The Tennis Book that would never sell.....


If someone didn't have a succesful carier doesn't mean that they don't have anyting to teach...
After all its:"Do as i say, not what i did"


"Make 100 friends in 7 days!" by Marcelo Rios, John McEnroe, Serena Williams and Anna Kournikova.

"Consistency, self confidence and patience: The key to success in Tennis" by Marat Safin, Dmitri Tursunov and Amelie Mauresmo. Prologue by Nicolas Massu and Gaston Gaudio.

"Serve like an ace" by Guillermo Coria.

"Multiple approaches to Tennis: A guide on developing suitable games for each surface and rival" by Maria Sharapova, James Blake and Fernando Gonzalez.

"The best underwear for sweaty, hard Tennis!" by Rafael Nadal.

"Pure power: How to drain your rival's stamina by hitting it hard and deep" by Fabrice Santoro, Juan Ignacio Chela and Paul Capdeville.


"Last Time I Served I Broke A TV Camera" by Elena Dementieva

"Seven Months in Tibet, My Life With Monks" by Marat Safin

"I Could Have Been A Horse Jockey" by Jo-Wilfrid Tsonga

"The Professional Player Dating Guide" by Roger Federer

"Uneven Bars And Floor Exercise: My Best Chance Of Gold In Beijing" by Svetlana Kuznetsova

"If Wimbledon Was A Swimming Pool" by Ana Ivanovic

"How to Choose The Good Shot At The Right Time" by Andy Roddick
"Executing Your Strategy: How to Break It Down and Get It Done" by Roger Federer

"How To Change Tactics When Needed" by Roger Federer

"Fearless: Confessions Of A Granite Block" by Roger Federer

"I Love Spain, Paris in May, Pirate Pants and Left Handed People" by Roger Federer

"Coach Yourself to Success" by Roger Federer

"Never Let Your Ego Ruin Your Dreams" by Roger Federer

"My favorites numbers: 12, 07.06, 61, 63, 60, 2008" by Roger Federer

"Beat Goes On" by Marion Bartoli and David Nalbandian (featuring Madonna and Kayne West)

"Never With The Tongue" by Marat Safin

"Never Without My Thong" by Rafael Nadal (with the help of Svetlana Kuznetsova)

"Always In My Tang" by Petr Korda, Guillermo Canas and Mariano Puerta

"Viva La Vida" by Roger Federer (a preface by Coldplay)

"Sexy Can I" by Radek Stepanek

"The Ultimate Guide to Achieving Smile Beauty" by Andy Murray and Martina Hingis

"A Smile in the Mind" by Nicolay Davyndenko and Vince Spadea

"The Look: Does God Really Care What I Wear?" by Maria Sharapova and Serena Williams

"Perfect Natural Speech,Sharpen Your Grammar, Master Idioms, Speak Fluently" by Rafael Nadal

"The Elegant Man: How to Construct the Ideal Wardrobe" by Nicolay Davydenko

"Don't Go Shopping for Hair-Care Products Without Me: Over 4,000 Products Reviewed" by James Blake and Ivan Lubjicic

"Haircutting Basics: An Easy, Step-By-Step Guide to Cutting Hair the Professional Way" by James Blake and Ivan Lubjicic

"The Beauty of Modesty: Cultivating Virtue in the Face of a Vulgar Culture" by the Djokovic family

"Memoirs Of a Trendsetter: My Jet Set Life" by Michael Chang
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Bionic Poster
this was one of the funniest threads at TW. i'm glad somebody brought it back. i haven't found much to laugh about since before the wimby final. keep it coming. :lol:
Roger that ;-)

omg, jane hawkeye has me reduced to tears - who really is she/he ????

I can swear Roger will find this thread, and will be motivated to win the next few slams just to ensure that Jane does not write a few million more "books" about him.

That, and i can swear Elena Dementieva will improve her serve thanks to this thread. :-D
"All About Guided Missiles" by Elena Dementieva

"My Nickmane is Lance-Rockets" by Elena Dementieva

"Cruise Missile Proliferation and the Threat to International Security" by Elena Dementieva

"Serve and Volley: It's All I Have To Say" by Roger Federer

"Embrace The Darkness" by Roger Federer

"Don't Trust Flatterers" by Roger Federer

"Get Smart" by Justin Gimelstob

"The Year My Parents Went On Vacation" by Novak Dkokovic

"Last Time I Served A Second Ball I Destroyed The Screen Score" by Elena Dementieva

"1000 Best Casino Gambling Secrets" by Nicolas Davydenko

"Tomorrow May Never Come, So, Let's Eat it All Today" by David Nalbandian and Marion Bartoli

"Willing The Peace: Memoirs Of A United Nations Translator" by Rafael Rafael
"Last Time I Served I Created A Shock Wave That Blasted Center Court and Left Me Stunned" by Elena Dementieva
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"How To Neutralize Passive-Aggressive People" by Roger Federer

(Jane, honey, do you ever sleep?) ;)
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Bionic Poster
"How To Neutralize Passive-Aggressive People" by Roger Federer

(Jane, honey, do you ever sleep?) ;)
I think Jane sees these titles in her dreams too, and sleep-types them in.
Jane, please give up your regular job, and update this thread full-time. We'll start a paypal donation for you right here.

My lame contributions:

How to get beyond being just a big server - Elena you know who.

How to raise tough-as-nails children - Elena's mother (Vera?) (with a foreword by Dijana Djokovic.)


"How to newer win a title" by Gimestob
"My, Pete and Garros" By Roger
"My Messerschmidts" by Dementieva
"Dentist horror" by Stepanek
"And still scratching...." by Nadal
"My little orgy" by Schriekapova
"N - nnnightmare" by Roger
"Lost memory" by Enberg
"Kamikaze" by Safin
"Silence please" by all commentators
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So I'm watching a re-run of a Paradorn Srichaphan v Robby Ginepri match from the 2006 Indy event and here's a few I came up with:

An Epic Trilogy by Paradorn Srichaphan
Vol. 1 - "Winning with Patience"
Vol. 2 - "High Percentage Tennis"
Vol. 3 - "When Plan A is not working, go to Plan....A"

Winning With Finesse - Robby Ginepri, Foreword by P. Srichaphan
"How To Neutralize Passive-Aggressive People" by Roger Federer

(Jane, honey, do you ever sleep?) ;)
I used to ;-)

"Say No To Donuts ! " by Marion Bartoli

"My Weekends At Wal-Mart" by Roger Federer

"Katy Perry Disgusts Me !" by Martina Navratilova

"You'd Better Wear A Helmet When I Serve" by Elena Dementieva

"Katy Perry Is Fascinating" by Roger Federer

"Say No Wendy's!" by Marion Bartoli

"You Need To stop Believing I'm Invincible" By Andy Roddick

"Springbreak With The Pope" by Marat Safin

"Boycott Pizza Hut!" by Marion Bartoli

"My Long Rallies On Clay: I Could Have Lost A Leg" by Pete Sampras

"Why I Smoke Grass" by Ivan Lendl

"Nadal In Paris: There Are Antitrust Laws!" by Roger Federer

"How To Ass-Pick Classy In Front of Royal Box" By Rafael Nadal

"A Year To Remember" by Roger Federer and the National Soccer Swiss Team

"I'll Always Have Paris" by Roger Federer

"London, My Second Home" by Justine Henin

"King of New York" by Bjorn Borg

"Green Manure is My Shampoo" by Andy Murray
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Hall of Fame
"Why the Long Face?" - by Novak Djokovic

"The Dark Knight - on July 6, 2008" - by Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer

"Whatever Happened to Gilbert Grape - Part II" - by Brad Gilbert

"Deep Throat" by Mary Carillo


"My opinion matters. Listen to what I say." by BreakPoint

"The 'low down' on womens tennis." by Radek Stepanek

"Knowin when to quit" by Justine Henin

"Meet your potential." by Andy Roddick

"Proper racquet care and handling." by Marat Safin
"Should I Slow My Serve? I Hope I Won't Be Arrested By Chinese For Speeding. An Essay on Sports And Democracy" by Elena Dementieva

"China Will Never Let Me Win, I'm Buddhist" by Marat Safin

"The Magic Olympics Village: Every 4 Years, I'm Sleeping With Roger" by Mirka

"Pole Vaulting The Great Wall Of China" by Marion Bartoli

"No Gold In Beijing, No Sex in Dubai!" by Mirka

"Olympics Are A Joke, The Chinese Are So Small" by Olivier Rochus

"Forget Nadal Sleeveless, I'm Gonna Play Topless" Svetlana Kuznetsova

"If I Take The US, Mc Cain Could Win The Race" by Andy Roddick

"Something I Always Wonder Betweens Points: Did Someone Steal My Pants?" by Rafael Nadal

"The Question That Obsesses Me When I Serve: Did The Ball Strike Someone?" by Elena Dementieva

"The Aliens Are Our Friends, Hope That They Can Hear Me Grunts" by Maria Sharapova
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Hall of Fame
"The Meaning of the Type A Personality" - by Andy Roddick

"The Droopy Nose Syndrome" by Roger Federer

"I Look Good and want to Flaunt it Handbook" - by Ana Ivanovic

"Where Is the Dessert Cart"? By Mirka

"Dumb and Dumber" - you can fill in the blank
"The Meaning of the Type A Personality" - by Andy Roddick

"The Droopy Nose Syndrome" by Roger Federer

"I Look Good and want to Flaunt it Handbook" - by Ana Ivanovic

"Where Is the Dessert Cart"? By Mirka

"Dumb and Dumber" - you can fill in the blank
LOL LOL LOL "The Droopy Nose Syndrome" by Roger Federer

poor roger. he's cute. I think we dumb and dumber ;-)


Hall of Fame
"Don't Take Viagra Before A Tennis Match" by Roger Federer

"Gone with the Wind by Passing Wind" - by Andy Roddick

"The Art of Maneuvering Low Hanging Coconuts" by Andy Roddick

"Nightmare on Elm Street" by Andy Murray and Radek Stepanek

"The Best Way to Dig to China" - by Rafael Nadal
"The Da Vinci Code: Keeping The Ball In Court" by Andy Roddick

"When I Went To Cancun, I Took Bath With A Loon" by Roger Federer

"Stone in Paris: I Think I Have Sniffed Clay" by Martina Hingis

"You Want To Have My Look? Watch My Page On FaceBook" by Radek Stepanek

"When I Went To Venice, I Drank Water With Ice" by Roger Federer
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"Too Bad I Played Tennis, Could Have Been Nobel Prize" by Justin Gimelstob

"Living Modestly: If Wasn't A Tennis Player, I'd Probably Be A Nun" by sister Serena Williams

"How To Improve English Thanks To Cousteau. Watching "Silent World" (Without subtitles)" by Rafael Nadal

"I Decided To Become A Tennis Player When I Saw Canonball" by Elena Dementiava

"Saturday Night Glandular Fever" by Roger Federer

"My Up And Downs, And Downs, And Downs, And Downs, and... -Chapter 1" by Donald Young

"From Centre Court to Centerfolds: Forget Ashley, I'm Miss September" by Marion Bartoli

"I May Not Win Gold" by Ashley Harkleroad

"I Feel For Harkleroad. Shame On The WTA!" by Maria Sharapova

"The Playboy Photoshoot: How We Reached A Compromise With Miss Harkleroad" by the WTA

"Preserving Strength: How I Reduced To 90 minutes From Several Hours The Photoshoot" by Ashley Harkleroad

"I'd Like To Buy Playboy, But It's Too Expensive!" by Roger Federer

"I'll Buy The New Playboy, They Interview Stiller!" by Novak Djokovic
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Bionic Poster
Fantastic Voyage - R. Nadal

20,000 leagues under the sea - R Nadal

Journey to the Center of the Earth - Rafael Nadal

(apologies for the poor taste)
"I'd Like To Pay More Taxes" by Roger Federer

"Don't Go For Second Best: How To Hit Big First Ball" by Elena Dementieva

"Serving the Thunder" by Elena Dementieva

"While Nadal Bites Trophies, I Eat Some Chocolate" by Marion Bartoli

"Last Night A DJ Saved My Life" by Nicolay Davyndenko

"I Agree With Billie Holliday: Speak Low!" by Maria Sharapova

"Violently Happy" By Nicolay Davyndenko

"Enjoy The Silence" by Maria Sharapova

"Never Tear Us Apart" by Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal

"Rock Your Body" by David Nalbandian

"American Idiot" by Justin Gimelstob

"U Can't Touch This" by Elena Dementieva
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"Girls Just Want To Have Fun" by Svetlana Kuznetsova

"Catch Me If You Can" by Marion Bartoli

"Maneater" by Martina Navratilova

"Mamma Mia!" by Novak Djokovic

"Hairspray" by James Blake and Ivan Lubjicic

"Gladiator" by Donald Young

"Pride and Prejudice" by Roger Federer

"Everyday Should Be A Holiday" by Nicolay Davyndenko

"I'm Your Vilain" by Novak Djokovic

"Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Andy Roddick
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"Legalize It" by Martina Hingis (Peter Tosh remix)

"Gimme The Light" by Roger Federer (feat Sean Paul)

"Wearing My Rolex" by Maria Sharapova

"I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You" by Marat Safin (featuring Black Kids)

"Everyone Nose" by Roger Federer (featuring N.E.R.D)

"I Shot The Sheriff" by Rafael Nadal

"Better in Time" by Gaston Gaudio

"All The Times I Cried" by Roger Federer (feat Sharleen Spiteri)

"When I Grow Up" by Olivier Rochus and P-ussycat Dolls

"One Step At A Time" by Donald Young (feat Jordin Sparks)

"You Look Good In My Shirt" by Marat Safin

"Touch My Body" by Marion Bartoli (feat Mariah Carey)

"I Can See Clearly Now" by Roger Federer (Jimmy Cliff remix)
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"Never paint job your racquets, be honest!" By the Top 10 in the ATP

"I love my stock K90" By Roger Federer

"My easy wins on clay, Nadal is nothing" By Andy Roddick.


Federer meets Gok Wan - "Fashion for a dinner party in a retirement home."

Next book in the series

"how to chew food with a mouthful of clay-filled-bagel"


"The Perfect Fit: A Guide To Purchasing Shirts" - Andy Roddick
"Unnerve Your Opponent by Bouncing the Ball" - Boris Becker
"Finding a Cheap Barber" - Roger Federer


"When to quit" by Amelie Mauresmo

"My Life" by Svetlana Kuznetzova

"The Un-authorized Gwen Stefani Biography" by Roger Federer

"Run Your Own Fashion Line" by Venus Williams

"Class" by Serena Williams

"Shorts Are The New Skirts" by Maria Sharapova

"Never Give Up" by Justine Henin

"How To Beat Rafa Nadal" by Novak Djokovic (prologue by Roger Federer)