What do you do with your other kids?

TTMR

Hall of Fame
#1
This year, I enrolled my son in a prominent tennis academy. We've been focusing on his development for so long that we could not let this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity pass him by. We know this is his only shot at a college scholarship and beyond. Our other two kids don't have any particular athletic talent. The only trouble is, we used to have a college fund for our three kids divided equally, but to pay for the academy we had to drain the the funds for the other two kids. Moreover, after our fourteen year old got a job at Burger King (my seventeen year old has worked at a call centre for the past eight months), we started charging them rent, which goes to my son's tennis fund.

Unsurprisingly, this has created a lot of jealousy and resentment in our house, with accusations of favourtism thrown my way from my other two kids. I can't say I blame them. They've had to work hard, while my son has never had to work (he hasn't had time) at a job or really much at school, either. I'm not too pleased with this rift, but I don't see any other options. If my son makes it, we're all going to benefit, and the sacrifices my other two kids made will be rewarded. But if we don't harness his talent, we'll always wonder what could have been. The reality is that life simply isn't fair, and that sometimes you need to carry the bags of your more talented sibling. To me, it's a family effort. I do wish I could do something to make that lesson a bit easier to accept for them, though.

Thoughts?
 
#3
The "lesson" you are teaching your children is that you love your tennis-playing son the most and that you value sports ability above other attributes.

Since you are charging the other two children "rent", if there is no rent control in your area, you can raise the rent as much as you want.

This year, I enrolled my son in a prominent tennis academy. We've been focusing on his development for so long that we could not let this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity pass him by. We know this is his only shot at a college scholarship and one day being able to brag about being a 5.0 on TW. I haven't noticed if our other two kids don't have any particular athletic because I've been paying most of my attention on my tennis son. The only trouble is, we used to have a college fund for our three kids divided equally, but to pay for the academy we had to drain the the funds for the other two kids. Moreover, after our fourteen year old got a job at Burger King (my seventeen year old has worked at a call centre for the past eight months), we started charging them rent, which goes to my son's tennis fund. So basically, one son will be playing tennis, the other kids will be tenants.

Unsurprisingly, this has created a lot of jealousy and resentment in our house, with accusations of favourtism thrown my way from my other two kids. I can't say I blame them. They've had to work hard, while my son has never had to work (he hasn't had time) at a job or really much at school, either. I'm not too pleased with this rift, but I don't see any other options. If my son makes it, we're going to benefit, and the sacrifices my other two kids made will be rewarded. But if we don't harness his talent, we'll always wonder what could have been. The reality is that life simply isn't fair, and that sometimes you need to carry the bags of your more talented sibling because your Dad is forcing you to. To me, it's a family effort. I do wish I could do something to make that lesson a bit easier to accept for them, though

Thoughts?
 
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#4
short of backing out of the academy.... i 'd write the other 2 sons up on your other assets....like the house or the cars whatever..

it does sound unfair to the other 2.
 

TTMR

Hall of Fame
#6
The "lesson" you are teaching your children is that you love your tennis-playing son the most and that you value sports ability above other attributes.

Since you are charging the other two children "rent", if there is no rent control in your area, you can raise the rent as much as you want.

Do you also have a wife? Have you asked her to become a working girl to help pay for your tennis son?

One day, you might find yourself with no family and no wife. Just wifi.
My wife was reluctant at first until I had the recruiter from the academy come and talk to her and explain the potential of my son and how lucrative his talent could be. Obviously she still has some worries about the effect this arrangement has on the kids.

short of backing out of the academy.... i 'd write the other 2 sons up on your other assets....like the house or the cars whatever..

it does sound unfair to the other 2.
Work harder, more, better, or smarter. Not them -- you. Second job on nights and weekends. If you can't fund this flight of fancy, or get up the gumption to fund it somehow, then pull the kid out.
I get what you guys are saying, but I do work very hard doing drills with my son, driving him to tournaments, managing his schedule, and so on. The family is an organism, and we all have our role to play in it. I keep telling them that patience is the key when making sacrifices and contributions, but that in the end, it will be worth it.
 
#7
I get what you guys are saying, but I do work very hard doing drills with my son, driving him to tournaments, managing his schedule, and so on. The family is an organism, and we all have our role to play in it. I keep telling them that patience is the key when making sacrifices and contributions, but that in the end, it will be worth it.
If your son "makes it", how many years will be be before he makes it? How will it be "worth it" for the other two kids? And how old will they be at that time?
 
#9
here are 2 examples I know personally.

kid 1, talented golfer, won the state in his senior year and went on to play D1 golf... had admission offer from academy, but turned them down because they didn't give scholarship.. kid is from a well-to-do family and the cost would have been no issue; short of going to the academy, kid just hit balls... tons of practice, with some help from a great local coach.

kid 2, talented soccer player, played for the farming team for MLS, all expenses paid for of course... family has average income.. kid went on to play D1 soccer.

if your son were THAT talented, the academies would probably chase him with scholarship offers..

the recruiter obviously says what he says, just to get another paying customer in the door.

there is no money in tennis... if the goal is to play pro ball for money, then forget it... if you get on the tour you have to be in the top 100 to start making money.

if the goal is just college tennis experience, then what is the difference between D1 D2 D3 anyway... not much.
 
#10
This year, I enrolled my son in a prominent tennis academy. We've been focusing on his development for so long that we could not let this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity pass him by. We know this is his only shot at a college scholarship and beyond. Our other two kids don't have any particular athletic talent. The only trouble is, we used to have a college fund for our three kids divided equally, but to pay for the academy we had to drain the the funds for the other two kids. Moreover, after our fourteen year old got a job at Burger King (my seventeen year old has worked at a call centre for the past eight months), we started charging them rent, which goes to my son's tennis fund.

Unsurprisingly, this has created a lot of jealousy and resentment in our house, with accusations of favourtism thrown my way from my other two kids. I can't say I blame them. They've had to work hard, while my son has never had to work (he hasn't had time) at a job or really much at school, either. I'm not too pleased with this rift, but I don't see any other options. If my son makes it, we're all going to benefit, and the sacrifices my other two kids made will be rewarded. But if we don't harness his talent, we'll always wonder what could have been. The reality is that life simply isn't fair, and that sometimes you need to carry the bags of your more talented sibling. To me, it's a family effort. I do wish I could do something to make that lesson a bit easier to accept for them, though.

Thoughts?
Is this a trolling post?

If not, the reality is if you are having to drain the college funds and charge your other kids rent to pay a "prominent" tennis academy for "once in a lifetime?" training, your kid has no chance to make money on the pro tour. If a kid has the insane type of talent to potentially make it, the academies would beg the kid to come train for free or heavily discounted fee to draw in the full price paying folks. Either that or the USTA would step in and snag him up. And even then it's a long shot but at least you didn't blow up your family!

If the goal is college tennis scholarship, the money you spent on tennis training, travel, tournaments, etc would have paid for several scholarships. The kid would be also be unprepared academically for college, will graduate with some bogus degree, and have no qualifications for a decent job.

To each his own though it's unfair to the other kids since they are minors and have little say in how they're getting screwed.

I hope this is a trolling post...
 
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TTMR

Hall of Fame
#14
If your son "makes it", how many years will be be before he makes it? How will it be "worth it" for the other two kids? And how old will they be at that time?
I'd expect my son to be generous with his siblings. I raised him not to be selfish, so my other son and daughter should have little to be worried about.
the recruiter obviously says what he says, just to get another paying customer in the door.

there is no money in tennis... if the goal is to play pro ball for money, then forget it... if you get on the tour you have to be in the top 100 to start making money.
.
You're wrong. The recruiter said my son has a great deal of raw tennis ability that just needs to be refined and full time tennis development would be the only way for him to get his foot in the door. If he plays at a college level he has lots of opportunity in the tennis industry even if he never joins the tour. The recruiter said that most academies generate a lot of lofty expectations among parents but this one doesn't operate that way. There is money to be made in the tennis industry because fans of the game tend to be from the upper crust. Sure, being a touring pro is expensive if not in top 100 but there are downstream coaching and instruction jobs galore for highly skilled individuals with pro level talent.
 
#16
Since you drained the other two kids college funds, I wouldn't charge them rent. I would probably try to get extra work to put into their college funds. Even things up monetarily the best you can. Spend as much time with your other two kids the best you can.
 
#17
I believe you've been incredibly negligent, I'm disgusted.

Your 14 and 17 year old have thrown away years of earnings potential, and life lessons. Have you never hear of chimney sweeps? At the Academy you'll be expected to furnish expensive clothes, jewelry and hairstyles on your eldest, you could have had it all in the bank after 10 years of 2 employees sewing soccer balls or doffing.

What were you thinking?
 
#18
Reminds me of the story of the father who spent his life savings buying a ranch, tractors, cows, horses, etc. because his 5 yo son said he wanted to become a cowboy. When the son grew up and decided that he wanted to go to medical school, he couldn't because his father had already bet the ranch.
 
#19
TTMR, between this and not playing with other people, you are my message board hero.

In answer to your question, I honestly think you're wasting money and time supporting the other two kids at all. Lose the extra baggage or potentially sacrifice a huge dream.
 

CopolyX

Hall of Fame
#25
Wow, thanks...I will tell you in it is pretty long and united. I have been very lucky to have great children and one incredible wife.
I know the key has has been both my wife and I, is we had amazing parents! Which gave us a great foundation and super mapping to enjoy life, learn, share, happiness, and grow....

Cheers,
 
#26
I have only read your post and not others. Your other two kids - do they have more academic talent? It's hard for me to read. In our family it's the reverse. My eldest has a built in academic scholarship. Sometimes she resents how much time and funds are spent on her brother's tennis. However, she knows it is because his academic talents would never land him the academic scholarships she is afforded (she has over 145 IQ). So while at times she gets a little cross she sees his academic struggles and knows he needs tennis. Every kid in the family needs to have a strength or something unique a parent appreciates. She plays very high level piano. In our family my son feels like the fish out of water. We have never been sports people so it's my son who has felt out of place - arts, academics were always prized over sports. We've actually had to accept my son for who he is w/ his tennis/running. It's never easy - good luck!
 
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#27
This year, I enrolled my son in a prominent tennis academy. We've been focusing on his development for so long that we could not let this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity pass him by. We know this is his only shot at a college scholarship and beyond. Our other two kids don't have any particular athletic talent. The only trouble is, we used to have a college fund for our three kids divided equally, but to pay for the academy we had to drain the the funds for the other two kids. Moreover, after our fourteen year old got a job at Burger King (my seventeen year old has worked at a call centre for the past eight months), we started charging them rent, which goes to my son's tennis fund.
This generation is truly one of weaklings. Are you telling me your two kids can't get some second job to help funding additional international workshops for your talented one? I mean come on now, it takes much more nowadays than just doing some academy!

I wonder, do those sons of you have any sense of family responsibility? What went wrong while they grew up?

If my son makes it, we're all going to benefit, and the sacrifices my other two kids made will be rewarded.
Hold on a second, they already have jobs! If your talented one is going to make it big time he surely needs to spend a lot of that money. After all it is the crown of success! What kind of a parent would you be if you took that all away from him? And what standard would that set for the family? Sure your talented one may give some back to the family but please do not burden him with guilt!

But if we don't harness his talent, we'll always wonder what could have been.
It'd be a grave sin!

The reality is that life simply isn't fair, and that sometimes you need to carry the bags of your more talented sibling. To me, it's a family effort. I do wish I could do something to make that lesson a bit easier to accept for them, though.

Thoughts?
If they don't accept it by reason?
Simple, whip it!

:D
 
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#28
This year, I enrolled my son in a prominent tennis academy. We've been focusing on his development for so long that we could not let this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity pass him by. We know this is his only shot at a college scholarship and beyond. Our other two kids don't have any particular athletic talent. The only trouble is, we used to have a college fund for our three kids divided equally, but to pay for the academy we had to drain the the funds for the other two kids. Moreover, after our fourteen year old got a job at Burger King (my seventeen year old has worked at a call centre for the past eight months), we started charging them rent, which goes to my son's tennis fund.

Unsurprisingly, this has created a lot of jealousy and resentment in our house, with accusations of favourtism thrown my way from my other two kids. I can't say I blame them. They've had to work hard, while my son has never had to work (he hasn't had time) at a job or really much at school, either. I'm not too pleased with this rift, but I don't see any other options. If my son makes it, we're all going to benefit, and the sacrifices my other two kids made will be rewarded. But if we don't harness his talent, we'll always wonder what could have been. The reality is that life simply isn't fair, and that sometimes you need to carry the bags of your more talented sibling. To me, it's a family effort. I do wish I could do something to make that lesson a bit easier to accept for them, though.

Thoughts?
This is a tough situation as a parent and a difficult decision to make. I hope the other kids find something of their own passion and interest and that you can be supportive for them if not financially at least emotionally and psychologically. It will probably be very important for them to hear how sorry you are for them as well.

A couple things - this is NOT a family effort. Your kids have expressed disagreement with your decision. So, you really shouldn't think that this is an united effort from the entire family. As a parent, you have the final say, but you have to acknowledge that your other kids do disagree with this and this is somewhat unilateral decision.

And, you said that there is no other way. There is - which is that your tennis child gives up the academy - I am not saying he should. You just shouldn't ignore this.

If your son makes it (I am guessing college scholarship), how does your other kids benefit from it? How will their sacrifices be rewarded? And, if you don't invest in his talent, no one except for him and you will wonder about what could have been. The other children will NOT wonder about it. Not to mention the guilt and responsibility that the tennis kid will feel when he finds out his siblings' money has been invested in them in addition to his parents'.


And, is it even legal to charge a minor rent?
 
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#29
This is a tough situation as a parent and a difficult decision to make.
It's really not. Paying to enroll kids in things like tennis, dance, and golf acadamies is a vanity exercise. Conspicuous consumption for the wealthy. Those kids are there because the largesse of the rich parents paying their kids' ways through zero-value venues is how the acadamies afford the scholarships they give away to the kids with any actual talent and future.

Anyone asking how to pay for this at the expense of their other parental responsibilities needs a visit from child services, not advice on how to continue to do it. It's like a postal worker trying to justify his Bentley addiction to his wife and children.
 
#30
This year, I enrolled my son in a prominent tennis academy. We've been focusing on his development for so long that we could not let this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity pass him by. We know this is his only shot at a college scholarship and beyond. Our other two kids don't have any particular athletic talent. The only trouble is, we used to have a college fund for our three kids divided equally, but to pay for the academy we had to drain the the funds for the other two kids. Moreover, after our fourteen year old got a job at Burger King (my seventeen year old has worked at a call centre for the past eight months), we started charging them rent, which goes to my son's tennis fund.

Unsurprisingly, this has created a lot of jealousy and resentment in our house, with accusations of favourtism thrown my way from my other two kids. I can't say I blame them. They've had to work hard, while my son has never had to work (he hasn't had time) at a job or really much at school, either. I'm not too pleased with this rift, but I don't see any other options. If my son makes it, we're all going to benefit, and the sacrifices my other two kids made will be rewarded. But if we don't harness his talent, we'll always wonder what could have been. The reality is that life simply isn't fair, and that sometimes you need to carry the bags of your more talented sibling. To me, it's a family effort. I do wish I could do something to make that lesson a bit easier to accept for them, though.

Thoughts?
I been thru all of this so i can give you a good estimate for pro tennis.
Do you know the expenses and time needed for a talented kid to make it to top 100 atp.
If he gets to futures lvl at age 18 he will need up to-5 years to get to challenger lvl.
And he will need 2 more years to get to atp lvl.
So this means 24, 25 years old.
Now this is the best case scenario.And you need to pay for that, academy cost is a joke compared to traveling the globe.
Talented kids rarely make it in tennis its just not enough in tennis.
Only top talents make it and they never pay for anything let alone academy , sponsors get them very fast.
Like moratouglu and bolletiery they sponsor all top players in his academy.
If your kid was top talent academy would sponsor him.
When you say your kid is talented i believe you, but that is not enough in tennis. Only 100 players make money and are divided from 18 to 35 years old which leaves only 5,6 players per age for
the whole world, so only top talents make it.
Now college is a different story and i believe you dont need academy to go there.
If you coach him and try hard he will make it to college.
I would suggest you to stop this before you ruin your family.
Its not worth it.Your kid need 10 plus years of sponsoring until he even gets a chance to earn any money if ever......
and your family will hurt.
You are right kids that made it had family behind them but also the sponsors.
All those atp players has sponsors from very young age and they were not hurting the family.

and the last thing.
Dad of Djokovic said.
When i sent Novak to Pilic academy we made sure when he came home he felt all was good and we had money.
That pressure would be to much for him if he felt we were giving to much money for his tennis.
So we pretended everything was perfect.


Keep in mind his Dad was only paying for his allowance not the academy costs.
And even that was to much for them.
 
#34
My wife was reluctant at first until I had the recruiter from the academy come and talk to her and explain the potential of my son and how lucrative his talent could be. Obviously she still has some worries about the effect this arrangement has on the kids.
not doubting your son's talent, but I'd have paid someone from a different academy to eval my kid... prefacing it with, "there is no way i'm sending my kid to your academy, i'm just paying you for an honest eval"

your statement feels very much like an argument my buddy and i had, where he stated, "my real estate agent said this property is a great investment..." not exactly a unbiased opinion.

[edit] ask the original recruiter if they'd sign a guarantee on the investment at the end of X years :)

this story also reminded me of this article:
https://www.bloomberg.com/news/feat...becoming-the-world-s-631st-best-tennis-player
$200k earnings to date for top 200 ranking... so it's possible, but unless i already was making the money where it wouldn't put me in the hole (or force my other kids to support my one kid and/or take away resources from my non-tennis kid), there's no way i could justify a lopsided investment on "potential".

if i really did think there was potential, i'd put it on myself to work 2 or 3 jobs to make the money i need to support the entire family.

my $0.02
 
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zalive

Hall of Fame
#35
This year, I enrolled my son in a prominent tennis academy. We've been focusing on his development for so long that we could not let this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity pass him by. We know this is his only shot at a college scholarship and beyond. Our other two kids don't have any particular athletic talent. The only trouble is, we used to have a college fund for our three kids divided equally, but to pay for the academy we had to drain the the funds for the other two kids. Moreover, after our fourteen year old got a job at Burger King (my seventeen year old has worked at a call centre for the past eight months), we started charging them rent, which goes to my son's tennis fund.

Unsurprisingly, this has created a lot of jealousy and resentment in our house, with accusations of favourtism thrown my way from my other two kids. I can't say I blame them. They've had to work hard, while my son has never had to work (he hasn't had time) at a job or really much at school, either. I'm not too pleased with this rift, but I don't see any other options. If my son makes it, we're all going to benefit, and the sacrifices my other two kids made will be rewarded. But if we don't harness his talent, we'll always wonder what could have been. The reality is that life simply isn't fair, and that sometimes you need to carry the bags of your more talented sibling. To me, it's a family effort. I do wish I could do something to make that lesson a bit easier to accept for them, though.

Thoughts?
If this is a family effort then it should have been unanimous decision of the whole family, as each of your kids participate in this project. From the reaction of your other kids I'd say it's not unanimous - you expect them to sacrifice for their brother, but it doesn't look like they were ever asked to agree with this. So it looks in my eyes like you made a funny definition of a family...you treat your other children as grown enough to contribute and sacrifice (both directly and in the future, by letting go their part of college fund), yet not old enough to have their own vote.
 

TTMR

Hall of Fame
#36
Unfortunately, not too long after my seventeen year old turned eighteen, she moved out, taking her rent with her. I pleaded with her to put family first, but it had no effect. I guess she's at that age. I've had to withdraw my son from the tennis academy, effectively ending his tennis proto-career. Recently, he took a job as a barista after school and on weekends. We had no choice since we became dependent on my eldest's call centre income to make ends meet and we still have to pay the substantial withdrawal penalty to the academy.
 

IowaGuy

Hall of Fame
#37
Unfortunately, not too long after my seventeen year old turned eighteen, she moved out, taking her rent with her. I pleaded with her to put family first, but it had no effect. I guess she's at that age. I've had to withdraw my son from the tennis academy, effectively ending his tennis proto-career. Recently, he took a job as a barista after school and on weekends. We had no choice since we became dependent on my eldest's call centre income to make ends meet and we still have to pay the substantial withdrawal penalty to the academy.
At least it's open enrollment for Obamacare, so you have that going for you ;)
 
#41
Unfortunately, not too long after my seventeen year old turned eighteen, she moved out, taking her rent with her. I pleaded with her to put family first, but it had no effect. I guess she's at that age. I've had to withdraw my son from the tennis academy, effectively ending his tennis proto-career. Recently, he took a job as a barista after school and on weekends. We had no choice since we became dependent on my eldest's call centre income to make ends meet and we still have to pay the substantial withdrawal penalty to the academy.
Post video of your sons game, if I’m impressed I’ll give you my “Guide to 6.0 in 6 Months by TennisProdigy” book free of charge. It’s better than 95% of academies out there.
 
#42
Unfortunately, not too long after my seventeen year old turned eighteen, she moved out, taking her rent with her. I pleaded with her to put family first, but it had no effect. I guess she's at that age. I've had to withdraw my son from the tennis academy, effectively ending his tennis proto-career. Recently, he took a job as a barista after school and on weekends. We had no choice since we became dependent on my eldest's call centre income to make ends meet and we still have to pay the substantial withdrawal penalty to the academy.
Now this is good trolling. @Gregory Diamond this is how it's done.
 

BMC9670

Hall of Fame
#45
The reality is you'll likely spend as much if not more to get a player to scholarship level than the cost to pay for college. Literally. Keep in mind, there are very, very few true full rides in tennis and nothing is guaranteed. Teams of 8-10 players have to split 4.5 scholarships and you're competing with the world (about 35% of D1 tennis roster spots are non-us players). So what's the end goal? Pro? That's a lottery ticket. An education? Then save and work on academics. Schools give billions in academic merit scholarships as opposed to anointing a few athletes. Play tennis for fun. The club system is a great option - some very competitive players without the pressure and time away from school. Good luck.
 

BMC9670

Hall of Fame
#46
Wait, I just saw that the tennis playing son is old enough to get a job? OK, now I think you're trolling. If he's that age and isn't on the national/international scene by now, talk of full scholarships and pro tennis aren't even on the table. Just not realistic in any way.
 
#47
Tennis for a scholarship does not pay off. Not all D1 players get a scholarship and many only get partial one. Also several years of tennis academy is more expensive than even a full scholarship.

Tennis only pays off if you reach the top100.
 

TTMR

Hall of Fame
#48
Wait, I just saw that the tennis playing son is old enough to get a job? OK, now I think you're trolling. If he's that age and isn't on the national/international scene by now, talk of full scholarships and pro tennis aren't even on the table. Just not realistic in any way.
Tennis for a scholarship does not pay off. Not all D1 players get a scholarship and many only get partial one. Also several years of tennis academy is more expensive than even a full scholarship.

Tennis only pays off if you reach the top100.
Based on these posts and similar information upthread, I'm compiling a civil case for fraud against the academy in question. We believe the academy misled us regarding our son's prospects. We may take it to small claims and just pursue reimbursement of the withdrawal penalty and the latest year's tuition. I'll keep everyone apprised.
 
#50
Working in psychiatry you get to see examples of dreadful parenting and the consequences of it every day. Would put the OP right up there with some of the worst. How one could post this saga without embarrassment is simply beyond me.
 
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