The mis adventures of Norcal - TSA + TW = uh oh

[norcal]

Let me begin by singing the praises of TW's backpack. I use it all the time. It has tons of pockets, which is good and bad - you'll see why later.

Couple months ago I'm hitting with my friend Blake. Blake develops progressive strains of medicine, (which are legal in some states, illegal in others) smart guy, good player. After our hit, over a few cold ones, Blake asks me if I want to try his latest cure. I decline and he says, "here, take some for the future if you need it."

I wanted to put it in the most inconspicuous pouch in my backpack. My pack had tipped over and I noticed a pouch on the very bottom of the pack. I've had the pack for over a year and never noticed it. I mean who puts pouches on the very bottom of a backpack? Smugglers, that's who (gimmee a break mods, I'm kidding). So I put it in there and then totally forget about it (that's called foreshadowing).

FF a couple months and I get a call at work that my dad had a massive heart attack, the doc's are not sure he's gonna make it (he's ok now, phew). I book a flight online, rush home grab bare necessities, empty my TW bag making sure to empty all pouches since I have random stuff like a pocketknife, scissors etc and throw my clothes in.

My neighbor's wife give me a ride so I don't have to deal with long term parking as I'm on a tight schedule. I'm going to skirt around the issue of which neighbor's wife it was, lol.

Anyway things are going great, no crowds and before you know it I'm in the TSA screening line. Ever have that feeling that something is wrong but you can't put your finger on it? Well I had that feeling, big time.

About 5 people from the screeners it hits me.

The bottom pocket. Oh my god the bottom pocket. No, no, no how could I forget the bottom pocket? Ever had the feeling of really hot flush when you've really screwed up? Well I had that feeling, big time. The Feds don't approve of this particular remedy, especially if you're trying to smuggle it past TSA.

I bail out of line (which isn't easy since you are roped single file) and tell the TSA guy I am a nervous flyer and need to use the restroom. I go in and jettison the stuff and get back in line. I feel like all TSA eyes are on me. I get to the front of the line and they ask me to step aside. They check my bag manually then put it through the xray while patting me down. Then they put me through the full body scanner. I guess I looked suspicious (duh).

The attractive screener checking the body scan asked me to wait a minute then said I was good to go.

My first thought? Relief? No. My first though was 'that hot chick was just looking at my thingy!'

Rest of the trip went well and my reintroduction to the bottom pouch has allowed me to bring in food to amusement parks, movies, etc. Only the TSA checks for a bottom pouch.

The end.

 

[LeeD]

We should all get at least one of those packs. I missed my chance, instead buy the 3 and 6 pacs.

 

[Kevin T]

Great story and nice "skirt around the issue" line. Funny stuff.

I had a similar situation driving cross country a few years ago. I was returning to Cali from a year visiting prof position on the east coast and had my clothing, some books and a small nightstand in the back of my Subaru. I'm cruising through the middle of Nebraska late in the evening and see a road sign indicating drug dogs ahead, prepare to stop. Seriously?! On a major interstate? Never seen that before. No worries though, not a drop of alcohol all day and certainly no illegal....Poooo!! Safely inside a sock in the top drawer of the nightstand, a parting gift from my little bro. Probably not enough for big trouble but certainly a hassle. Lucky me, I have about 8 cars ahead of me when I see the cops packing up the dogs and preparing to leave. Whew!!

 

[Fearsome Forehand]

Blake develops progressive strains of medicine, (which are legal in some states, illegal in others) Smells like pot in here.

My neighbor's wife give me a ride. And by "ride" you mean... You dog you! That was nice sendoff.

I bail out of line (which isn't easy since you are roped single file) and tell the TSA guy I am a nervous flyer and need to use the restroom. I go in and jettison the stuff and get back in line. I feel like all TSA eyes are on me. I get to the front of the line and they ask me to step aside. They check my bag manually then put it through the xray while patting me down. Then they put me through the full body scanner. I guess I looked suspicious (duh).
I am surprised you didn't get the complimentary prostate exam.

The attractive screener checking the body scan asked me to wait a minute then said I was good to go. Must be the only attractive female TSA worker in the country. The female TSA's that I have seen were all at least 100 pounds overweight and were total beasties.

My first thought? Relief? No. My first though was 'that hot chick was just looking at my thingy!'
Was she yawning or giggling? If so, my condolences.

Glad to hear your dad is okay. I hate the TSA. It is absolutely ridiculous and makes us no safer. I'm no libertarian but can you imagine what the founding fathers would think of the TSA?

 

[adventure]

Pedos at Penn State, pedos and pervs at TSA. They find a way of hiding everywhere. You didn't do anything wrong. You're just feeling the effects of living in a police state.

 

[Fee]

Nice to have you darken our doorstep again with another one of your adventures. We need more of this around here.

(pretty sure the bottom pouch is for shoes or icky sweaty stuff)

 

[sureshs]

That is why before I travel, I make sure I empty my luggage completely before I pack.

 

[sureshs]

Glad to hear your dad is okay. I hate the TSA. It is absolutely ridiculous and makes us no safer. I'm no libertarian but can you imagine what the founding fathers would think of the TSA?

Since there was no air travel in their time, their views are not very relevant. There are things which cannot be extrapolated into the future when the circumstances are completely different.

In the future, if there is a debate about genetic alteration of humans, their supposed views would also be irrelevant.

Human beings are simply not intelligent enough to think beyond a certain limit.

That is why "literal" interpretation of the Constitution is hogwash.

 

[Fearsome Forehand]

While I doubt they foresaw modern air travel, I imagine they would not look favorably at the unreasonable searches we are subjected to in the name of "security."

We should do what the Israelis do. Profile. Know who is on the passenger list, and where they have been. Certain things/behaviors are red flags that require more scrutiny. We don't do any of that because it isn't PC. Instead, we make people take off their shoes and go through easily defeated body scanners.

I saw the head of El Al security interviewed once. He was laughing at our methods. He thinks they are ridiculous and ineffective. I tend to agree.

 

[sureshs]

While I doubt they foresaw modern air travel, I imagine they would not look favorably at the unreasonable searches we are subjected to in the name of "security."

We should do what the Israelis do. Profile. Know who is on the passenger list, and where they have been. Certain things/behaviors are red flags that require more scrutiny. We don't do any of that because it isn't PC. Instead, we make people take off their shoes and go through easily defeated body scanners.

I saw the head of El Al security interviewed once. He was laughing at our methods. He thinks they are ridiculous and ineffective. I tend to agree.

Which century are you in? US airports have been examining passenger manifests for years and have an elaborate suspicion flagging system. Full body scanners are being installed - I went through one at LA. People whose name matches some remotely suspected person are stopped before every flight. Cameras to trace passenger's facial expressions and follow them throughout the airport are under development.

The head of El Al security will laugh at any democratic methods, given his tiny country meant for one community is universally hated. They live in an atmosphere of terror to which they themselves have partially contributed. They also get away with a whole lot of brutalism due to their ties with the US, which is perhaps the only country which is favorable to them these days.

 

[r2473]

That is why "literal" interpretation of the Constitution is hogwash.

 

[Fearsome Forehand]

The TSA is unionizing. God help us.