Redneck Driver's License Application

Redneck Driver's License Application

Last name: ________________
First name (check appropriate box):


[_] Billy-Bob
[_] Bobby-Sue
[_] Billy-Joe
[_] Bobby-Jo
[_] Billy-Ray
[_] Bobby-Ann
[_] Billy-Sue
[_] Bobby-Lee
[_] Billy-Mae
[_] Bobby-Ellen
[_] Billy-Jack
[_] Bobby-Beth-Ann
Age: ____ (if unsure, guess)
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ Not sure

Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right

Occupation:

[_] Farmer
[_] Mechanic
[_] Hair Dresser
[_] Waitress
[_] Unemployed
[_] Dirty Politician
Spouse's Name: __________________________
2nd Spouse's Name: _________________________
3rd Spouse's Name: _________________________
Lover's Name: ____________________________
2nd Lover's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:

[_] Sister [_] Aunt
[_] Brother
[_] Uncle
[_] Mother
[_] Son
[_] Father
[_] Daughter
[_] Cousin
[_] Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number of children living in shed: ___
Number of children that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________
(If not sure, leave blank)


Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)

Do you [_] own or [_] rent your mobile home?

Vehicles you own and where you keep them:

___ Total number of vehicles you own
___ Number of vehicles that still crank
___ Number of vehicles in front yard
___ Number of vehicles in back yard
___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks
Firearms you own and where you keep them:

____ truck
____ kitchen
____ bedroom
____ bathroom
____ shed
Model of your pickup: _____________
Year pickup produced: 194____

Do you have a gun rack?


[_] Yes [_] No; If no, please explain:_________________________
Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to:

[_] The National Enquirer
[_] The Globe
[_] MAXIM
[_] TV Guide
[_] Soap World
[_] Rifle and Shotgun
___ Number of times you've seen a UFO
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis
___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO

How often do you bathe:


[_] Weekly
[_] Monthly
[_] Not Applicable
How many teeth? ___
Color of teeth:

[_] Yellow
[_] Brownish-Yellow
[_] Brown
[_] Black
[_] N/A
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer:


[_] Red-Man

How far is your home from a paved road?

[_] 1 mile
[_] 2 miles
[_] don't know
 
As somone who lives in Oklahoma, I assume you are talking about MY demographic....let me take a look at this....

Uhm....Iyam gon` putt mah mark on this here payper....


X


Does that cover it? Cans I drives, now?
 

Kaptain Karl

Hall Of Fame
How is it that Aliens seem to only abduct people of a certain ... IQ? I always wondered if they are such examples of "intelligent life" why Mr. and Mrs. Roadkill are their targets...?

- KK
 
Well, I think the general popular idea is that aliens stick to abducting cheerleaders, rednecks, and farmers. Nobody else has ever been listed according to my knowledge.

And for some reason, only the p*rverted Japanese aliens abduct cheerleaders. So it's pretty much mostly rednecks and farmers.

Yup, definitely "intelligent life".
 
Kaptain Karl said:
How is it that Aliens seem to only abduct people of a certain ... IQ? I always wondered if they are such examples of "intelligent life" why Mr. and Mrs. Roadkill are their targets...?

- KK

well they ARE intelligent ... liveforms. :p
 

Exile

Professional
If intelligence is based on stupidity and ignorance....

Only idiots do cool things, that's why they are cool.
 

tennis-n-sc

Professional
The last time I was abducted, last year during a midnight possum hunt, I was given the opportunity to review the guest log on the mother ship. To my surprise, there was Kaptain Karl's name. The aliens told me they didn't keep him long due to lack of interest. We all set around this fake camp fire, chewed Red Man ( I just happened to have a few extra packs) and swapped stories about our hound dogs and pick-ups. Seems the reason they like red-necks is they have become quite addicted to Red Man. And, of course, they enjoy the down-to-earth (no pun intended) conversation.
 

Kaptain Karl

Hall Of Fame
Good one, tennis-n-sc! I had a good laugh. (Didn't know I should have ... purged ... some records about my extended visit. (There go my aspirations for Public Office....)

- KK
 

thejackal

Hall of Fame
Kana Himezaki said:
And for some reason, only the p*rverted Japanese aliens abduct cheerleaders. So it's pretty much mostly rednecks and farmers.


ROFL. Too bad I was born across the sea.
 

thejackal

Hall of Fame
tennis-n-sc said:
thejackal, don't dispair. Rednecks are known to exist all over the world, with the possible exception of Japan.

You got me all wrong. I was born across the sea from Japan, the home of hentai-loving-sushi-eating-crazy-ugly-japanese ailens haha
 
B

Baseline Basher

Guest
I have never heard of an alien abducting a cheerleader. However, for those who enjoy the comedy of Larry the Cable GUy, you know that it is, indeed, DeWayne from the Ozarks. They pick him up, do their thing, and drop 'im off at tha 7-11 over there.
 
Baseliner Basher, maybe you haven't seen enough Japanese people. Or the anime, god. >_<

You'll soon find Japan as THE hometown of all tentacle aliens everywhere. No rednecks there, just *******s. :p
 
Wow...you guys should see where I'm forced to go to school. Camo, trucks, mullets, and more Redman than you can imagine. You should have seen the stares (STARES) I got for just wearing a RL polo the first day of school. It's like living in HELL. :mad:
 

tennis-n-sc

Professional
wtennis206, you'll find it can worse. The H.S. cheerleaders had extra pockets placed on their little outfits to hold their tins of Skoal. The girls also get married early, very early. And often to a close relative.
 
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