WHAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING YOU'VE HEARD ON OR NEAR THE COURT TODAY?

Let me start if off with, today I was practicing my serve and a guy from the club walked by and said, "Oh you've got a new racket!". I just said yah.

I've been playing with the same racket for maybe fifteen years--the Prince Graphite Tour--maybe he just noticed, or woke up from a long sleep.
 
Let me start if off with, today I was practicing my serve and a guy from the club walked by and said, "Oh you've got a new racket!". I just said yah.

I've been playing with the same racket for maybe fifteen years--the Prince Graphite Tour--maybe he just noticed, or woke up from a long sleep.

"OUT!" (finger point).
 
Thats funny.. I used the same racket for nearly 22 years, A Prince React Lite XLT 28" I bought new in early 1997. I just upgraded last week to Yonex VCore DG 96 330.
I have heard it all. Most coming during during league play. Best thing is, I sandbag sooo much but I have to, as it was the only group open. Being a 4.5-5.0 in a 2.5 league, so you can guess what I do after they mouth off. Seniors Womens League around here.. just rich snobs with big mouths.. so I stuff tennis balls in them at 100mph across court.
 

OnTheLine

Hall of Fame
I will win this challenge! Although it was yesterday, not today. I was waiting on one last confirmation for a league match to be played today. So I texted the player, who said "I was waiting to figure out how I felt. I took too many vitamins and I don't think I will be able to play tomorrow"

Took Too Many Vitamins .... that is the reason she cannot play the next day.

Can't make this stuff up: real life is funnier than anything a comic could possibly write.
 
I will win this challenge! Although it was yesterday, not today. I was waiting on one last confirmation for a league match to be played today. So I texted the player, who said "I was waiting to figure out how I felt. I took too many vitamins and I don't think I will be able to play tomorrow"

Took Too Many Vitamins .... that is the reason she cannot play the next day.

Can't make this stuff up: real life is funnier than anything a comic could possibly write.
Maybe she mistook her Flintstones chewables or those gummy vitamins for Halloween candy?

Could this be the same woman that complained about your no-dampener string sound being a hindrance?
 
It wasn't today, but a guy I play with on occasion is a real life flat earther and has now spent a pretty good amount of time trying to convince me the government wants me to think the earth is round but in reality they are guarding the edge of the earth.
 

tennytive

Professional
I heard a player calling out the score as 4-0 for 40 love after a point ended when he called "Out-ty" o_O
 
I will win this challenge! Although it was yesterday, not today. I was waiting on one last confirmation for a league match to be played today. So I texted the player, who said "I was waiting to figure out how I felt. I took too many vitamins and I don't think I will be able to play tomorrow"

Took Too Many Vitamins .... that is the reason she cannot play the next day.

Can't make this stuff up: real life is funnier than anything a comic could possibly write.
This lady has zero percent chance of not being the biggest drama queen.
 

JLyon

Hall of Fame
over ruled a player at tournament over the weekend, ball skidded right off the baseline, player retort was how can you over rule that, there is not even a ball mark. Well duh no ball mark, because it hit the LINE!!
 

Moveforwardalways

Hall of Fame
I was playing down in some social dubs with some 3.5s. One of them guessed right and passed me down the line while I was poaching. He had a big grin on his face. So I layed it on thick, about how good of a shot it was, how he out foxed me, how he was clearly playing high level tennis, etc. Worked like a charm. The rest of the match he basically fed me put away balls at the net thinking he would do it again. 3.5s always bite that bait.
 

TagUrIt

Hall of Fame
Let me start if off with, today I was practicing my serve and a guy from the club walked by and said, "Oh you've got a new racket!". I just said yah.

I've been playing with the same racket for maybe fifteen years--the Prince Graphite Tour--maybe he just noticed, or woke up from a long sleep.
Might have been trying to make small talk, sometimes people just try to fill the void. 15 years with the same racquet? That's dedication.
 

Mongolmike

Hall of Fame
I've shared stupid things I've seen/heard, but one of the funniest is a Ukrainian friend who cusses/berates himself in his native tongue. I have no idea what he is saying, but it is hilarious to witness.
 
Played in the worst rec dubs match ever--guy on other side is a certified delusional--always chirping, beefing, giving lessons to partner and opponents after EVERY shot--no exaggeration--after EVERY shot--total verbal streaming of unconsciousness--did I leave out blind as a bat, questioning every call within a yard of a line--control freak, dictates every move on the court from spin to who plays with who, what, where, when and why.

So after three games he says this isn't THE tennis he wants to play--he wants to run and get exercise--I hit him two drop shots that he can't get to--he utters expletive deleted--I says, "You said you wanted to run"--he says but only side to side, not forward; that drop-shots are a-hole shots", I suggest he go elsewhere for real tennis, like a wall--thankfully he does and we carry on playing Aussie. I didn't know he was going to play beforehand otherwise I wouldn't have, the guy who set this "event" up had his name confused.
 
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kevrol

Hall of Fame
I was playing down in some social dubs with some 3.5s. One of them guessed right and passed me down the line while I was poaching. He had a big grin on his face. So I layed it on thick, about how good of a shot it was, how he out foxed me, how he was clearly playing high level tennis, etc. Worked like a charm. The rest of the match he basically fed me put away balls at the net thinking he would do it again. 3.5s always bite that bait.
As a 3.5 I'm resisting the urge to take your bait.
 

GeoffHYL

Rookie
My partner tells me that his serve is going to result in some sitters for me to put away at the net, so play up tight and crush anything that comes back (one of our opponents is a real retriever, so soft volleys are going to come back). He proceeds to double-fault the next two points, and the only sitter that comes back on his serve in the set is one that was on a serve that was long. He also proceeded to botch 5 of the 6 or 7 sitters my serve produced. The other thing he told me after one of my lobs came up short of the service line was "no more short lobs".
 
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N

Nashvegas

Guest
Played a mixed match with my wife. We won and kissed on the lips after the match. A spectator who knew her and not me said "does she kiss all her partners after a win?"
He was probably on his way to sign up for the team as he asked the question.
 

Dartagnan64

Legend
My partner tells me that his serve is going to result in some sitters for me to put away at the net, so play up tight and crush anything that comes back (one of our opponents is a real retriever, so soft volleys are going to come back). He proceeds to double-fault the next two points, and the only sitter that comes back on his serve in the set is one that was on a serve that was long. He also proceeded to botch 5 of the 6 or 7 sitters my serve produced. The other thing he told me after one of my lobs came up short of the service line was "no more short lobs".
Does your partner have a beard and wear a red uniform and go by the name Captain Obvious?
 

TenS_Ace

Professional
I've been playing with the same racket for maybe fifteen years--the Prince Graphite Tour--maybe he just noticed, or woke up from a long sleep.
Dear TW forum members, we need to set up a "GO FUND ME" page to get Tennis Tom up to speed with the newest racquet technology, his game just might improve so he can at least be able to have 20 ball rally's with SURESH o_O
 

Cindysphinx

G.O.A.T.
I can tell you about two captains and you can decide which is more stupid.

Our league plays timed matches, so players are punctual and many people enforce ****iness penalties strictly. The rule is that the captains must exchange line-ups no later than five minutes before match time, and the penalty for a late exchange is loss of toss and one game.

Our team was gathered in the lobby, and the other team was not there. We waited. Right around match time, the other captain walked into the lobby and said, "There you are! We were waiting for you in the bubble."

Our captain looks at her watch and says, "Well, you're late with your line-up, so we get the toss and a game."

The other captain says, "I wasn't late. If anyone's late, it's you because we're standing on the courts and you're standing in the lobby."

They proceeded to debate this for a minute or two, but neither seemed willing to walk off the court and file a grievance over it. So the teams played the match as though no one was late.

Definitely a common sense deficit for those two.
 
Played in the worst rec dubs match ever--guy on other side is a certified delusional--always chirping, beefing, giving lessons to partner and opponents after EVERY shot--no exaggeration--after EVERY shot--total verbal streaming of unconsciousness--did I leave out blind as a bat, questioning every call within a yard of a line--control freak, dictates every move on the court from spin to who plays with who, what, where, when and why.

So after three games he says this isn't THE tennis he wants to play--he wants to run and get exercise--I hit him two drop shots that he can't get to--he utters expletive deleted--I says, "You said you wanted to run"--he says but only side to side, not forward; that drop-shots are a-hole shots", I suggest he go elsewhere for real tennis, like a wall--thankfully he does and we carry on playing Aussie. I didn't know he was going to play beforehand otherwise I wouldn't have, the guy who set this "event" up had his name confused.
I was watching the guy I wrote about from the sidelines today, just happened to be walking by and stopped to see if it was me or him who had the problem--let's call him THE CHAMPION CHIRPPER. After, and even during EVERY point, he had some issue to chrip about--this guy's certifiable. He was playing with three guys I know, and I could tell they were having enough or him. He started off again about how he came for the exercise and that the change overs were taking too long. One of the opponents told him he shouldn't be telling his partner to stand in the alley. I told CHAMPION CHIRPER, that I would take his place if he wanted to go hit against a wall. He says, "Why would he want to quit?" All of a sudden he does a Jekyll and Hyde, becoming Mr. nice guy, paying complements to his partner and opponents--the power of being observed to change bad behavior to good, and the reason there needs to be someone in authority to run to at un-supervised clubs. It's like when you're playing in a tournament and catch the roving umpire nearby, all of a sudden you pay close attention not to foot-fault, or when you're driving and come to a stop sign, and see a cop-car, you take an extra moment to completely stop.
 
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I was watching the guy I wrote about from the sidelines today, just happened to be walking by and stopped to see if it was me or him who had the problem--let's call him THE CHAMPION CHIRPPER. After, and even during EVERY point, he had some issue to chrip about--this guy's certifiable. He was playing with three guys I know, and I could tell they were having enough or him. He started off again about how he came for the exercise and that the change overs were taking too long. One of the opponents told him he shouldn't be telling his partner to stand in the alley. I told CHAMPION CHIRPER, that I would take his place if he wanted to go hit against a wall. He says, "Why would he want to quit?" All of a sudden he does a Jekyll and Hyde, commencing being Mr. nice guy, paying complements to his partner and opponents--the power of being observed to change bad behavior to good, and the reason there needs to be someone in authority to run to at un-supervised clubs. It's like when you're playing in a tournament and catch the roving umpire nearby, all of as sudden you pay close attention not to foot-fault, or when you're driving and come to a stop sign, and see a cop-car, you take an extra moment to completely stop.
How does TCC get *anyone* to play with him?
 
How does TCC get *anyone* to play with him?
CHAMPION CHIRPPER is new to the scene, can move, athletic looking, talks a big line of BS of having played pro-sports, looks flashy but hits half his shots out while complaining of others when they miss giving "free" lessons on everyone of their misses. He gets games because the snowbirds are bugging out, the old guys are losing players from their group due to injury, death and attrition. I'm done with him, and it won't be long before this flash in the pan burns all his bridges.
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
There is a coach at the club who always calls me "Federer" when he sees me, even when he is driving away from the parking lot, and then laughs wildly, pointing his fingers at me and encouraging other people to join in.
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
Let me start if off with, today I was practicing my serve and a guy from the club walked by and said, "Oh you've got a new racket!". I just said yah.

I've been playing with the same racket for maybe fifteen years--the Prince Graphite Tour--maybe he just noticed, or woke up from a long sleep.
Maybe he confused you with some other old guy
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
CHAMPION CHIRPPER is new to the scene, can move, athletic looking, talks a big line of BS of having played pro-sports, looks flashy but hits half his shots out while complaining of others when they miss giving "free" lessons on everyone of their misses. He gets games because the snowbirds are bugging out, the old guys are losing players from their group due to injury, death and attrition. I'm done with him, and it won't be long before this flash in the pan burns all his bridges.
Sounds like Kyrgios
 

thehustler

Semi-Pro
I will win this challenge! Although it was yesterday, not today. I was waiting on one last confirmation for a league match to be played today. So I texted the player, who said "I was waiting to figure out how I felt. I took too many vitamins and I don't think I will be able to play tomorrow"

Took Too Many Vitamins .... that is the reason she cannot play the next day.

Can't make this stuff up: real life is funnier than anything a comic could possibly write.
Do you live somewhere like in Oregon/Washington/California/Colorado? Maybe she confused her vitamins with something else?
 

OnTheLine

Hall of Fame
Do you live somewhere like in Oregon/Washington/California/Colorado? Maybe she confused her vitamins with something else?
Yup I do ... that stuff is legal here in Nevada as well ... probably not the case for her, but I can think of a few others where it might have been the case!
 

FedLIKEnot

Professional
"Have you lost weight?"

No.
For me it was have I gained weight?

Duhhh, of course I did due to a ton of tennis last year w/ 3.0 nationals (humble brag) my shoulder and ankles been messed up so I have only hit like 2 times a month the last 4 months. Haha.


But the other day we were playing a few practice sets, doubles of course because the aforementioned fatness I have now. And no one wanted to pop a can of brand new balls for it. And I am not a ball snob. I dont require Pro Penns, or Wilson US Open etc. but these balls in questioned were beat to hell. And my rust doesnt play well with these old inconsistent balls. So I ran back through the club out to car and got a can. These fools. Love these guys though theyve been on most of the teams I have played on minus my 3.0 teams as they are 3.5s and they have always been welcoming of me even when letting me hit with them did nothing for them but this ball thing happens too much I am just going to be the guy who provides the fresh can. Costco here I come......
 

FedLIKEnot

Professional
Would you like to join our mixed team?
I was a 3.0 until this year and I am only 30 so the only way to get alot of tennis was playing two or more mxd teams at a time and for us its in the middle of summer. But I will never ever play more than 1 at a time if even that again. I just cant. And to be clear as the 3.0 in 7.0 I have had some really talented female partners some 4.0 women who could hold there own against 3.5 men. But I just cant deal w/ the shenanigans.......
 

JoelDali

G.O.A.T.
I was a 3.0 until this year and I am only 30 so the only way to get alot of tennis was playing two or more mxd teams at a time and for us its in the middle of summer. But I will never ever play more than 1 at a time if even that again. I just cant. And to be clear as the 3.0 in 7.0 I have had some really talented female partners some 4.0 women who could hold there own against 3.5 men. But I just cant deal w/ the shenanigans.......
My god, quit mixed before your life suffers long term irreparable damage. I have seen many fine young men from this forum have their lives destroyed and forever altered by mixed doubles spider vein death grip agony.

Please revert back to this message forum after you inform the captain that you no longer wish to subject yourself to a life of total distress and uncertainty brought on by the mere thought of participating in mixed doubles purgatory.
 

FedLIKEnot

Professional
My god, quit mixed before your life suffers long term irreparable damage. I have seen many fine young men from this forum have their lives destroyed and forever altered by mixed doubles spider vein death grip agony.

Please revert back to this message forum after you inform the captain that you no longer wish to subject yourself to a life of total distress and uncertainty brought on by the mere thought of participating in mixed doubles purgatory.
Did I come off antagonistic to mxd if so I apologize, I shouldn't have spoken in such absolutes. However I will say gamesmanship and bad calls exists more so in mxd in my opinion than other USTA offerings. Could be tied to my part of the world but seems to be true. That said if with a good partner despite the other noise that is there its fun, just not two teams fun.
 
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