what caused your divorce?

vancougar said:
I think the problem is not with "love" but with "permanent romantic love", or the kind we're sold by the media as the standard we should strive for in coupling relationship. I still love my ex husband in some ways, but I don't want to sleep or live with him.
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Women will only date/marry guys who have one or more of these qualities; Good looks, intelligence, wealth or social status.
Men will date/marry for the same reasons.



Unless you are me; I have literally rejected people for being too good looking for me, although I do have the last three qualities above.
 
****igrade said:
Women will only date/marry guys who have one or more of these qualities; Good looks, intelligence, wealth or social status.
Men will date/marry for the same reasons.
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You have included everything that is desirable. So I don't find anything to learn from your post. It is like saying a customer will go a restaurant if it is at a convenient location, or has great food, or has great prices, or a great ambience.

OK I admit you left out education. You are then implying it is not important.
 
sureshs said:
You have included everything that is desirable. So I don't find anything to learn from your post. It is like saying a customer will go a restaurant if it is at a convenient location, or has great food, or has great prices, or a great ambience.

OK I admit you left out education. You are then implying it is not important.
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If you are intelligent and wealthy, good chance you have a good education, again, some people like me didn't have a good education (although wealthy and slightly smart at some things).


Exactly my point. These things are desirable. I don't see why someone's bank, face or education should really matter. I'm not talking about a 'spark' (which is one of the dumbest common things people talk about love), I don't like the fact women could like me for having a well paid job and a good social life.I would like a woman to like me for being funny and fun to be around.
 
vancougar said:
Anthropologists should study you like zoologists would study a unicorn.
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Dunno. I don't think men like me are all that rare. I've met a lot of them, men in their 40s-60s who are very satisfied with their sex lives being married to the same woman after 2-4 decades. Some commonalities are: faith-based convictions about monogamy, freedom from pornography, lots of children (4+), and not really swingers in our teens and 20s.
 
My sexual orientation began to take its toll on her self confidence as a woman and we both were completely faithful for 12 years. Never marry your GBF thinking that marital fidelity will be the only issue to resolve, before the vows. She is still my SBF, and I have three great kids thanks to her.

She decided a straight man might work out better in her second marriage. Weird.
 
BTURNER said:
My sexual orientation began to take its toll on her self confidence as a woman and we both were completely faithful for 12 years. Never marry your GBF thinking that marital fidelity will be the only issue to resolve, before the vows. She is still my SBF, and I have three great kids thanks to her.

She decided a straight man might work out better in her second marriage. Weird.
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I am totally confused. Are you a woman and married a woman? I am not trying to say any judgmental opinion but just trying to understand what you wrote.
 
fireandwind said:
I am totally confused. Are you a woman and married a woman? I am not trying to say any judgmental opinion but just trying to understand what you wrote.
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I'm sure the poster can answer and correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm 99.9% sure he's male as I'm very familiar with his posts over the years.
 
PDJ said:
I'm sure the poster can answer and correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm 99.9% sure he's male as I'm very familiar with his posts over the years.
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It doesn't make sense if the poster was a man. He said "My sexual orientation" and " She decided a straight man might work out better in her second marriage" So, my understanding was the poster was a woman and her partner wants to marry a straight man. Or the poster was a gay man and married a woman.
 
fireandwind said:
It doesn't make sense if the poster was a man. He said "My sexual orientation" and " She decided a straight man might work out better in her second marriage" So, my understanding was the poster was a woman and her partner wants to marry a straight man. Or the poster was a gay man and married a woman.
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I think it's the latter. But I feel awkward now.
 
fireandwind said:
I am totally confused. Are you a woman and married a woman? I am not trying to say any judgmental opinion but just trying to understand what you wrote.
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I was an out of the closet gay man, who married a young woman who I was living with, and who knew and did not think it a big problem as long as I stayed faithful to my vows. We loved each other in all sorts of very important ways, but I was not really super interested in some of her anatomy. I faked it well enough to have three kids, and it kind of worked for a long time. We were both very naïve. She has since re-married.

At least this answer to the OP is non-duplicative and unique thus far.

It was right in the early and mid eighties, and frankly, my fidelity to her undoubtedly saved my life. An entire generation of gay men my age was decimated by HIV/ AIDS, many of whom did not even know or were in denial about what was doing the killing, before they were struck down.

On a separate note, I hardly ever leave the castle that is former player talk. I am rather enjoying the romp in this meadow beyond the protective moat that is Connors, Laver, Edberg,Court, Austin and Evert. Some nice birds and flowers around here.
 
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BTURNER said:
My sexual orientation began to take its toll on her self confidence as a woman and we both were completely faithful for 12 years. Never marry your GBF thinking that marital fidelity will be the only issue to resolve, before the vows. She is still my SBF, and I have three great kids thanks to her.

She decided a straight man might work out better in her second marriage. Weird.
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It takes courage to be sincere like you have just been.

Kudos to you!
 
BTURNER said:
My sexual orientation began to take its toll on her self confidence as a woman and we both were completely faithful for 12 years. Never marry your GBF thinking that marital fidelity will be the only issue to resolve, before the vows. She is still my SBF, and I have three great kids thanks to her.

She decided a straight man might work out better in her second marriage. Weird.
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So are you living the dream now?
 
BTURNER said:
I was an out of the closet gay man, who married a young woman who I was living with, and who knew and did not think it a big problem as long as I stayed faithful to my vows. We loved each other in all sorts of very important ways, but I was not really super interested in some of her anatomy. I faked it well enough to have three kids, and it kind of worked for a long time. We were both very naïve. She has since re-married.

At least this answer to the OP is non-duplicative and unique thus far.

It was right in the early and mid eighties, and frankly, my fidelity to her undoubtedly saved my life. An entire generation of gay men my age was decimated by HIV/ AIDS, many of whom did not even know or were in denial about what was doing the killing, before they were struck down.

On a separate note, I hardly ever leave the castle that is former player talk. I am rather enjoying the romp in this meadow beyond the protective moat that is Connors, Laver, Edberg,Court, Austin and Evert. Some nice birds and flowers around here.
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I am glad you were faithful to her and was able to avoid that pandemic bullet. As far as I understand, most gay man cannot make love to woman because they don't have attraction to woman. Even if Miss universe wants to sleep with them, they cannot have erection unless they were slightly drunk or influenced by something. I assume you might have bisexual tendency.
 
chikoo said:
Woman Serves & Man Provides ;) :D

Point being none is master of the other.
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Actually in the animal kingdom, there are many examples of the women providing. Look at Lions for example - The female Lion or Lioness actually does the hunting, while the males raise the children.


"Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope." ;)
 
fireandwind said:
I am glad you were faithful to her and was able to avoid that pandemic bullet. As far as I understand, most gay man cannot make love to woman because they don't have attraction to woman. Even if Miss universe wants to sleep with them, they cannot have erection unless they were slightly drunk or influenced by something. I assume you might have bisexual tendency.
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An expert on Miss Universe concurs,
 
fireandwind said:
I am glad you were faithful to her and was able to avoid that pandemic bullet. As far as I understand, most gay man cannot make love to woman because they don't have attraction to woman. Even if Miss universe wants to sleep with them, they cannot have erection unless they were slightly drunk or influenced by something. I assume you might have bisexual tendency.
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The human mind is unique in the animal kingdom. While a dog cannot fantasize that the dog he is humping is a poodle if indeed it is a pug, I can close my eyes and create Brad Pitt even though he is busy at a Hollywood party. The problem became that the pug got real frustrated and depressed knowing that the love of her life was always going to have to fantasize about poodles.

I can't blame her. She really needed to be desired sexually to feel truly married. I wasn't that good of an actor.
 
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BTURNER said:
The human mind is unique in the animal kingdom. While a dog cannot fantasize that the dog he is humping is a poodle if indeed it is a pug, I can close my eyes and create Brad Pitt even though he is busy at a Hollywood party. The problem became that the pug got real frustrated and depressed knowing that the love of her life was always going to have to fantasize about poodles.

I can't blame her. She really needed to be desired sexually to feel truly married. I wasn't that good of an actor.
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At least You tried and have children. That is great. You never going to be alone.
Definitely you cannot blame her. She needs to be loved truly every way, not only emotionally but also physically. If you fantasize someone else during love making, that is not fair to her.
 
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heninfan99 said:
can we get some real, quantifiable reasons here instead of pontificating about your ideals.
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Well, I was trying to be serious in the post above...

My mistake was marrying a woman that didn't have my opposite energy. Our natures collided too often, and we both got frustrated.

I have been amazed by the moral standards some tennis fans preach when it comes to divorce. Life has its own way of kicking such people in the teeth, so they learn eventually. Standards like "staying together for the kids" makes me sick to the bones.
 
junior74 said:
Well, I was trying to be serious in the post above...

My mistake was marrying a woman that didn't have my opposite energy. Our natures collided too often, and we both got frustrated.

I have been amazed by the moral standards some tennis fans preach when it comes to divorce. Life has its own way of kicking such people in the teeth, so they learn eventually. Standards like "staying together for the kids" makes me sick to the bones.
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I suspect those people to whom you refer are young and idealistic (naive even!!).
 
Big_Dangerous said:
Actually in the animal kingdom, there are many examples of the women providing. Look at Lions for example - The female Lion or Lioness actually does the hunting, while the males raise the children.


"Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope." ;)
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Lioness Provides, Lion Serves? Cool.
 
junior74 said:
Well, I was trying to be serious in the post above...

My mistake was marrying a woman that didn't have my opposite energy. Our natures collided too often, and we both got frustrated.

I have been amazed by the moral standards some tennis fans preach when it comes to divorce. Life has its own way of kicking such people in the teeth, so they learn eventually. Standards like "staying together for the kids" makes me sick to the bones.
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Yeah, it is also under-reported how much kids suffer when parents stay together yet fight/are abusive every day/night.
 
junior74 said:
Well, I was trying to be serious in the post above...

My mistake was marrying a woman that didn't have my opposite energy. Our natures collided too often, and we both got frustrated.

I have been amazed by the moral standards some tennis fans preach when it comes to divorce. Life has its own way of kicking such people in the teeth, so they learn eventually. Standards like "staying together for the kids" makes me sick to the bones.
Click to expand...

Interestingly, humans need a common goal to be together. That is a given. That is why there are communities, just like the Tennis community, Hotrod community, BMW community, etc. Not to forget religious community where many come together to praise and serve the one up above.

In your case, it seems you are wanting to be with someone and have a common goal of keeping you happy :)
 
chikoo said:
Interestingly, humans need a common goal to be together. That is a given. That is why there are communities, just like the Tennis community, Hotrod community, BMW community, etc. Not to forget religious community where many come together to praise and serve the one up above.

In your case, it seems you are wanting to be with someone and have a common goal of keeping you happy :)
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Yes. Couples need to have common goals and doing things together. That make their bond stronger. Once in a while travel somewhere even not far from where they live and create new environment for few days. Or hiking, playing tennis together, that all help.
 
What caused an egg on your burger? Fook, biology/chemistry/whatver is too complex for such simple men made rules as marriage. Show me the abstraction layers!
 
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max said:
I'm friends with a couple having a hard time. Just curious, if you're up for it, on how things progressed for you if you had a divorce. Causes?
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Been married since May, 1972 nothing has or will cause my divorce. I made a promise to the one I love 44 1/2 years ago ... until death do we part. A promise is a promise.
 
Irvin said:
In a perfect world ...

Everyone would have their trespasses forgiven, as they forgive those who trespass against them.
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What happens in your perfect world if they keep doing the same trespass?
 
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