Why are some people so rude?

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
OK so I was just walking up to my local supermarket when this rough as a bear's @rse looking guy approached me(while I was listening to my music which made the incident even worse) and asked me where Sainsburys is. I told him that's where I was going and that it was just a few minutes up the road after which he then asked where the large store was. I gave him directions and straight away he just put his hood up and carried on walking, cold as anything with not even the slightest acknowledgement of my assistance, no please, thank you, kiss my @rse, nothing. I know for a lot of people it would be no big deal but it's really one of my biggest pet hates - I'm absolutely seething about it! It's one of those situations where if I'd known what a tw@t he was gonna be I'd have just carried on walking so now I'm even angry with myself for being nice! For the life of me I'll never understand why certain individuals, even ones like the scumbag I just encountered, can't just say "thank you". I mean it's not like it costs anything so why do they find it so hard? Is it merely due to their upbringing or do they get off on being pig ignorant to those who help them?

Seriously, why are some people so phuckin' bad-mannered? Grrrrrrrrr. :mad::mad::mad::mad:
 

Tenez!

Professional
Obviously the guy isn't the greatest gentleman out there, but who knows what his life is. There are a myriad possibilities for him being too anguished/panicked/hurried to think about that, even if he didn't look it. Men often hide their emotions.

Can't judge by one action, that's it.
 
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tipsa...don'tlikehim!

Talk Tennis Guru
People behaving like this are already punished by life (otherwise they would not behave this way).

I remember a similar one a while ago in the locker room of a gym I was going to occasionnally, a guy asked me some shower gel, I gave him the bottle and he poured a ****load of gel in his hands (never used so much at once in my life except maybe when I was picking grapes), and gave me the bottle back without a word, nothing.
Human beings...
 

ollinger

G.O.A.T.
so now I'm even angry with myself for being nice!
this is the best part of the whole thing; somebody asks a question about where some place is, you answer, and you regret having been so "nice." Oh my, how inconvenienced you were!! If you think what you did was so nice, maybe it's not the other guy who was the bear's @rse. "Nice" is, for example, when you offer to drive him there when it's not where you're going yourself. What you did was pretty much the bare minimum possible behavior, short of ignoring or assaulting the guy. Stop congradulating yourself for it!
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
this is the best part of the whole thing; somebody asks a question about where some place is, you answer, and you regret having been so "nice." Oh my, how inconvenienced you were!! If you think what you did was so nice, maybe it's not the other guy who was the bear's @rse. "Nice" is, for example, when you offer to drive him there when it's not where you're going yourself. What you did was pretty much the bare minimum possible behavior, short of ignoring or assaulting the guy. Stop congradulating yourself for it!
So are you saying he was in the right and I was in the wrong?! o_O If someone stops you to ask directions and you assist that person in his enquiry it's common courtesy to acknowledge that, whether it's a simple thank you or even just a thumbs up. Anything else is just plain rude, there's no other way around it.
 

stringertom

Bionic Poster
Similar stuff happens to me all the time on the street as a pedicabber. People will flag me down asking for directions and then turn down the suggested ride as a trade for my knowledge of the area, oftentimes with the hollow "I prefer walking" response. Well, I would prefer not stopping to help you along your ignorant promenade, tightwad!:eek:
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
And with regards to the part where I wish I hadn't stopped to help him, I was obviously talking from a hindsight perspective. What's wrong in wishing you hadn't stopped for someone if you'd known beforehand they weren't even gonna thank you? I'm pretty sure the vast majority of people would just walk on by as well.
 

stringertom

Bionic Poster
Holding a door open for the next person is a habit of mine. Maybe 1% of people don't acknowledge the gesture with a smile or a "Thanks!". That small minority usually gets a sarcastic "Thanks!" from me.:cool:
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
Holding a door open for the next person is a habit of mine. Maybe 1% of people don't acknowledge the gesture with a smile or a "Thanks!". That small minority usually gets a sarcastic "Thanks!" from me.:cool:
Haha, I've started doing exactly the same. Yeah, holding a door for someone and not getting a thank you is another one of my big gripes. :mad::mad:
 

ollinger

G.O.A.T.
So are you saying he was in the right and I was in the wrong?!
Yes, I'm saying that to be "absolutely seething about it" is ridiculous since you did next to nothing for the guy. It's hard to believe you think this is a big deal. The thread tells me not so much that he was rude but that some people today feel entitled in a narcissistic way when they've done nothing. No, he wasn't in the right, but you scarcely did anything that merited any great appreciation, so for you to be complaining about it here strikes me as ludicrous. When I'm driving, I'll sometimes let someone in line ahead of me; some of then wave in appreciation, some don't; I've never experienced any particular anger or resentment if somebody doesn't.
 

stringertom

Bionic Poster
Wexting is a big peeve of mine...I can't tell you how many times on the sidewalks I have to take evasive action to avoid hurting nimwits who are incapable of pausing in their walk to safely communicate their "urgent" message. Now, when I'm walking myself and I encounter these selfish multitaskers I just keep walking straight into them. This has led to some salty discussions with my "victims".:eek:
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
Yes, I'm saying that to be 'absolutely seething about it" is ridiculous since you did next to nothing for the guy. It's hard to believe you think this is a big deal.
Huh? How on earth could you think I was in the wrong when the guy stopped me and didn't even bother thanking me after I'd helped him? :confused: It's one thing to say it's no big deal but to say I'm the one in the wrong is nothing short of ridiculous and quite frankly you sound like you're one of those people I don't want to be stopping for either given how you're defending such a rude person!
 

r2473

Talk Tennis Guru
The basic problem here is having rigid rules of appropriate behavior that cause you great stress when not followed. 100% guarantee your standards will not be met by someone every single day of your life.

It's very common. People start out the day and are on the lookout for anyone that "offends" their delicate and quite rigid sense of appropriate behavior. They walk around just waiting for someone to do something "wrong" and then they often retaliate, seethe about it, and tell anyone who will listen about all the rude people in the world "these days".

I guess what I'm saying is that I agree with @ollinger, because I think that is pretty much what he is getting at.

And of course, the person telling these stories is the most laid back, chill, easy going, nicest, etc person in the world.....probably in the history of the world. And once in a great while these people will recognize that they **might** have been slightly in the wrong in some circumstance, but they can't see why everyone else can't be as chill as them and see it was just a simple mistake, etc.

Sometimes, people even seem disappointed when they can't find someone the offends them and that in and of itself makes them so mad, that they rig situations, so no matter what the other person does, they can be offended. You know the type. You are driving down the road. The person slows down a bit and you are left to wonder if they want you to go ahead of them or not. So, if you go ahead of them, they are mad ("rude people pulling out in front of me"), if you don't they are mad ("idiot won't even go when I do everything I can to let him in. So stupid").
 
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The basic problem here is having rigid rules of appropriate behavior that cause you great stress when not followed. 100% guarantee your standards will not be met by someone every single day of your life.

It's very common. People start out the day and are on the lookout for anyone that "offends" their delicate and quite rigid sense of appropriate behavior. They walk around just waiting for someone to do something "wrong" and then they often retaliate, seethe about it, and tell anyone who will listen about all the rude people in the world "these days".

I guess what I'm saying is that I agree with @ollinger, because I think that is pretty much what he is getting at.
Yeah, agreed. I've had this happen to me (people not thanking me after asking directions) and, guess what, I have done this a few times too. And why did I do so? Because I was so preoccupied with the task of getting there, maybe also feeling harried and rushed, so I simply forgot; I didn't intend to be rude. It may not be ok to simply forget, but hey I am human and I am not programmed to behave in a predictable way all the time. So I give the benefit of doubt to such people; rather I don't even think about it, lol. If asked for directions, I will give. If they feel like thanking me for it, great. If not, no biggie.
 

TupeloDanger

Professional
Yes, I'm saying that to be "absolutely seething about it" is ridiculous since you did next to nothing for the guy. It's hard to believe you think this is a big deal. The thread tells me not so much that he was rude but that some people today feel entitled in a narcissistic way when they've done nothing. No, he wasn't in the right, but you scarcely did anything that merited any great appreciation, so for you to be complaining about it here strikes me as ludicrous. When I'm driving, I'll sometimes let someone in line ahead of me; some of then wave in appreciation, some don't; I've never experienced any particular anger or resentment if somebody doesn't.
+1.

Unjustifiably needy is no way to go through life.

Guy probably gave you a quick nod that you didn't notice because you're clearly ludicrously self-possessed. (See also: "OMG, I was listening to my music you philistine. Best recognize how awesome I am to stop for you!" As well as: "OMG, some neanderthal didn't genuflect before me after I pointed him to the store, so now I'm going to rant and rave about his rudeness to complete strangers, peppering my text with NC-17 language along the way, utterly unconcerned with what sort of children, minors, and other delicate virgin souls might be reading along!")

Put your headphones back on and emo your way through life. We're all sorry for the inconvenience. Candies and apologetic unicorn cards will be forthcoming.

P.S. - We don't want you to hold the door open. It interrupts our flow of travel and irritates us when we have to look at your quivering lip as you wait for us to bleat out our insincere thanks.
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
The basic problem here is having rigid rules of appropriate behavior that cause you great stress when not followed. 100% guarantee your standards will not be met by someone every single day of your life.

It's very common. People start out the day and are on the lookout for anyone that "offends" their delicate and quite rigid sense of appropriate behavior. They walk around just waiting for someone to do something "wrong" and then they often retaliate, seethe about it, and tell anyone who will listen about all the rude people in the world "these days".

I guess what I'm saying is that I agree with @ollinger, because I think that is pretty much what he is getting at.
First of all I don't follow "rigid rules" and I don't sit around waiting for someone to do something wrong. But saying thank you after helping someone with directions or holding a door is just basic common courtesy that takes only a moment to say and doesn't cost anything. I'm genuinely shocked that anyone would disagree with me on this.
 

r2473

Talk Tennis Guru
First of all I don't follow "rigid rules" and I don't sit around waiting for someone to do something wrong. But saying thank you after helping someone with directions or holding a door is just basic common courtesy that takes only a moment to say and doesn't cost anything. I'm genuinely shocked that anyone would disagree with me on this.
You are a person the prioritizes "justice" (your own sense of justice) above all else. And for your personality, injustice will always be very simple to find.

You are quite justified in your beliefs. I'm simply suggesting that the weight you give things is inappropriate (in MY estimation). I am more in agreement with Ollinger's sense of the amount of concern these "slights" deserve. But you are free to believe and act as you see fit.
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
Yeah, agreed. I've had this happen to me (people not thanking me after asking directions) and, guess what, I have done this a few times too. And why did I do so? Because I was so preoccupied with the task of getting there, maybe also feeling harried and rushed, so I simply forgot; I didn't intend to be rude. It may not be ok to simply forget, but hey I am human and I am not programmed to behave in a predictable way all the time. So I give the benefit of doubt to such people; rather I don't even think about it, lol. If asked for directions, I will give. If they feel like thanking me for it, great. If not, no biggie.
Yeah but the guy was asking where the local supermarket was so it's not like it was anywhere majorly important he had to be and it was obvious from his demeanour that he was in no rush. Anyway it shouldn't even matter what the circumstances were, if you're not willing to bother thanking the person who's assisting you then don't go stopping them in the first place. Whichever way you look at it there's really no excuse.
 
First of all I don't follow "rigid rules" and I don't sit around waiting for someone to do something wrong. But saying thank you after helping someone with directions or holding a door is just basic common courtesy that takes only a moment to say and doesn't cost anything. I'm genuinely shocked that anyone would disagree with me on this.
Again, to echo what ollinger and r2473 have said, nobody disagrees that it is indeed good manners to thank somebody who helped you with directions. But getting pissed off about it is counter productive because the 'offence' he committed is very slight (at best). I think there is a grey area between 'good manners' and 'rudeness'. Rude would have been if he had yelled at you demanding that you give directions, something like that.
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
+1.

Unjustifiably needy is no way to go through life.

Guy probably gave you a quick nod that you didn't notice because you're clearly ludicrously self-possessed. (See also: "OMG, I was listening to my music you philistine. Best recognize how awesome I am to stop for you!" As well as: "OMG, some neanderthal didn't genuflect before me after I pointed him to the store, so now I'm going to rant and rave about his rudeness to complete strangers, peppering my text with NC-17 language along the way, utterly unconcerned with what sort of children, minors, and other delicate virgin souls might be reading along!")

Put your headphones back on and emo your way through life. We're all sorry for the inconvenience. Candies and apologetic unicorn cards will be forthcoming.

P.S. - We don't want you to hold the door open. It interrupts our flow of travel and irritates us when we have to look at your quivering lip as you wait for us to bleat out our insincere thanks.
Nope, there was no acknowledgement in the slightest, he was just a horribly rude person. As for the rest of your post, well I wouldn't even know where to start.
 
Yeah but the guy was asking where the local supermarket was so it's not like it was anywhere majorly important he had to be and it was obvious from his demeanour that he was in no rush. Anyway it shouldn't even matter what the circumstances were, if you're not willing to bother thanking the person who's assisting you then don't go stopping them in the first place. Whichever way you look at it there's really no excuse.
Ahem, in that case, maybe I do need a bot to help me out with this lest I forget. But thankfully I live in a third world country so such distinctly first world issues don't arise.
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
Again, to echo what ollinger and r2473 have said, nobody disagrees that it is indeed good manners to thank somebody who helped you with directions. But getting pissed off about it is counter productive because the 'offence' he committed is very slight (at best). I think there is a grey area between 'good manners' and 'rudeness'. Rude would have been if he had yelled at you demanding that you give directions, something like that.
Yeah, that's fair enough but some of the replies so far seem to be implying that I'm the one in the wrong for expecting someone to say thank you after I've helped them, even if it is just giving directions. That's the part I disagree with.
 
Expecting people to thank you for leaving the door open is even more excessive. You know what, there is no need to in any case, so if you feel like doing it, do it but don't attach a price tag to these things. They are really not that important.
 
Yeah, that's fair enough but some of the replies so far seem to be implying that I'm the one in the wrong for expecting someone to say thank you after I've helped them, even if it is just giving directions. That's the part I disagree with.
Unfortunately I agree with them. Having an expectation like that is not going to help you. I am not trying to be preachy but haven't you already wasted a lot of energy negatively because you had that expectation? Maybe his behaviour was poor, but it's really not something to hold onto and get angry about.
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
Expecting people to thank you for leaving the door open is even more excessive. You know what, there is no need to in any case, so if you feel like doing it, do it but don't attach a price tag to these things. They are really not that important.
Again, it's not that important in the grand scheme of things but it takes barely any effort to say thank you and it doesn't cost a thing either. What part of that is so hard to unmderstand? Jeez, I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall here!
 

TupeloDanger

Professional
Put another way, strangers who navigate into, out of, and around our lives with a minimum of fuss and ceremony are to be applauded. Their efficiency is the lubricant that makes society's engine purr.

Whiners force an emotional tax upon us all. Squeaky wheels demanding the grease of need.
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
Unfortunately I agree with them. Having an expectation like that is not going to help you. I am not trying to be preachy but haven't you already wasted a lot of energy negatively because you had that expectation? Maybe his behaviour was poor, but it's really not something to hold onto and get angry about.
Are you suggesting I should just walk on by in future? Hmm, you might be onto something there actually. At least then if the person were rude, I wouldn't feel so p1ssed off afterwards.
 
Why would you be thankful to live in a third world country?
Maybe because life is less complicated here? Nobody is particular about these courtesies but that doesn't make them unhelpful in times of genuine need (which imo is far more important). To be clear I didn't mean I am thankful in general to be living in a third world country (I don't really think about it either in terms of gratitude or discontent) but I have visited the States once before too and while the infrastructure and all that was mindblowing I did wonder if at times form seemed to be valued more than substance. Even the wedding reception of a beloved relative that I attended looked so formal, so stiff. Nobody seemed to be actually ecstatic. I am sure they were but they seemed to have forgotten/were not accustomed to expressing it openly the way we do here because we are less self conscious.
 
Are you suggesting I should just walk on by in future? Hmm, you might be onto something there actually. At least then if the person were rude, I wouldn't feel so p1ssed off afterwards.
If you just walk on by, you are being unhelpful to people in general (because you don't know in advance that they are gonna be rude). Man, I have tried a few times to explain this to you and others have too. So I am going to stop here. Maybe read this thread again when you have cooled down and are able to detach yourself from the feeling that he wronged you.
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
Put another way, strangers who navigate into, out of, and around our lives with a minimum of fuss and ceremony are to be applauded. Their efficiency is the lubricant that makes society's engine purr.
Nothing wrong in navigating with a minimum of fuss, just be polite while you're doing so.
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
If you just walk on by, you are being unhelpful to people in general (because you don't know in advance that they are gonna be rude). Man, I have tried a few times to explain this to you and others have too. So I am going to stop here. Maybe read this thread again when you have cooled down and are able to detach yourself from the feeling that he wronged you.
Yeah but what I'm saying is it might be better for me to be unhelpful than actually help someone and not even receive a thank you for it. Tbh I'm genuinely in shock right now that so many people are trying to justify such bad manners. Wow.
 

r2473

Talk Tennis Guru
P.S. - We don't want you to hold the door open. It interrupts our flow of travel and irritates us when we have to look at your quivering lip as you wait for us to bleat out our insincere thanks.
It's all in how it's done. It's not so much the door holding. That's fine. It's the "quivering lip as you wait for us to bleat out our insincere thanks" part.

I'm fine with the guys that hold the door with a good attitude and aren't just doing it for a show and expecting "demanding" the genuflecting in return as you say.

Some of the funniest times are when men and women are on a crowded elevator together and the guys in the front won't move until the ladies in the back squirm through all the people and exit first. It turns into a comedy show. But, we all know that no "gentleman" would exit an elevator before a lady, LOL.
 

r2473

Talk Tennis Guru
Yeah but what I'm saying is it might be better for me to be unhelpful than actually help someone and not even receive a thank you for it. Tbh I'm genuinely in shock right now that so many people are trying to justify such bad manners. Wow.
We aren't justifying bad manners. We are criticizing you for being so rigid and angry for the slightest of (perceived) slights.

@TupeloDanger captures it perfectly in his posts, especially this one

Put another way, strangers who navigate into, out of, and around our lives with a minimum of fuss and ceremony are to be applauded. Their efficiency is the lubricant that makes society's engine purr.

Whiners force an emotional tax upon us all. Squeaky wheels demanding the grease of need.
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
It's all in how it's done. It's not so much the door holding. That's fine. It's the "quivering lip as you wait for us to bleat out our insincere thanks" part.
But what's so wrong in expecting a thank you if you've held a door for someone? :confused: And why would the thanks be insincere?
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
We aren't justifying bad manners. We are criticizing you for being so rigid and angry for the slightest of (perceived) slights.

@TupeloDanger captures it perfectly in his posts, especially this one
Nothing wrong in being angry about bad manners. And there's nothing rigid about expecting common courtesy to be reciprocated either.
 

r2473

Talk Tennis Guru
But what's so wrong in expecting a thank you if you've held a door for someone? :confused: And why would the thanks be insincere?
Thank you!! I owe you a debt of gratitude for pointing out the deficiencies in my own reasoning and character. In the future, I will do my very best to strive to meet your standards of right action as I now know in both my heart and mind that they are perfectly correct.

Thank you again for spending the time to explain these thing to me. I am better for it.
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
Thank you!! I owe you a debt of gratitude for pointing out the deficiencies in my own reasoning and character. In the future, I will do my very best to strive to meet your standards of right action.

Thank you again for spending the time to explain these thing to me. I am better for it.
Wow, such cynicism. I can only hope you're at least in your sixties because you don't seem like a very happy person to me.
 

Djokovic2011

Bionic Poster
Lol, they do say there's nothing as queer as folk and oh boy have I learnt that since creating this thread! I'll always remember years ago my dad saying that unfortunately in this world kindness doesn't always beget kindness and it really is so true.
 

max

Legend
The rudeness comes from excessive individualism, an excess of pride and selfishness, and perhaps for those of this kind who are reflective, a sadness at living a life just oriented to animal pleasures.
 

sureshs

Bionic Poster
Similar stuff happens to me all the time on the street as a pedicabber. People will flag me down asking for directions and then turn down the suggested ride as a trade for my knowledge of the area, oftentimes with the hollow "I prefer walking" response. Well, I would prefer not stopping to help you along your ignorant promenade, tightwad!:eek:
When I was a kid, and apparently even today judging from some movies, it was common for the getting-into-trouble kind of guys to hail a rickshaw. When he comes over, they would ask him if he was willing to go to such-and-such place.Usually he would say yes with great anticipation of money from the ride. The response would be: OK, then go. And they would walk away laughing.

senti may have seen this happening.
 

BarNotchky

Semi-Pro
Just curious OP, do you say 'God Bless You' or equivalent when a nearby stranger sneezes? Do you expect a GBY from a stranger when you sneeze? I wonder where the TT contingent at large stands on the GBY issue in general. More often than not I GBY folks I know but not strangers.
 
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