I fell in love with a married woman.

Discussion in 'Odds & Ends' started by ninman, Jul 1, 2012.

  1. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    I hope it isn't cut your ear off and give it to this girl. That didn't go over so well for Van Gogh.
     
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2012
    #51
  2. LanEvo

    LanEvo Hall of Fame

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    That makes me feel better.
     
    #52
  3. kimbahpnam

    kimbahpnam Hall of Fame

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    My advice:

    don't be a home wrecker.
     
    #53
  4. Kobble

    Kobble Hall of Fame

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    I remember something like this. Some married girl liked me, and I liked her. She made sure I heard she was married, but I approached her, anyway, as a friend. She was my professor, but she was cute. Anyway, guilt kept me away, but she approached me last.

    For OP, it sounds like she has an open marriage. Make a choice.
     
    #54
  5. Meaghan

    Meaghan Hall of Fame

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    You should listen to Mr. Bartlelby.......
     
    #55
  6. Tmano

    Tmano Professional

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    If you think you don't have right to interfere then don't even be so nice to yourself saing "I will be only her friend" because we all know it's not going to work that way.
    there are tons of good suggestions here to get over it.

    I know you can get over this for sure:)
     
    #56
  7. AceOnTheLine

    AceOnTheLine New User

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    You're not the first guy this kind of thing has happened to, and you certainly won't be the last!

    Currently, I have a similar situation, but reversed. I'm not married but have been with a girl for a few years. My work situation means I travel a lot and this has made home life pretty tricky, recently I have found myself attracted to a girl I work with and I have reason to believe she has feelings back. These situations are never easy because ultimately, which ever way you slice it, somebody gets hurt.

    I hope it works out right for you.
     
    #57
  8. Fearsome Forehand

    Fearsome Forehand Professional

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    Even better, delete thread.
     
    #58
  9. The_Question

    The_Question Hall of Fame

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    Never seen the movie, just can't get over the title. Very soon, you'll feel the same way I do...
     
    #59
  10. VaththalKuzhambu

    VaththalKuzhambu Rookie

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    In which field is your PhD? Also, in which field do you teach as a lecturer?

     
    #60
  11. dParis

    dParis Hall of Fame

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    Uh-oh. If T'Mav reads this, there will be blood shooting out of his eyes, ears, nose and mouth.

    OP, just do the normal, healthy thing and think about her the next time you knock one out and then get on with your life. No more love-sick posts on the online tennis forum, k?
     
    #61
  12. Loose Cannon

    Loose Cannon Rookie

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    im coming from a different angle...... I say.....Go for it. You know better than anyone if what you felt was love or lust. Somethings are just meant to be......and maybe she is in a crappy marriage and crying for help. You can be her Knight in Shining armour, so to speak. If you do agree that it was just lust......then just see if you can garner some physical love. I am experienced in this topic......so to each his own
     
    #62
  13. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    You're testing me, right? Must... resist...
     
    #63
  14. dParis

    dParis Hall of Fame

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    Dude, that stuff about going blind and hairy palms are just wives' tales.

    Oh, wait, you meant the first part.
     
    #64
  15. ninman

    ninman Hall of Fame

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    Combinatorial Game Theory, I teach Graph Theory and Discrete mathematics.
     
    #65
  16. Larrysümmers

    Larrysümmers Hall of Fame

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    ^so youre bit of a loony then ;)
     
    #66
  17. forthegame

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    Hahahahahahahahahaha!!

    OP, I hope you find this as funny as I have! :):)
     
    #67
  18. ninman

    ninman Hall of Fame

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    A little like Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory. I have an eidetic memory, I follow routines, i.e. eat the same food at the same places every day, get up at the same time every morning. I like to keep my apartment spotlessly clean and I find it very difficult to make friends.

    Btw I don't think her marriage is unhappy, she wants me to meet her husband, and tells me how nice and kind he is.
     
    #68
  19. Swissv2

    Swissv2 Hall of Fame

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    I can just imagine the headline: Math professor caught in a steamy isosceles <3 triangle! har har har.
     
    #69
  20. jmverdugo

    jmverdugo Hall of Fame

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    ohh the drama ... Mathematicians are usually practical guys ... there is a simple solution, move on ...
     
    #70
  21. ninman

    ninman Hall of Fame

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    Yeah but she wants me to be friends with her and her husband.
     
    #71
  22. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    Sounds to me like you have all the ingredients for an authentic Chinese finger trap.
     
    #72
  23. UCSF2012

    UCSF2012 Hall of Fame

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    You should get yourself a hooker. Or lots of drinks at a strip club. Or better yet, just be a man! Date like a man. Never commit, and move on from girl to girl like the rest of us.
     
    #73
  24. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    Women don't have warranties like Wilson racquets...

    I kid! I kid!
     
    #74
  25. r2473

    r2473 Legend

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    you think he should get drunk and find a gay lover?
     
    #75
  26. Dedans Penthouse

    Dedans Penthouse Hall of Fame

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    Maybe not warranties, but with a billion people I bet those Chinese women have 'Power Holes' like Wilson rackets...




    Voila!...the time-honored "French Mistake" solution!! .... would prolly turn him into a "Chinese Basket" case. :shock:---"Spin me Hung Gai, spin me!"

    French "Indo" China - got it ...
     
    #76
  27. Fearsome Forehand

    Fearsome Forehand Professional

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    This is really simple. Don't get involved with married women and don't get involved with co-workers. (This from someone who has turned down multiple opportunities to nail super hot (by anyone's definition) married co-workers.) Why turn that down? Because it will only lead to bad things and is sort of sleazy. Ultimately, so not worth the grief.

    There are a zillion women out there who aren't married and don't work with you. Go find one of those. (You might have to leave your apartment and expand your horizons, Sheldon.) :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2012
    #77
  28. jmverdugo

    jmverdugo Hall of Fame

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    Yes! One of those Karaoke things should do the trick for sure ;)...
     
    #78
  29. ninman

    ninman Hall of Fame

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    Can I just add the thing that attracted me to this girl was not her physical appearance. She is not the type of girl I would normally consider beautiful, pretty or sexy or whatever. She just had that special something, that thing you can't quite describe.

    I've heard so many stories from people who say that they were just attracted to each other as soon as they met, and based on her behaviour around me, if was single I would have said she found me very attractive too.

    The very first time I spoke to her, I mean literally, after I introduced myself and talked to her for about 5 minutes or so she offered to buy me dinner. After dinner she bought me some gifts, then she took me back to her dormitory, then she offered to walk to me home.

    So for a second there, I thought the feeling was mutual, but she's married so that's why it's quite depressing.
     
    #79
  30. Power Player

    Power Player G.O.A.T.

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    Cool that means that other girls will find you attractive too, so just go out and meet more.
     
    #80
  31. jmverdugo

    jmverdugo Hall of Fame

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    Oh boy, maybe she sees you like a little brother? what ever you do be strong and DO NOT tell her your feelings, the worst thing would be for her to start felling pity for you.

    gosh ... just when Jamin2112 gets banned here comes Ninman, life hurts people but - usually - it doesn't kill you, everything pass and in the end everything will be AOK.
     
    #81
  32. ninman

    ninman Hall of Fame

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    It may be too late for that; this is an online conversation I had with her.

    Fraser 13:48:15
    remember I told you about the movie "Life is Beautiful"
    morning-king 13:48:23
    en
    Fraser 13:48:34
    well I feel like that guy did
    morning-king 13:48:51
    it's good
    Fraser 13:49:03
    yes I believe I found my 小公主 (Note: It means princess in Chinese).
    morning-king 13:49:51
    哈哈
    Fraser 13:49:55
    I just don't think I'd have the courage to tell her that
    morning-king 13:50:48
    maybe someday we can have dinner with the girl
    morning-king 13:51:06
    and i can introduce my husband to you
     
    #82
  33. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    I disagree.

    The worst thing she could do is make it clear that she doesn't have feelings for you, but at least the mystery will be solved. Since you've already hypnotized yourself with all that movie grade romantic bologna, you might as well go all carpe diem and just nut up. You can even pretend like you're Jerry McGuire if you want, and maybe she'll reciprocate with 'you had me at 你好.'
     
    Last edited: Jul 2, 2012
    #83
  34. Mike Bulgakov

    Mike Bulgakov Semi-Pro

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    Ninman, as you know, "saving face" is an important part of Chinese culture. She is giving you every chance to avoid an akward situation. She is trying to tell you that she is not interested in a manner that will allow you to avoid embarrassment. She is married and is just being friendly. She undoubtedly assumes you will take the hint when she mentions her husband. Maybe you think she is hoping for a threesome.
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2012
    #84
  35. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

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    Talking about "saving face", I believe ninman should contact the moderators to delete this thread. What a disgrace.

    Let me ask you something, if you were happily married and found out that somebody is attempting to seduce your wife, what would you do?

    Don't be a goon and close this f-ing thread already. Your lack of moral substance displeases me greatly.
     
    #85
  36. Sentinel

    Sentinel Talk Tennis Guru

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    ninman, i don't know your specifics, but make sure you don't ruin her marriage, or cause her hubby to get suspicious.

    I was recently called in urgently by a couple where the neglected wife had hundreds of text messages being exchanged with a neighbouring kid (prolly 15-20 years younger). The boy next door knew she was married. All this escalated to a message proposing marriage. Accidentally, the husband sees the bill with hundreds of calls coming from one mobile. He sees the offending text in the mobile and there's an explosion. The situation is unacceptable and he feels he will lose his honor in the community.

    Finally it was resolved, but the way things were going when i was with them, it could have resulted in the wife committing suicide (she's already made a near successful attempt about 10 years back - jumping from a 5th floor, due to his neglect).

    The lady you met probably does not know what she is doing, and that as a married person she should not be spending time chatting with males like this, and what the consequences can be for her.
     
    #86
  37. Wolfman Jack

    Wolfman Jack Banned

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    1. Good for you, Senti. (Or should I say Inspector Sentinel?)
    2. Women are flirtatious by nature, and many of them do and say things unconsciously without considering the consequences. I think it's a way of reaffirming the stronghold they maintain over our minds and genitals, but it can lead to pernicious situations like the one you talk about.
    3. 5th floor? Man, you guys must build very low ceilings. Either that or she got lucky.
    4. The neighboring kid is a fcking loser. Hopefully somebody talked to his parents and he got a good spanking.
     
    #87
  38. ninman

    ninman Hall of Fame

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    Yeah, I kind of felt that way myself. She's very young and inexperienced and probably didn't realise that what she was doing could be interpreted as a sign of interest.

    I'm not going to break up their marriage, as I said I just felt a bit depressed after I found she was married. I'm not totally eager for a relationship with someone, I just thought it might be the start of something, I could become close friends with her.

    Anyways nevermind, life goes on. I was just horribly unlucky in this case, maybe the next time I'll strike gold, lol.
     
    #88
  39. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    Friend zoned.

    /thread
     
    #89
  40. Larrysümmers

    Larrysümmers Hall of Fame

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    the problem is you put all your eggs in one basket and now youre emotional distraught over it. i feel ya man, its a cruel game sometimes.

    ^your sig matches this thread perfectly.
     
    #90
  41. ninman

    ninman Hall of Fame

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    Yeah I'm glad at least one person understands what I'm saying. I wasn't trying to seduce her, I just liked her and thought she liked me back and that we had the potential for a great relationship. As soon as I found out she was married that dream ended, which upset me a great deal.

    I'm kind of glad she told me though before I went and told her that she was the princess, that would have been much worse I think.
     
    #91
  42. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    Danke schön.
     
    #92
  43. UCSF2012

    UCSF2012 Hall of Fame

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    All women come "as-is." No warranties stated or implied.
     
    #93
  44. UCSF2012

    UCSF2012 Hall of Fame

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    Do Chinese women not wear wedding rings?

    Do they play mind games? like that "I have a boyfriend" line. Perhaps, "I have a husband" is just a trick. Have you met her husband? Maybe there is no husband and she just wanted to see how you'd react when she said it.

    Do they have divorce in China?
     
    #94
  45. Sentinel

    Sentinel Talk Tennis Guru

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    3. That locality had narrow lanes and lots of electricity wires. She jumped and hit one set of power cables, bounced off, and then hit another set and finally came down. The husband came running from nearby and held her -- he caught her but the hips still hit the ground so there were a bunch of fractures there, plus IIRC some burns etc.
    Recovery took many months of bedrest after we got her outa hospital.

    4. That kid apologized profusely and swore he would not talk to anyone. He deleted everythnig off his phone and the matter closed. The friend admitted that the wife had just made a mistake probably out of being lonely and it was not serious. A couple days later when I dropped in, they were shockingly chirpy, later the guy told me it was all cool.


    In our country, people wear marriage rings, and women put some vermillion color on their head (on the hair parting). So you know who is married.

    I have a funny incident about that that comes to mind :) but don't wanna derail the thread.
     
    #95
  46. ninman

    ninman Hall of Fame

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    I have seen her with another man before several times, although I thought they were friends not lovers. She was wearing a right but on the middle finger, so I thought it was just an ordinary ring, didn't look like a wedding right.

    Yes people divorce in China all the time, it's very easy to do, but I'm certainly not holding my breath.
     
    #96
  47. Agent Orynge

    Agent Orynge Professional

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    I think it could only improve upon it at this point. Please share.
     
    #97
  48. tennismonkey

    tennismonkey Semi-Pro

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    #98
  49. VaththalKuzhambu

    VaththalKuzhambu Rookie

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    What???? Are you referring to his PhD in Combinatorial Game Theory or his teaching in the fields of Graph Theory and Discrete mathematics?

     
    #99
  50. atatu

    atatu Hall of Fame

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    How about you just stop reading the thread and judging people with your self righteous BS ?
     

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