When your favorite player loses...

[RaulRamirez]

...do you feeling disappointed in the player, or for the player?

I'd like to think that I feel the latter (if I feel disappointment at all).
This isn't all semantics.
Although fandom can be a one-sided affair, when we cross over to feeling disappointed in a player, we are acting like they are playing for us.
I see so many cross the line here, when they beat up on their favorite player - whether during or after a loss.
I can only understand being disappointed in a player if/when their effort or behavior was questionable.

Similarly, I've never understood extending or receiving congratulations when my favorite player(s) win(s).
I'm not him (or her), not part of the coaching team, or a member of the family - and as far as I know, neither are you or my real-life friends.

Thoughts?

 

[Breakpointerer]

For.

 

[AnOctorokForDinner]

Many people just go overboard, nothing to do with the legitimacy of that feeling, which is a direct result of empathy: feeling for a player's loss, I react emotionally as if I were the one losing, and if that's the kind of loss that would leave me disappointed with myself, then I'm naturally disappointed with them too... both with and for, those are not opposites.

 

[AnOctorokForDinner]

The problem is when some folks apply such epithets to players they would have never applied to themselves - that's hypocrisy and schadenfreude.

 

[RaulRamirez]

The problem is when some folks apply such epithets to players they would have never applied to themselves - that's hypocrisy and schadenfreude.

Well, that really takes it too far! (and I am very hard on myself, but usually not my teammates, when playing a team sport)
My temperament has gotten better for tennis (singles), but I think it's always been pretty god for doubles.

 

[Federer and Del Potro]

I feel disappointed that I can’t brag about my millionaire player winning to strangers on the internet.

Ruins my entire day. I’ll never forgive Roger for losing Wimbledon and depriving me of my internet glory.

I sent an angry letter about this to his Swiss mansion but no answer yet. Maybe Mirka intercepted it.

 

[RaulRamirez]

Many people just go overboard, nothing to do with the legitimacy of that feeling, which is a direct result of empathy: feeling for a player's loss, I react emotionally as if I were the one losing, and if that's the kind of loss that would leave me disappointed with myself, then I'm naturally disappointed with them too... both with and for, those are not opposites.

True, but I definitely see a difference in being disappointed in or for a player.
Similarly, I see this with parents and children.
Let me be clear: I don't always get this dynamic right as either a rabid sports fan (tennis, NFL, NBA, MLB primarily, among others) or as a dad. But, I have told my son that I'm not disappointed in you, but disappointed for him - when those situations arise, of course.
As long as he gave it his best effort, was a good sport (or student, whichever the context), etc.

What do you think of fans receiving congratulations when their player/team wins? It's mostly innocuous, but I'm always taken aback.
I draw the line prior to this point...although if someone said, "Hey, you must be feeling great about Rafa winning the US Open", that's on the right side of the line, if you will. I just don't want false credit when I did nothing to bring about the result. I admit that I do accept congrats on whatever my son achieves (as I am part of the "team") but even then, I love the "You must be proud" or "Congrats on raising a good person."

 

[RaulRamirez]

I feel disappointed that I can’t brag about my millionaire player winning to strangers on the internet.

Ruins my entire day. I’ll never forgive Roger for losing Wimbledon and depriving me of my internet glory.

I sent an angry letter about this to his Swiss mansion but no answer yet. Maybe Mirka intercepted it.

Exactly.
I'm a rabid sports fan and spend way too much time on this stuff, but I don't feel like my sense of self-esteem is at stake - even tennis-wise.

 

[Federer and Del Potro]

Exactly.
I'm a rabid sports fan and spend way too much time on this stuff, but I don't feel like my sense of self-esteem is at stake - even tennis-wise.

I used to take it way too seriously in my teens and early twenties. Now I can handle it a lot better. Wimbledon hurt but that pain is long gone. Didn’t feel too bad for Roger himself though knowing he’s amazing at shrugging off losses.

 

[Doctor/Lawyer Red Devil]

If I am disappointed, I am always disappointed for the player.

If the player performed well below his standards in a big match, then I'd say I am both disappointed for him and in him.

 

[RaulRamirez]

I used to take it way too seriously in my teens and early twenties. Now I can handle it a lot better. Wimbledon hurt but that pain is long gone. Didn’t feel too bad for Roger himself though knowing he’s amazing at shrugging off losses.

Roger is incredibly resilient, as I guess all three are.

 

[Poisoned Slice]

For

 

[Born_to_slice]

"Disappointed for them' sounds wrong. Maybe a little sad? It doesn't last long anyway, I'm not that fanatical and players are mostly rich and doing fine. Hard for me to be too sympathetic.