Funny and/or witty one-liners

T

tennisenthusiast

Hall of Fame
What are some of your favorite funny and/or witty one-liners that you came across during commentary or other sources.

My fav. one is by Rob Koenig where he described Federer as a South African Diamond Cutter!
 
OddJack

OddJack

G.O.A.T.
Koeing has said that about others too though.

hmmm...

"There is a syndrome in sports called ''paralysis by analysis.''


Arthur Ash said that, before tt tennis ever existed
 
Towser83

Towser83

G.O.A.T.
I remember when Murray got beaten by Tsonga first round of the AO 2008. Laconte was in the studio with the other tennis experts, think Greg Rusedski and Annabel Croft might have been there. They were asking what he had to do to improve, and Lacoste said "maybe win a match?" and laughed :lol:
 
Mainad

Mainad

Bionic Poster
I recall hearing this one about Safin. After he lost a match during which he smashed several racquets as usual, he stormed into the dressing room and began smashing all his remaining racquets against the wall. A security guard entered to see where all the noise was coming from. Safin paused, looked at him and simply said:

"Bad day!".
 
Timbo's hopeless slice

Timbo's hopeless slice

Hall of Fame
I remember some journalist asking Hewitt at a press conference once "so, Lleyton, what happened out there today?" (he had lost to Fed)

Hewitt just looked at him for a second and said "I played Roger Federer, mate, that's what happened!"
 
jones101

jones101

Hall of Fame
Hingis (1998) on Graf -

"Steffi has had some results in the past, but it's a faster, more athletic game now than when she played. She is old now. Her time has passed."
 
S

Sid_Vicious

G.O.A.T.
" I respect him, I think he respects me. We always have a good laugh when we see each other in the locker-room ... and I try to push him over and injure him"

-Andy Roddick on Roger Federer.
 
heftylefty

heftylefty

Hall of Fame
"Well, if you take Roddick's serve, Agassi's return, my volley, and Hewitt's speed, you've probably got a chance."

-Tim Henman on Roger Federer 9/20/2004
 
Mick

Mick

Legend
one time mcenroe got furious over a line call and he told the bald lineman to grow some hair.
 
Bobby Jr

Bobby Jr

G.O.A.T.
It's not funny or particularly witty but I've been getting used to Rob Koenig describing Federer's forehand as a "liquid whip" when they show slow-mo replays.
 
TopFH

TopFH

Hall of Fame
"Ladies, here's a hint. If you're up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. That's the hardest shot for the well-endowed." - Billie Jean King
 
P

purge

Hall of Fame
-how would you rate haas' or gonzales' chances in a final against him?
roddick: slim.

-take us from 4 all in the first set ... you were in the match, and then you got broken.
roddick: yeah i got broken.. and then i got broken 3 more times, and then i got broken 2 more times in the 3rd set and then it was over about.. 26 minutes later.. is that about what you saw, too, or.. ?

-andy is really a fair, fair player and i enjoy every time we play.. and not just because i win :p (fed on roddick at trophy ceremony)

-ise nod me fault, i got banana stuck in me trrroat (the banana incident)

-ive really been feeling at home here, not just because of the weather (söderling in the rain of roland garros)
 
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L

ledwix

Hall of Fame
“My coach and I were yoking that I could win this match because no one can beat me 10 times in a row."
 
D

Dream_On

Rookie
"This tournament I played like a playstation 3, I hope to upgrade in the new years to a playstation 4." - Davydenko
 
stringertom

stringertom

Bionic Poster
"Tennis is a psychological sport. You have to keep a clear head. That is why I stopped playing." Boris Becker.
 
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rossi46

rossi46

Professional
Not related to tennis but a Scottish football (soccer) coach Gordon Strachan was asked by a journalist "Gordon just a quick word ?"

His reply "Velocity" and then walks off.
 
Q

Quite Please

Rookie
"I threw the kitchen sink at him but he went to the bathroom and got his tub..."
- Andy Roddick during his on-court interview describing his fight against Roger Federer after having lost the 2004 Wimbledon Mens Final in four tight sets.
 
stringertom

stringertom

Bionic Poster
Quite Please said:
"I threw the kitchen sink at him but he went to the bathroom and got his tub..."
- Andy Roddick during his on-court interview describing his fight against Roger Federer after having lost the 2004 Wimbledon Mens Final in four tight sets.
Click to expand...

ARod is the Rodney Dangerfield of presser one-liners. Wish he was that funny on-court. LMAO!
 
L

Logan71

Rookie
Federer at Wimbledon 2009 final

"I know how you feel after what happened to me last year"

Roddick

"Yeah but you'd won like five already"
 
L

Logan71

Rookie
Jim Courier talking to Federer at the Aussie open 2010

Jim "How come you can play at such a high level for so long?"

Federer "It's all talent you know,I sit at home on the couch,play with the kids"
 
Mainad

Mainad

Bionic Poster
Roddick is the source of two funny stories I heard:

At Wimbledon, someone asked him if he still had to show his pass in order to enter the grounds. He replied, "You're not kidding. Only the other day I had to queue behind Martina Navratilova and she's only won it like 48 times!"

At the AO, Serena Williams boasted to some reporters that she had once beaten Roddick when they were both juniors. Asked about this, Roddick replied:
"Ah come on, I was 9 years old and pencil thin. I had to run around in the shower just to get wet while she was busy bench-pressing dumptrucks or something!"

:)
 
veritech

veritech

Hall of Fame
Royalty at Wimbledon

Centre Court at Wimbledon was abuzz on the second Monday, and not only because Andy Murray took on Richard Gasquet. Newlyweds Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge watched from the royal box, even doing the wave at one stage.

"If I'd known they were coming, I would have shaved," Murray said. "I was thinking to myself as I came off [court] I was sweaty and very hairy."

--

Maria rips Andrea

Tennis fans generally adore Andrea Petkovic's "Petko Dance," and why not? There's nothing wrong with a bit of personality in the game.

But as Djokovic discovered with his imitations, fellow players aren't as keen.

When Petkovic comfortably downed Maria Sharapova at the Australian Open, out came the dance. Two months later in Miami, Sharapova got her revenge and subsequently took a swipe at the German.

"More than anything, I sensed that she was tired, probably a lot of the dancing that she's been doing," Sharapova said.


from ESPN
 
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roundiesee

roundiesee

Hall of Fame
I agree that the best one liner belonged to Vitas. My next favorite from Roger-
On the Rod Laver Arena on Sunday, aggression won’t be a dirty word, yet Andy Murray must choose wisely which tennis balls he smacks, and which he doesn’t, if he is to defeat Roger Federer to win his first grand slam title.
It would also be Britain’s first slam since Fred Perry was the 1936 US Open champion. “I know Andy would like to win the first title for Britain in, what is it, 150,000 years?” was Federer’s cheeky remark during last night’s on-court interview with Jim Courier after he had played some fabulous tennis for a straightforward, straight-sets victory over Frenchman Jo-Wilfried Tsonga in his semi-final.
 
C

chandler bing

Rookie
John McEnroe: "If (Ivan) Lendl were to play Davis Cup for the U.S.A, it would be very hard for me to swallow"
Ivan Lendl: "With his mouth, I'm surprised he finds anything hard to swallow"

Pam Shriver interviewing Martina Navratilova at the U.S Open
Pam Shriver: Martina, what would you describe as your worst memory here?
Martina Navratilova: Losing to you, *****.
 
TopFH

TopFH

Hall of Fame
chandler bing said:
John McEnroe: "If (Ivan) Lendl were to play Davis Cup for the U.S.A, it would be very hard for me to swallow"
Ivan Lendl: "With his mouth, I'm surprised he finds anything hard to swallow"

Pam Shriver interviewing Martina Navratilova at the U.S Open
Pam Shriver: Martina, what would you describe as your worst memory here?
Martina Navratilova: Losing to you, *****.
Click to expand...

Loved Martina's reply.
 
R

rnitz

New User
Greg Rusedski, after losing to Sampras in the US Open and predicting that Sampras would lose in the next round: "Pete is a step and a half slower."

Sampras, in reply: "Against him, I don't need to be a step and a half quicker." :)
 
tennis_pro

tennis_pro

Bionic Poster
chandler bing said:
John McEnroe: "If (Ivan) Lendl were to play Davis Cup for the U.S.A, it would be very hard for me to swallow"
Ivan Lendl: "With his mouth, I'm surprised he finds anything hard to swallow"

Pam Shriver interviewing Martina Navratilova at the U.S Open
Pam Shriver: Martina, what would you describe as your worst memory here?
Martina Navratilova: Losing to you, *****.
Click to expand...

WHAT? No way she said that.
 
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