Nadal Decline Poetry

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tusharlovesrafa

Hall of Fame
Nadal loast
Is he toast ?

-- Jackson vile

There was a man from Spain
Whose topspin was a huge pain
Especially for the Master
Who cried.

There was a man from Belgrade
Who ate topspin for breakfast
He beat Nadal
Five times in all.


----
Guys, please tell me how i am doing, its tough work but very satisfying.

GOOD ONE...SENTI....:)
 

tusharlovesrafa

Hall of Fame
One there was a guy from Belgrade
Who used to beat people flat out...

Then he took upon himself to tame the MIGHTY BULL
People questioned,squirmed,critisized,glared...stared..
But he had his eyes set on his PREY

Then he did the impossible
Tamed the MIGHTY BULL forcing him into submission...

Some were elated..
Some were dejected..

Then it all came to an end..
with a big throphy in his hand....

(more of a novak praise rather then rafa decline poetry)
do tell me how it is...
 
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Sentinel

Bionic Poster
Thanks to the man from Belgrade
Rafa is toast, with marmalade.

(I know i suck at this, but at least i suck big time)
 

Colin

Professional
Wow! You could give up your day job!
Well, Nadal Decline Poetry does serve a rather niche audience (even more niche than regular poetry), but it certainly is an august crowd of tennis forum miscreants (myself included) and Swiss and Serbian entourages, so why not? I feel the next year or two will provide ample fodder on this topic, and your lovely comments have inspired. So I have tendered my resignation and penned another ode to one of the sport's most humble champions...

I Can Always Beat Andy Murray

So, Novak is beating me every other week?
I congratulate him on his totally amazing streak.
If Roger catches fire, I'll celebrate it in rhyme.
Everyone knows he's the greatest of all time.
If Andy Roddick hits me with 75 first serves,
well that's a victory that he certainly deserves.
Running against David my lungs beg for air;
I don't think my legs can handle David Ferrer.
A third-round loss is nothing that I planned
but what can I do against DelPo's big forehand?
And though I fight on with every tennis muscle,
there's a fierce warrior called Michael Russell.
But still, I say there's no reason to worry,
because I can always beat Andy Murray.

When I speak, people complain I'm slow,
but I write some damn eloquent poetry, no?
I am good, good friends with Andy Murray.
One night, we shared a plate of chimichurri
and drank tequila till are eyes were blurry.
But the next day I went and beat Andy Murray.
I beat him with a joystick, I beat him with a racket.
I spot every weakness and every time attack it.
Can we even count the mental disasters,
anytime it wasn't at a hard-court masters?
He is a bit odd; I think he's a closet furry,
but I am good, good friends with Andy Murray.
And I know I have no reason to worry,
because I can always beat Andy Murray.

And now it's 2012 and it's time for France;
through the first three rounds I advance —
Sela, Lu, Sweeting ... all so very tough!
Against Florian Mayer I had just enough.
I managed to make it through the tricky draw,
and the quarters saw Gael Monfils withdraw.
In the semis with Nole, I started to perspire,
but soon enough he was forced to retire.
Someone slipped a load of gluten in his food.
Don't look at Uncle Toni; now that's just rude.
In the other half, Fed went out in a UE flurry,
so now in the final I play the great Andy Murray.
But what's this? The sets go by in a hurry,
and in an hour it's 6-0, 6-0, 6-0 Andy Murray.

But I guess I still have no reason to worry,
because I can always be runner-up to Andy Murray.

(Sorry, I don't want to sound like a sore-losing jerk,
but I hope he uses all his prize money on dental work!
And could he shower and shave for a fancy dinner?
He makes you feel dirty even with a clean winner.
And how about his mother? She's clearly loony tunes.
When he wins, they both look like drowning raccoons.
Throw a tennis ball and watch them scurry.
I'm good, good friends with Andy Murray.)
 

Sentinel

Bionic Poster
Colin may do to Joel
What Noel did to Rafael.

Great work, Colin ! You are writing poetry "from another planet" as Robbie Koenig would say.
 

Colin

Professional
Colin may do to Joel
What Noel did to Rafael.

Great work, Colin ! You are writing poetry "from another planet" as Robbie Koenig would say.

Thank you, but no. Joel is definitely the greatest of all time. I have to come up with my best poetry to even think about competing with him. ...Oops, sorry, wrong rivalry. :oops:

Let's start over ... Growing up a young Serb, I used to look up to tennis forum threads like the great Golden Eagle. But it was only when I gave up processed wheat products, scored some allergy medication and had the encouragement of my parents coming to my poetry readings wearing T-shirts bearing my likeness that I had the fortitude to craft my greatest verse. In honor of Joel's great example, I present the requested gift of a Monfils poem...


Cheers of a Clown

Gael Monfils celebrates, but there's a little catch:
He won the audience but he lost the match.
The score was 6-0, 0-6, 6-0 at the end of the day,
the middle set just to assure you he can play.

Gael Monfils
Watch him performing stunts for the referee.
Gael Monfils
He's doing dance moves for the world to see.
Gael Monfils
Maybe he's auditioning for an episode of "Glee."
Gael Monfils
On the second week his schedule's always free.

Like a kid pretending to be Fed in front of the mirror,
Swinging his racket with a grin from ear to ear.
He can do trick shots; how about a running tweaner?
That diving return should be a misdemeanor.

Gael Monfils
Wants to make the most of his "appearance" fee.
Gael Monfils
Hired Ms. Goldberg's personal stylist. Yes, Whoopi!
Gael Monfils
He compiles his own match highlights for DVD.
Gael Monfils
String enough together and it's a grand slam trophy.

You're not really trying unless you're falling down.
You're not entertaining until you embrace the clown.
He's not wearing floppy shoes or bright circus clothes,
but at the U.S. Open he might debut a big red nose.

Gael Monfils
Will he finish the match? There is no guarantee.
Gael Monfils
In a charity match, he lost serve to an amputee.
Gael Monfils
Running like he's being chased by a killer bee.
Gael Monfils
Don't worry, he plans a comeback in set No. 3.
 

Sentinel

Bionic Poster
Note: Read the poem on Gael Monfils pronouncing Monfils as Monfee (ack it is Monfees)

Great job, Colin. Future GOAT.
 

JoelDali

Talk Tennis Guru
Colin is the new GOAT.

I have been saving all of my energies and wells of genius for the hard court season and the 'Dawn of the Epic Eagle of Life: Really Loving Rogi Tonight' thread.

What a strong, strong era we are witnessing with you and Zasr, and other worthy champions I will need to elevate my game.

cute-puppy5.jpg
 

stringertom

Bionic Poster
The Charade is Over!

Since when would a "young Serb" pull up a Smokey Robinson "tears of a clown" reference? Admit it, Pope: "Colin" is just your latest "nom de plume"! Great work, no matter what name you pen it under!
 

Colin

Professional
Since when would a "young Serb" pull up a Smokey Robinson "tears of a clown" reference? Admit it, Pope: "Colin" is just your latest "nom de plume"! Great work, no matter what name you pen it under!

Who is this "Pope" you speak of? Surely not Benedict XVI! I've heard he's more of a football hooligan than a tennis fan. And though I have had a couple of experiences that could be described in some circles as "religious," I can assure you they did not transpire in the cloistered darkness of a Vatican confessional. No, you must have be confused. The only noms de plume I have used are Toni Morrison and Stephen King. Or perhaps I'm just a tennis-watching misanthrope who likes old Motown songs.

But I do thank you gents for the esteem, so I shall offer a little ditty about a man named Fernando Verdasco.

The Truth According to Verdasco...

Clay is the only surface; the others ones aren't fair.
Your biggest weapon is the product in your hair.
There's nothing better than a 20-minute rally.
U.S. Opens don't belong on a Grand Slam tally.
Balls should be aimed only at the forehand.
Being over 6'6 should warrant a reprimand.
The sun isn't hot; there's no water in Venice.
And the tennis that you lose is not real tennis.

Big servers are just big cheaters; aces are bad.
You're no one till you're in a homoerotic underwear ad
Playing on grass courts is a pointless endeavor.
"The Fast and the Furious" is the best movie ever.
Forget the top 10; it can't compare to being No. 22.
Gonzalez is the coolest Fernando: That's not true!
The sun isn't hot; there's no water in Venice.
And the tennis that you lose is not real tennis.
 

JoelDali

Talk Tennis Guru
Visions of Pam Shriver
Cackling voices surround me
Shrill sexual deviant
Tall aching legs
Giraffe cottage cheese hips
Sway under the sun
Brillo padded silky hair
Up here on my pillow
Perhaps down there
Loving Pam tonight
Love her style
Epic beauty
Master best class Lady GOAT of doubles
Rotting golden gonads
Dry up with classful age
But Love lasts forever
 

Colin

Professional
Visions of Pam Shriver
Cackling voices surround me
Shrill sexual deviant
Tall aching legs
Giraffe cottage cheese hips
Sway under the sun
Brillo padded silky hair
Up here on my pillow
Perhaps down there
Loving Pam tonight
Love her style
Epic beauty
Master best class Lady GOAT of doubles
Rotting golden gonads
Dry up with classful age
But Love lasts forever

Shrill sexual deviant. :lol: All that's missing is a couple of lines suggesting a wine cooler-fueled lesbian experimentation night with her sometimes-doubles-partner Martina Navratilova.

Now I feel inspired to craft a sonnet paying tribute to an erotic encounter between Mary Carrillo and Cliff Drysdale (on a clay court, because it's extra dirty), but I think that's going to have to wait for another day because it's simultaneously inspiring a feeling of revulsion.
 

BHud

Hall of Fame
There once was a boy from Spain.
Who dominated by dishing out pain.
But alas it would end, his arse it did bend,
And the Joker began his new reign!
 

TheOneHander

Professional
A bull from Mallorca once said,
"I can't get Nole out of my head"
And he began to decline somewhat,
But he still picked his butt,
And so his #1 ranking was dead.
 

TheOneHander

Professional
Here's a parody of Chopin's "The Iceman":

"The Rafabull."

They tell us he was the Rafabull.
Rafa.
Bull.
Fiery as Rafa. Fiery as bull. Warrior as Rafabull.
They tell us he was the Rafabull.

Yet what is Rafabull?
The man across the pasture?
Or the compression shorts in your buttocks?
Rafabull.

After all, we're all only Mammals.
Mam.
Mals.
Rafa.
Bull.

Watch that udder drip, drip.

Drip.

Drip.

Down the bucket's hips.

They tell us he was the Rafabull.
They tell us he was the Rafabull.
Pick.
Pick away.

*No Rafa offense intended, I actually like the guy ;)*
 

sarmpas

Hall of Fame
there was a young man called Nadal,
whose game was dull, dull, dull,
topspin, topspin, topspin,
cross-court, cross-court, cross-court,
repeat, repeat and repeat,

along came a young man called Nole,
Que? Que? Que? said Nadal,
and that's the last of Nadal and numero uno,



I am sorry that was bad. I think Nadal can regain the #1 ranking.
 

Chopin

Hall of Fame
Here's a parody of Chopin's "The Iceman":

"The Rafabull."

They tell us he was the Rafabull.
Rafa.
Bull.
Fiery as Rafa. Fiery as bull. Warrior as Rafabull.
They tell us he was the Rafabull.

Yet what is Rafabull?
The man across the pasture?
Or the compression shorts in your buttocks?
Rafabull.

After all, we're all only Mammals.
Mam.
Mals.
Rafa.
Bull.

Watch that udder drip, drip.

Drip.

Drip.

Down the bucket's hips.

They tell us he was the Rafabull.
They tell us he was the Rafabull.
Pick.
Pick away.

*No Rafa offense intended, I actually like the guy ;)*

Well, it's not the most original (ahem), but it moves me deeply that these Boards are embracing the poetry of the game.
 

sbengte

G.O.A.T.
After some serious GOATing and crazy good verses by the likes of Colin , this thread is getting way too good and out of TW league. So here is an attempt to bring this thread back to TW standards with this pathetic , poorly written and trashy imitation of an equally bad song . A song that Rafa knows/loves apparently :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8tQ-lfW-10

(To be sung to the tune of Bad Romance...)

Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh Oh Oh-Oh Ra-fa stood no chance
Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh Oh Oh-Oh Ra-fa stood no chance

Ra-ra ah ah ah
Rafa Oh Rafa
No-le ooh la la
Rafa stood no chance

Doha was ruined by the viral disease
Rafa slam ended in abject tragedy

Rafa was down
Down down down Rafa was down

Almost had IW but lost it in three
Miami ceded to the gluten-free

Rafa was down
Down down down Rafa was down

Looked forward to clay season for his revenge
Who woulda known Rafa stood no chance
Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh...
All that he wanted was a win and revenge
Who woulda known Rafa stood no chance

Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh....
Rafa stood no chance
Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh....
Rafa stood no chance

Ra-ra ah ah ah
Rafa Oh Rafa
No-le ooh la la
Rafa stood no chance

In straight sets he was crushed in Rome and Madrid
Favorite surface or not, succumb he did

Rafa was down
Down down down Rafa was down

Topspin to backhand was no longer a trick
On the hallowed grass he was fed a breadstick

Rafa was down
Down down down Rafa was down

Rafa was bested and he wasn't even sick
At his best Rafa stood no chance
Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh...
Toni's (on-court) coaching would no longer click
Yet again Rafa stood no chance

Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh....
Rafa stood no chance
Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh....
Rafa stood no chance

Ra-ra ah ah ah
Rafa Oh Rafa
No-le ooh la la
Rafa stood no chance

Talk talk fracture baby
Fake it , drive the press crazy
Talk talk fracture baby
Fake it , drive the press crazy

He wants more slams
And he wants his revenge
More ranking points
And his old dominance

To dethrone the Serb
Stop his run so superb
To be called GOAT
Chances now look remote

Oh-Oh....
Rafa stood no chance

Ra-ra ah-ah-ah
Rafa Oh Rafa
No-le Ooh la la
Rafa stood no chance
 

JoelDali

Talk Tennis Guru
No I just think most Talk Tennis enthusiasts are anticipating the 'Dances with the Eagle: Still Loving Roger" thread I'm working on.

Its going to be Chopin level material.
 

Sentinel

Bionic Poster
No I just think most Talk Tennis enthusiasts are anticipating the 'Dances with the Eagle: Still Loving Roger" thread I'm working on.

Its going to be Chopin level material.
Are you insulting yourself, or is this some new level of humility as yet attained by only a few masters.
 

stringertom

Bionic Poster
Words for the Fortnight (My Wimby Jones)

Silence fills the final Sunday night
All save a few will have taken flight
The Fortnight's fans dispersed again
Some with joy but most in chagrin

They came in throngs with hope of glory
To watch each star play out his story
Once-hot Supernovas crash to the ground
Mute disbelief their partners in sound

Long Summer eves bursting with great play
The finest of skills on full display
Balls struck with Finesse Spin and Might
Dazzle onlookers' eyes in delight

The white chalk flies as yellow spheres bound
Aimed to corners so rarely found
An ace fired straight to the "T"
One spun near on the 90th degree

These sights these sounds from green hallowed lawns
Lead us back as year's new Summer dawns
Hopes for the Future, thoughts to the Past
Blend to form each fan's forecast

What will the next Summer Fortnight bring?
Will it be joy or tears' salty sting?
To be sure as Sunday's sun sets
We leave these green grounds; No Regrets!
 

adidasman

Professional
Visions of Pam Shriver
Cackling voices surround me
Shrill sexual deviant
Tall aching legs
Giraffe cottage cheese hips
Sway under the sun
Brillo padded silky hair
Up here on my pillow
Perhaps down there
Loving Pam tonight
Love her style
Epic beauty
Master best class Lady GOAT of doubles
Rotting golden gonads
Dry up with classful age
But Love lasts forever
The sexual references seem a mite forced, but "Giraffe cottage cheese hips/Sway under the sun" is sheer genius. (I'm not sure "Brillo padded" and "silky" can both describe the same head of hair, though...:))
 

Ben Hadd

Semi-Pro
Sunlight fades over the arena
Fans so dear, now wearily departed
The player finds himself alone
Oh world! What was
He cries in darkness
His dreams dancing lividly beyond reach
But tears and memories are all that remain
 

Chopin

Hall of Fame
The Renaissance continues! And your poetry makes my own thread on Borg ("They Tell Us He Was the Iceman") even greater than it was, if you can fathom that!

P.S. Brilliant work Dali. Yes, yes, you did it again. Yes. You. Did. It. Again.

Gold Star Poster of the Week
 
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JoelDali

Talk Tennis Guru
Chopin is a top 5 influencial poaster whom I cite as my most important contemporaries. He showed me that a compashionate approach to poasting does not diminish the power of the poast or the intellectual prowess of the poaster.

Chopin, Conquistador, Feder Master Best Class: these are GOATishly worthy fellows.
 

Sentinel

Bionic Poster
Silence fills the final Sunday night
All save a few will have taken flight
The Fortnight's fans dispersed again
Some with joy but most in chagrin

They came in throngs with hope of glory
To watch each star play out his story
Once-hot Supernovas crash to the ground
Mute disbelief their partners in sound

Long Summer eves bursting with great play
The finest of skills on full display
Balls struck with Finesse Spin and Might
Dazzle onlookers' eyes in delight

The white chalk flies as yellow spheres bound
Aimed to corners so rarely found
An ace fired straight to the "T"
One spun near on the 90th degree

These sights these sounds from green hallowed lawns
Lead us back as year's new Summer dawns
Hopes for the Future, thoughts to the Past
Blend to form each fan's forecast

What will the next Summer Fortnight bring?
Will it be joy or tears' salty sting?
To be sure as Sunday's sun sets
We leave these green grounds; No Regrets!
Excellent job, Tom.
 

Colin

Professional
In honor of the late, great Amy Winehouse ...

They tried to make me serve in 20 seconds, but I said no, no, no!
If I double-fault then my game falls apart, no? no? no?
I don't care about the time, and if my uncle thinks it's fine...
They tried to make me change ends quickly, but I won't go, go, go!

I have three more verses, but I'm not sure they're printable here. :oops:
 
1

15_ounce

Guest
-bounce, bounce, bounce-
-pick the butt, smell it, rub it all over the head-
-making monkey face-
-bounce bounce bounce-
-sweat dripping-

Uaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaah
Uaaaaaaah
Uaaaaaaah
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Uaaaaaaaargh
Qué chingados!!!
 
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Sentinel

Bionic Poster
Nadal in decline
Is still quite fine
Reaching the final of slams
Where Nole gives him whams
Nadal waits for Nole's level to drop
So he can give Fred a whop
Nadal is still young 'n strong
He'll be here for long
Roger will still a major
My life I will wager
Like Roger there has been none
He is the One.
The only one.
A few more wins
For us, and the twins.
 

Colin

Professional
Rafa's Reluctance
(Or Frost Comes Early to Nadal's Season)

Out through the stands and the gates
Of Arthur Ashe I have wended.
I had come to witness Nadal's game,
And so clear it's descended.
He will travel by the sad jet home,
And lo, his dreams they are ended.

The balls are all dead on the ground,
Save those the Maestro's keeping.
To bludgeon them one by one
And watch them go flying and leaping.
Out over autumn's speedy courts
While others are sleeping.

And Rafa's dead knees lie huddled and still
No longer run hither and thither.
The last lone major is gone;
The hopes of the *******s wither.
The heart is still aching to win,
But the feet question, "Whither?"

Ah, when to the heart of a champ
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of rankings,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a match or a season?
 

TennisFan3

Talk Tennis Guru
Rafa's Reluctance
(Or Frost Comes Early to Nadal's Season)

Out through the stands and the gates
Of Arthur Ashe I have wended.
I had come to witness Nadal's game,
And so clear it's descended.
He will travel by the sad jet home,
And lo, his dreams they are ended.

The balls are all dead on the ground,
Save those the Maestro's keeping.
To bludgeon them one by one
And watch them go flying and leaping.
Out over autumn's speedy courts
While others are sleeping.

And Rafa's dead knees lie huddled and still
No longer run hither and thither.
The last lone major is gone;
The hopes of the *******s wither.
The heart is still aching to win,
But the feet question, "Whither?"

Ah, when to the heart of a champ
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of rankings,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a match or a season?

Brilliant!
 

Sentinel

Bionic Poster
I know my poem sucks ass, even more so compared to Colin's sterling contribution, but you guys can at least give me a fake pat of encouragement on my back. (I am not a native Eng speaker).
 

TennisFan3

Talk Tennis Guru
Nadal in decline
Is still quite fine
Reaching the final of slams
Where Nole gives him whams
Nadal waits for Nole's level to drop
So he can give Fred a whop
Nadal is still young 'n strong
He'll be here for long
Roger will still a major
My life I will wager
Like Roger there has been none
He is the One.
The only one.
A few more wins
For us, and the twins.

Cheers! You did well too :)
 

Colin

Professional
I know my poem sucks ass, even more so compared to Colin's sterling contribution, but you guys can at least give me a fake pat of encouragement on my back. (I am not a native Eng speaker).

A noble effort indeed! What's your native language, by the way?
 

Fed Kennedy

Legend
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by cortex, starving hysterical *******s,
trolling themselves through TT at dawn looking for an angry fix,
GHOATEd hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of Ashe,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of Wimby 08 floating across the tops of cities contemplating RPM blast, who bared their brains to Heaven under the Uncle Toni and saw Annaconian angels staggering on fast courts illuminated,
who passed through semifinals with radiant cool eyes hallucinating Nalbandian and James-Blake tragedy among the scholars of MTOs,
who were expelled from the academies for crazy and publishing obscene vamoses on the windows of CVAC pods,
who cowered in unshaven rooms in dri-fit, burning their money in wastebaskets and listening to Shakira through the wall,
who got busted in their pubic beards returning to Mallorca with a belt of Paella for New York

apologies to Alan Ginsberg
 

Colin

Professional
I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by cortex, starving hysterical *******s,
trolling themselves through TT at dawn looking for an angry fix,
GHOATEd hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of Ashe,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of Wimby 08 floating across the tops of cities contemplating RPM blast, who bared their brains to Heaven under the Uncle Toni and saw Annaconian angels staggering on fast courts illuminated,
who passed through semifinals with radiant cool eyes hallucinating Nalbandian and James-Blake tragedy among the scholars of MTOs,
who were expelled from the academies for crazy and publishing obscene vamoses on the windows of CVAC pods,
who cowered in unshaven rooms in dri-fit, burning their money in wastebaskets and listening to Shakira through the wall,
who got busted in their pubic beards returning to Mallorca with a belt of Paella for New York

apologies to Alan Ginsberg

You have me Howling with delight. :lol:

This is the best thread ever.
 

JoelDali

Talk Tennis Guru
I know my poem sucks ass, even more so compared to Colin's sterling contribution, but you guys can at least give me a fake pat of encouragement on my back. (I am not a native Eng speaker).

I'll give you something for your back but its not going to be fake but it will be a refreshing blast of a Basalt based elixir that Wilson sells in Romania.
 
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