Toxic co-captain, what to do?

SliceGirl

New User
I’m the captain of a women’s league tennis team and my close friend is the co-captain. We were having a great season until she discovered Tennis Record and Tennis League Stats this spring....then she lost her mind.

When she saw her rating and compared it to the rest of our team her behavior took an awful turn. She started switching pairings, moving teammates off courts and matches she wanted and she refused to play weak teams that wouldn’t “help” her improve her rating. She became incredibly selfish and divisive to the team.

She has become a tennis monster and many of our teammates don’t want to deal with her any more. I don’t think it’s possible to reel her back in, she’s lost all perspective.

What would you do if a good friend became a toxic presence on your tennis team? We socialize together outside of tennis and our sons are best friends. It’s not good...help!
 

Cindysphinx

G.O.A.T.
Try this.

"Say Becky. I'm thinking we need to divide our responsibilities differently. Let's do this. You'll be in charge of making sure the trains run on time, and I'll be in charge of scouting our opponents and making lineups for the matches. So you arrange practices, collect the fees, book the courts. I think that will work a lot better. If not, well try something else and adjust."

"Wait, what? Why?"

"Well, I talked with some more experienced captains, and they said that is what works best. There's a lot wheel spinning when both captains have a hand in everyone. This will make us more efficient."

And so forth.

If you cant get her on board, put it a team vote.
 

OnTheLine

Hall of Fame
Oh wow. I have seen this movie before and it doesn't end well.

You have described a particular type of female player. I have never seen the ratings-obsession in a male, however perhaps they exist.

I take it she found out her rating was low and now she wants to do everything possible to get it higher?

Does she come off a court after a win/loss and exclaim "this match has trashed my rating" or some such?

Couple suggestions:

Does your team work with a pro/coach?
If so let her know that the pro/coach will be handling all the lineups from now on. (naturally speak with the coach first)
If not, find one at the club that you like/trust. Explain your predicament (they will have heard about it before as the illness is rampant) they may have some suggestions and may be able to help as a 3rd party with authority.

Try being honest Go have coffee and a cool headed discussion .... Let her know that those ratings sites are basically bogus and are off by large margins from actual USTA ratings. (see all the threads on it here on this board). Let her know that her obsession with ratings is a problem not only for the team but it is probably hurting her play as well as she is more worried about the rating of the match than actually hitting the ball well.
For this discussion just do it one on one ... bringing another teammate/friend into it will feel too much like an intervention or that you are ganging up.

If none of that works ... tell her the best way to raise her rating is to either play singles or to play with the very lowest rated person on the team (that one player every team has that no one else wants to play with). Then it likely will no longer be an issue for the rest of the team.

Best of luck!
 
If an organ in your body gets diagnosed with cancer, are you going to try to carry on with the cancer?
But, get some second and third opinions before believing everything the oncologist and his understudy tells you--just last night on the news there was a story about a beautiful mother of two, dx'ed with cancer, who was bald from the chemo, and had both breasts amputated by the docs--and then found out she didn't have cancer after all--that the dx was WRONG!
 

ChaelAZ

Legend
I’m the captain of a women’s league tennis team and my close friend is the co-captain. We were having a great season until she discovered Tennis Record and Tennis League Stats this spring....then she lost her mind.

When she saw her rating and compared it to the rest of our team her behavior took an awful turn. She started switching pairings, moving teammates off courts and matches she wanted and she refused to play weak teams that wouldn’t “help” her improve her rating. She became incredibly selfish and divisive to the team.

She has become a tennis monster and many of our teammates don’t want to deal with her any more. I don’t think it’s possible to reel her back in, she’s lost all perspective.

What would you do if a good friend became a toxic presence on your tennis team? We socialize together outside of tennis and our sons are best friends. It’s not good...help!
Ha e you tried slapping her and telling her to get over herself? I really think this is a constructive way to resolve this.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

TennisDawg

Professional
I’m the captain of a women’s league tennis team and my close friend is the co-captain. We were having a great season until she discovered Tennis Record and Tennis League Stats this spring....then she lost her mind.

When she saw her rating and compared it to the rest of our team her behavior took an awful turn. She started switching pairings, moving teammates off courts and matches she wanted and she refused to play weak teams that wouldn’t “help” her improve her rating. She became incredibly selfish and divisive to the team.

She has become a tennis monster and many of our teammates don’t want to deal with her any more. I don’t think it’s possible to reel her back in, she’s lost all perspective.

What would you do if a good friend became a toxic presence on your tennis team? We socialize together outside of tennis and our sons are best friends. It’s not good...help!
Sometimes you have to be honest with a close friend. Explain to her that she has to work on her game and that it’s supposed to be fun recreational tennis and she’s ruining it for all the others.
 

FedGR

Semi-Pro
Talk to her and give her perspective. Don't focus on how you feel or how she should feel but how the rest of the team feels. Give her examples. Give her time. If she doesn't respond properly then vote her out of co-captain.
 

Cashman

Professional
"Say Becky. I'm thinking we need to divide our responsibilities differently. Let's do this. You'll be in charge of making sure the trains run on time, and I'll be in charge of scouting our opponents and making lineups for the matches. So you arrange practices, collect the fees, book the courts. I think that will work a lot better. If not, well try something else and adjust."
"I'll have all the power, and you can do all the work." I'm sure that will go down well.

If you can't pick the team, there's not a lot of incentive to be captain.
 
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sureshs

Bionic Poster
If an organ in your body gets diagnosed with cancer, are you going to try to carry on with the cancer?
But, get some second and third opinions before believing everything the oncologist and his understudy tells you--just last night on the news there was a story about a beautiful mother of two, dx'ed with cancer, who was bald from the chemo, and had both breasts amputated by the docs--and then found out she didn't have cancer after all--that the dx was WRONG!
Please don't get carried away with irrelevant comparisons
 
Please don't get carried away with irrelevant comparisons
If they were your wife's or your breasts would you still feel it was irrelevant?!?--my post was meant as a warning to get second and third opinions before going forward with life threatening invasive surgical procedures. This transcends tennis--my mother was dx'ed with kidney cancer--they told her to have the surgery, that it would be the ONLY way to live a normal life--she had the surgery--COMPLICATIONS FROM THE SURGERY!!!-- she did NOT die from the cancer, she died from the SURGERY! There are complementary methods of dealing with cancer that don't involve invasive surgery--people should explore ALL the "cures" before deciding which methods to pursue--see the works of Dr. Bernie Siegel M.D. I've played tennis with a lot of docs--they are not all geniuses--they make bad calls too. I cut them some extra slack though, since, if I have a heart-attack on the court next to them, I don't want to have pissed them off.
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
If they were your wife's or your breasts would you still feel it was irrelevant?!?--my post was meant as a warning to get second and third opinions before going forward with life threatening invasive surgical procedures. This transcends tennis--my mother was dx'ed with kidney cancer--they told her to have the surgery, that it would be the ONLY way to live a normal life--she had the surgery--COMPLICATIONS FROM THE SURGERY!!!-- she did NOT die from the cancer, she died from the SURGERY! There are complementary methods of dealing with cancer that don't involve invasive surgery--people should explore ALL the "cures" before deciding which methods to pursue--see the works of Dr. Bernie Siegel M.D. I've played tennis with a lot of docs--they are not all geniuses--they make bad calls too. I cut them some extra slack though, since, if I have a heart-attack on the court next to them, I don't want to have pissed them off.
Yeah having an obnoxious player on your team is just as serious as the above situations
 
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