Who would win? Roscoe Tanner / Bill Pickel

britbox

Rookie
It's something I've always wondered...

Who would win in a game of chess between Roscoe Tanner and former Los Angeles Raiders Defensive Tackle and Pro Bowl alternate Bill Pickel?
 

Leelord337

Hall of Fame
roscoe tanner is dumb as he was arrested and is known for having a huge serve and thats it...i would say santoro would whoopem all at chess
 

BountyHunter

New User
Bill Pickel would win the chess game with Roscoe Tanner because:
1. Roscoe would be too busy chasing the Queen around the board.
2. Roscoe would try to make friends with the King instead of checkmating him.
3. Roscoe would try to gain the confidence of the Bishops by pretending he's born again.
4. Roscoe would try to manipulate the pawns by borrowing money from them and using it for purposes other than what he stated.
5. Roscoe would try to sell "investment opportunities" in the Castles by claiming they are Tanner Tennis Castles.
6. Roscoe would try to bet on the Knights, thinking they are in some type of horserace or gambling deal.

Roscoe's game of choice would likely be Monopoly. He actually inherited millions from his dad, uses "get out of jail free" cards often, passes go often, "invests" in real estate using other people's money, makes side deals, profits at the expense of others, etc. He is a master of this game.

But wouldn't you know it? Some game developer is wanting to use his name and image for a "deadbeat dad" game -- where the players find unique reasons why they should not pay court ordered child support. The game developers want to use some of the schemes Roscoe is famous for using:

1. If you put me into jail, I won't be able to earn the money to pay the child support.
2. If you threaten me with jail, the press will pick up on the story and ruin my good image, name, and reputation, so I won't be able to earn money doing celebrity appearances.
3. If you seize my inheritance, I would have to write bad checks to innocent businessmen, and might have to go to jail for bad checks.
4. If you allow me to plead guilty and give me probation I will catch up on the past due amounts by getting a job and paying the money to the clerk of court.
5. I was so busy traveling around the world earning and spending money I simply forgot to send my check to the clerk.
6. My $2.5 million trust fund will only pay my recreational bills, not court ordered child support.
7. My step-daughters need SUVs more than my biological daughters need tennis shoes or rackets or school books.
8. I am too busy supporting my third wife to pay alimony and child support to my ex-wife or our children.
9. I'm "born again" so that makes me above having to comply with court orders and such other earthly matters.
10. I get tax deductions for helping "disadvantaged children" but have no benefit from paying court ordered child support for my own children.
11. I love myself and my needs to gamble and travel and live high on the hog, more than I love my biological kids. Besides, they have my DNA. Isn't that enough? I ought to charge them royalties.
12. Speaking of royalties, why should I give my kids any of the money I earn from my book sales, or sales of my autographed photos and other products being hawked on the internet? They didn't have anything to do with MY success, so I don't owe them a dime. My kids can stand in line behind the other people I owe money to, because it is more important to me to pay for boats and SUVs than to buy school books and clothing for my daughters.
 
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