Want to say at new job to co workers

A

acura9927

Semi-Pro
I am in between jobs at the moment ( laid off). I got into trouble with my last job, well almost fired due to arguments over how I lived my personal life. A lot of people took objectives to me not being married. At my next job, I wish to just do my work and not let my personal info like where I live, if I have kids, martial status, anything about myself as I hate office gossip. I don't want to to hear other people's dirty laundry as well.

If I stone wall people and just say " I don't talk about my personal Life" even simple things like where are you from or where did you work before will be I called stuck up or weird or a lone wolf to be stayed away from.
 
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At least be superficially friendly. Avoid controversy, don't hang out after work. But I wouldn't be a stone wall, I bet they'd fire you for that. Just how it is.
 
People love talking about themselves, show a genuine interest in what they have to say, ask questions and relate if you can.

Alot of the time you can have someone feel like they've had a great conversation and connected with you when you hardly spoke or revealed anything about yourself.
 
Your thread makes no sense and I suspect something has been left out. People are getting married later than ever, or not at all, and it's hard to believe your being single was so bothersome to them. That you got into arguments over this makes me wonder if it was argumentiveness rather than your marital status that was the problem.
 
Well lets see, I was subjected to

1. Masterbation jokes- lets see your palm

2. Get a mail order bride

3. You would shock the girl's mother

4. You would have a lot of fun in Hong Kong's temple street, lot of hookers.

You like those kind of comments? I respected people's privacy and if they had a weakness I showed them respect and didn't say a thing to them.

Any number of those comments could have been grounds to go to HR dept, but I didn't stab anyone in the back and cause them to maybe lose their job. I could have.
 
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acura9927 said:
Well lets see, I was subjected to

1. Masterbation jokes- lets see your palm

2. Get a mail order bride

3. You would shock the girl's mother

4. You would have a lot of fun in Hong Kong's temple street, lot of hookers.

You like those kind of comments? I respected people's privacy and if they had a weakness I show them respect and didn't say a thing to them.
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Where are you from? You hear about those kinds of things in parts of the World, but not so much in Europe or America, where i'd assumed you were from.

Either way, my post about letting others talk about themselves and you showing interest in what they have to say always works for me. When they do ask me something i'm not really interested in revealing i'm just vague and move it back to them.
 
Feña14 said:
People love talking about themselves, show a genuine interest in what they have to say, ask questions and relate if you can.

Alot of the time you can have someone feel like they've had a great conversation and connected with you when you hardly spoke or revealed anything about yourself.
Click to expand...

Bona fide good advice.
 
Who among us doesn't work with single people??? Do you work in the US? It still doesn't make sense because the single guys are usually assumed to have livelier sex lives than the married guys. Yet you are the butt of masturbation jokes? Hmmmm. There's got to be more to this.
 
HMMMM, no there isn't more to it.
When I go to work my personal life is my business and mine only.
That can't be respected? Tell me why not?


Why should I reveal my life to anyone at work or have to hear remarks. I have no obligation except to the person or company writing me a paycheck.
 
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acura9927 said:
HMMMM, no there isn't more to it.
When I go to work my personal life is my business and mine only.
That can't be respected? Tell me why not?


Why should I reveal my life to anyone at work or have to hear remarks. I have no obligation except to the person or company writing me a paycheck.
Click to expand...

I feel like the 'jokes' that people said to you were in good humor, even if not your own. If someone said something like that, which is totally out of line (I totally agree, mastubation jokes at work with someone you don't really know.. that's awkward, no one needs that) I feel like just staring at the person blankly like theyre an idiot as if to imply how childish or inappropriate they are being would get the point across pretty quick. If there was malice, I would have absolutely no problem reporting someone, after you asked them to stop of course.

I think your demeanor can probably tell people that you aren't interested in this kind of behavior, however I wouldn't dismiss meeting genuine kind co workers because the last ones sucked.

What do you do if you don't mind me asking (not trying to get too personal ;) jk lol
 
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Feña14 said:
People love talking about themselves, show a genuine interest in what they have to say, ask questions and relate if you can.
Click to expand...

That's easier if you actually have a genuine interest in what they have to say.

Don't fake it. Be yourself, but be your polite self. There is nothing wrong with giving a coworker a hand when their hands are full, greeting with a "Good morning"' "Good afternoon" or "Good evening", a smile and maybe most important, make eye contact when talking to or listening to a coworker. Take it no further. You may need to spell out to some coworkers that you are boring and rather reserved, as well. Do it politely - and don't show anyone that you are flustered. Sure, you may be labeled 'stuck up' or a 'lone wolf' - or maybe you won't. Most likely, you will eventually be largely ignored. That doesn't seem to be too high a price for your privacy, does it?

Before you go pointing fingers at others, remember to check your mirror first. If you can't get along well in your work environment, you might want to look for a line of work that supports greater independance and isolation.
 
If I found out one of my coworkers was single, I'd fire them on the spot. Really no excuse for it.
 
acura9927 said:
I am in between jobs at the moment ( laid off). I got into trouble with my last job, well almost fired due to arguments over how I lived my personal life. A lot of people took objectives to me not being married. At my next job, I wish to just do my work and not let my personal info like where I live, if I have kids, martial status, anything about myself as I hate office gossip. I don't want to to hear other people's dirty laundry as well.

If I stone wall people and just say " I don't talk about my personal Life" even simple things like where are you from or where did you work before will be I called stuck up or weird or a lone wolf to be stayed away from.
Click to expand...

why would you talk about it here?
 
acura9927 said:
I am in between jobs at the moment ( laid off). I got into trouble with my last job, well almost fired due to arguments over how I lived my personal life. A lot of people took objectives to me not being married. At my next job, I wish to just do my work and not let my personal info like where I live, if I have kids, martial status, anything about myself as I hate office gossip. I don't want to to hear other people's dirty laundry as well.

If I stone wall people and just say " I don't talk about my personal Life" even simple things like where are you from or where did you work before will be I called stuck up or weird or a lone wolf to be stayed away from.
Click to expand...

acura9927 said:
I think I want to live between Albuquerque and Santa Fe. ABQ has a bad reputation for crime so what the good things like scenery, lack of people and space more than makes up for it. Plus Santa Fe is sure nice to be close to.
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you are a loner. so why are you worried about being called a loner or weird??
 
Why would you get fired for not being married? You should sue them.

People have serious problems these days, they should learn to get along.
 
pushing_wins said:
you are a loner. so why are you worried about being called a loner or weird??
Click to expand...

Didn't you make a thread like this a while back about your coworkers not liking you? It's like you guys are the same person.

But yeah, OP it sounds like you had a low end job in an unprofessional environment if what you are saying is the actual way it happened. I could never see that happen in any office I have worked in before.

Most offices where people are making money and want to be there are the complete opposite. They are there to succeed and they want to be there, so this stuff will not be happening.

Be happy you left.
 
Feña14 said:
People love talking about themselves, show a genuine interest in what they have to say, ask questions and relate if you can.

Alot of the time you can have someone feel like they've had a great conversation and connected with you when you hardly spoke or revealed anything about yourself.
Click to expand...

This is spot on.

Think of the corporate environment as a bad sitcom. The only way to deal with it is to proactively own it. That doesn't necessarily mean being cruel or fake to people, but to take charge of your experience.

It impacts not just these day to day human interaction issues but also how work gets done. One VP level guy at a large company once phrased this to me as, "My day consists of trying to get people who don't even report to me to do things that they don't necessarily want to do."

Whatever functional responsibility, education and job description you have, one of the most important skills required on a daily basis is pure psychology. It's a war out there, made worse by open office space, lying CEOs, lazy and annoying co-workers, etc.
 
ollinger said:
Do you work in the US?
Click to expand...

He works in Hong Kong.

In Asia, it is still common for co-workers to be very involved in each others' private lives, and many personal comments which would be considered harassment in the US are quite permissible.
 
Power Player said:
Oh ok, Hong Kong. I have a feeling the culture there is a lot different, and I have no idea what that would be like.
Click to expand...

makes a bit more sense. I feel like single guys here are looked at as 'lucky' or able to live it up. Married guys are the ones, 'in the dog house' or miserable as many often describe (even themselves:confused:)
 
Hong Kong? You're asking the wrong people. I once licked my chopsticks in Kyoto and was told I was being very rude. Couldn't imagine a single guy getting harassed in the US.
 
ollinger said:
Hong Kong? You're asking the wrong people. I once licked my chopsticks in Kyoto and was told I was being very rude. Couldn't imagine a single guy getting harassed in the US.
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Why would you want to lick chop sticks... we're you that hungry?
 
Fifth Set said:
This is spot on.

Think of the corporate environment as a bad sitcom. The only way to deal with it is to proactively own it. That doesn't necessarily mean being cruel or fake to people, but to take charge of your experience.

It impacts not just these day to day human interaction issues but also how work gets done. One VP level guy at a large company once phrased this to me as, "My day consists of trying to get people who don't even report to me to do things that they don't necessarily want to do."

Whatever functional responsibility, education and job description you have, one of the most important skills required on a daily basis is pure psychology. It's a war out there, made worse by open office space, lying CEOs, lazy and annoying co-workers, etc.
Click to expand...

True.. how cant we do better in the civilised world?
We create the companies that maul us to mice /rats for the slightest piece of cheese how ever moldy.
And we are supposed to 'own the experience'.
I find it morbid to see young talented people with ambition become spokes in the hierarchy from the outset.
What happened to dynamic interaction and synergy? Im going to cry now.
 
r2473 said:
If I found out one of my coworkers was single, I'd fire them on the spot. Really no excuse for it.
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Wimp! Single people should not be allowed to live! widows? dead. babies, children, die die! We wouldn't have population problem or fight over limited resource if all single people are dead.
 
Power Player said:
Didn't you make a thread like this a while back about your coworkers not liking you? It's like you guys are the same person.

But yeah, OP it sounds like you had a low end job in an unprofessional environment if what you are saying is the actual way it happened. I could never see that happen in any office I have worked in before.

Most offices where people are making money and want to be there are the complete opposite. They are there to succeed and they want to be there, so this stuff will not be happening.

Be happy you left.
Click to expand...

no, i m "Sentinel" of my office

please dig up my old thread and reread it.
 
sureshs said:
He works in Hong Kong.

In Asia, it is still common for co-workers to be very involved in each others' private lives, and many personal comments which would be considered harassment in the US are quite permissible.
Click to expand...

just make up stories about your personal life like we do here.

i disagree, he works in the us, maybe hong kongese.
 
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acura9927 said:
HMMMM, no there isn't more to it.
When I go to work my personal life is my business and mine only.
That can't be respected? Tell me why not?


Why should I reveal my life to anyone at work or have to hear remarks. I have no obligation except to the person or company writing me a paycheck.
Click to expand...

what about lunch or after work events? what do you guys talk about?


would you be offended with masterbation jokes outside of work?
 
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Power Player said:
Didn't you make a thread like this a while back about your coworkers not liking you? It's like you guys are the same person.

But yeah, OP it sounds like you had a low end job in an unprofessional environment if what you are saying is the actual way it happened. I could never see that happen in any office I have worked in before.

Most offices where people are making money and want to be there are the complete opposite. They are there to succeed and they want to be there, so this stuff will not be happening.

Be happy you left.
Click to expand...

100% correct, I did work in the lowest dept where a lot of lifers were and those that were just killing time till the retirement check came in.
But it was not a crap company at all some of the highest wages in the industry.
 
Number 3, I don't get.
You could easily turn those around and make a joke of it.

1. Masterbation jokes- lets see your palm
(If I had that kind of energy I would have been promoted to your boss by now)

2. Get a mail order bride
(Well, it worked for you so maybe I'll give it a shot.)


4. You would have a lot of fun in Hong Kong's temple street, lot of hookers.
(On this salary? I can only afford to take out your wife. )
 
I barely play tennis cause when the weather is nice its too much of a battle to get a court. So I ride a sportbike instead. But I don't recommend it for safety reasons.
 
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