I find most etiquette debates in tennis revolving around aiming a shot at someone to be ridiculous. Social mixed doubles, I get it. Outside of that.....
If you don't want to get hit with the ball, stay away from the net.
If you are a 4.5 woman and don't want some gorilla blasting the ball at you, play with the other ladies.
I play a lot of double (not mixed). Always amazed when someone gets a little chippy when they are crowding the net when their partner is hitting a second serve and they get a return hit right at them. You stand up there, you take your chances. Standing at the net, to me, is an aggressive position. Aggression comes with exposure. You want to play it safe, stand at the baseline.