Trash talking among friends, healthy behavior or constant annoyance?

5sets

Semi-Pro
So I have this one hitting partner I met off one of these tennis game arranging websites about 3 years ago.

No need to mention level here, but when we met up years I would consistently win 8 times out of 10, sometimes fairly easy like 2 and 3.

He has improved over time, but along with that he has developed a mouth. Nothing wrong with a little junk talk here and there, it's pretty common among guys, but sometimes it's flat out annoying, especially since these are just practice sets and not usta sanctioned tournaments.

As one of my hitting partners who doesn't play sanctioned events it seems he as if practice matches are his everything. If he wins he will talk junk for a week. If I win, tying into another thread I saw earlier, it's always 'i need pace' or 'my shoulder hurts'.

I continue to play with him because he has cheap access to some indoor courts and if it weren't for that I'd probably scratch him off my list of partners.

The funny thing is, he acts as though he's doing me a favor hitting with me since he's hit a streak, even though it took him a year to get competitive with me and be grateful I played with him then.

I told him to play sanctioned events if he wants real bragging rights, and he hasn't made it past the 2nd round and mocks my hard work at achieving a ranking in both Open and age level events.

What is your experience with hitting partners and how do you deal with a loudmouth?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G928A using Tapatalk
 

OrangePower

Legend
Examples?

It's sometimes a fine line between friendly trash talk and being obnoxious. Maybe he thinks he's just shooting the sh1t and doesn't realize he's crossed the line?

Anyway I would just straight up tell him that he's being an ass and that he needs to tone it down. In a nice way of course :)
 

5sets

Semi-Pro
Examples?

It's sometimes a fine line between friendly trash talk and being obnoxious. Maybe he thinks he's just shooting the sh1t and doesn't realize he's crossed the line?

Anyway I would just straight up tell him that he's being an ass and that he needs to tone it down. In a nice way of course :)
Ha, yea I'm probably a bit sensitive. He's a baseliner, so rather than go blow for blow from the baseline with him I mix in some serve and volley, some low slices, absorb some pace......as any smart player will do.

After I beat him this way, immediately it's 'you're a Pusher' or 'this is bad for my game'.

Think of Gilles Simon. I don't consider him a pusher, but basically I am doing what works.

If he wins, then it's always, 'waste of my court time' or 'call me again when you're ready'

I get it. It's all in fun. But he is the only one out of dozens of guys I hit with. I have buddies that routinely beat me and are always humble and encouraging as well as those I beat consistently, and I never knock them down.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G928A using Tapatalk
 

OrangePower

Legend
Ha, yea I'm probably a bit sensitive. He's a baseliner, so rather than go blow for blow from the baseline with him I mix in some serve and volley, some low slices, absorb some pace......as any smart player will do.

After I beat him this way, immediately it's 'you're a Pusher' or 'this is bad for my game'.

Think of Gilles Simon. I don't consider him a pusher, but basically I am doing what works.

If he wins, then it's always, 'waste of my court time' or 'call me again when you're ready'

I get it. It's all in fun. But he is the only one out of dozens of guys I hit with. I have buddies that routinely beat me and are always humble and encouraging as well as those I beat consistently, and I never knock them down.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G928A using Tapatalk
Na you're not being sensitive, based on those examples he's taking it too far.

If he says 'you're a Pusher' or 'this is bad for my game' tell him you're only doing it for his own good so that he can learn to win instead of being a whiny baby.

If he says 'waste of my court time' or 'call me again when you're ready', tell him hey well played today, don't worry I'll kick your ass tomorrow.

You're not going to change him but you can change how you react to him - basically don't take it personally, realize he is a jerk, brush it off, and play with him just as long as it's convenient / suits you.
 

Fedinkum

Legend
We love trash talking amongst good friends and is all good fun. The only problem is it can become a habit and you start doing to other people without realising you are being an obnoxious p-rick...I have yet found that balance unfortunately.
 
You're not going to change him but you can change how you react to him - basically don't take it personally, realize he is a jerk, brush it off, and play with him just as long as it's convenient / suits you.
^^^ This.

Also
I continue to play with him because he has cheap access to some indoor courts and if it weren't for that I'd probably scratch him off my list of partners.
When you're playing with your mouthy "friend," at these indoor courts, try to find others there (with the same access he has) that you can play with instead. Look for "partners wanted," posted on bulletin boards, etc.
 

ChaelAZ

Legend
I have a partner like that. On court he continually makes comments about slowing the pace if I need it or talking over and over about hitting winners. Mind you, this is all during PRACTICE hitting. Not even match play. I use it to work on my match focus and learn to not let things get to me and to continue to hit and play my game.


Probably posting from the court between sets.
 

5sets

Semi-Pro
There's nothing wrong with some friendly competition. I think what bugs me is the hangover afterwards. The continuing belligerence in the locker room and walk to the car. Pretty childish.

With everyone else after a game, conversation turns to work, wife, kids, etc. but with this guy his Rec level practice matches seem to be his life. I do enjoy the exercise though, lol.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G928A using Tapatalk
 
D

Deleted member 23235

Guest
So I have this one hitting partner I met off one of these tennis game arranging websites about 3 years ago.

No need to mention level here, but when we met up years I would consistently win 8 times out of 10, sometimes fairly easy like 2 and 3.

He has improved over time, but along with that he has developed a mouth. Nothing wrong with a little junk talk here and there, it's pretty common among guys, but sometimes it's flat out annoying, especially since these are just practice sets and not usta sanctioned tournaments.

As one of my hitting partners who doesn't play sanctioned events it seems he as if practice matches are his everything. If he wins he will talk junk for a week. If I win, tying into another thread I saw earlier, it's always 'i need pace' or 'my shoulder hurts'.

I continue to play with him because he has cheap access to some indoor courts and if it weren't for that I'd probably scratch him off my list of partners.

The funny thing is, he acts as though he's doing me a favor hitting with me since he's hit a streak, even though it took him a year to get competitive with me and be grateful I played with him then.

I told him to play sanctioned events if he wants real bragging rights, and he hasn't made it past the 2nd round and mocks my hard work at achieving a ranking in both Open and age level events.

What is your experience with hitting partners and how do you deal with a loudmouth?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G928A using Tapatalk
presuming there was zero in the return, he'd be gone from list in a heartbeat,... BUUUUUTTT....
he clearly has value to you as a connection to cheap indoor courts... so I'd suck it.
what's worth more... my "hurt" ego, or paying premium for court time?

don't ever go into business if you can't let this go.
 
D

Deleted member 23235

Guest
Ha, yea I'm probably a bit sensitive. He's a baseliner, so rather than go blow for blow from the baseline with him I mix in some serve and volley, some low slices, absorb some pace......as any smart player will do.

After I beat him this way, immediately it's 'you're a Pusher' or 'this is bad for my game'.

Think of Gilles Simon. I don't consider him a pusher, but basically I am doing what works.

If he wins, then it's always, 'waste of my court time' or 'call me again when you're ready'

I get it. It's all in fun. But he is the only one out of dozens of guys I hit with. I have buddies that routinely beat me and are always humble and encouraging as well as those I beat consistently, and I never knock them down.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G928A using Tapatalk
lol, preemptively give him excuses... make a game out of it. do it every change over.
"you are way too powerful for me"
"sorry, got lucky, again.... i should play lotto"
"you're so much better, i don't know why you play with me."
can't do this of course, if you have your own confidence issues.
 

5sets

Semi-Pro
lol, preemptively give him excuses... make a game out of it. do it every change over.
"you are way too powerful for me"
"sorry, got lucky, again.... i should play lotto"
"you're so much better, i don't know why you play with me."
can't do this of course, if you have your own confidence issues.
I did consciously stop apologizing on net cords. I make it a point to laugh loudly while he cusses loudly on the otherside of the net calling me a lucky SOB.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G928A using Tapatalk
 

Cindysphinx

G.O.A.T.
Must be a guy thing?

I've played doubles, practiced, sometimes even played practice singles. And not once has anyone trash talked. Everyone would be mortified if anyone behaved in this way.

In my circle, we might have a player who is clearly struggling. Like we swap around partners and whoever partners with her will get bageled.

No one will rub her face in it. If she offers an excuse ("my sciatica is flaring up"), we all express concern for her welfare, even if we know it is really that she is weaker than the rest. People will take the opportunity to praise some element of her game ("your slice was tricky today"). But trash talk? Ugh. That's just being what we used to call a "poor winner."

The closest thing I have seen to this is that some ladies must maintain an Excel spreadsheet of every time they won at practice or social doubles so they can slip into a conversation that they beat so-and-so. These ladies are annoying because they are so sure they beat someone that day, but there may be good reasons for that (e.g. partners who decide to practice something rather than play for the score, deciding to go easy on a weak player so everyone has more fun).

How did we get to a place where rudeness and abuse is acceptable anywhere other than World Wide Wrestling promos?
 
Must be a guy thing?

I've played doubles, practiced, sometimes even played practice singles. And not once has anyone trash talked. Everyone would be mortified if anyone behaved in this way.

In my circle, we might have a player who is clearly struggling. Like we swap around partners and whoever partners with her will get bageled.

No one will rub her face in it. If she offers an excuse ("my sciatica is flaring up"), we all express concern for her welfare, even if we know it is really that she is weaker than the rest. People will take the opportunity to praise some element of her game ("your slice was tricky today"). But trash talk? Ugh. That's just being what we used to call a "poor winner."

The closest thing I have seen to this is that some ladies must maintain an Excel spreadsheet of every time they won at practice or social doubles so they can slip into a conversation that they beat so-and-so. These ladies are annoying because they are so sure they beat someone that day, but there may be good reasons for that (e.g. partners who decide to practice something rather than play for the score, deciding to go easy on a weak player so everyone has more fun).

How did we get to a place where rudeness and abuse is acceptable anywhere other than World Wide Wrestling promos?
Just accept that cultural differences exist - in certain environments trash talk is normal and routine and considered fun rather than rude. Not necessrily a guy thing - I occasionally (pay to) hit with a female 6.0 player who engages in it.
 
Last edited:

J011yroger

Talk Tennis Guru
Must be a guy thing?

I've played doubles, practiced, sometimes even played practice singles. And not once has anyone trash talked. Everyone would be mortified if anyone behaved in this way.

In my circle, we might have a player who is clearly struggling. Like we swap around partners and whoever partners with her will get bageled.

No one will rub her face in it. If she offers an excuse ("my sciatica is flaring up"), we all express concern for her welfare, even if we know it is really that she is weaker than the rest. People will take the opportunity to praise some element of her game ("your slice was tricky today"). But trash talk? Ugh. That's just being what we used to call a "poor winner."

The closest thing I have seen to this is that some ladies must maintain an Excel spreadsheet of every time they won at practice or social doubles so they can slip into a conversation that they beat so-and-so. These ladies are annoying because they are so sure they beat someone that day, but there may be good reasons for that (e.g. partners who decide to practice something rather than play for the score, deciding to go easy on a weak player so everyone has more fun).

How did we get to a place where rudeness and abuse is acceptable anywhere other than World Wide Wrestling promos?
Girls are nice to each other's faces and bitchy behind their backs, guys are ***** to each other's faces and nice behind their backs.

J
 

J011yroger

Talk Tennis Guru
OP just tune him out. It's good practice for focusing on your game when someone you play in a tournament is a schmuck. If you are playing social doubles and he does it kick him out of the group.

J
 

Mongolmike

Hall of Fame
I think there is a difference between trash talk and good natured ribbing. Trash talk can cross the line of being rude, obnoxious, petty and mean spirited. Good natured ribbing ("guy talk" as I explain it for my wife) is amongst friends and is never personal or meant to be hurtful.

It seems clear this guy is not your friend, so you shouldn't expect "guy talk". The sessions are very important to him, so expect the "mind games"... for what they are worth.

So your options are to accept things as they are (which you don't like), engage in the same type of talk back at him (which will escalate things for sure), drop him as a hitting partner (you lose access to cheap courts), beat him consistently to shut him up, OR as Orange said, tell him straight up he's crossed the line and since it is just practice that maybe it's time to move on (even tho that is kind of a bluff on your part for the court access part of it).
 

Bluefan75

Professional
Ha, yea I'm probably a bit sensitive. He's a baseliner, so rather than go blow for blow from the baseline with him I mix in some serve and volley, some low slices, absorb some pace......as any smart player will do.

After I beat him this way, immediately it's 'you're a Pusher' or 'this is bad for my game'.

Think of Gilles Simon. I don't consider him a pusher, but basically I am doing what works.

If he wins, then it's always, 'waste of my court time' or 'call me again when you're ready'

I get it. It's all in fun. But he is the only one out of dozens of guys I hit with. I have buddies that routinely beat me and are always humble and encouraging as well as those I beat consistently, and I never knock them down.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G928A using Tapatalk
So you are saying he doesn't balance it out? I'll toss out some lines like that from time to time, but usually I will say good shot, and talk about things they are doing well. But getting a little dig in there once in a while is good, and frankly I hope I'm getting some back. Shows a level of comfort. But not all the time, only a bit of the time.

But I'm also up front when, if I'm up at the net and they drill it at me, and then apologize, I say "that's tennis." And if you started doing the stuff to me you talked about doing, I would say the same. That's tennis. The only thing bad for my game is me hurting myself.

I'm with the others who said see if you can use this guy to get other contacts at this club. Or, if he says "waste of my time", if you've won the last few say something like you were just keeping him interested by throwing a match once in a while.
 
D

Deleted member 23235

Guest
OP just tune him out. It's good practice for focusing on your game when someone you play in a tournament is a schmuck. If you are playing social doubles and he does it kick him out of the group.

J
...and you will run into (many) folks in any competitive environ that are schmucks... sadly i've fallen victim to their antics - tough way to learn that lesson (ie in a competitive match that "meant something" that i "should have won")
 
D

Deleted member 23235

Guest
I don't mean to be an *** but your using him. You have to decide if access to cheap indoor courts is worth the crap. If it is great if it's not then move on.
it's not "using"... since all friendships/relationships are based on the law reciprocity to some degree.
OP needs cheap courts.
trash talker needs an audience to satisfy his ego.
win/win.

just don't "agree" to the conditions of the relationship (ie. by staying in it), then whine about it afterwards. that's lame.
[edit] every drug/gangster movie i've see where someone does that (ie. renegotiate (due to greed) after a deal is made) ends up with someone dead :p
 
Last edited by a moderator:

jmc3367

Rookie
"I continue to play with him because he has cheap access to some indoor courts and if it weren't for that I'd probably scratch him off my list of partners."

Sounds like using to me.
 
D

Deleted member 23235

Guest
"I continue to play with him because he has cheap access to some indoor courts and if it weren't for that I'd probably scratch him off my list of partners."

Sounds like using to me.
"Ok, i'll give him access to my cheap indoor tennis courts, because he's the only guy that can take it when i rag on him for losing..."

2 way "using" == friendship/relationship
 

5sets

Semi-Pro
One guy I hit with...this is what I get all week long. lol. Usually I just go along with him, but every so often I'll throw a bit back. I am the blue side.



Lol, thanks for sharing. At least he's well educated judging by his grammar and proper sentences. My guy is a little bit more blue collar and vulgar, not sure what's worse.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G928A using Tapatalk
 

ChaelAZ

Legend
Well, he does pile it on. What is the approximate win/loss percentage between you two?
The kicker is...he' just a hitting partner! There are no points ever, but he loves hitting winners on me in practice. lol.

Honestly, he is a great guy and just loves trying to get my goat because I am very even keeled. It really is just in good fun.

He drive long haul for a living so he definitely has hours to burn with this stuff!
 

5sets

Semi-Pro
Lol, it's been nice outside all week I've been able to hit with others and not 'use' his courts. He must be lonely. I'll give him a call next snow storm. Lmfao.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G928A using Tapatalk
 
Top