When a girl plays with her hair . . .

AM28143

AM28143

Semi-Pro
I'm trying to figure out whether this girl likes me. Whenever I talk to her, or whenever I am near her, she either plays with hair -- pushing it behind her ears and brushing it with her fingers -- or picks at her finger nails. Is this a sign she likes me? Or is it just a meaningless habit that many girls have?

A little background. I have worked with her for a month and we spend each Saturday night together folding clothes and chatting. She is a hardworking student who seldom drinks and never goes to parties and is very close to her family, particularly her father, whom she volunteers with at a Soup Kitchen three times a week. We get along and I know that she does not dislike me. However, I can't tell if she likes me.

Obviously, no one will be able to say with certitude but educated guesses will be appreciated.

- Adam :)
 
lol. Maybe she just has dandruff and scabies. :)

hard to tell for sure. some girls just do it out of nervous habit, others it might be a sign. just go for it, and let us know what happens.

good luck
 
Thank you. I will let you know.

I'm certain she does it because she is nervous. What I am trying to found out is why she is nervous. Is she nervous because she likes me and is therefore intimidated by me, or is she nervous around all men, even those whom she finds to be unattractive?

- Adam :)
 
Ask her out?

Seriously man up get in there and get yourself a date.

Unless you dont like her back. If thats the case just laugh it off and find someone you do like.
 
AM28143 said:
I'm trying to figure out whether this girl likes me. Whenever I talk to her, or whenever I am near her, she either plays with hair -- pushing it behind her ears and brushing it with her fingers -- or picks at her finger nails. Is this a sign she likes me? Or is it just a meaningless habit that many girls have?

A little background. I have worked with her for a month and we spend each Saturday night together folding clothes and chatting. She is a hardworking student who seldom drinks and never goes to parties and is very close to her family, particularly her father, whom she volunteers with at a Soup Kitchen three times a week. We get along and I know that she does not dislike me. However, I can't tell if she likes me.

Obviously, no one will be able to say with certitude but educated guesses will be appreciated.

- Adam :)
Click to expand...

She is interested in you but she needs time to get to know you. Patience:)!!!
 
Asking her out, of course, is the surest method to finding out but it's also the most difficult one, given that I am shy. Ultimately, however, that is what I'll have to do, unless she, by some miracle, asks me out first. I just want to see what my chances are.

- Adam :)

PS - And,yes, I do love her with all my heart.
 
AM28143 said:
Asking her out, of course, is the surest method to finding out but it's also the most difficult one, given that I am shy. Ultimately, however, that is what I'll have to do, unless she, by some miracle, asks me out first. I just want to see what my chances are.
Click to expand...

Just ask her. Its so easy to do. Walk up say " hey would you like to do something with me." obviously something needs to be an activity but you get the point.
 
FortuneFavorsTheBold.GIF
 
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maverick66 said:
Just ask her. Its so easy to do. Walk up say " hey would you like to do something with me." obviously something needs to be an activity but you get the point.
Click to expand...

For me (and most men, I think) it's easier said than done. But your advice is appreciated.

- Adam :)
 
AM28143 said:
For me (and most men, I think) it's easier said than done. But your advice is appreciated.

- Adam :)
Click to expand...

I know it sounds like a jerk thing to say just ask her but nothing will happen unless you go for it. Or you could sit around wait for her to say something and she never does and some other guy takes her out.
 
It could mean that she likes working with you and doesn't want you to ask her out because it will make things awkward at work when she says no.
 
The classical psychological interpretation of hair twirling is that it's an autoerotic displacement. So....something is exciting her.
 
Fee said:
It could mean that she likes working with you and doesn't want you to ask her out because it will make things awkward at work when she says no.
Click to expand...

Ah, there's the rub. If I ask her out, and she rejects me, I'll have to continue working with her and it'll be awkward, painful and sad. What am I to do? It's so much easier to find girls at bars, where all rules of decorum are temporarily forgotten and all awkwardness dissolved by the alcohol.

However, at bars you typically find only shallow girls who'd make lousy girlfriends and who are only interested in sex anyway.

- Adam:)
 
AM28143 said:
If I ask her out, and she rejects me, I'll have to continue working with her and it'll be awkward, painful and sad.
Click to expand...

She may be hesitant for somewhat similar reasons... though i doubt she'll ask you out.
 
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This thread has way too many virgins. I'm laughing so hard right now (but not at OP because he's new to this, but everybody else has a girlfriend in the form of a digital photograph).

First off, you seem like a nice guy OP. You actually bother to fold clothes (the f**k?) with her. I don't even know how to fold clothes that well to be honest. I just do a few folds, make square, ???, profit.

Not to mention you're wasting a Saturday night doing that. That's even more hilarious. Technically you're interacting with her like this already anyways. As long as you haven't had any awkward conversations (i.e. "Hey, are the genes in a human being parasitic hence making sex feel good, or is it the fetus that's a parasite?") and you'll be fine.

Also, minoring in Psychology let me help you out with two things:

1. If she does fold her hair back behind her ear, it means she's interested. Perhaps not entirely 100% liking, but interested. If you can make it more interesting, put a joke in, make it funny, now you're in the "like" zone.

2. When she sits down (in a chair), if her legs are crossed (most of the time), then she's a virgin.

3. If she sits down and crosses her legs from one to another, that means she's interested.

4. Just because her legs are not crossed does not mean she's a virgin and does not mean she's not interested. Maybe it's was just more comfortable at the time.

As for your concern with asking her out, I'm going to summarize maverick66.

Man up. You've known her for one month already. If you stall she'll think you're not interested and then it will get awkward.

Find a good situation to ask her out. You say you and she folds clothes every Saturday night. If it's like 5:00 PM night, then ask if she wants to go out for some food somewhere afterwards. If it's like 8:00 PM night, then ask if she wants to go grab some lunch before you guys head over to wherever you fold clothes (for goodness sakes dude, find a better hobby than folding clothes).

To be completely direct, she does not like you. She's interested in you. If you want her to like you, ask her out and go on a few dates. Then she'll see if you're a nice guy (you sound nice to me) or a complete failure to her standards and she'll decide. Plus, you've known her for one month so the dad's not going to be a problem since she probably talked about you being a nice guy and everything to him.

I say this with certitude because I've had many girlfriends (some I planned on having serious relationships with, others were just for the..."time being").

You know, I had these exact same fears before I asked my first girlfriend out (I'm with her again in college and I'm sho happy. :') ) and what my best friend did, was he figured out where her friends along with her were going to go for a weekend (the mall) so he took his girlfriend and me to the mall.

We (the girlfriend didn't know) hunted them down so we could walk with them and when he got me started on conversations, I made a few jokes, got laughs and then I was at least friends with her. About 2 or 3 weeks later I asked her out. Broke up for awhile but like I said, we're back together.
 
Like Dr. Zets told you years ago, you need to dig deeper, Adam, if you want to uncover the reality.
 
aww, Adam, you're so cute!

(by the way, I imagine they are working a part time job in a dry-cleaners or something, hence the clothes folding)

Just ask her about herself, "so, when you're not here or at soup kitchens, what do you do for fun?"

obviiously, someting a little less lame than that would be good, but even that would be a start...

good luck, young man!
 
GetBetterer said:
This thread has way too many virgins. I'm laughing so hard right now (but not at OP because he's new to this, but everybody else has a girlfriend in the form of a digital photograph).

First off, you seem like a nice guy OP. You actually bother to fold clothes (the f**k?) with her. I don't even know how to fold clothes that well to be honest. I just do a few folds, make square, ???, profit.

Not to mention you're wasting a Saturday night doing that. That's even more hilarious. Technically you're interacting with her like this already anyways. As long as you haven't had any awkward conversations (i.e. "Hey, are the genes in a human being parasitic hence making sex feel good, or is it the fetus that's a parasite?") and you'll be fine.
Click to expand...

You weren't even perceptive enough to understand that they were AT WORK folding clothes together, I can't even be bothered with the rest of your post.
 
I once took a psychology class where the professor talked about playing with hair as a form of flirting and a sign of sexual interest. His theory was that this was a subconscious behavior rooted in ancient human biology to show availability, and part of the reason that this behavior was selected for was that it emphasized the breasts.

Unfortunately, the professor, who looked like George Costanza, preened his hair to make the point. He also pointed out that preening of the hair can be a result of boredom or stress.

I became too analytical for a month when talking to women I was attracted to after that lecture. It is good to know the scientific theories regarding behavior, but the most important thing is to have some faith in your instincts, coupled with a knowledge of behavior. Sometimes it is best to not think too much, like when playing tennis. Being over-analytical can hurt your game.

Here is an interesting article about flirting:

In experiments, female hair-flipping and head-tossing were among the (non-contact) gestures most often regarded as sexually flirtatious, along with repeated leg-crossing and movements designed to draw attention to the breasts.
http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html
 
Fee:
You weren't even perceptive enough to understand that they were AT WORK folding clothes together, I can't even be bothered with the rest of your post.
Click to expand...

Somebody's mad. :D

I was simply implying OP could get a better job, especially for future purposes with these situations.
 
Just ask her to go grab lunch sometime or something small and simple and just go from there. If she says no, don't act down or anything. It's only awkward if you make it awkward.
 
agreed with above poster. after work, you should ask if shes hungry and wants to grab a bite to eat. then you can also suggest seeing a movie. "i heard 'such and such' was really funny, do you want to go check it out?" something along those lines
 
GetBetterer said:
Fee:


Somebody's mad. :D

I was simply implying OP could get a better job, especially for future purposes with these situations.
Click to expand...

No, I wasn't mad, just rolling my eyes. Need to work on that perception a little more perhaps. Finish a couple more college courses.
 
Since she's nervous around you and hasn't runaway or start avoiding you like the plague how bad can it be. Break a leg.
 
AM28143 said:
PS - And,yes, I do love her with all my heart.
Click to expand...

Oh lord, you don't love someone until you get to know them. You need to grow up a little and get some confidence dude. You already put this girl way up high on a pedestal so now you are too scared to have any confidence when you talk to her.
 
Well, if you guys work together, than casually ask her out. For example, if you guys are getting off close to the same time, just make a passing comment that you're hungry and you're going to get something to eat, and just ask her something that doesn't imply that you're asking her out, such as "have you eaten yet? If not, you wanna come with?" or "you look like you're fairly hungry too, do you want to join me?"

The more you act like it's a big deal the more of one it will inevitably become. If you just casually ask her something like it's no big deal (such as going to grab a quick bite or drink after work), and do it correctly, it won't be awkward or odd or anything. I ask females in my classes to do that all the time, and since I'm extremely casual about it (and generally, I'm not interested in getting with said females, I'd rather be a good friend to them and let their friends become interested in me - which has actually worked), I never get turned down, nor do I get an awkward reaction. They see the question as just a friendly invitation with no strings of any kind attached, and they act on it as such. I assume you want to become better friends with her before you ask her out on a date or something.
 
I think the whole psychoanalysis stuff gets overblown---on the one hand, it's a bunch of ideas that have big shock value, and on the other, people get intrigued at being able to exploit such ideas in order to benefit themselves.

In my case, I can remember chewing on ice because I was bored, not because I was sexually frustrated.

Perhaps this girl finds folding clothes boring. I know I do!

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Forget about the hair stuff; it's irrelevant and useless. Ask her out; as Wayne Gretzy said, you lose 100% of the shots you never take.
 
max said:
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Click to expand...

Exactly. I play with my hair because...I hate my hair. It never looks right no matter what I do, I'm self-conscious about it, so I always try to "fix" it. There's no subtext to it, it's just that simple.

OP: Stop looking for "tells", and either ask her out or not. If you don't feel you know her well enough, ask her out as a friend and spend some more time with her.
 
max said:
I think the whole psychoanalysis stuff gets overblown---on the one hand, it's a bunch of ideas that have big shock value, and on the other, people get intrigued at being able to exploit such ideas in order to benefit themselves.

In my case, I can remember chewing on ice because I was bored, not because I was sexually frustrated.

Perhaps this girl finds folding clothes boring. I know I do!

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. Forget about the hair stuff; it's irrelevant and useless. Ask her out; as Wayne Gretzy said, you lose 100% of the shots you never take.
Click to expand...

Funny thing is, none of it can be falsified because it's impossible to observe or assess the subconscious. The only thing one can do is observe actions and then draw conclusions based on these theories by Freud.

No wonder psychology is seen as a quack subject by some. Freud's old school psychodabble is to blame.
 
NickC said:
Well, if you guys work together, than casually ask her out. For example, if you guys are getting off close to the same time, just make a passing comment that you're hungry and you're going to get something to eat, and just ask her something that doesn't imply that you're asking her out, such as "have you eaten yet? If not, you wanna come with?" or "you look like you're fairly hungry too, do you want to join me?"

The more you act like it's a big deal the more of one it will inevitably become. If you just casually ask her something like it's no big deal (such as going to grab a quick bite or drink after work), and do it correctly, it won't be awkward or odd or anything. I ask females in my classes to do that all the time, and since I'm extremely casual about it (and generally, I'm not interested in getting with said females, I'd rather be a good friend to them and let their friends become interested in me - which has actually worked), I never get turned down, nor do I get an awkward reaction. They see the question as just a friendly invitation with no strings of any kind attached, and they act on it as such. I assume you want to become better friends with her before you ask her out on a date or something.
Click to expand...

This may be the only decent piece of advice yet in this thread! C'mon guys, show some compassion for our young friend.

OP, you are on the right track looking for a nice girl. Having your heart in the right place when it comes to women will no doubt serve you well with them in the long run.

Don't let the "pressure" of your fondness cause you to freeze up, make the approach too serious or get shy and give up on it altogether. Do not wait for her - even in 2011 I'm convinced that the male needs to pursue.

Granted, you don't want to be permanently slammed into the friend category either, but take that one step at a time. Use Nick's casual approach to get your foot in the door and then, after a couple "dates," look for ways to let her know it's potentially more than that with a gentle touch of her shoulder, warm eye contact, etc.
 
ask her to first hang out with you and some friends. Build a relatoinship that way, then slowly decrease # of friends till it is just you and her hanging out. That makes it a lot less awkward imo
 
Say you wanted to play baseball. So you show up at practice, and there's a lineup waiting to bat. Are you gonna join that lineup? Or are you going to sit on the bench with your eyes down?
Nobody hits a homerun without going to bat first.
 
LeeD said:
Say you wanted to play baseball. So you show up at practice, and there's a lineup waiting to bat. Are you gonna join that lineup? Or are you going to sit on the bench with your eyes down?
Nobody hits a homerun without going to bat first.
Click to expand...

OP is afraid of getting hit by the ball.

Manus. No. girls like men..not boys afraid of "awkward" situations. You guys can keep coming up with soft and easy ways to meet girls, but all you are doing is wasting time while an assertive guy steps in and gets it done. I don't care how nice and sweet a girl is, she will respond well to confidence (not arrogance) and a smile more than all this overthinking and pandering.
 
Power Player said:
she will respond well to confidence (not arrogance) and a smile more than all this overthinking and pandering.
Click to expand...

This is all that needed to be said. This is what I mean by man up and go get yourself a date.

Even if it comes out kinda awkward at least you have put out there that you wanna pursue a relationship with this girl. If it is an awkward thing then so be it but you gotta try.


Also to the OP did you have relationships in high school?
I think people who didnt have this fear of the other sex because they didnt learn how to deal with them in a romantic way in their earlier days.
 
Listen to PowerPlayer.
As for the hair, it could be just a habit, nervous or otherwise. My g/f plays with her hair. I ask her the usual. She looks at me like I'm nuts, but never says "yes"....at least never THEN!
 
AM28143 said:
I'm trying to figure out whether this girl likes me. Whenever I talk to her, or whenever I am near her, she either plays with hair -- pushing it behind her ears and brushing it with her fingers -- or picks at her finger nails. Is this a sign she likes me? Or is it just a meaningless habit that many girls have?

A little background. I have worked with her for a month and we spend each Saturday night together folding clothes and chatting. She is a hardworking student who seldom drinks and never goes to parties and is very close to her family, particularly her father, whom she volunteers with at a Soup Kitchen three times a week. We get along and I know that she does not dislike me. However, I can't tell if she likes me.

Obviously, no one will be able to say with certitude but educated guesses will be appreciated.

- Adam :)
Click to expand...

Does she look down a lot when she does it? Sure sign of shyness. Best ice-breaker is humor. Make her laugh a lot and nothing but good stuff comes out of it. That's how I won my girl over. I still look at my blonde hotty and say 'How the heck did you end up with me?'. She says cause I'm 'Cute and 'FUNNY!'.

GO FUNNY!
 
DavaiMarat said:
Does she look down a lot when she does it? Sure sign of shyness. Best ice-breaker is humor. Make her laugh a lot and nothing but good stuff comes out of it. That's how I won my girl over. I still look at my blonde hotty and say 'How the heck did you end up with me?'. She says cause I'm 'Cute and 'FUNNY!'.

GO FUNNY!
Click to expand...

How romantic that is!!!! :)
 
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humor might not be the best idea when a girl is an airhead. she might not get the joke. the best way to make a girl laugh is to tickle her. it works every time.
 
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