Wife complains about my wandering eye

VaththalKuzhambu

VaththalKuzhambu

Rookie
Given the small amount of time I can dedicate to tennis, I often have difficulty finding or maintaining regular practice partners. Truth be told, I rarely get to practice. I just show up for matches. This would explain being stuck in my current rating for a long time now.

Every once in a while, the wife and I get some time to play tennis together. As much as I enjoy the opportunity to enjoy two likings (wife and tennis) at the same time, there has been some trouble brewing on this front. Recently, while playing with my wife her attitude on court would change all of a sudden. If we were rallying, she would intentionally hit the ball away from me. At other times, she would just hit the ball to the net and at other times she would not put up any effort to maintain a rally. I can see she is just plain upset and could not coax out the reason from her for this behavior.

During one such episode, I could not stand it anymore. I stopped playing and asked her what was bothering her. It was then that she told me about my wandering eye. She claims to have observed that I don't give due attention to the play in our court. She claims that I often keenly follow the play at nearby courts, mostly in between our points. Apparently, I have even stopped/delayed play on our court to follow points in adjacent courts. She has also noticed that I indulge in such behavior only when better players, mostly men, are playing in adjacent courts. I am beginning to think her claims might have substance.

I do admit that I am blessed with above average visual and aural functioning and use them constantly. While driving, I scan the rear-view and side mirrors every 5 seconds even if I am driving down a empty, country road with nothing but corn fields on both sides of the road. It is only natural that I keenly follow play at adjacent courts. I probably do this more often with better players at adjacent courts as I do not get to practice regularly. Have you experiences this? Am I wrong here? I do this subconsciously and am taking efforts to prevent this.
 
Sadly, this is what happens when you mix wives with tennis. These creatures habitually want to maintain control over their husbands and when they sense this is not happening, all hell breaks loose.

If she really wants something to complain about, take her to the local strip joint then she would have reason to complain about your wandering eye.
 
PimpMyGame said:
Sadly, this is what happens when you mix wives with tennis. These creatures habitually want to maintain control over their husbands and when they sense this is not happening, all hell breaks loose.

If she really wants something to complain about, take her to the local strip joint then she would have reason to complain about your wandering eye.
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Lol he goes out with his wife to play tennis, doesn’t focus and looks like he doesn’t care which annoys his wife and yet his wife is the problem? Wtf. If I went to practice with someone and they were constantly distracted by something else I’d be pissed too. Maybe not pissed, but slightly annoyed.
 
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I thought this was going to be a juicy post on your wandering eye following hotties in short skirts in your mixed doubles league. She is jealous of you watching better men players on courts next to you? Are you serious? Tell her that you find young men with high levels of play have been been putting unusual thoughts in your head lately. But its ok it is probably you just can't stop from watching an awesome kick serve or a nice passing shot.
 
Devilito said:
Lol he goes out with his wife to play tennis, doesn’t focus and looks like he doesn’t care which annoys his wife and yet his wife is the problem? Wtf. If I went to practice with someone and they were constantly distracted by something else I’d be pissed too. Maybe not pissed, but slightly annoyed.
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Well, the guy said that he is like this in every aspect of his life so either it doesn't bother his wife or she has found coping strategies to deal with it. Why is she behaving differently on the tennis court? Seems like a control thing to me, and this is one of many reasons why I'm happy that my wife doesn't play tennis, so when I go to the club I get some "me time".
 
I agree, if you're practicing/rallying/playing with someone on a court, be engaged with that person, otherwise it just seems like you're either bored, un-interested or forced.

Nobody likes to be ignored.

If I played someone like you, I would probably wizz one by and tell you to wake up. hahaha
 
When I read the title I thought maybe you had strabismus, misalignment of the eyes so they're not pointed at the same thing. That doesn't seem to be the case, and that's good.

I've got to ask, has this only been an issue on the tennis court? You don't tend to utilize your acute vision in other situations (like restaurants) with similar effects?

As far as tennis goes, there's no doubt that watching good players will help your game, but--doing it while you're playing tends to distract you from concentrating on your own game right then and there. Timothy Gallwey talks about this in "The Inner Game of Tennis." Makes sense.

So maybe your wife is just concerned about you having good tennis concentration. Hopefully she's not worried that you're "checking out" the studly male players on the other courts. :cool:
 
I think this "wandering eye" thing probably has deeper veins. Many times people don't get along on the tennis court because they're taking out frustrations about other things at home.

I just hope that you're not annoying everyone else with your pointless bickering. Sometimes I observe couples playing partners who wind up screaming obscenities at each other over a missed shot, disturbing games on either side of them. I will eventually go over and tell them to shut it.

If you can't play nice, play with other people.
 
OK, I'm guessing, but could it be that your wife thinks that you are just playing with her because you don't have anyone else to play with so she's thinking you already don't care to play with her; and then when you stare at other courts like you are not into the game with her, you are backing up that idea???

If you want to play with your wife, give her your attention. Make her feel like you want to play with her. If you are bored playing with her and want to watch someone else, just don't play with her and go to the courts to watch others play.
 
VaththalKuzhambu said:
Given the small amount of time I can dedicate to tennis, I often have difficulty finding or maintaining regular practice partners. Truth be told, I rarely get to practice. I just show up for matches. This would explain being stuck in my current rating for a long time now.

Every once in a while, the wife and I get some time to play tennis together. As much as I enjoy the opportunity to enjoy two likings (wife and tennis) at the same time, there has been some trouble brewing on this front. Recently, while playing with my wife her attitude on court would change all of a sudden. If we were rallying, she would intentionally hit the ball away from me. At other times, she would just hit the ball to the net and at other times she would not put up any effort to maintain a rally. I can see she is just plain upset and could not coax out the reason from her for this behavior.

During one such episode, I could not stand it anymore. I stopped playing and asked her what was bothering her. It was then that she told me about my wandering eye. She claims to have observed that I don't give due attention to the play in our court. She claims that I often keenly follow the play at nearby courts, mostly in between our points. Apparently, I have even stopped/delayed play on our court to follow points in adjacent courts. She has also noticed that I indulge in such behavior only when better players, mostly men, are playing in adjacent courts. I am beginning to think her claims might have substance.

I do admit that I am blessed with above average visual and aural functioning and use them constantly. While driving, I scan the rear-view and side mirrors every 5 seconds even if I am driving down a empty, country road with nothing but corn fields on both sides of the road. It is only natural that I keenly follow play at adjacent courts. I probably do this more often with better players at adjacent courts as I do not get to practice regularly. Have you experiences this? Am I wrong here? I do this subconsciously and am taking efforts to prevent this.
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I applaud this well-written post and its success in approaching a serious subject in such a tongue-in-cheek fashion! This is hilarious! The title makes the reader think you're checking out the short skirts around you. Then you build up to it, and say it's guys (!) that take your attention. And finally, you talk about your "above average visual and aural functioning"! I love it, and vote for it as Post of the Year!
 
I think this is a awesome post...great title and great build up!

Anyway, you should just stop it with your wandering eye. Some people think they can multi-task, but eventually it just turns out that they end up doing several simultaneous things poorly, instead of one thing well.

If you are out there playing tennis with your wife (or anyone for that matter), you should focus on your playing partner and on your rallies. I may sneak a peek at the other courts while I'm picking up the tennis balls or taking a drink of water, but that is about as far as I would go.

Maybe there's some underlying issue as I don't understand why your wife couldn't just tell you her objections instead of you having to coax it out of her after several incidences of your wandering eye. But that's just me playing arm-chair marriage counselor.
 
Post title definitely threw me for a loop :)

Ha!- same thing happens to me- sort of. My eyes wander on other courts no matter who I'm playing with. If it seems the people next to me are playing at a top level, I will stop for a millisecond and sometimes my partner will too. That being said, best not to do it often because it is rude.

Even with my wife improving her tennis game, I'll still have a "wandering eye". It's natural- tell her to relax, and focus your undivided attention to her for the rest of the session. :)
 
Tell the ol' lady you're scouting future opponents and if she doesn't like it you'll be forced to hire a coach at great expense to do it for you instead.
 
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Eh, doesn't everyone check out the other players on the neighboring courts? This is natural guy behavior. I don't see what the big deal is as long as you're not doing it too much or gazing too long or interrupting the rallies. Your wife should be glad you're not checking out other women...perhaps you should remind her of this.
 
Several years later, my behavior and playing level have not improved. Last week a singles league opponent pointed out my wandering eye problem. Apparently it messed up his head as he was wondering if I felt playing with him was boring for me. I did end up losing that match since him bringing this up mid-match took me down the memory lane and eventually messed up my head and game. I need to come up with some strategy to maintain focus on my court.
 
Seems like it is the same everywhere. See this all the time in my local club. Guy plays with his wife. Usually the male is quite a bit higher level than his wife, who usually plain sucks. Wife constantly giving directions and instructions to husband, how to hit the ball, when to hit the ball, where to hit the ball... It's always too hard, too soft, too far from her strike zone, too close to her...

Really I don't understand why these guys play with their wives.
 
Gazelle said:
Seems like it is the same everywhere. See this all the time in my local club. Guy plays with his wife. Usually the male is quite a bit higher level than his wife, who usually plain sucks. Wife constantly giving directions and instructions to husband, how to hit the ball, when to hit the ball, where to hit the ball... It's always too hard, too soft, too far from her strike zone, too close to her...

Really I don't understand why these guys play with their wives.
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Because they suck?
 
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VaththalKuzhambu said:
Several years later, my behavior and playing level have not improved. Last week a singles league opponent pointed out my wandering eye problem. Apparently it messed up his head as he was wondering if I felt playing with him was boring for me. I did end up losing that match since him bringing this up mid-match took me down the memory lane and eventually messed up my head and game. I need to come up with some strategy to maintain focus on my court.
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4 years later and you still have the waundering eyes? May want to try what they use on racehorses... blinders. Just be careful tiny little men with whips don't try to climb up your backside and mount you.
 
I too get tennis envy. Im always convinced the court next to me our having a better game. I played yesterday and my partner began tapping the ball back over the net being one of those tedious retriever types. Boring as hell just standing at the net watching it going back and forth.
 
You like to watch athletic young men in tight shorts stretching for balls... just come out and say it.
Your wife might be open to your experimentation, and it seems like the trendy thing to be lately.
No need to be ashamed of your inner desires.



I'm talking about you playing with different people. What did you think I meant??
 
Mongolmike said:
You like to watch athletic young men in tight shorts stretching for balls... just come out and say it.
Your wife might be open to your experimentation, and it seems like the trendy thing to be lately.
No need to be ashamed of your inner desires.



I'm talking about you playing with different people. What did you think I meant??
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Just Come Out?
 
I was talking to a guy on my team last year. I'd been divorced for about 2 years and told him I needed to find a woman who was a good tennis player to date. He immediately told me that was a bad idea. He's a certified coach and his wife is a 4.5 player herself. He said when his wife would go watch him play she would critique his entire match afterwards and let him know what he was doing wrong.
 
i do this a lot myself.. the downtime in a match i find myself absorbed in others shots.. i like watching tennis. i love playing... i also find most people play with a snail pace when they are serving.. i am the opposite. if i spent every second waiting and watching my opponent shuffle about between points it only gets me edgy..
 
brettatk said:
I was talking to a guy on my team last year. I'd been divorced for about 2 years and told him I needed to find a woman who was a good tennis player to date. He immediately told me that was a bad idea. He's a certified coach and his wife is a 4.5 player herself. He said when his wife would go watch him play she would critique his entire match afterwards and let him know what he was doing wrong.
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Player had his wife chart his matches, errors, winners serving percentage. Worked like a charm. Never saw her again.
 
Sometimes I have to remind myself "this is my opponent" or "this is my hitting partner" and give full attention. Focus is an important part of tennis too.
 
Just remember " it's not gay in a threeway ... With a honey in the middle there's some leeway "
Flight of the Conchords
 
VaththalKuzhambu said:
Several years later, my behavior and playing level have not improved. Last week a singles league opponent pointed out my wandering eye problem. Apparently it messed up his head as he was wondering if I felt playing with him was boring for me. I did end up losing that match since him bringing this up mid-match took me down the memory lane and eventually messed up my head and game. I need to come up with some strategy to maintain focus on my court.
Click to expand...

The sambar in the neighbor's home always tastes better
 
I used to hit with the #1 16 and under Norcal girl. My wife would get incredibly pissed when she would call. My wife did not believe me that this girl hit a better, harder ball than my guy hitting partners. She did though.
 
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