different from setting low goals. Having big goals is great, but it's not productive to have unrealistic expectations for accomplishing them. For example, reaching a 5.0 level is a great goal, but it's not a good idea to expect to do it in three years.

 

[10sEmporer]

yes, shoot low and you will be happy

 

[thug the bunny]

You got that right. This is exactly what makes sports so mentally tough. We all think we are, and we want to be, better than we really are. Thus we put more pressure on ourselves than we should, and disappointing outcomes have more impact than they should.

The mental game is all about having confidence, playing within yourself, and managing expectations.

 

[rkelley]

This thread is so true.

One of the issues I've noted in myself (and some others) is that you expect to play during a game at the very highest level you have played in practice. This is an unrealistic expectation, but it's seductive. You can fool yourself into thinking its reasonable because you're not expecting to hit better shots than you normally hit, but you are expecting for every shot to be at its best. The reality is that it's still not realistic.

When it doesn't happen, which is almost always, then you get down on yourself and the whole mental tail spin begins.

What I try to do is not have expectations about the outcome. I try to just move to the ball, set-up for the stroke, and hit the smart shot. I can control those things. After that if it goes in that's great, if not then that's OK too.

 

[decades]

congrats. not so much for your ideas. but rather for being one of the only tennis players on the forum who admitted he actually lost a match.

 

[Larrysümmers]

yeah man, i found this out this last season. after i lost a match to "a person who i should have beaten" i thought about calling it quits. me and my coach had a long talk and i was ranting on how i put all my free time/money into tennis and i seem to get nothing in return.
but, after a long discussion i came to the realization that i can potentially play tennis until the day i meet my maker. you have to go on court with one thing in mind:have fun. and while having fun, have that goal of winning, or improving

 

[thug the bunny]

This thread speaks to the reason(s) we play in the first place. The one thing that keeps me addicted to tennis regardless of winning or losing is the hit. I just love that sweet feeling of contact and watching the ball take that beautiful penetrating arc into the other court. So when I play I just focus on the hit and let winning/losing fall where it may.

 

[rkelley]

This thread speaks to the reason(s) we play in the first place. The one thing that keeps me addicted to tennis regardless of winning or losing is the hit. I just love that sweet feeling of contact and watching the ball take that beautiful penetrating arc into the other court. So when I play I just focus on the hit and let winning/losing fall where it may.

Yep. I love that feeling.

 

[dennis10is]

I have realistic expectations, achievable ones such as remaining undefeated against the top men on the ATP tour for my entire life. No matter how old I get to live out my life, I expect to never lose a game against the big boys.

When I'm dead and buried, I want my gravestone to read "Never beaten by the likes of Sampras, Laver, Borg, Federer, Nadal, etc...

 

[LeeD]

Low goals, lower expectations, equals one happy person.

 

[user92626]

Low goals, lower expectations, equals one happy person.

Really? Are punching bags, fetchers, getting laughed at really happy? I haven't been in a group where losers don't get laughed at, made fun of, and no losers are gracious, either.

 

[LeeD]

Really, but maybe you gotta separate "winning or losing" from lofty expectations and goals.
You can look to become a 7.0 player, never get there, and be disappointed all your life.
You can try to become the best player you can possibly be, maybe 4.5, and maybe attain your goals.
Either way, you're gonna be winning lots of matches during the journey, but probably will lose MORE than you won.
And either way, you're trying to WIN, as opposed to settling for getting whereever you are.
Or, you can be like me. Play a full level above your ability, get some wins, but in the end, take the loses every time to culminate the waste of my efforts. But I shouldn't cry over the loss'es. It beats never having had the chance to compete.

 

[yonexpurestorm]

i still cant stand losing tournament matches i know i should win. i eventually get over it, but the drive home and following night are always filled with me going through points in my head where i made dumb errors and cost me the match. i hate that feeling.

 

[LeeD]

Few of us "enjoy" losing, but it's a reality, as all our tournaments seem to end up with a loss.
And losing to someone you expect to beat is certainly annoying to devastating, but losing to someone who should beat you is not so bad, and actually a good learning experience, as can the other loss be.....
About 40 years ago, I was in about the same place as you, a strong 4.5 going into A/Open/Q's without the much needed B player experieince. I ended up losing EVERY tournament, so the loss sticks in my mind. Sure, going 3-4 rounds is some consolation, but you'd think, just once, I could actually maybe play my best? When losing? Nope, I stunk when I lost, as did the guys who someone found a way to lose to me on the way to my loss.
No, I cannot imagine how badly the guys who lost to me felt. Losing to an unknown, unproven player who ended up going nowhere must have been devastating to the guys who had the unfortunate experience of losing a match to me.
But it happens, and it always will, to all of us...except the winners of each tourney, of course.

 

[Limpinhitter]

I've suffered a few tough losses recently. Lost 1 and 1 to a guy I thought I would have a good shot against, and lost another 6 and 6 when I was up 5-0 in the second. I was really considering giving up tennis. I tell myself I'm going to quit pretty frequently when I lose and am feeling sorry for myself, but I always know I'm not going to. This time, I really thought I might.

I remembered seeing that Ian Westermann had done a podcast on quitting tennis on essential tennis .com, so I figured I'd at least give that a listen. One of the things Ian pointed out was that players need to be realistic in their expectations.

I realized that I expect myself to be one of the very top level players at my club. I frequently compare myself to guys who have been playing since they were kids and have competed at the state level in high school. However, I've only been playing three years. As Ian pointed out, I'm pretty much expecting that I will be a natural tennis genius and I'm disappointed with anything less.

So, I think it's important for tennis players to be realistic with their expectations for themselves. This is different from setting low goals. Having big goals is great, but it's not productive to have unrealistic expectations for accomplishing them. For example, reaching a 5.0 level is a great goal, but it's not a good idea to expect to do it in three years.

I don't agree. The way you describe "managing expectations" in terms of winning and losing, and obsessing over meaningless NTRP ratings, seems very counterproductive and just as likely to serve as a barrier to success as anything.

Rather, I think you should expect to play your best every time you step on to a court. I don't mean playing your best compared to the way you did yesterday, or last week. But, play the best you are capable of playing right now. The way you accomplish that is to focus on executing your shots, one at a time, and focusing on executing your game plan. If you do that, you've done everything you can do to play your best, and the score will take care of itself. Sure, we'd all rather win than lose. But, if you're not happy playing your best, even in defeat, maybe you just don't like tennis that much.

 

[NJ1]

I don't agree. The way you describe "managing expectations" in terms of winning and losing, and obsessing over meaningless NTRP ratings, seems very counterproductive and just as likely to serve as a barrier to success as anything.

Rather, I think you should expect to play your best every time you step on to a court. The way you accomplish that is to focus on executing your shots, one at a time, and focusing on executing your game plan. If you do that, you've done everything you can do to play your best, and the score will take care of itself. Sure, we'd all rather win than lose. But, if you're not happy playing your best, even in defeat, maybe you just don't like tennis that much.

I'm going to agree with this, even though I see where your post was coming from hunterst.

Also, if you're 1.fit 2.practicing 3.playing and 4.taking lessons, then achieving the mystical 5.0 rating can be done in less than three years provided you have 5.some natural coordination. Time to do this of course, is essential too

 

[user92626]

Guys,

Having high expectations is OK. After all you need to have ambition and drive.

The problem with expectation is when it's not clearly analyzed and understood. In the OP's case, he merely thought he would win, but did he substantiate or have reasons to go along with that expectation?

It's fine to have expectation that you could reach 6.0 level as long as you understand that it'll take needed effort and time. In other words, empty expectation is always problematic. Expectation with reasonable substantiation is good and any sport players should have. Otherwise, it's pretty dull to come out without a higher goal.

 

[HunterST]

I don't agree. The way you describe "managing expectations" in terms of winning and losing, and obsessing over meaningless NTRP ratings, seems very counterproductive and just as likely to serve as a barrier to success as anything.

Rather, I think you should expect to play your best every time you step on to a court. I don't mean playing your best compared to the way you did yesterday, or last week. But, play the best you are capable of playing right now. The way you accomplish that is to focus on executing your shots, one at a time, and focusing on executing your game plan. If you do that, you've done everything you can do to play your best, and the score will take care of itself. Sure, we'd all rather win than lose. But, if you're not happy playing your best, even in defeat, maybe you just don't like tennis that much.

I think you misunderstood what I was saying. My whole point is that having expectations about winning and NTRP levels is a major source of frustration for players.

Guys,

Having high expectations is OK. After all you need to have ambition and drive.

The problem with expectation is when it's not clearly analyzed and understood. In the OP's case, he merely thought he would win, but did he substantiate or have reasons to go along with that expectation?

It's fine to have expectation that you could reach 6.0 level as long as you understand that it'll take needed effort and time. In other words, empty expectation is always problematic. Expectation with reasonable substantiation is good and any sport players should have. Otherwise, it's pretty dull to come out without a higher goal.

Yep. Well put, sir.

 

[thug the bunny]

Just hit the ball!

 

[fuzz nation]

Thanks to Vic Braden and his book, Mental Tennis, I learned about the value of realistic expectations some years back when I started coaching high school teams. Having the capacity for that sort of head management is as essential for every tennis player as a decent serve and strokes. Along with a few other golden nuggets of wisdom from that book, the idea of confronting a player's expectations has proven to be one of the most valuable contributors to the mental soundness of many of the players I've been around.

While that book is a few years old, the material inside is pretty much timeless and I can't recommend it enough.

 

[5263]

So, I think it's important for tennis players to be realistic with their expectations for themselves. This is different from setting low goals. Having big goals is great, but it's not productive to have unrealistic expectations for accomplishing them. For example, reaching a 5.0 level is a great goal, but it's not a good idea to expect to do it in three years.

Great how sometimes you see or hear the right thing,
just when you need it!
Thats good you see the difference in goals vs expectations on play on a given day.

 

[CDestroyer]

Nice thread.

I frequently have delusions of playing 6.0 tennis.

Act like a total embacile when I lose to people that I think I should be wiping the court with.

I am working on it but sometimes I cant help it. Cuss, throw racquets its a tough sport.

 

[Power Player]

Nice thread.

I frequently have delusions of playing 6.0 tennis.

Act like a total embacile when I lose to people that I think I should be wiping the court with.

I am working on it but sometimes I cant help it. Cuss, throw racquets its a tough sport.

Been there many times..lol.

 

[Limpinhitter]

Thanks to Vic Braden and his book, Mental Tennis, I learned about the value of realistic expectations some years back when I started coaching high school teams. Having the capacity for that sort of head management is as essential for every tennis player as a decent serve and strokes. Along with a few other golden nuggets of wisdom from that book, the idea of confronting a player's expectations has proven to be one of the most valuable contributors to the mental soundness of many of the players I've been around.

While that book is a few years old, the material inside is pretty much timeless and I can't recommend it enough.

Reading it now. Golden nuggets of timeless wisdom is a good way to describe it.

 

[Connors Fan]

I hate to lose like everyone else, but fall back on some words my friend said to me once while we were golfing together against two other guys. He said "I dont care if we win this one, I just want us to compete". Its how I look at my tennis now. At 50, I just want to be out there battling. Then again, thats the outlook of an older guy, who knows, he will never be great, and has learned to live with playing hard when he plays.

 

[ace_pace]

Guys,

Having high expectations is OK. After all you need to have ambition and drive.

The problem with expectation is when it's not clearly analyzed and understood. In the OP's case, he merely thought he would win, but did he substantiate or have reasons to go along with that expectation?

It's fine to have expectation that you could reach 6.0 level as long as you understand that it'll take needed effort and time. In other words, empty expectation is always problematic. Expectation with reasonable substantiation is good and any sport players should have. Otherwise, it's pretty dull to come out without a higher goal.

Couldn't of have said it bettter myself Although a good goal would be to simply try your best in every match. Don't just set goals about winning or losing.

 

[tenapasi]

Great thread.
Me myself have consistency problem.
When i am on fire, i can be on par with local athlete here.
But, when i am off, i can barely on par with player level that's below me.

 

[tennis_ocd]

Also, if you're 1.fit 2.practicing 3.playing and 4.taking lessons, then achieving the mystical 5.0 rating can be done in less than three years provided you have 5.some natural coordination. Time to do this of course, is essential too

Funny to read in a "managing expectations" thread. There must be an 6. that you've left out. I guess someone has done it so it "can" but it sure isn't me.

 

[maggmaster]

I would say that you can be playing with 5.0s in 3 years. By that I mean winning some points and maybe a few games. You cannot be beating legitimate 5.0s in 3 years unless you are an amazing athlete.

 

[tennismonkey]

great topic.

played a guy a few weeks back and handed out bagels and a breadstick. second time i played him i expected another easy match. i lollygagged and played half arsed and very barely won 4-6, 5-7 being down 0-4 in both sets. played him again recently and told myself that expecting to win is nice but it doesn't win me points. focused on moving my feet and won 0, 0, and 0.

i think expecting to win is a dangerous trap. i am trying to remind myself that doing all the little things gives me the best chance to meet expectations.

 

[tlm]

I would say that you can be playing with 5.0s in 3 years. By that I mean winning some points and maybe a few games. You cannot be beating legitimate 5.0s in 3 years unless you are an amazing athlete.

Exactly very few if any could reach 5.0 in 3 years.

 

[maggmaster]

I am a decent athlete who started training daily and taking lessons about a year and a half ago. I did play as a junior and took lessons from 9-14. I will still not make it to 5.0 in another year and a half, even if I can maintain this training clip.

 

[saltair]

A very good topic indeed.

A regular hitting partner of mine has been devoting a lot of time to upping his skill level. And its paying dividends. We use to be dead even, frequently splitting sets and matches going either way. In the last couple months it has become impossible for me to get a set off of him. And it drives me crazy because the past has set up a certain expectation.

It does not seem that expectations and goals are inherently the problem but rather the rigid mindset that often accompanies them. Managing expectations implies flexibility of mind and emotions.

 

[kiteboard]

How do you think Fed/nad/dj feel when they lose to Murray? Everyone loses/wins each time you go out. Goal on unit turning, fast feet, defending your contact point and judge failure on that, not the score, and that's mental toughness.

 

[5263]

Exactly very few if any could reach 5.0 in 3 years.

Lots of factors though.
I worked with a 21 yr old who took up tennis for first time.
He was a better than avg athlete, but not a big time jock even in HS.
We were able to get him to the level where he made his college team
by request from the coach who saw him play on their courts with a
friend. He got to 4.5+ range in less than 2 yrs and was serving about 120.