Handshakes Should Be For Shutting Up
- Thread starter Cindysphinx
- Start date
user92626
G.O.A.T.
If you find that rude, then you'll find anything said in post match will be rude.
Cindysphinx
G.O.A.T.
If you want to hear it, *ask.* Then it is not unsolicited.
And if you read the thread, you would remember we are talking about the winners piping up and telling the losers how they are deficient. We are not talking about two partners working through how to win a match.
newpball
Legend
If the advice is from the heart I am grateful that they care.
Let me ask you a counter question: Have you ever felt grateful when someone was genuinely trying to help you with something you were struggling with?
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I don't normally solicit advice from opponents, because I usually have an idea where things are going wrong, particularly if its as one sided a match as you suggest yours was. It would still be good to have a post match video analysis though when everyone can be more objective and the adrenaline isn't pumping. Good for development and pinpointing areas to work on.
Clearly the two partners or the player(s) concerned or the team captain haven't spotted this issue or haven't been able to work through it because otherwise you wouldn't have ended up with a player who can't play dubs, playing dubs and you wouldn't be making such a big issue of a player simply being told that she should work on her volleys (which even you admit are non-existent) and if she does so that she'll be really good at them one day. It's not a character assasination. If anything I'd interpret that as encouragement rather than a put down. Women just seem to read too much into comments and take everything too personally.
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LeftyRighty
Rookie
Think about if you really know what 99% of people think...How about 50%? How about 10%...no no and no...
If I'm somewhere where there are people that are better than me at doing whatever I am trying to do, and I fail at it...I wouldn't find it rude to be offered advice. I love that. I didn't have to embarrass myself further to ask, and someone that would be kind enough to have actually given me the advice if I did ask, gave it to me. It's a win win for me.
When we had our first child, we were given unsolicited advice CONSTANTLY. It's not rude...It's actually nice that someone wants to help without being asked. We could have heard the advice and said "Screw you, this is OUR kid we know what's best"...but guess what...THAT is rude. Oddly enough, the advice has usually helped.
Doesn't get more personal than that...
Some people are just close-minded, and they wonder why they NEED advice to begin with...
If I'm somewhere where there are people that are better than me at doing whatever I am trying to do, and I fail at it...I wouldn't find it rude to be offered advice. I love that. I didn't have to embarrass myself further to ask, and someone that would be kind enough to have actually given me the advice if I did ask, gave it to me. It's a win win for me.
When we had our first child, we were given unsolicited advice CONSTANTLY. It's not rude...It's actually nice that someone wants to help without being asked. We could have heard the advice and said "Screw you, this is OUR kid we know what's best"...but guess what...THAT is rude. Oddly enough, the advice has usually helped.
Doesn't get more personal than that...
Some people are just close-minded, and they wonder why they NEED advice to begin with...
newpball
Legend
I saw some the guy other day in the mall car park with his car bonnet open. I asked him what was up. He said the car was overheating and the radiator was leaking alot of 'water'. He was about to put some tap water into the radiator. I told him it would be best to use coolant and then try and get some Radweld if there's an obvious leak from the radiator, though for a small temporary top up distilled water would be better than tap water.
Burn me as a witch.
If I'm decorating the house and using the wrong materials or wrong tools, I'd rather that someone tells me - unsolicited - what tools or materials would be better. I don't want to be labouring away if there's a better way of doing things.
If I'm in a foreign country and I'm at the train station trying to order some tickets, mispronounce something and due to my poor grasp of the language end up asking for 3 hairy goats, I hope that someone in the queue behind me can chuckle about it and set me staight rather than just ignoring it.
No different to tennis. I dropped into a social session dubs a few weeks back. The opponent kept on firing groundies at me at the net and I kept on volleying them into the open court behind his partner. The guy who ran the session suggested to him that he should avoid the net player as it wasn't a % play unless he was absolutely sure he could get the ball past me or dip it down at my feet. Good all round. Gives him food for thought, gives him something to work on, and in due course, it will make for a better game for everyone that he plays with and against.
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Cindysphinx
G.O.A.T.
If the advice is from the heart I am grateful that they care.
Good to know, good to know.
Newpball,
You really need to read the rules of tennis and the code before you step out onto a tennis court ever again.
Believe me, that is from the heart and I care.
You're welcome.
OrangePower
Legend
I agree with you on the topic in general, but couldn't resist chuckling at your post - giving unsolicited advice to strangers on the internet about not giving unsolicited advice
newpball
Legend
See that was not hard was it?
I agree with you on the topic in general, but couldn't resist chuckling at your post - giving unsolicited advice to strangers on the internet about not giving unsolicited advice
The irony!
That's giving unsolicited advice as well is it not? I don't recall him ever asking about the rules of tennis... ;-)
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newpball
Legend
Well, who knows, perhaps she realizes that things generally have at least two sides.
Perhaps next time after she loses a mixed doubles the older guy from the opposing team will shake her hand and say: "Jolly good show, but keep working on that backhand will you!", and then perhaps she will manage to utter a thank you with a smile and, who knows, perhaps she'll go out an extra evening training that backhand a bit. Secretly of course, secretly!
A win-win I'd say! :grin:
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dcdoorknob
Hall of Fame
It's interesting that this has turned into a debate about giving advice, as to me the examples given in the OP hardly qualify.
"Keep at it" and "We really targeted you"? Really? I do hope that most of you who like to give advice at least strive to be more helpful than the above two quotes. I mean one is a meaningless cliche, and the other is more just an obvious statement than advice. They might as well have looked the person they just beat in the eye and said "Hey, we won the match." That would have been equally as helpful.
"Keep at it" and "We really targeted you"? Really? I do hope that most of you who like to give advice at least strive to be more helpful than the above two quotes. I mean one is a meaningless cliche, and the other is more just an obvious statement than advice. They might as well have looked the person they just beat in the eye and said "Hey, we won the match." That would have been equally as helpful.
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I agree with you on the topic in general, but couldn't resist chuckling at your post - giving unsolicited advice to strangers on the internet about not giving unsolicited advice
But you and I both know this is a forum established specifically to exchange ideas and dispense advice, so there is a de facto solicitation of same.
Cindysphinx
G.O.A.T.
Some folks just don't have a lick of judgment about these sorts of things. They are etiquette-challenged in the extreme.
Recently, I was taking a semi-private lesson with a friend. We were working on transitions -- you know, you have a sitter at the T and you have to attack it without missing. Very difficult but very important.
There was a guy watching us from the fence. Pro feeds me a ball, I miss the shot. Pro says something to me, but I cannot hear him. Why? Guy peering through the fence has decided to weigh in: "You're off balance!"
Yep, we've reached the point where perfect strangers now feel free to correct someone's student's during a lesson.
The funny thing about this unsolicited advice thing is that if you are any good, people will ask you for your advice. Who doesn't want free advice from someone who knows what they are talking about?
So if you have to go around handing out advice no one has asked you for, this probably means you aren't half as good as you think you are.
Recently, I was taking a semi-private lesson with a friend. We were working on transitions -- you know, you have a sitter at the T and you have to attack it without missing. Very difficult but very important.
There was a guy watching us from the fence. Pro feeds me a ball, I miss the shot. Pro says something to me, but I cannot hear him. Why? Guy peering through the fence has decided to weigh in: "You're off balance!"
Yep, we've reached the point where perfect strangers now feel free to correct someone's student's during a lesson.
The funny thing about this unsolicited advice thing is that if you are any good, people will ask you for your advice. Who doesn't want free advice from someone who knows what they are talking about?
So if you have to go around handing out advice no one has asked you for, this probably means you aren't half as good as you think you are.
newpball
Legend
Another story with a moral, seems you have a really busy life. One would wonder why you did not mention this one earlier. :-|
And of course I couldn't for the life of me even think about the possibility that you actually make these things up. No, can't be! All the moral postings are solidly backed by real life parables!
Last week I was with a friend who begged me to give her unsolicited advice, I refused, I get stuck on etiquette I know, can't help it, I am just made that way. She kept pleading: "I want it, give it to me!" Eventually I told her: look why don't you just solicit for advice, I give it to you gladly, really! But no, that was not a valid option for her, in fact she took it not very well let me tell you. So there I was, at the tennis court, 90 degrees in the shade, and guess what? I did it, I actually gave her the unsolicited advice.
So see, the moral is sometimes you just got to. :twisted:
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Ronaldo
Bionic Poster
But some people can't handle the truth.
user92626
G.O.A.T.
Well, haven't you heard it takes a village to raise a child?
People are never happy!!!!!
newpball
Legend
Careful! Since we already went from a friendly handshake story to an interruption of tennis lessons story we might now get a story of a friend of a cousin, twice removed, who was discussing a medical matter with her doctor while the cleaning lady stepped in and interrupted the conversation and gave her a second unsolicited opinion. :mrgreen:Well, haven't you heard it takes a village to raise a child?
I think mostly people with self esteem issues and people who are arrogant.
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AlpineCadet
Hall of Fame
I agree with you on the topic in general, but couldn't resist chuckling at your post - giving unsolicited advice to strangers on the internet about not giving unsolicited advice
Hilarious as the OP asking for only mirrored advice/support, though unsolicited. Rude, just like helpful comments alike IMO.
